Rebound: Rising from failure back to purpose and destiny

This is a must read for all those who have experienced failure in their lives and want to reclaim their God given purpose and destiny.

Some quotes from the book:

"I've often thought how the church appears so embarrassed over the appalling failures among our own that we forget the fallen ones themselves. Somehow God had a perfect balance - He always does. God is more concerned about the bruised and beaten person who fell and those wounded from his fall than that the incident took place."

"God has not abandoned you or His plans for you. He has made provision for everyone who sits in the shadows questioning if they've let their best days slip away. The God who created you has not given up on you, and if He hasn't who are you to give up on yourself?"

"I often wonder how many resurrected failures are still not walking out their God given purpose because no one has loosed them from their past. Religion has taught us to steer clear from associating with those who reek from failure lest we appear to condone their past behavior. Sadly, some within the community of faith abhor the lingering smell of the grave. Others stand at a distance for fear the stench will get on them by association. Isn't it strange that Jesus faced the same problem and baffled the religious community when He ate with sinners and tax collectors? Those with a questionable stench loved being with Jesus because He did not treat them like second-class grave dwellers. Even after all they had done, Jesus gave them hope of living the life God intended for them all along."

"The Bible is the story of a God who is a generous Father pursuing sons and daughters who have failed. This story, my friend, is your story. God has waited patiently for the chance to pursue you. And now, in His quest, He comes to apprehend you, not by condemnation, but by His love and kindness. At last, here you are not ridiculed, but kissed, being fitted for a robe, a ring and shoes."

"It's time for you to walk confidently out of the shadows. Your confidence is not in your performance, but in Christ alone. Don't give shame the pleasure of keeping you confined and limited. Like Peter who stepped over the sides of the boat and into the water, fasten your eyes on Jesus; then get up and get out."

"If you have people who want to live in your history, let them; but don't for a minute think you have to live there with them. You cannot move into your destiny if you don't let go of your history. Surround yourself with people who define you by your purpose rather than your past."

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals, churches and organizations maximize their impact and go the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

Creating cultures of excellence

For those who have experienced failure

Failure comes in many forms but one of its realities is that in its aftermath, those around us often define us by that failure - some forever. That often contributes to those who have experienced failure to also see themselves as defined by their past. After all, that is how others see them. 

What is particularly interesting is that this often happens among Christians who would be the first to proclaim that we worship a God of Grace. We sing about Grace and mercy in our worship services and then consign some of those around us to an attitude that does not reflect either grace or mercy. Unlike Jesus who lifts people out of their ditch and encourages them to move on, our attitudes can actually keep people in the ditch and discourage them from moving on. And I suspect that there will be some readers who think that is a good thing for those who have failed.

Here is an insightful statement for those who have experienced failure.

"If you have people who want to live in your history, let them; but don't for a minute think you have to live there with them. You cannot move into your destiny if you don't let go of your history. Surround yourself with people who define you by your purpose rather than your past."

One cannot fight what others think of them. Some will always see you through the lens of your history. But you don't need to live in your history nor does God want you to! He wants you to live in your purpose and in freedom. And there are people who will define you by your purpose. Those are the people you need to bring around you. 

With a repentant heart and the help of God, David moved on from his failure and was called a man after God's own heart. Moses was able to move on from his failure with time and God's encouragement and was called the most humble man who ever lived - a far cry from the arrogance of his youth. Paul said it well in Philippians 3:13-14, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

God does not want us to live in our past. He came to redeem us from our past failures. He calls us to live in His grace and freedom. Others may not want you to live there but He does so let those who want to live in your history do so. But you...move on into a new history through the grace and mercy of Jesus who came for that very purpose.

Creating cultures of organizational excellence
AddingtonConsulting.org

Five gifts of failure

Success is a wonderful experience. We all want it but it does not always help us grow and develop. Sometimes success can even get in our way. In success it is easy to believe our own press and to assume we are better than we are. The truth is that we learn far more from failure than we do from success which is why the most successful have often failed more than they have succeeded. Much has been written regarding success but what does failure have to offer us?

First, failure makes us stronger. It is tough to fail, especially the first time. We can feel that life is over and that we are in some way diminished. If we push through the experience we come out the other side stronger and wiser. In fact, rather than diminished we are enriched with information and experiences we did not previously have.

Second, failure makes us more thoughtful and reflective. You can accept success without reflection but few can accept failure without reflection. Its very nature causes us to think, ponder and ask "what if?" 

Third, failure tends to clarify both our strengths and weaknesses far more than success does. In failure we start to differentiate what we are good at and where we need others around us. Success simply makes us think we are good at most things which is far from the truth. We are good at a very few things and poor at most other things. Failure helps clarify.

Fourth, failure builds humility whereas success tends to build pride. I realize in failure the limits of my own capabilities and a need for others. Success on the other hand simply fuels my hubris and wisdom. 

Fifth, failure fuels learning and growth if we have the curiosity to understand why we failed in the past and how we can avoid it in the future. Success can do just the opposite. Why do we need to grow if we are as good as it seems?

Most leaders attribute far more of their learnings to failure than they do to success. So powerful a drug is success that some leaders who fail for the first time in their fifties or sixties are crippled by the experience because they have no context for it. Thank God for your successes as well as for your failures. Allow your failures to help you grow.

See also
The up side of failure
A leadership perspective of growth
When a great idea didn't work: Dealing with failure
The gift of failure and pain

Brokenness transformed by grace

Failure has many benefits. Once I have failed I no longer need to worry about failing (been there done that). I no longer need to worry about my pride getting hurt – I've been there. I don’t need to keep up the pretense of success – I blew that record. And, I can identify with 99% of the world who has also experienced failure at one time or another.


Our world celebrates success and denigrates failure (unless you are a Hollywood celebrity and fail spectacularly in which case you are now a smashing success in some twist of logic). But the truth is that the most valuable lessons we learn are through failure, not success and our transparency about our failures and pain is perhaps far more important than people learning of our successes. In failure the best lessons are learned, the best faith is forged and the best transformation takes place. So, why would we hide our failures rather than share what God has done in us through them?

Our willingness to share our whole story where appropriate becomes a powerful encouragement to others who are often struggling with the same issues or believe that because they have “failed” God cannot use them. The fact is that many things we view as failures are not really failures at all but are so only in our own minds. Older leaders would do younger leaders a great favor if they would share their own stories more transparently. Often young leaders view their elders as having sailed through life with a minimum of pain and failure. Usually just the opposite is true.

My perspective on hard times is very different today than it was when I was a young leader. I understand success and failure differently, have the perspective of time to see how God used pain for my benefit, and have seen His faithfulness in what looked like impossible situations. Not only did I not know all of those things as a young leader going through hard times but the advice I received then was not very helpful: God will work it all out! God did, but not in the way well intentioned people meant their advice. One of the realities is that some things don’t get worked out this side of heaven – no matter how hard one prays or how hard one tries.

God does not always fix broken situations. But He is always faithful in the process when we choose to press into Him in those broken situations. Faith is not believing that God intervenes in all situations but that He is faithful to us in the middle of brokenness. I wish I had that understanding as a young leader. I willing share my experiences today to encourage the next generation of leaders who are walking through their own broken places.

Success is not living without pain or tough times. Nor is it necessarily seeing spectacular ministry results – often it will not from our point of view. Success is faithfully living at the intersection of God’s gifting and His calling on our lives wherever that should be. Deep influence is not dependent on achieving success or acclaim by our peer’s standards but by cultivating the hidden practices we have been studying which mold a strong, deep, core of spiritual strength and resolve that influence all that we do and everything that we are.

All of us have paid our share of “dumb tax” – things that we would not do again and lessons learned the hard way. Our willingness to share our dumb tax with others can save them the pain of learning it themselves. I often ask leaders that question for my own benefit and encourage leaders to regularly share dumb tax with one another.

I am always amazed at the response from young and old leaders alike when I speak on pain, suffering and brokenness from a Biblical and personal perspective. I have had more than my share of these times including debilitating physical illness. People thank me over and over for sharing transparently. They are hungry for a perspective on their own situations and struggles and are encouraged that they are not alone.

We underestimate the place of sharing our experiences candidly along with God’s grace in the process. Each of us who is faithful is simply one more in the line of the heroes named in Hebrews 11 who lived by faith even when the chips were down. There is power in stories of brokenness transformed by grace!

a messy world and messy leaders

We often think of our Biblical heroes as people who were born that way. Just the opposite is true. We have always lived in a messy world and our Biblical heroes were no exception.

Take Moses, for example. We know him as the guy who rescued God's  people from slavery, as a deeply humble guy and one who talked to God face to face. I can't compete with that. But what we forget is that he too had a messy background and it took God 80 years to prepare him for his life assignment.

Everyone has issues and so did Moses. Consider this. While he grew up in wealth, splendor and privilege as a member of the Pharaoh's household he knew who he was: an Israelite who should have been a slave rather than royalty. Talk about identity issues!

Those issues came to a head when at 40, Moses took justice into his own hands, killed an Egyptian who was mistreating an Israelite and was forced to run for his life, ending up as a shepherd in another land. In one day he went from privilege and wealth to working as a shepherd with nothing to his name. In addition he now was a felon and a wanted man. Obviously he had an anger management problem.

I would guess that for the forty years he worked as a shepherd (he didn't even have his own flock but looked after the flock of his father in law) he felt like he was a has been. He had blown his chance, God would never use him for anything and he was consigned to a forgotten existence and a wasted life. 

If you doubt that, think of Moses' conversation with God at the burning bush. Finally God was calling him to something and Moses kept pushing back. Why? He felt unqualified, lacked the confidence to say yes, and gave all manner of excuses with a final comment, "O Lord, please send someone else." Of course, God never calls us to do anything that we can do by ourselves but only in His power but it took quite a while for God to convince Moses of that.

Of course God had different ideas. God is never in a hurry and he is always up to something. During those year from 40 to 80, while Moses felt he was stuck on a shelf, God was developing a relationship with Moses that would sustain him through the next 40 years in the wilderness leading a people tough to lead.

Four lessons emerge from Moses past. First, God can redeem any past for His divine purposes. Even our pasts! Second, while we may think we have been put on a shelf, God is always up to something, preparing us for what He has for us. Third, God never calls us to do anything we can do by ourselves. Why should He? His work is a divine work that requires divine power. Fourth, God uses regular people to do His divine work in the power of His Holy Spirit. 

Moses had a past with a lot of issues, just like we do. Yet he used Moses just as He desires to use us. 

The gift of failure and pain

I was young when I went through the dark night of the soul – four years – my first pastorate. In that four years, my dreams were shattered, my heart was broken, my self worth was nearly destroyed, my reputation vilified by a powerful few. There have been other periods of great pain, none as great as the first but still they tried my soul and tested my faith and calling.

Those periods felt like failure. In reality they were the necessary steps toward success. There is no success without pain for pain, rightly handled is one of the non-negotiables of success and growth.

How thankful I am for them. How deeply I don’t want to repeat them. But failure and pain I have found to be a great gift for through them I have become what I am and without them I would still be what I was.

Faith does not grow in the comfort zone but in the red zone, where we are forced to confront our inability and learn His ability. In fact, it is my conviction that those who know Christ most intimately have learned that intimacy on the anvil of failure, suffering and pain because in the dark night of the soul they have been forced to cry out to God and in doing so, learn that He is sufficient, good, powerful and the only one who can ultimately be the source of our strength.

There is no growth without pain. It may be pain inflicted upon us by others, brought upon us by ourselves, or simply the circumstances of life. One giant of the faith wrote, “God cannot use a person greatly until He has hurt him deeply.” I believe that with all my heart and it is why we should see pain as our friend, not our enemy.  We don’t look for it but we thank God for it. It is the maker of character and faith if we treat it well. It is the maker of bitterness and cynicism if we treat it badly.

It was in pain that I learned to pray for my enemies – a supernatural lesson. It was in pain that I understood that God loved me unconditionally and that there was nothing I could do to make him love me more and nothing I could do to love me less. It was in pain that I learned to empathize with the humanness of others. It was in pain that I learned the grace of Jesus. It was in pain that I learned to live by faith. It was in pain that I understood my human limits and the unlimited goodness of Jesus.

Without pain. Without suffering. Without failure I would be much less than I am today. God grows us in the red zone, not the comfort zone.

Peter understood this well and he was a recipient of great pain and great grace. “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trains. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” (1 Peter 1:6-7).

Father, thank you for the gift of failure, pain and suffering. For wrapped in the sorrow of these gifts is an even greater gift of love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, grace and the most precious gift of all,  knowing you more intimately so that we can follow you more closely and love you more deeply

A counter-intuitive idea for celebrating success

We love success in ministry or in our personal lives. It is a sign of God's blessing through the years and each of those blessings we can celebrate for He is indeed the cause of our success. But I have a suggestion that can make that celebration even more interesting.

Why do we celebrate our successes along the way? We do so to mark those places where God has been especially good to us and brought us to where we currently are. However, if we really want to understand God's goodness to us why not choose the greatest failures along the way and hold them up as the milestones of our journey. God was good in our success  but He was magnificent in our failures as He took those failures and made them into something we could never have fashioned from them.

In every failure there is some work of redemption. In every failure there is a work of God's grace. In every failure there is humble recognition that the failure that should have brought disaster brought something good after all, not because of us but because of Him. Think of your life from that perspective! Think of your church from that perspective! Think of the story of redemption from that perspective! 

Nothing humbles us and lifts up the Father than the way he takes our failures and redeems them for His glory. This is one place we cannot take any credit. This is one place we cannot share any of the glory. This is one place where He takes His rightful place and we ours. And it is a good place to be!

When a great idea didn't work: dealing with failure

There is a saying, If you always do what you always did you always get what you always got. Leaders and teams know that innovation is key to staying sharp and working toward greater effectiveness.


Of course it is not blind innovation for innovation sake. We take calculated risks in ministry after thinking through the unintended consequences and trying to minimize our "dumb tax" by talking to others who may have tried what we are thinking of doing. But sometimes our best intentions fail - sometimes miserably.

How can we best handle great intentions that went very wrong? Dealing with the aftermath is important because it will either promote or prevent future innovation or risk taking.

Consider these suggestions:

1. Pull the plug if your gut says it is not going to work
A great "new idea" will probably be taking resources, either people or financial. Once you come to the conclusion that it is not going to work, don't continue to throw good money after bad. Minimize your losses and shut it down. Sometimes that takes a bit of courage, especially for those who sold the idea and desperately want it to work. Leaders may need to step in and make the call. 

2. Conduct an autopsy without blame
When something goes south, it is important to conduct an autopsy to see what lessons can be learned. How one does it is critical. If you kill the innovator you will also kill future innovation. If you conduct an autopsy without blame everyone learns but you don't create an ethos of fear. As you evaluate what went wrong, do not minimize the lessons that need to be learned. Failure is great soil for growth.

3. Be transparent
Our tendency is to "protect ourselves" when something we have tried fails. But there are stakeholders whether they be donors, participants, congregations or whoever. Minimizing or spinning the situation will come back and bite you. Be transparent with those you need to be transparent with, even if you take a few "licks" for it. Honesty is the best policy and good people will generally give other good people the leeway they need.

4. Ask whether the idea was a bad idea or whether the failure was in the execution.
Often the idea was a good idea but the process, execution, roll out or staffing were the key factors in the failure. If the problem was in the execution, consider how you can solve that issue before you try again.

5. Create a culture where failure is OK
Too many ministries are so failure adverse, or fearful (because failure is seen as a negative) that they don't try new ideas. If you are going to be most effective you will need to take measured risks. You will fail from time to time. That means you are willing to take a risk for the sake of ministry effectiveness. 

Failure is not a bad thing - it can actually point you in the right direction as you learn from the experience. The key is learning from it, and handling the aftermath with wisdom and transparency. After all, sometimes you have to throw some stuff at the wall and see "what sticks."