Seven reasons why passing along gossip is so deadly and sinful

Gossip is one of the most devastating problems within many congregations. Think about these seven reasons why passing gossip along is so deadly and then ask if you want to be a target of gossip. If not, don't make others a target either!

• It is usually unverified information and always denigrating to others. Gossip is "idle talk or rumor, especially about personal or private affairs of others" (Wikipedia). Gossip is different than sharing our opinion for it goes to the motivations or actions of others and is generally destructive in nature. Scriptures are clear that gossip is wrong. Gossip includes questioning the motives of others, passing along third party information as fact, and denigrating others. Disagreement or stating our views is not gossip, it is simply defining what we are thinking.

• It is nearly impossible to take back. Even when we recognize that we have done wrong in participating in gossip it has now been passed along to others whom we don't know about and thus it is nearly impossible to take back. Gossip quickly takes on a life of its own.

• It harms another's reputation and they can do nothing about it. The target of gossip hears the rumors of what is being said but they don't know where it is coming from or who has shared it and therefor they cannot do anything about the false information being shared. All those who have been targets of gossip (and I have) know how discouraging it is to have non-truths or half-truths being shared that are harmful to one's reputation without a way to counter that information.

• It is a coward's way of communication. Cowards share information that they do not know to be true from first-hand knowledge to people other than the one they should be talking to if at all. If I have an issue with an individual, or a question about their actions my responsibility is to talk to them, not others about them. With gossip, rather than doing just that we talk to those who we think will agree with us and who will take up our cause. It is cowardly, and slanderous.

• It harms the reputation of Jesus when it takes place within the Christian community which it does all the time. It hurts the reputation of Jesus first because it is bad behavior by those who bear his name. Second, since it is often malicious and untrue, but targeted at other believers it hurts their reputation unfairly and therefor that of Jesus whom they represent. I suspect that Jesus is not happy when His reputation is sullied by His people!

• It continues to spread regardless of its truth. Have you ever heard an urban myth? These are stories started years ago which continue to circulate on the internet like the FCC revoking all Christian radio stations generating thousands of letters to them a year over an issue that it patently false. No matter what they say the letters keep coming. This is the problem with gossip. It continues to spread regardless of its truth for years and even for decades and often becomes  known as "truth" since it has been circulating for so long. 

• When targeted at Christian leaders or ministries it often ends up on the internet which others then take as gospel! Media, whether the internet or email makes it possible for gossip or untruths to spread faster than ever before. Thus things we say or write to others can be spread far and wide making our culpability greater than we ever managed. 

Scripture has a lot to say about slander - something God hates according to Proverbs. Slander is designed to hurt the reputation of others and it is ubiquitous within many Christian circles. At the least it does not reflect the character of our God and at the worst we will one day answer for every word we have spoken, good or bad.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

An urgent appeal from the Supreme Council of the Evangelical Community in Syria and Lebanon

The following urgent appeal comes from the Supreme Council of the Evangelical Community in Syria and Lebanon. This council represents all evangelical movements in these two countries in governmental affairs. I am privileged to count its leader as a personal friend. The urgency of the situation of believers in the Middle East today cannot be overestimated. Please read this carefully and pray for our brothers and sisters whose lives are in danger. You may need to use your zoom feature to read this but please do so. This is a critical situation. I would also urge you to share this with others as they have asked.

Great article on eliminating church confiict

Check out this short article on how to eliminate church conflict. 

What matters most?

I know my leader is unhealthy when...

• They regularly respond with defensiveness or anger when challenged
• They discourage open and honest dialogue where people are free to share their minds in a safe atmosphere
• They threaten those whose opinions are different from theirs
• They tell one person one thing and another person a different thing
• They need to be popular and loved
• They are not fully candid but tend to spin the truth
• They intimidate or threaten staff in order to achieve compliance
• There are many items that are not safe to talk about in their presence
• They care more about themselves than the team they lead
• They take credit for what others do
• They don't work collaboratively
• They display excessive hubris
• They don't listen but rather talk
• They blame others when things don't go well
• There is no staff development
• They don't deal with unhealthy staff who get in the way of others
• They consistently don't remove barriers that need to be removed in order for me to do my job well
• They think they have all the answers
• They are not ethical

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Healthy staff cultures

In my work with churches and Christian organizations I see more unhealthy than healthy staff cultures. I would love to reverse that order. It is truly a gift to work in a healthy environment and can be a curse to work in an unhealthy one. Here are some of the components of a truly healthy staff culture.

1. A leader who is open, humble, non-defensive and collaborative.

2. An environment where robust dialogue is welcomed and encouraged along with unity once decisions have been made.

3. Having the right people in the right seats.

4. High EQ (Emotional Intelligence) among staff members and leaders.

5. Clarity of direction as to where the organization is headed.

6. Having clarity in one's role and the necessary tools to accomplish one's job.

7. A collegial open atmosphere from the leader on down.

8. The ability to speak into things that impact one's job.

9. Candid, honest dialogue and conversation in an atmosphere of respect.

10. High in both empowerment and accountability.

My new book, Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

Gag orders in the church. It is responsible for much toxic staff culture.

It is not unusual for me to hear about gag orders by senior leaders or their Executive pastors, effectively telling elders that they cannot talk to church staff and staff that they cannot talk to elders. Usually it is in the name of policy governance which states that the elders have one employee, and that is the senior leader who can manage his staff as he pleases. This is both a misreading of policy governance, an unwise thing to do and often reflects the personal insecurity of the leader.

First lets clear up the policy governance issue. Under this board management tool, what is clear is that elders cannot tell staff what to do. That is the prerogative of the senior leader. They cannot manage staff. And it is also true that staff should not go around their leader to the elders as an end run to get what they want. 

What it does not say is that elders and staff should not talk. In fact I think it foolish for a leadership board to not know the temperature of the staff. Consider this: if staff cannot talk to the board in any fashion, what do they do when they have problems that are not getting solved by their leader? 

My experience is that such gag orders are usually a sign of insecurity on the part of leaders more than anything else. This was part of the massive dysfunction Mark Driscoll created at Mars Hill Church where there were major dysfunctions on staff but staff were not permitted to talk to others about it. In a large church I did crisis management in a long string of staff had been mistreated. The board suspected but had not inquired because they were not supposed to talk to staff.

Healthy organizations are not afraid of conversation around whatever issues they face. Healthy leaders are not afraid of alternate opinions or push-back. We have intentionally created an open culture in ReachGlobal where all issues can be put on the table with the exception of hidden agendas or robust dialogue. We welcome the conversation even if it challenges our current thinking. 

I am always deeply wary of what is actually going on when gag orders appear rather than the invitation to open dialogue.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Generational Inclusiveness in the church

One of my great passions is to see all generations in the church valued and appreciated. Most of us would say we do this and some churches do indeed do it wonderfully. However, this only really happens with great intentionality because our natural tendency as pastors is to gear our ministry toward those we we know best - our own generation. And when we do that, we often miss those who went before us and those who will come after us.

It is interesting to me that we are told in the Scriptures to honor the elderly. Growing up in Hong Kong I saw how much the Asian culture does this and even now with my grey hair I receive honor when in Asia. Often, however, in our pragmatic culture we do just the opposite by marginalizing those older than us. Their time has been and we need the younger generation. The second statement is indeed true but the first is not. Our time has not been until we see Jesus.

Here are some ways the church dishonors the generations above us. First, when we don't see their opinions as equally valid as we do those of our generation. Actually there is a great deal of wisdom that comes with age and even though our perspectives may differ between generations, all perspectives are needed in the church. My experience in working with hundreds of churches is that pastors listen to their seniors but do not really hear them. And, many don't truly honor them except in their public persona. In other words, it is often disingenuous. 

Second, when we take away worship options that are meaningful to a prior generation. I think it is the height of insensitivity not to accommodate worship styles of those who have gone before us. This is not an argument about music but about how different people connect with God in worship, or don't. When we take something that is precious and could have found a way to accommodate, we have made a statement that we don't really care. This is especially true when our congregation has multiple services and can therefore offer options.

Before our mission candidates can go overseas they must take courses in cross cultural ministry. I often think that pastors ought to take a course in cross generational ministry because ministering to my generation is not the same as the generations before me or after me. It takes wisdom, sensitivity, humility and a very open mind to understand and minister to generations that are not my own. Why do I assume that my paradigm is the right one for other generations in the church?   

Often, when we disempower a generation by removing worship that they appreciate, we position this as a matter of what we must do to reach the next generation and label alternate opinions as sin or gossip or not getting it. What if the issues are in fact real? What if it truly does matter? We should not spiritualize decisions that we are making out of our own preferences especially when we can give people options. I wish pastors understood what it feels like to be disenfranchised and marginalized. One day they may and I hope will remember decisions they made in the past that did just that.

A third area is that of ministry. Personally I don't relish being put into some seniors group that meets for coffee and trips to Branson Missouri. I want to be active in ministry, mentoring the younger generations, caring for those with needs, and simply using my gifts as I have all along. But we must work hard to find meaningful ways to engage older generations as we do younger.

I think it comes down to a deep sensitivity that we need one another, that we cannot marginalize anyone and that means that we need to listen, dialogue with and work hard to be inclusive rather than exclusive. We need to seek to understand the values, concerns and perspectives of generations different from our own and do all that we can to honor them. My generation is no more special than those that come after me or go before me. It is simply the generation I understand the best. 

Think about these questions. What does it mean to honor generations different than mine? What does it mean to understand their concerns? What does it mean to care as much for them as I do for others? What would it mean for me to care for other generations as much as I do my own. If we get the answers to those questions right we will move toward true generational inclusiveness.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.