Dealing with the gut punch of discouragement

Discouragement is an affliction all of us deal with as life throws us curveballs that hurt, create anxiety and complications. Life is not fair and has never been fair, living in a fallen and complicated world. And sometimes the bad news bunches up and comes all at once. It can be like a gut punch that leaves our minds in a knot for days. 

There are many who believe that as followers of Jesus we should not experience pain, sickness, poverty, or other realities of life in this world. But what do you make of Jesus’ words, “In this world you will have trouble.” That is a defining statement—and one that all of us know to be true. There will come a day when God will redeem this sinful, fallen, and troubled world, but that day is yet to come. In the meantime, we live with the results of the rebellion against God in the garden.

At the same time, Jesus says, “in me you may have peace.” You won’t escape trouble, suffering, hardship, pain, hurt, difficulty, but “in me you may have peace,” in spite of those things. That is a game changer! How many people do you know who have a sense of peace in the middle of their pain or suffering? I know a few, and their sense of peace in the midst of their difficulty is a magnet to others who want to know where that peace comes from.

How then do we deal with very real pain and discouragement? First, acknowledge that the pain and hardship is real and that life is not fair. Bad stuff that is beyond our control happens.

Second, pray for the peace of Christ in the midst of the situation. Even before we ask God to resolve our difficulties, we need to experience His peace based on His promise, His goodness and His presence in our lives. If He is good and if He is faithful and if He is with us and has our lives in His hand we can trust him in the middle of our situation.

Third, ask God to intervene. He has the ability to do what we cannot do: change hearts; minds; situations and circumstances. He may not answer as fast as we desire or in the way we desire but He will answer in a way that glorifies Himself. Here is something to remember: We don't know when faced with trouble what God is up to - in us, in others or in His Kingdom work. But we can be sure that He is up to something that will bring Him glory. That also means that He is in control even when life seems out of control.

Finally, choose to live in trust that He will show us a way through in His time and in His way. We can live in anxiety which is exhausting. Or, we can live in His peace trusting Him with the outcome. This is a choice we make based on God's word and His promises. But that choice makes all the difference in our attitude today.

The cards we are dealt

Two things I know: I know that life is not fair and I know that God always is.

We see evidence of the first truth every day: illness, job loss, unfair circumstances, just the plain stuff of life that is not always pleasant or desired.

All of us are dealt a set of cards in our lives, and sometimes the hand is not what we signed up for. Those are the situations that cause discouragement, fatigue, disappointment, depression and anxiety.

If all we had were the first truth, (and that is all most people in our world have) life would be most discouraging. But, we know that God is fair, He is good, and He loves to redeem the unfairness of life for His greater purposes in our lives. In fact, speaking of God's goodness and fairness, there is nothing in us that deserves His attention to our lives in any way. The question is not why God allows some situation in our lives but why He deeply cares for us when it occurs. 

Think of the cards you have been dealt, the good ones and the hard ones. And then consider Peter's words: "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed (1 Peter 1:6-7).

What is interesting about Peter's words is that God has a higher purpose for our lives than our comfort. More important than our comfort is the quality, strength and development of our faith - and faith is developed when we are at the end of ourselves and must turn to Him in our need. For the Christ follower there is nothing more important than faith and trust in the Father and it is our trials that grow our faith quotient.

But even that is overshadowed by our ultimate goal which is to result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Our faith, our response to the issues of life results in praise, glory and honor as others around us watch us handle the unfairness of life with genuine trust in our loving God. Our ultimate mission in life, after all is to make the father look good and the son well known.

We do that when we allow the unfairness and discouragements of life to be forged into cutting edge faith and in doing so we overcome the cards we have been dealt with the strong, tempered alloy of faith which brings great glory, praise and honor to God.

Understood in this light, each bad hand we are dealt becomes an opportunity to grow and to bring glory, praise and honor to God. It all depends on how we view life and its ultimate purpose. The shallow view is that life is about me. The grander view is that life is about God and how He wants to use me to bring glory, honor and praise to Him. How we view life and its ultimate purpose will determine how we respond to the cards we have been dealt.

If the cards in your hand today look unfavorable to you remember this truth. In the end you have the winning hand for God always has the last word.

When leaders struggle with disillusionment

Ministry is not for the faint of heart or the easily discouraged. Disappointments can be many and even the best of leaders struggle with disillusionment from time to time.

Usually when we do so it is because we have lost perspective on the part we play in God's redemptive history and the part He plays. They two are not the same! We are players in a much larger drama that is being directed by God, not us. 

When discouragement and disillusionment come we as leaders need to be reminded of what we tell others...

One: God is good all the time even though we live in a fallen world. His goodness can always be counted on and must be trusted in for if He is not good the very character of God proclaimed in Scripture cannot be trusted.

Two: God’s goodness does not preclude us from suffering. Indeed, we share in the fellowship of His sufferings and our scars become divine scars if we trust Him in the mist of our pain.

Three: God’s ways are indeed inscrutable to human eyes: majestic, eternal, sovereign and divinely good in ways that we cannot understand this side of eternity. We exist as part of a divine drama on a stage so large and complex that we often can only comprehend a small portion of the unfolding story.

Four: There is an eternal purpose in all things that transcends our limited understanding.  But that purpose is good and will be fulfilled in the glory of God being known across our globe. Often, failure and pain are the antecedents to amazing glory and eternal success.

Five: We play a humble part in God’s eternal purposes and cannot personalize His ways as our responsibility.  We live with the joy and pain and difficulties of this life. When we carry burdens He was meant to carry rather than us we become weary, disillusioned and often angry. They are His purposes, His burdens, and a part of His inscrutable plan. We must leave them to Him.

When we become disillusioned it is usually because we have taken on responsibility we should not take on. And, have usually lost our perspective on the part God plays and the part we play in His purposes.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Eleven things that discourage pastors and Christian leaders

Board members and congregants and staff seem to find it easy to criticize their pastor or leader. After all he works for them. As a former pastor and one who consults with pastors regularly I would suggest that there are a number of things that bring major discouragement to your pastor. 

1. Bringing a major issue up on Sunday after your pastor has preached. Most non-preachers don't understand how much energy goes into a Sunday message. Unless there is an emergency, Sunday is the wrong day to dump issues on your pastor. So is Monday when  he is recovering from Sunday. For most of us weekends are just regular days. Not so for your pastor.

2. Professional critics. Now I am a firm believer that we ought to be able to talk about any issue but I am most likely to listen carefully to who I know have my best interests in mind. There are people who believe that their spiritual gift is to criticize others, especially pastors. While your pastor may choose to respond graciously it does not mean that he is not hurt deeply by a constant barrage of criticism. 

3. Anonymous letters. I have a rule. If a letter is anonymous I will not read it. If someone does not have the guts to reveal who they are why should I listen to their counsel (actually it is rarely counsel but critical feedback).

4. Passive aggressive individuals. These are those who say one thing to one's face and then do the opposite behind one's back. As I have said previously, this is not only a form of dishonesty but it requires a lot of time and energy when that behavior causes conflict in relationships and in the church. 

5. Passing on information from anonymous sources and refusing to reveal where the information comes from. Comments like "Many people feel this way" without naming who feels that way leaves a pastor in an impossible position. I for one, will not have a conversation with anyone who comes with this kind of information if they are not willing to reveal the source. I cannot evaluate the information without knowing the source and some sources I will discount immediately because they are professional critics.

6. Power brokers. These are people who use power to get their way rather than through the normal channels of leadership. They try to win by intimidation or threats. As a leader I ask them to please  share their issues with my leadership group which immediately causes them to back off. They don't like accountability but want to force their way behind the scenes.

7. Legalists. These are professional pharisees who believe that everyone should see life and Christian practices (most of them are not Christian practices) their way. There is much in the Christian life that is grey and where we are to follow our conscience. Legalists want people to live in their bondage (see Galatians) rather than in the freedom of Jesus.

8. Sharing issues about you with others rather than with you personally. I invite any who have issues with me to talk to me. It is gossip, passive aggressive behavior, destructive and cowardly to talk to others about a leader when they have not talked to the leader themselves. It also is unbiblical (see Matthew 18).

9. Staff who go around them to complain to board members. This is not only bad governance but it hurts the ability of a leader to lead. Furthermore, the board member gets only one side of the story. If a staff member feels that there is a moral issue at stake he or she should ask for a meeting with the pastor and the church chair so there can be a real conversation without violating the chain of supervision.

10. Those who want their church to look like the church they left. Here is an irony. Many people leave a church unhappy but their version of church is the one they left. Every church is unique. Your present church will never be your former church, for better or for worse. Suggestions are great when make in the right spirit. Your pastor does not pastor your former church but your current church.

11. Church leaders who don't keep confidences. What is said in a board room belongs there and no where else. Those who violate board procedures and agreements kill trust for the rest of the board.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.