Never forget

Every December 4 through January 14 since 2007 I daily read the blog www.reachtj.blogspot.com as a remembrance to the hope we have in Jesus and the grace that he extends so freely to us. The blog is the account of my 42 day hospital stay from which I never should have survived - but God gave my family hope and He extended to me  the grace of an extension of life for which I am eternally grateful. 

The battle between life and death started on December 4 when I entered the hospital unable to breath. They quickly determined that I was in congestive heart failure and had massive pneumonia and a huge pleural effusion (a collection of fluid in the wall of the lung-like having a liter of pop stuck inside your lung wall). What they would not know for a week was that it was MRSA  or Methicyllin resistant staphylococcus aureas- a "super bug" pneumonia. This would lead to septic shock, Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome, a failed mitral valve in my heart, high fevers that required ice cooling jackets, the shutting down of some of my organs, heartbeats of 220 or higher without the ability to shock my heart back into rhythm - all this while I was in a coma and on a ventilator. On a number of occasions the doctors gathered the family to prepare them for my imminent death.

Amazingly God gave my wife, Mary Ann, hope two days into this ordeal. Two days later was the day that I told her I believed I was going to die. It was the day that they would put me on a ventilator from which I should not have woken up alive. It was the day that I could barely breath as I felt I was drowning in my own fluids. But two days before that day as she sat by me bed she asked Jesus, "How should I pray?" And God replied in an audible voice (to her), "It will be very close, but T.J. will live." A voice of hope when there was no human hope. A voice of hope that she clung to during the next weeks of a life and death struggle. When the doctors gently told the family there was no hope she stood on the hope God had given her. She was a rock of faith as were my sons Jon and Chip who walked through the dark days with her and became men in the process. I owe a deep debt of gratitude to the love and perseverance of Mary Ann, Jon and Chip!

Our family experienced amazing grace during and after those days. Our prayer partners came to pray and love on the family. Friends gathered around and sheltered them in their love. And time and again, God gave His grace when it was needed. One night as my youngest sister was standing by my bed angry with God tired and discouraged, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Immediately she knew that it was going to be OK whether I lived or I died. She turned to see who was there but there was no one. She knew she had been touched by God or an angelic being. On another day, a nurse came in tears to Mary Ann and said through tears, "I was just in T.J.'s room and God gave me a vision of him alive and well!"

People often ask me what I remember from my coma. Only one thing. I knew that my lungs were ruined but that God had a set of perfectly healthy lungs for me. That was the Spirit's encouragement to me when I was deeply sick and unable to process what was going on. Another blessing!

Most of all we were blessed through the thousands who prayed for God to do something miraculous and extraordinary. It is the faith and prayers of thousands around the world whom God answered in His sovereignty in choosing to heal my broken heart, clear my lungs, defeat MRSA, septic shock, cool the fevers until the day I walked out of the hospital on January 14, a product of His grace.

God gives us hope in all situations and His grace is with us always. Think back to the situations you have been in where He has shown you His hope and His grace and never forget. Never forget! It is His grace that sustains us day to day, it is His hope that walks with us through the dark nights of the soul that we all experience. Someone asked me, "How do you remember?" One of the ways I remember is to read the blog put up for me daily from December 4 to January 14. It is a month of remembrance for me.  I will follow that practice until I see Jesus face to face and can thank Him in person. 

I am a walking billboard of God's hope and grace. So are you. Never forget. Always live in thanks for His hope and grace. 

http://www.reachtj.blogspot.com/

The object of our anger in sinful situations

Recently I had to struggle with the failure of a Christian leader who I admired and respected. The pain of his actions have impacted numerous people including those who were closest to him. There have been the normal emotions of anger, betrayal, disappointment, grief and amazement at the behavior. These are normal emotions which only time, forgiveness and reconciliation can heal. Fortunately, no act of sin is beyond Jesus's work for us on the cross so I remain hopeful.

It did raise some questions for me, however. How does one respond in such a situation? I know that forgiveness is necessary and the twin roads of accountability and grace are the means to healing. But I was also struck by two other emotions.

The first is that I was angry with sin. Think about the pain in your own life that has been inflicted by others. Then consider the pain that has been inflicted by ourselves to us and to others. Sin is ugly and painful and harmful to all concerned. I hate sin and the more of it I find in my life or see its workings in others the more I hate it. There is nothing good or redeeming or worthwhile about sin. That is why Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice to forgive our deep, innate, wicked sinfulness. 

Anger at sin is an appropriate emotion - perhaps even more than anger at those who perpetuate it. That does not let them off the hook but it is a reminder that the effects of the fall are huge and universal and very personal. I think of the pain my own sin has had on those I love and it makes me sad. 

Then I found myself angry at Satan. He loves sin and the destruction and carnage it brings while God hates sin and died for it. Satan is a master at using sin to destroy relationships, people, ministry, families and whatever he can. This is the point that Paul was making in Ephesians 6. Behind every sinful action is a sinful being whose minions are ever working to hurt and destroy and kill. Especially those who follow Jesus.

Finally I found myself sad for the one who violated trust and those whose trust was violated. I was reminded of the need for spiritual armor and vigilance in my own life. The phrase "there but for the grace of God" became more clear in my own mind. We are all fallen and vulnerable apart from the grace and power of Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Am I disappointed with my friend? Does he need to confess and make restitution? Are there people who should be angry with his actions? Are there consequences to his actions? All yes. And I have often been disappointed with myself. But my anger is largely focused on sin itself and the one who is the author of sin, Satan. And I am even more aware of the vulnerability of us all, living in a fallen world - the legacy of our first parents, Adam and Eve. And the need we have for Jesus and salvation and the power of the Holy Spirit in our daily lives. I will not throw the first stone in condemnation! I will encourage him toward wholeness.

Markers of grace filled organizations

A culture of grace is something that we aspire to in the ministry world. The question is what does a grace filled organization look like? Some of the answers may surprise you.

Grace filled organizations treat their people well starting with clearly defined job descriptions, expectations and regular and clear feed back. You ask, what does that have to do with grace? Everything! Without these elements, staff do not know what their boundaries are or where they are empowered which creates frustration, can get them into inadvertent trouble and is really a culture of uncertainty. A culture of uncertainty cannot be a culture of grace.

When there are performance issues, grace filled organizations take the time to have candid discussion with staff to determine how to solve the issue. In many ministries, in the name of grace, such conversations don't happen because we don't want to create conflict. However, ignoring performance issues is not grace but a great disservice to a staff member. 

Once the issues have been identified, the question is "how can we help this individual succeed?" Maybe it is coaching. Maybe they are in the wrong lane and it is restructuring their role. It could even result in a job and organization change to get them into a place that is compatible with who they are. Facing up to issues with staff and handling them honestly is a marker of grace. Avoidance is not!

When something goes wrong, grace filled organizations don't ignore it but conduct an autopsy without blame. They want to identify, what went wrong, why it did so, and what could prevent it from going south in the future. The focus is to understand but not to cast blame. Sure someone is responsible but simply blaming people does not solve future issues. If there are candid discussions to be had one needs to have them but the goal is redemptive not punitive. I find many staff, especially who are new to our organization surprised by this philosophy. They are not used to it but deeply appreciate it.

Grace filled organizations go out of their way to be of help when staff members face critical issues in their lives. Staff are not means to an end but deeply important for who they are and people made in God's image and members of the team. This can mean any number of things, even breaking normal protocol. People matter and our commitment to fellow staff shows when they face a crisis. Is it an irritation to us or an opportunity to be Jesus to them? How we respond makes all the difference.

Finally, grace filled organizations treat everyone with respect. There are no little people in an organization characterized by grace. Our interactions are not determined by where someone is in the organizational chart. It is the whole team, no one member of the team that makes ministry possible. The measure of my respect of people is not how I treat those above me or beside me but how I treat and interact with those who are below me in the organizational  chart. 

Are you a purveyor of hope or pessimism?

I meet many Christ followers who live with and communicate pessimism about life, current events and their own situations. I meet others who leave you encouraged, filled with hope and energized. Frankly I like to be around the second set a whole lot more than the first set. But it raises a question for me relative to our world view.

Think about the meaning of the gospel. It means good news. Think about the descriptions that Jesus uses regarding Him, that good news and our lives in the gospels. I take these words and phrases straight from the gospels: eternal life; life; he who comes to me will never be hungry or thirsty; living water; freedom; I am the way the truth and the life; you will bear much fruit; that your joy may be complete; peace I give to you; forgiveness; I am the bread of life; neither to I condemn you; I go to prepare a place for you.

If all that is true, how can we be purveyors of pessimism or live with it? Is it not a denial of all that God has done for us? It is like we are saying to God, "you didn't do enough," or "I don't appreciate what you have done for me." I wonder what God thinks when He hears His children, saved by His Son's blood, forgiven at great cost, given freedom and hope live with complaints and pessimism? Jesus and pessimism are frankly incompatible.

Our very salvation should move us from an attitude of pessimism to one of hope - no matter who we are or what our situation is. Changed hearts should lead to changed attitudes. From a life of complaint to a life of thanksgiving. 

What is the antidote to pessimism? Scripture is very clear: thanksgiving to God for all of His gifts. How often does Paul tell us to give thanks for all of His blessings? Reading a Psalm every day is also helpful. They overflow with the blessings of God - even in the midst of the deepest valleys (Psalm 23) which is why we turn to them in times of trouble. Memorize the promises of God. What gets put in our heads comes back to inform our thinking and attitudes.

This is all about a world view. While most of the world has reason to be pessimistic no Christ follower does. We are sons and daughters of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords whose hand upholds the universe, who is our king, redeemer, lord, savior, rock, rescuer, help in times of trouble and all the other descriptions we find in Scripture. With all that I want to live with hope and be a purveyor of hope to all those around me. And you?

Conditional love is toxic love

Many people I know grew up in homes characterized by conditional acceptance and love - based on their performance. Along with conditional love comes a shame based culture where all "failures" are met with overt or or subtle messages  of dissaproval from parents. 

Conditional love by parents is toxic love which causes all kinds of personal dysfunctions on into adulthood. It impacts one's view of themselves and one's view of God in deeply negative ways. Many struggles that last long into adulthood can be traced back to conditional love by parents.

Those who grew up with conditional love often believe they are never good enough: for themselves; for others and for God. This drives them to prove to all three that they are in fact good enough. How many men, for instance, are driven to prove to their fathers that they are worthy of their father's approval and love - sometimes long after their father has died! Driven people who have something to prove are often trying to prove something to parents who did not unconditionally love them. They also live with the daily private pain that they don't measure up. A legacy of a shame based rather than grace based upbringing.

That pain leads to lack of self acceptance, a drive to prove oneself, and living with a deep wound in the soul. It can lead to all kinds of unhealthy behaviors and addictions that come from the pain of never being "good enough." On the one hand we feel we need to prove ourselves. On the other hand we know we are not good enough. That double bind can lead alternatively to having impossibly high standards for oneself and unhealthy behaviors since we don't respect ourselves. It is a painful and confusing place to live.

Even more serious is the impact on one's relationship with God. How many people are still trying to earn God's favor by their service, obedience and energy, even after they are Christ followers? Yet the whole premise of grace is that we cannot and need not earn His favor. His forgiveness and grace was bought on the cross in His death and resurrection. It is freely given to people who don't deserve it. 

Not only that but there is nothing we can do to make God love us more and there is nothing we can do to make God love us less. His love is free and unconditional to all who choose Him. Not once in Jesus' ministry did he shame or show dissaproval to those who came to Him in faith. Rather he freely forgave, never shamed but accepted them and called them to a life of followership and obedience. 

Think about this: There are many churches that are performance based - rules, regulations, expectations about all kinds of issues that are just plain legalism. That conditional acceptance is toxic, antithetical to grace and creates wounded faith and graceless Christianity.

Those who grow up in homes where there is unconditional love find it much easier to understand the love of Jesus. After all, they did not need to live up to some standard for their parents to love them. Those who grew up with conditional love often see God as a God of conditional love who is performance rather than grace based. A sad legacy of conditional love in childhood.

If you are a parent, think carefully about the messages you are sending your children. If you grew up with toxic love, do what you need to do to get free so that you can accept yourself, live without the need to prove something to others or to God and to relax in the freedom of Grace.

Looking and praying for open ministry doors

Those of us who are engaged in ministry whether in the local church, missions or elsewhere are always looking for ways and opportunities to minister more effectively and reach more people with the Good News. We have our strategies and our plans - all good. But a huge part of that strategy out to be a specific prayer and an intentional practice.

The prayer is that God would open specific doors of opportunity. The practice is that we are always looking around us for the doors He is opening. We do not open doors to ministry opportunity. God does. Our job is to be praying that He would do so and aware when He does.

Paul recognized this in his ministry. In 1 Corinthians 16:9 he says that "a great door for effective work has opened to me." Later he writes "Now when I went to Troas to preach the gospel of Christ and found that the Lord had opened a door for me (2 Corinthians 2:12)." In Colossians 4:3 he says, "pray for us, too that God may open a door for our message" 

Paul recognized that it was God who opened ministry doors and he intentionally prayed that He would. And he constantly watched for the opportunities that God presented. 

One of the common lessons in mission work is that the door we think will be open is often not while an unexpected door we never thought about is. Unless we are watching and praying we can often miss the real opportunities where God is opening a door. 

All of this is a reminder that we join God in His work. It is not our work. 

Those who lead from the second chair

These are special people! Because they are not the senior leader, they don't get the public recognition that senior leaders get, yet their fingerprints are on everything the organization does and they are often more involved in the details and issues than the senior leader.

These are the executive pastors, and the group of leaders who work with Senior leaders. 

It takes a special kind of individual to lead from the second chair. Humility because they won't get the limelight. Servant spirit because they serve both the senior leader and those they supervise. Flexibility because they don't always have the last word. Intuitive ability because they need to exegete the thinking and mind of the senior leader regularly. Courage because they often need to deal with tough situations. Collegial spirit because they work in tandem. High capacity because they must get involved with a wide variety of issues. Patience because they are often dealing with busy and sometimes distracted senior leaders.

Large organizations cannot exist in health without those who lead from the second chair. In fact, if a senior leader looks good - guess why that is? I often get recognition (as a senior leader) for things in ReachGlobal. The truth is that it is those who lead from the second chair who should get the bulk of the credit, not me. In our case this includes 13 individuals.

If you are a senior leader, never forget that it is not about you! And always remember the second chair leaders who make so much possible.