Critical spirits and the Christian community

If there is one thing that I wish we could erase from the Christian community it is the spirit of criticism. I am not talking about raising legitimate concerns about issues or circumstances but about individuals who consistently stir the pot and whose default is to criticism rather than to encourage. Criticism is not a spiritual gift! In fact it is just the opposite - it emanates from a spirit of mistrust, pride and superiority.

A spirit of criticism is life taking rather than life giving and as such is not from the Father (John 10:10). It emanates from the lower nature. There are congregations that specialize in criticism and it holds them back from being all that they can be. There are individuals whose specialty is criticism and I for one don't want to have such on my staff or for that matter in my circle of friends. I prefer to rub shoulders with life giving individuals rather than life taking. The world is cruel enough and adding critical spirits to it is anything but edifying.

The book of Ephesians talks a lot about the kinds of attitudes and words that should characterize believers and none of them include a spirit of criticism. In fact, we are told that nothing should come out of our mouths that does not uplift those who we speak to. Something to consider.

Before we criticize we ought to ask ourselves these questions:

• Is this simply a preference for how I would do things?
• Will my comments encourage or discourage?
• What is it in me that creates a critical spirit?
• How would I feel if I had made this decision and was criticized for it? 
• How would Jesus approach this issue? Would he approach this issue?
• Do I really want to weigh in on this issue? The more critical we are the less we are heard. Does this raise to the level where it is really necessary for me to be critical?

Leaders are especially magnets for criticism. They make decisions and many love to second guess what those decisions should be. Board members or staff who have a spirit of criticism are the cause of much discouragement for leaders. For those who have such a gift of criticism I wish they could walk for a week in the shoes of a leader. It is easy to criticize. It is much more difficult to come up with real solutions.

Think of the fruit of the spirit. None of the characteristics include a spirit of criticism. We ought to be quick to encourage and slow to discourage. Criticism is the ultimate trigger for discouragement. Even when Jesus confronted sin he did so with great grace (the pharisees excepted). A spirit of criticism is not a spirit that comes from our Savior.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Civil and uncivil discourse in the Christian community

I have watched closely the comments (thousands) posted on Christianity Today's website over both homosexuality and World Vision's recent decision and retraction. I have also noted how some high profile leaders among Evangelical's reacted and pontificated.

Of course I was not surprised by the outcry of exception to World Vision's actions. What surprised me was the lack of wisdom and Biblical discernment by World Vision's board.

That aside I was truly appalled by the uncivil discourse by Christ followers in the debate. Unfortunately it is not an uncommon thing. We seem to lack the ability to speak to one another and to those outside our community with respect and kindness while disagreeing with the other side's conclusions. 

We often forget that our position (truth - as we understand it) is just as important as how we communicate that truth (grace - the flip side of truth). Jesus was described as one who was full of "grace and truth."

If the words of Paul were applied to the comments on CT and elsewhere a great deal of them would be gone. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen...Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another...(Ephesians 4:29-32)."

Truth without grace does not reflect Jesus or the fruit of the Spirit. Many outside the evangelical community see us as angry and unloving and they are often right - and that is sad. Is it not possible to speak and write our minds even while demonstrating the heart and kindness of Christ? This applies to controversies like World Vision as well as disagreements within congregations. Angry and unkind believers do not reflect the values or character of Jesus no matter how "right" they might be. And we lose our hearing if our words do not reflect the love of Jesus as well as the truth of Jesus.

(Posted from Milwaukee)

Tools for dealing with significant criticism

Everyone in leadership faces the challenge of those who are their critics whether for good reasons or not. The question is not whether we will face our critics but how we will respond to our critics and that response makes all the difference to our leadership.

Critics can be our best friends or become our worst enemies and which it is depends ironically not so much on them as it does on us. It often depends on how we react. Often even with the worst critic whose actions are unhelpful and whose bite is painful there is something for us to learn - if nothing else - how to respond to someone who is angry with us.

Job one with an angry, frustrated or critical individual is to de-escalate the situation. Usually angry people are frustrated. Something has punched their button. 

Nothing brings down the level of frustration, anger or conflict like a non-defensive reaction: Something like, "I am really sorry I have caused you that frustration. I would never do so intentionally. Help me understand the issues and what you would suggest if you were in my place." That kind of response immediately takes the wind out of a critics sails, opens up dialogue and asks them for their counsel. It is so rare that it will surprise those who have significant issues with us.

Often times, people want to be heard, to be understood: they do not intend to hurt - even if their criticism hurts. Opening up a dialogue allows that to happen. Asking their counsel, whether you can follow it or not, allows them to be heard. 

Asking the next question, "how can I rectify the situation" allows them to speak into the issue that has caused them angst and allows one to stay in relationship even if one cannot come to a fully satisfactory mutual solution. Most people can live with differences if we can stay in relationship with them. That is why defensive reactions are so deadly - they push people away rather than bring them closer together; from you rather than to you.

Further, explaining one's own self (without being defensive) often allows the other party to understand our heart, our perspective and the reasons behind our actions. If they realize that we are not meaning to cause them angst or hardship they will often soften their tone and attitude.

I personally see criticism and conflict as a challenge: Not to win the day necessarily but to do all that I can to win the person. If I want to win them rather than the argument my approach will be very different - and healthier. You won't win all over but you can increase your chances.

Eleven things that discourage pastors and Christian leaders

Board members and congregants and staff seem to find it easy to criticize their pastor or leader. After all he works for them. As a former pastor and one who consults with pastors regularly I would suggest that there are a number of things that bring major discouragement to your pastor. 

1. Bringing a major issue up on Sunday after your pastor has preached. Most non-preachers don't understand how much energy goes into a Sunday message. Unless there is an emergency, Sunday is the wrong day to dump issues on your pastor. So is Monday when  he is recovering from Sunday. For most of us weekends are just regular days. Not so for your pastor.

2. Professional critics. Now I am a firm believer that we ought to be able to talk about any issue but I am most likely to listen carefully to who I know have my best interests in mind. There are people who believe that their spiritual gift is to criticize others, especially pastors. While your pastor may choose to respond graciously it does not mean that he is not hurt deeply by a constant barrage of criticism. 

3. Anonymous letters. I have a rule. If a letter is anonymous I will not read it. If someone does not have the guts to reveal who they are why should I listen to their counsel (actually it is rarely counsel but critical feedback).

4. Passive aggressive individuals. These are those who say one thing to one's face and then do the opposite behind one's back. As I have said previously, this is not only a form of dishonesty but it requires a lot of time and energy when that behavior causes conflict in relationships and in the church. 

5. Passing on information from anonymous sources and refusing to reveal where the information comes from. Comments like "Many people feel this way" without naming who feels that way leaves a pastor in an impossible position. I for one, will not have a conversation with anyone who comes with this kind of information if they are not willing to reveal the source. I cannot evaluate the information without knowing the source and some sources I will discount immediately because they are professional critics.

6. Power brokers. These are people who use power to get their way rather than through the normal channels of leadership. They try to win by intimidation or threats. As a leader I ask them to please  share their issues with my leadership group which immediately causes them to back off. They don't like accountability but want to force their way behind the scenes.

7. Legalists. These are professional pharisees who believe that everyone should see life and Christian practices (most of them are not Christian practices) their way. There is much in the Christian life that is grey and where we are to follow our conscience. Legalists want people to live in their bondage (see Galatians) rather than in the freedom of Jesus.

8. Sharing issues about you with others rather than with you personally. I invite any who have issues with me to talk to me. It is gossip, passive aggressive behavior, destructive and cowardly to talk to others about a leader when they have not talked to the leader themselves. It also is unbiblical (see Matthew 18).

9. Staff who go around them to complain to board members. This is not only bad governance but it hurts the ability of a leader to lead. Furthermore, the board member gets only one side of the story. If a staff member feels that there is a moral issue at stake he or she should ask for a meeting with the pastor and the church chair so there can be a real conversation without violating the chain of supervision.

10. Those who want their church to look like the church they left. Here is an irony. Many people leave a church unhappy but their version of church is the one they left. Every church is unique. Your present church will never be your former church, for better or for worse. Suggestions are great when make in the right spirit. Your pastor does not pastor your former church but your current church.

11. Church leaders who don't keep confidences. What is said in a board room belongs there and no where else. Those who violate board procedures and agreements kill trust for the rest of the board.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Success, resentment and criticism

It is an interesting phenomenon but it reveals something about our own hearts. The greater one's success in ministry the more criticism they receive and the more cynicism about their ministry. This criticism and cynicism says nothing about the one they are directed against. It says a lot about those who display the attitude.

I have had many conversations with pastors about large churches in their area. It seems as if there is a rule that we need to find something negative about them because they are large and influential. Sure there are times when we ought to have concerns (health and wealth teaching, legalism or teaching that is not Biblical). That I understand. But often, the real issue is our resentment at their success and a need to lower their standing in order to increase ours.

Here is an interesting question. Is it even necessary to speak negatively of other ministries? Usually not...and if we do what is our true motivation? Even Paul had strong detractors - those who didn't like his influence. If Paul did, it is inevitable that others will too. 

No leaders are perfect and none above criticism for some issues. But neither are we. They simply have more attention focused on them because they happen to lead a large ministry. In most cases they did not ask for the attention and may even resent it but it is what it is. Why should we follow the crowd in throwing stones? It was Paul's advice to use words that build up rather than tear down.

The bottom line is that our tendency to criticize those who are successful is most often a reflection of our hearts, our issues, our resentments and our desires rather than the success of others. If we are going to criticize we need first to look inside and ask what in our hearts creates that need.

Criticism is easy. Real solutions are not!

Wise leaders observe things closely but do not criticize things quickly. As critical thinkers they are always aware of gaps between where we are and where we desire to be but they are also aware that closing those gaps is not as easy a proposition as it may seem. 

In my experience, criticism is often directed primarily against other people while the real problems are often systems and processes more than they are people. Thus the criticism of people rather than thinking critically about the process or system is often unfair and misguided. It also then becomes personal when the real solution is usually impersonal.

A few years ago I became impatient about our ability in ReachGlobal to deliver on our clarity at the team level. I pushed my senior staff rather hard to close the gap and I think they felt the pressure. When I finally hired a consultant to help us think through our processes the solution was actually pretty simple - some simple tools to bridge the gap between our vision and clarity and our execution and the problem was not inherently with people but with our process. I had been somewhat critical of leaders when the solution was a simple tool that we now use regularly. The problem was not people but process. 

That insight spawned a whole new set of simple tools for us that actually come out of lean industry and manufacturing but which we call ministry excellence. When something is not going right we have  a tool to examine and understand the process we use and almost always the solution is in the process or system, not in a negligent individual. Usually we not only solve the issue but find other efficiencies as well.

Today I am far slower to criticize people and quicker to ask about our systems to find out why something is not working the way it should. Sometimes it does come down to a person who is in the wrong place but more often than not it does not. I also want to resist the easy criticism that pervades so many organizations.