Good EQ in crisis situtations

It is in crisis situations that our EQ and character are truly forged. Whether it is a situation where we have some control or one where we are in a position of no control, what we do, what we say, how we manage our emotions and the actions we choose to take say much about our Emotional Intelligence and character. 

Here are some of the EQ tests that crisis brings:

• Am I able to manage my anxiety and emotions when I face uncertainty, am angry or otherwise disappointed? It is not that we don't feel those emotions but keeping our powder dry is critical to responding well.

• Am I able to control my conversations and words? Words are powerful things and what is spoken cannot be taken back. There are many instances where keeping our own counsel is far wiser than not.

• Am I able to be patient enough to let matters play out when that is a necessary part of the equation? Impatience almost always works against you while patience almost always works for you. Impatience prompts actions and words that are problematic while patience allows others to come to the same conclusions you may have.

• Am I trusting God in the situation or trying to solve an issue myself? When we get in front of God we inevitably cause ourselves problems.

• Am I able to treat those involved with dignity or in my anxiety to solve something will I hurt someone that I should not? How we treat people matters and in a crisis it is easy to forget that.

Wise individuals learn that acting out of fear, anxiety, or without thinking through the ramifications is unwise. The wise manage their EQ even when under pressure.

Healthy board/pastor relationships in the church

A key factor in leadership health in the church is the relationship between the senior pastor and the board. When this relationship becomes conflictual, dysfunctional or unhealthy it hurts the ministry of the congregation. Here are some things to consider in that equation.

While senior pastors are accountable to their board and an employee they are also members of the board and should be full participants of that board. Senior leaders should have significant influence in the crafting of the ministry in a collegial board atmosphere. When boards treat their senior leader merely as an employee in an employee/employer relationship they have moved from ministry to business and away from the model we see in the New Testament. In my experience, where this happens, leaders also tend to lead the church/ministry as a business rather than as a ministry (acknowledging that good business practices are always important).

Where boards seek to control their leader or the leader seeks to control the board and ministry it becomes about power rather than a healthy team under the lordship of Christ. Mutual respect, humility, deference for one another and a willingness to submit to the will of the majority after prayerful consideration of issues is the sign of board health. The desire to control is not healthy, nor is it in any way biblical.

Boards and pastors have many common ministry issues but they may also have issues of special concern to one party or the other. The ability to appreciate those concerns and the ability to speak candidly and respectfully about them is a sign of good relationship. The marginalization by pastors of concerns of the board, or of boards of the concern of the senior pastor is the sign of dishealth. I have met pastors who will not listen to their board and boards who marginalize the concerns of the senior pastor. Neither are healthy.

We all operate under authority and in most churches the accountability of the senior leader is the board. Accountability matters and when senior pastors are unwilling to be accountable to their board or resist it, they have stepped away from being under authority. 

Clarity between the roles of the senior pastor and his staff and the role of the board is critical to a good relationship. Management and governance are two separate responsibilities. Staff designs and  board refines! Too many boards get into management responsibilities that should be the purview of staff. Clarifying what each group is responsible for removes ambiguity and potential conflict.

If there is tension between the senior leader and the board, don't let it fester. Bring in someone you trust who can speak to the relationship, help clarify the issues and chart a way forward. The relationship between a senior pastor and board must remain healthy for the church to remain healthy. Don't allow it to deteriorate. Often tensions can be resolved if attended to early.

Never stop developing the health of the board. Candid discussion and growing the board is always a best practice. Talk about how the board is doing, read some good books on leadership together, study the Scriptures and pray together. Bring Jesus into the equation all the time. Jesus is reason that we serve in church leadership and we are simply His undershepherds.

Every board ought to have a board covenant that spells out acceptable behaviors and how the members relate to one another! Poor behavior without the will of the board to police itself is one of the major causes of dysfunction in the church. It is also a major discouragement to pastors. See my blog: Operate without a board covenant at your own risk.

A real time picture of globalization: Most commonly spoken language (other than English) in each London borough

See this amazing picture of globalization

The Church: Helping people grow up

Here is an interesting concept: The church is a place where we help people grow up! We have a Father and the Father wants us to grow up in Him from kids to maturity. Jesus accepts us for who we are but wants us to become like who He is. Maturity is the goal according to Paul in Ephesians 4. 

Think about some of the implications of this. Many people expect the church to be the source of their spiritual growth. That is the perspective of immaturity. Growing up means that I take responsibility for my spiritual life and don't outsource it to others.

How many congregations deal with petty conflicts? Growing up means that we treat one another with honor and dignity, allow others to think differently than ourselves and living in peace rather than in conflict.

Many leadership groups in the local church find it hard to agree to corporate decisions. We want our way like toddlers who won't let others play with their toys. Growing up means that we have respectful discussion, make corporate decisions and agree to live by them.

Often our congregations think that the church is primarily for their benefit. Growing up means that we choose to live like Jesus and reach out to those who are not yet in the church. If the church is about me I am living from immature selfishness. If the church is about others who need to hear the Good News I am living in maturity and generosity.

Growing up is a great metaphor for what the church is about and what the Christian life is about. Where do you (and I) need to grow up? Where does our congregation need to grow up? 

When I have to deal with problematic situations as a leader

Leaders regularly face issues that have consequences depending on how they are handled. Many times we act either too fast out of anxiety or too slow out of fear. So how should we process such situations in our own minds? Let me suggest four issues we ought to be concerned about.

The first is discernment! Problematic situations are often more complex than they seem on the surface. Take a church conflict, for instance, or a dysfunctional staff - there are usually multiple dynamics that play into the situation and acting too quickly and without understanding the full picture can cause additional problems.

Discernment is the process of seeking to understand what is actually happening, who is involved and why there are issues. Getting to discernment is often a matter of thinking, talking to the right people, and taking the time to ensure that we have adequate undertanding.

Discernment is critical but so is the wisdom to know how to address the issue at hand. Understanding one's problem is only part of the puzzle. Knowing what to do about it, and when and how is another. This is about process. One can make the right decision but cause additional problems through a poor process.

Wisdom asks questions like: "How do I address the issues at hand in a way that is not going to cause additional problems?" "If I take this action what are the potential ramifications or unintended consequences?" "Am I prepared to deal with those consequences?" "Is this the right time to address the problem?" "If the issues become public do I know my response?" Wisdom is all about knowing how to do what we need to do and be smart in the process.

This often requires courage! It is one thing to understand what needs to happen and it is another to have the courage to do what needs to be done, knowing that there are risks involved. Many leaders live with unresolved issues in their organization precisely because they do not have the courage to deal with them. Unfortunately this usually complicates the situation.

The fourth component is favor with those involved. Actions we take, if not supported by those around us, including staff are problematic. But if people believe that we have run due process, have acted in fairness and integrity and with grace, we gain the favor we need to do what is necessary. Favor is also generated by enough relationship that trust can be granted.

So here are the four questions we ought to ask ourselves when dealing with problematic situations:

• Have I discerned the situation clearly?
• Am I addressing the situation with wisdom?
• Do I have the courage to act?
• Do I have the favor of those who will become aware of my actions and if explained will they see my actions as necessary and reasonable.

Of course, praying for all four of these is what wise leaders do. They practice all four and they pray for all four.

For MKs everywhere

I love MKs. Growing up cross culturally is an amazing experience. I would not exchange it or anything. This video is for MKs everywhere!

For MKs everywhere

Neither Christians nor LGBT individuals should be punished or fired for their lifestyle.

See this column in USA today by an evangelical pastor

Neither Christians nor LGBT individuals should be punished or fired for their lifestyle.