Nine ways that pastors create conflict in the church

Senior leaders are fully capable of creating unnecessary conflict in their churches. There is enough opportunity for conflict in the church without pastors contributing to it. Here are some ways that pastors contribute to conflict and therefor ways we can avoid doing so.

One: Being defensive with staff and boards. Defensiveness shuts down discussion which inevitably creates conflict as real issues cannot be openly discussed and resolved. When pastors are insecure and therefore not open to robust dialogue, conflict becomes inevitable. The more open we are the less opportunity there is for conflict to germinate. 

Two: Making unilateral decisions without the input of stakeholders. Nobody likes surprises - not boards, not staff or congregations.When pastors do not engage stakeholders, whoever they are, they create the seeds of conflict. Key decisions need to be processed with those who are impacted.

Three: Being inflexible. We may be clear where we want to go but flexibility is usually necessary in order to get there. Often we cannot get everything we desire to get at once. Wise leaders are flexible in how they get to where they are going so that those we lead will actually go with us.

Four: Not running process. This is related to the above. All change requires a process in order to help those we lead go with us. When leaders make decisions that surprise stakeholders and do not run adequate process to explain their rationale for change, conflict inevitably occurs. Often we are too impatient to go where we want to go rather than take the time to run process and it results in conflict.

Five: Not being clear on where we are going and how we are going to get there. Ambiguity over direction and strategy creates insecurity and questions among those we lead. Clarity over both are critical to a healthy congregation. Often when these are absent dysfunction is the result.

Six: Marginalizing those who disagree with us. This is always a sign of poor EQ and insecurity but it is not uncommon among senior pastors. We too often equate loyalty with agreeing with us and when someone disagrees there is a tendency to see them as bad or disloyal or even "agents of the evil one." Disagreement is not bad but our response to it can be. When we marginalize those who disagree with us we naturally create conflict because we now have those who are "in" and those who are "out."

Seven: Using the pulpit to take shots at our detractors. All pastors have detractors - it is the nature of the job. But when we start using the pulpit (which is a powerful platform) we naturally create an us and them mentality. The pulpit is for the untainted truth of God from Scripture, not a platform for us to take shots at our detractors. They deserve our love and maybe our candid thoughts but not from the pulpit.

Eight: Dividing the board from the staff. I call this "leadership default." Pastors never play their board against their staff for it inevitably creates an "us/them" mentality and creates distrust between two groups which must work in coordination with one another. The senior team the pastor is on is always his board and it is his responsibility to create partnership rather than tension between his staff and his board.

Nine: Using the church for one's own agenda rather than for a corporate agenda that is agreed to by staff and board. Churches can be a platform for our personal agendas in leadership or they can be a platform for God's agenda which is agreed to by leadership, staff and ultimately the congregation. When we use it for our own agenda without the agreement of others who make up our leadership team and the congregation as a whole (remember the priesthood of believers) we will inevitably create conflict.

As leaders, we often are critical of those who create conflict in the local church. We need to remember that we can do the same - and often do if we are not careful. 

For all those who travel as much as I do, here is what a truthful in-flight announcement might say from the Economist

Fear of flying

Welcome aboard

In-flight announcements are not entirely truthful. What might an honest one sound like?

Looking forward by looking backward

Why the celebration every New Year's Eve? Is it not that we are celebrating the possibilities that every new year brings? As we celebrate, we also should consider the many mercies, blessings and moments of grace that God showered on us this year. 

Mercy is unmerited favor - what we don't deserve. Think of God's mercy in our lives this year. How many times this year did we need his forgiveness, his empowerment, his help or his intervention? Every day of the past year has exhibited God's mercy in our lives. As Jeremiah said, His mercies are new every morning.

Grace is God's favor and good will. Every day of our lives is a day of grace. When Paul asked God to remove his "thorn in the flesh," God replied, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). Those who have walked through tough times this year understand grace for sometimes the greatest gift we have is the grace to make it through another day. Yet, God always gives it. We live in the grace of God every day.

Blessings are all the ways that God provides for us. We cannot count the ways that God has blessed us in any given year but it is worth considering and recording some of them so that we do not forget. I was blessed this year with a fabulous staff, a wonderful job, great friends, God's provision for our needs, healing, my family, the publication of a new book and I could go on. They are all blessings from a gracious and generous God.

We can look forward to a year of possibilities because we can look back on a year of God's faithfulness. That is why it is always worth considering His goodness. Living with faith and thanksgiving is a product of remembering His amazing goodness in our lives. The more often we take stock of His grace, mercy and blessings in our lives the more we recognize them and live with the optimism that comes from living in His presence.

This is a good time to take stock in God's goodness. By looking backward we are able to look forward.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

"Why I want to live"

Life is precious and severe illness, such as my friend Phil is facing clarify the issues of life like nothing else can. Phil leads one of the most critical ministry teams in ReachGlobal - The Global Equipping Team that equips movement leaders internationally for the multiplication of the church and the training of healthy pastors and leaders. He was recently diagnosed with a deadly brain tumor and I along with many are praying for a total miracle - God's full healing. 

In the meantime, Phil and Peggy must deal with the reality of the diagnosis and the upcoming radiation and Chemo. Phil's latest blog entry puts life in perspective so I asked permission to share it. The blog entry speaks for itself. Would you join me in praying that Jesus would heal Phil? Each of us should answer the question of whether we have clarity regarding how we are using the precious days God grants to us on this earth.

To follow Phil's journey you can access their blog, Good Things from the Hand of God. Here is his latest entry.

Why I Want to Live

Posted: 29 Dec 2014 09:43 AM PST

Brokenness that comes from dire circumstances can do one of two things. It can shelve me, or it can bring about greater clarity and make me more passionate about accomplishing what I’m called to do.

This past weekend, Peggy and I were able to get away together—enjoying nice meals, crunching through the snow on the Centennial Trail that borders the Spokane River, and sharing some tough and very meaningful conversations. These two days have been just what we’ve needed to gain fresh perspective.

Around the world, millions have yet to hear the name of Jesus even once. Their lives are broken and lost. I was also broken and lost the first 19 years of my life. God’s transforming work in me over the past 40 years compels me to help as many others as possible discover Him.

I do not merely want extended length and quality of life for myself and my family. I long to live so that, together with the ministry team I lead, I can equip national leaders to fruitfully reach their own people in the hard places of the world. This will happen with or without me. So whether I have a few months or a few years, this is why I want to live.

A thought provoking article on why people are really leaving the church

Dear Church, Here’s Why People Are Really Leaving You

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Leaders who do not allow free expression of ideas are operating out of insecurity and fear

I run into them from time to time: leaders who demand that their staff think like they do. They are intimidated and fearful of those who freely express their opinions rather than simply agree with their views. Often, they try to find ways to ensure that independent thought is stifled or discouraged whether through intimidation, policies or signed documents (you must agree with me to be in leadership or on staff).

Whenever leaders must try to enforce agreement with their views, they are not only losing a valuable asset (diversity of views and opinions) but are displaying their own insecurities and fears. Let's be real: healthy leaders not only invite their staff to be honest and candid but value their opinions while unhealthy leaders are afraid of views that disagree with theirs. The end result is that leaders who insist that staff agree with them lose both the value of robust dialogue and the best staff who will not stay in a (dysfunctional) culture that demands conformity.

The more coercive the culture (you must agree with me), the more dysfunctional that culture is. Healthy leaders lead out of influence and persuasion, not out of control and policies. When a leader must turn to control and policies to ensure agreement with them it is always a sign to beware!

This is why we (in ReachGlobal) have a policy that any issue can be put on the table - we call it robust dialogue. The only exceptions are hidden agendas or personal attacks. We value the free exchange of ideas and we value the opinions of good leaders. We agree on the philosophic boundaries of our ministry but in strategy we encourage candid and honest dialogue. Does your church or ministry encourage robust dialogue or do you live in a culture of control and fear where leaders insist you agree with them? It says much about the health or dishealth of your leaders.

When leaders start being coercive in insisting that others agree with them they are operating out of insecurity and fear, rather than out of health. The best leaders listen closely to a variety of views and never insist that staff agree with their views.   

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Key questions to ask about the upcoming year

Unexamined lives lack depth and richness while well examined lives are fruitful and enriching. God gave us the seasons and the years in order to give us a rhythm of life, including the opportunity to examine our lives on a regular basis. The end of one year and the beginning of another year is a prime time to do this. 

As you consider the coming year and examine the past year, here are some key questions to ask.

1. What did I do really well this past year and what did I not do well?

2. Based on what I did not do well, do I need to make any changes to my life or priorities?

3. Is there any besetting sin in my life that Jesus would want me to address going into this new year? What is my plan to address it and who can encourage me in that journey?

4. Given how busy I am, are there things that I should give up or do differently in order to find margin in my life or make room for more important priorities?

5. Are there things I have not been doing that I should start doing?

6. What is my plan for personal development this coming year? What areas in my personal or professional life do I need to see progress in?

7. Are there any broken relationships that I should mend so that the relational disconnect does not get in the way of my own spiritual growth?

8. What is one thing my spouse wishes I would change this year? (You gotta ask on that one)

9. What areas of my physical health need to be addressed so that I can go the distance?

10. If this was the last year I had to live on this earth what would I want it to look like? (always a good way to live).

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.