Resolution or Revelation?

Think about the issues you face in your life that you wish were resolved. For some it is health, others, financial or family, relationships or jobs. We regularly walk through seasons where we wish for, pray for, and long for resolution of painful issues.

What we want is resolution. But what if the answer is not resolution – primarily – but revelation? In resolution the problem goes away, but in revelation we learn something about ourselves or about God that is far more important than the issue we face.

The Apostle Paul learned this: “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassing great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).”

Think of the power of Paul’s revelation. “For my power is made perfect in weakness…for when I am weak, then I am strong.” Had he simply been given his prayer for resolution, neither he nor us would have that lesson or learned that truth.

This does not mean that we don’t pray for resolution in the middle of hard times. It does mean that we also seek to understand if and what God might want to impress on us in a revelation from him that we would only learn in and through the process of difficulty and pain. At one and the same time, we pray for resolution and pray for revelation – in the sense that God may have something far more important for us than resolution. He might have a lesson or truth about Him and our lives that we would receive no other way.

Lulled into complacency by our comfort

Dr. Woo in Surgery

Memorial service in Kabul for Dr. Woo

Guest writer: Michael Johnson

Julie Burchill writes for The Independent the British newspaper. For the August 11, 2010 edition, she commented on the critics of British soldiers’ role in Afghanistan as well as the sacrifice of Dr. Woo, one of the doctors murdered recently while volunteering to bring medical care to the citizens of that nation. She writes rather caustically, but clearly; People castrated by comfort and consumption of course feel worthless when they look at Dr. Woo or our soldiers. A man who has nothing which he cares about more than his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance at being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.



Dr. Woo’s sacrifice was particularly significant in that she was not on duty for her nation, but for His Kingdom. Are our decisions about our faith made from the comfort of our couches of conspicuous consumption? Are we really willing to make the difference we claim we should for Christ, or is it just religion as usual? Reporting in Telegraph.co.uk Dr Woo co-founded an charity called Bridge Afghanistan and raised thousands of pounds for emergency provisions for flood victims, education projects and medical supplies.


Her medical convoy was travelling through Badakhshan towards Kabul on Wednesday after spending three weeks in the mountainous terrain of Nuristan where the medical team were delivering medical care and supplies to the people living there. Local police said about 10 gunmen robbed the group and killed them one by one. The Taliban claimed responsibility for the killings. A spokesman said the foreigners died because they were ''spying for the Americans'' and ''preaching Christianity''.


To add to the tragedy of her death is the romantic side the Telegraph reports that Dr Karen Woo, 36, British medic killed in Afghanistan was due to return home within days to get married, it emerged.

Have I been castrated by comfort? What does my faith cost me? Dr. Woo was willing to pay all. She did.

Discouragement and our Hearts

Ironically, we must guard our hearts during times of failure and discouragement as well as success. While success may cause us to take our eyes off of our Lord and focus on ourselves, failure and discouragement have the potential to do the same thing: only this time in disillusionment and discouragement rather than pride and entitlement.



I know how dangerous failure and discouragement can be. I came very close to walking away from full time ministry altogether after deep pain in my late twenties. I know both vocational and avocational ministry driven individuals who have done that in the face of great difficult times. I am sobered by the implications in my own life and ministry impact had I chosen to walk away from the call of God on my life because of my great pain.


I have come to believe that times of failure (real or perceived) and times of discouragement are critical for the health of our hearts as they force us to choose where we will put our trust even in the face of impossible circumstances. We are forced into the decision to put our faith in our heavenly father just like those listed in Hebrews 11 even when we cannot see a way out. Looking back on some of the most painful periods of life I have come to the conclusion that I would not trade them for anything but I never want to experience it again!


Failure and discouragement force a life changing choice. Will I continue to trust and follow closely after Christ or will I settle for a diminished and wounded life? The first leads to greater faith and the second to a lessened faith. Failure and discouragement are never final unless we allow them to be. We make the choice as to whether we will move on and follow Him in the midst of our pain or allow our pain to pull us away from Him. It is always our choice and our move.


My own heart has been molded in pain and disappointment more than in any other way. That pain was God’s graciousness to me in order to make me what I have become. I am humbler, gentler, kinder, more comfortable in my own skin and less driven because of the gift of pain. Some of the best gifts come in the most unsuspecting wrappings.


One of the common responses to discouragement and failure is cynicism. All of us have reason to be cynical about people: especially those who claim to be Christ followers and do things unworthy of that walk. Yet, cynicism too, is a destructive attitude and hurts our heart. It causes us to doubt the good intentions of others, robs us of our ability to trust and skews our attitude toward others. Think about this: What if God chose to be cynical toward us? Our actions and attitudes often deserve it, yet he chooses to love and believe the best for us. Cynicism robs us of the ability to love and believe the best.


In my fifties, I am deeply realistic about the realities of people’s lives and situations I face. What keeps me from cynicism is my awareness of my own struggles, failures, imperfections and deep desire for righteousness. I am thankful that God is not cynical with me and I want to resist the temptation to be cynical toward others. Paul meant it when he wrote his letters to the “saints,” even when he needed to chastise and take people to task. We are saints, even in our imperfections and struggles and we want to treat all of God’s people in that light – even those who irritate us significantly.

When The Sheep Bite

In his qualifications for overseers or elders in 1 Peter 5, Peter gives a crucial requirement – that shepherds serve “not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be” (1 Peter 5:2). Why is it so critical that leaders serve willingly? I believe it is because those nice, furry, soft gentle looking sheep have minds of their own and they may even bite the hand or foot that feeds them.

If you have been a ministry leader for any length of time you know this to be true. In fact, I believe that some of the most painful seasons for Christian leaders come when they are shot at from within their own camp. When the sheep bite our natural tendency is to kick back – hard - but that is exactly what a faithful shepherd does not do. Leaders who serve because of obligation are far more likely to kick back than those who have counted the cost and have chosen to lead in spite of the sacrifices inherent in the job.

I did not leave my church years ago because of outside difficulties but because of a few insiders who wanted me to go. My pain was not from the pagans in the community but the “saints” in the pew. And at a time when significant growth was taking place, individuals were coming to Christ regularly (one or more per week), and lives were being significantly changed. And my situation was far from unique – it happens every day in the bride of Christ to the chagrin and pain of the One who died for the bride. But it is the consequence of living and ministering in a fallen world.

In fact, I can say that the most painful periods of my leadership career have been the result of those I was supposed to be leading, choosing not to be led, choosing to bite or choosing to sow discord and difficulty for me and others. It is the reality and the price of leadership and it is one of the key reasons that many leaders choose to drop out. They are disillusioned at the source of their pain – and they should be.

In the wake of many years of ministry I can say with faith that God is fair – it is part of his character. I can also say with clarity that people and circumstances of life are often not! And that one of the burdens of serving Christ is the willingness to accept that unfairness for the sake of the One we serve and the cause He represents.

Jesus told His disciples, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you” (John 15:18-19).

In his farewell to the Ephesian elders, Paul reminds those leaders that they will also face trouble from within the congregation. “I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. So be on your guard” (John 20:29-31).

Herein lies a challenge for those who lead God’s people. We choose this ministry because of our love for Him and our desire to point people to Him. We soon discover that many people don’t play fair, that ungodly attitudes and actions are ubiquitous even in the church and our efforts to shepherd others is often met with resistance. That is a rude awakening for every pastor and Christian leader. For young leaders it can bring periods of great pain, as it did me. And unfortunately the pain does not cease as the years pass. What can change is our ability to handle pain inherent in ministry.

It was no different for Christ whom we serve as undershepherds. He was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief. He dealt with the sadness of death and loss. At His most painful and crucial hour he was abandoned by those closest to him. People he had compassion for walked away, unwilling to pay the price of following him. When His teaching became hard for those to hear they abandoned him in great numbers. His own disciples often did not understand what He was telling them. He was maligned and his character besmirched. He was targeted by the evil one with temptation.

I am frequently amused by the long list of potential bad side affects one reads when prescribed new medication. They want you to know that in taking this medication, these bad things may happen. There ought to be mandatory courses on the cost of ministry for all those who are thinking about going into full time ministry. There are a list of side effects that unlike medications are not simply likely to happen but will happen.

This is not to discourage would be Christian workers. I would not choose to do anything else at any price. But my choice is made knowing the cost – and also knowing that this is what Christ has called me too and that my reward will not primarily come in this life “And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away” (1 Peter 5:4). I also know that it is in the moments of deepest suffering that I become the person God meant me to be. Thus I have the privilege of “sharing in the fellowship of His suffering,” as I serve Him, following in His footsteps, and becoming more like Him in the hard times. There is a cost to ministry which is why I counsel people not to go into full time ministry unless they are absolutely sure that this is where God is calling them to be. The cost is high – but the benefits are higher.

And the test of our character is not how we respond when times are good but when times are bad. That is when our truest character is revealed and for those who serve as under shepherds it comes down to this: when the chips are down do we preserve or hurt the bride?

I am deeply distressed by the number of pastors and Christian leaders, who when the chips are down, when they are under pressure to leave their ministry – for whatever reason – choose to hurt God’s work in anger on their way out! Their anger may or may not be justified but hurting God’s work is never justified and when it is the local church is it doing violence to the bride of Christ.

Al pastured a church in the west. He had been with the church for over a dozen years and had seen significant ministry growth during his tenure. But as the church grew, the leadership demands also grew. Individuals tried to come around the pastor to help define direction and vision but they were resisted – he was threatened by their help. That resulted in a quiet exodus from the church over a period of several years as those who had a passion to see something more done for Christ left for places where that was happening.

At the board level, the tension mounted as board members tried to negotiate a leadership vacuum. One day, Al, came to the board angry and asked for a vote of confidence. He received no votes. His parting words to the board at the meeting was, “I may just not leave. I may take the church down to 150 (from 500) and start over.” It was a threat that the board understood all too well.

Al, like thousands of other Christian workers was at a crossroads. It was unlikely that there was going to be a successful resolution to the issue of his leadership. The question was whether he would choose to leave in a way that preserved the unity of the body or to do so in a way that divided the body. In this case, in his anger and in spite of an extremely generous severance he chose to divide the body (in spite of a written commitment not to do so). As friends came to him he told them how he had been wronged and painted himself as the victim. Leaders were unwilling to do public battle with him and further cause division so that when all was said and done, two hundred or so had left the church after Al left.

Regardless of whether Al felt justified in his actions when the chips were down, his character as a Christian leader did not stand the test and he chose to hurt the bride of Christ. He failed the test of suffering by responding to that suffering in ways that would bring honor rather than disrepute to the cause of Christ. At one time or another all Christian leaders face these choices. It is at that moment our true character and motivations for ministry are revealed. And it comes from deep inside our hearts and souls.

When we fight back like Al did and all of us are tempted to do we forget who our audience is as Christ’s leaders. We fight back because we have been hurt. We fight back because our reputation has been sullied. We fight back because we forget that it is not about us but about Him.

Paul understood that ultimately he served an audience of One: Jesus Christ and that he would ultimately answer for his actions and ministry to only one. “So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, good or bad” (2 Corinthians 5:9-10). If we suffer we do so for Him. If we respond we do so in a way that pleases Him. It is not about us but about Him, so how we respond to suffering must be in a way that brings glory to Him rather than looking after our personal concerns.

Bold and Bolder Faith

In Luke 11, Jesus taught his disciples how to pray with the Lord’s prayer. If you read that prayer it is a bold prayer with bold requests. But then Jesus goes on to expand his teaching on prayer:

“Then he said to them, Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.

Then the one inside answers, Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything. I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man’s boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs.

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:5-13)

Jesus is inviting us to be bold in our requests! He is inviting us to make BIG asks. He is affirming that when we pray God hears and doors open. He is making the point that just as we would not be stingy with responding to the requests of our own children that he would never be stingy with us His children.

Here is why I think so many people were profoundly impacted by the story of my illness. We often pray, not believing that God would actually do something BIG, or that we could make truly bold requests. That God can and does the miraculous in our day. But He did, and they saw it and it changed their understanding of prayer, faith, and God’s ability to do BIG things.

Because Mary Ann had heard from God early on that “it will be close but He will make it,” she would not let anyone into my ICU room to pray for me who would not pray for an absolute miracle and total healing. That was a bold move because there was no medical indication that I would pull through. Or, realistic hope.

If Jesus invites bold faith, if He invites BIG asks, we ought to take Him up on His offer. What is it that you need today? Be bold, pray BIG and wait for a loving father to answer!

It can be hard to be bold in our prayer or to do BIG asks if we are not used to doing this. There is another hard part of prayer. We are to pray bold and pray BIG but we are also to pray for God’s will to be done (Matthew 6:10). That is hard because while God always answers the prayer of faith (Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you – Luke 11:9-10) His perfect answer is not always our perfect answer!

God chose to heal me – twice - in His sovereignty. He does not always do that. That does not mitigate bold and BIG prayer. It requires that we understand that God’s perfect will is sometimes unseen by us. Even Jesus, on the eve of His arrest and death, prayed “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done. An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground” (Luke 22:42-44).

Let that sink in. Jesus was in agony over what was before Him. He pled with his Father to remove the cup of suffering from Him but even as He prayed boldly and with a BIG ask, in the same breath he said “yet not my will but yours be done.” Did God show up? Yes, an angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened Him. Did God remove the path of suffering from Him. No!

A pastor friend of mine was exhilarated when God chose to heal me. He and his congregation had prayed hard, earnestly, boldly and BIG. He was devastated a few months later when God did not heal a young boy in his church who experienced a devastating accident at a youth retreat. This is a man of great faith and has been a model of prayer for me through the years. He was as devastated by God’s seeming lack of action as he was in God’s miraculous action in my life.

Reflecting on that event recently he said, “It is amazing how powerful prayer is when we pray in line with God’s will.” Ultimately, life is not about us but about God. Ultimately, God’s purposes are far greater than we can ever comprehend this side of heaven. If Jesus was bound by His Father’s will and willing to submit to that will, why would we, his followers and children, be exempt?

In this regard, one of the most misused verses in Scripture is Romans 8:28. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purposes.”

Many assume that means that only good things happen to God’s people. Yet just a few verses later Paul asks “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered. No in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Romans 8:35-37).

Far from denying the reality of bad things, Paul says expect them. But know that even in the worst, nothing can separate us from God’s love. In that context we have to take Romans 8:28 that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him” from God’s perspective not ours. It is not a promise that life will not include pain. It is rather a promise that when it does, God has a purpose and a plan that is still good and perfect and that he can use even our pain for His greater purposes.

God does not always remove suffering from our lives – and He did not for Jesus but He does redeem that suffering for greater divine purposes. Bold prayer, prayer that storms the gates of heaven is unapologetic in its requests and BIG in its scope. But it is not bold without praying for God’s ultimate will to be done. That is the boldest prayer because that prayer invites God to do what is ultimately best from His perspective, not ours. It is like the prayer of Jesus in the garden a prayer of deep submission to His perfect will and an invitation to Him to use our lives for His deepest and greatest purposes. That is BOLD prayer. And BOLD faith.

Are you willing to pray boldly for His will to be done? Do you trust His goodness enough to pray that way? I want to invite you to take that step of ultimate faith and trust right now. Tell Him your need, pray BIG, pray boldly, and boldly invite Him to do His will in your life and situation.

Suffering and Humility

Suffering helps to free us from the pride that enslaves us and grows a humility like nothing else can.

Pride is both a mask of pretence and a spirit of the heart. As a mask, it is pretending that we are something we are not, know more than we do, are more competent than we are.

As a spirit of the heart it is believing that we are self sufficient in ourselves and are better than we are. Both the mask and the heart posture are sinful. And they hold us hostage because we must keep up a pretence and don’t allow us to see ourselves for who we really are.

Suffering has a wonderful way of stripping away pride. When life comes undone we can’t pretend we are sufficient anymore. We are forced to acknowledge our need for God and for others. Our weakness becomes our strength.

The Apostle Paul also had to learn humility the hard way.

“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassing great revelations, there was given to me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).

We are strong when we humbly rely on God for his grace and power. We are weak when we rely on ourselves. Suffering frees us from self reliance and makes us strong through Christ. No longer do we need to pretend we are sufficient. No longer do we have to pretend we are something we are not. We can just be who we are in our strengths and weaknesses, humbly relying on God.

Having had two long bouts in the ICU I can say with candor that if you were not humble on the way in, one certainly is on the way out! There is no dignity in being sick, in having tubes sticking into your body, in having no control over bodily functions, or the dubious gowns that one tries to keep oneself covered with and in being totally out of control and at the mercy of others. Illness reveals the fragility of our bodies – as does old age, when our bodies slowly betray us and the “clay pots” the Apostle Paul calls our earthly bodies cracks and crumbles.

It was humbling to go to Physical Therapy after my first long hospital stay and to learn how to walk and balance again after 36 days in bed. Or Occupational Therapy where they wanted me to count money and take timed tests of motor function – I failed miserably. Or Speech Therapy where they tested my cognitive skills and memory (flunked there as well). I still have days of “brain fog” where the neurons don’t seem to connect very well.

I have a saying that means much to me: Nothing to prove, nothing to lose. That is how I want to live life. God made me who I am, he wired me the way He did, He has given me a special work to do for Him. I don’t have to prove that I am anything other than who He made me to be and if I have nothing to prove, I have nothing to lose when I fail or don’t live up to someone’s expectations.

That is freedom! Ironically, when I started to wake up from my coma at United Hospital, I kept saying “Nothing to prove, nothing to lose.” It was if I knew that if there was ever a time to practice that mantra it was then, when I was at my weakest.

This is the route to personal authenticity – a commodity in short supply in today’s world, even among Christ-followers. Pretence is a lie. It is also hard to keep up. Authenticity is honesty about who we are and what we struggle with and the challenges we face. Others are drawn to authenticity because it is real and many people are not very real. Authenticity also leads to a new way of thinking about who we need to please.

Avoiding Pain

Contributing Writer

Ellen Conserva

ReachGlobal Thailand

My friend recently told me about his recovery after shoulder surgery and how long and painful it was. He was finally at a place where he could function, but found that he still needed to make a few adjustments.

“So, I went back to my old comfortable chair the other day. I have been using a temporary chair without arms so I could get close enough to my keyboard without lifting my arm. Well my old chair has big arms that don’t fit under the desk, so I lowered the chair and then my shoulder was up too high. I finally decided to order a good ergonomic chair.”

What struck me about this story is how we react to discomfort. It seems that, like my friend Matt, I also adjust things in my life to avoid pain.

I don’t make that phone call I should, because I know that I will be in tears by the time I hang up.

I don’t start conversations that will eventually give me a stomachache.

I don’t look up as I drive past the temple where a dear boy at the orphanage was cremated, because that memory is just too raw for me to deal with.

I haven’t sent any of my stories in to a publisher yet because I am afraid that my fears will come true…I’m just not good enough.

I don’t look in the mirror sometimes, either! Just too painful at certain times in the day!

I wonder if this whole “avoidance” thing is right though…aren’t we meant to face our fears? Aren’t I supposed to look into the eye of the monster and take him by the throat and tell him that he doesn’t scare me?

The Bible says “Fear not.” It also says that we will all suffer. So what gives? Are we meant to suffer but not be afraid? Does God want us to grin and bear it? Or are we all just destined to quietly cower in the corner, flinching and twitching when something scary comes to call?

The Bible says something else, too….”for everyone born of God overcomes the world…this is the victory.” (1 John 5:4) So that means that we are already victorious over the things that scare us, that cause us pain. This is a promise that God gives, even before the scary thing freaks us out. We are already standing in a place of victory. We are already on the Victor’s Stand…the place where there are kisses and medals and trophies and champagne poured over our heads and down our necks.

So, before I ever face a particular battle or fear in my life, I already know that I am victorious; that I have won. That I have defeated the scary monster before I even open my mouth to yell at him to leave me alone.

Jesus had a scary monster, too. It was the cross. And He knew that He would be victorious, before He pointed one toe in that direction. Maybe that is why He didn’t try and avoid the pain that He knew He would face. He looked up at it. He looked right through it, too , I imagine, right to the other side. Right to the empty tomb. He saw it all before Him, right to the very end. He saw the Victor’s Stand and the kisses and the trophy and the “well done, You!”. He saw and felt His Father’s embrace. He heard the angels singing praises and shouting, “Worthy is the Lamb that was Slain!”

So, I must draw this conclusion then….that my fears and pains are taken care of already. That I do not need to avoid them. I need to let Jesus grab the scary monster by the throat and yell at him for me.

I need to surrender. And I need to remember that surrendering doesn’t mean that I lose. Surrender means I don’t have to fight anymore.

When Life Comes Undone

Many who read this blog prayed for me over the last fifteen months as I was hospitalized with life threatening illnesses. Recently I shared the story of God's faithfulness in my life at my home church in a message entitled, When Life Comes Undone.

I would like to share that story with those of you who are interested. God is good - all the time.

When Life Comes Undone - The testimony of God's grace in my recent illnesses
http://stream.efca.org/reachglobal/when-life-comes-undone-tj-addington.mp3

To those of you who prayed....thank you!

Reframing the Question

It is our natural default when something bad happens to us: Why? Why me? A few months ago while lying in an ICU in Bangkok on a ventilator with massive pneumonia and Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) - my second severe bout with both I asked that question. But then I was forced to ask a second question: Why not me?

The television for the two weeks of my stay was glued on CNN and their coverage of the war in Gaza. I watched the men, women and children being ferried into inadequate hospitals with inadequate medical help and was reminded how fragile our world is and life in this broken world. So why should I be exempt from that brokenness?

Job asked the "why" question and God was gracious to him but He did not answer the question. What he did say was, I am God, I am great, I have my reasons and I am with you.

In the past month I have lost three friends and the son of another friend is paralyzed from the chest down due to a skiing accident - at 17. Why? In the past year and a half I have booked 65 days in the hospital. Why?

Job discovered that God is so great that His ways are inscrutable. What does not make sense to us makes perfect sense to Him. And we are not exempt from brokenness of our broken world. So, what is the question to ask? I believe it is "what" and "how" not "why."

The first question is "how." How will I choose to respond when life is not fair and the cards dealt me are not the ones I would choose? That is not easy when the cards are tough or unfair cards. I faced that in the ICU because the odds were that I might well not survive.

In my pain and limited ability to focus I chose to hang on to the words of Jesus to the disciples: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid" (Matthew 14:27). Those words were my lifeline during some very long, hard painful days.

Pain and suffering are interesting friends or foes. As a friend they can drive us closer to God if we will allow them to. As a foe they can drive us from God to a life of bitterness and diminished dreams if we let them. We choose whether we see them as a friend or a foe and our choice determines the path we take after that. Those who choose the path of bitterness do so because they keep asking the "why" question. Those who choose the path of following God more closely do so because they focus on two other questions.

There is a second question worth asking: "What does God want me to learn through this?" That does not mean we deserve it, or that God is punishing us or that He wanted us to suffer. We live in a broken world and we "share in the fellowship of His sufferings" while here. But, it is also true that it is in the hardest times that we learn the greatest lessons about God, life and us. As C.S. Lewis said, "pain is God's megaphone."

I have filled a journal of lessons I learned through my 65 days in the hospital over three stints. They include his love, his grace, his sovereignty, his ability to do the miraculous in our day and many other lessons. I realize in a new way the gift that each day is and I empathize with those who suffer in a whole different way. In the end my pain was a gift that taught me lessons I would not have learned any other way.

I also know that the "why" questions will become plane on the other side of eternity. This side the question is how will I respond and what does God want to teach me. If we get that right, the "why" will all make sense in a little while!

Parched: When God Seems Absent

I spoke recently with a friend who was suffering from a long dry spell in his relationship with God. Used to a high degree of intimacy and relationship with Christ, it now seemed that God had gone silent. Silence from heaven can be deeply discouraging. We ask, why? Is it me? Is it God? Why the silence.

When I lay for two week in the intensive care in Thailand this past January I felt much the same thing. There was no wonderful warm feeling of God's presence and I was lying awake on a vent, feeding tube, multiple lines into various parts of my body thinking I might not make it through.

And I had a lot of time to think since I could not sleep and was not put into a coma. I hung onto the words of Jesus in Matthew 14 to the disciples in the account where Jesus walked on water.

"Take courage! It is I, Don't be afraid." - Jesus

"Lord, save me!" - Peter

"You of little faith," he said, "Why did you doubt?" - Jesus

I remembered that "Fear not" is the most repeated command in Scripture. I remembered how often Jesus said, "I am with you." A command and a statement that I knew to be true, even though emotionally I did not feel it to be true.

And I thought through the connection between faith and doubt. Faith is not based on emotion or some warm feeling on intimacy - nice as that is. As the writer of Hebrews writes, "Now faith is being certain of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (or feel?). This is what the ancients were commended for." Hebrews 11:1-2.

I concluded laying in that bed, being kept alive by a machine that could breath for me, enduring the pain of the regular cleaning of the vent where they vacuumed deep into my bronchial cavity, that my job was to believe all that I knew to be true and banish the doubt that crept in.

Faith is developed when we have to exercise it and we exercise it the most in times of drought, when all is not well, when God seems silent, when we are hurting, or scared, or at the end of our wits.

Interestingly, the one time that I felt the Lord's presence strongly was when others came to pray for me. At those moments I knew that God was there, even though he was largely silent to me. In times of drought, find others who will pray with you and for you.

Being at the end of ourselves is a wonderful place to be because all that is left is God - and in the end God is all that we really need.

There is a Psalm that says it well. "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage." Pilgrimage is not easy. It takes us through deserts and to the oasis. The oasis is easy and the desert is hard. But it is in the desert that we choose to exercise our faith and it is there that our faith is proved and grows.

God is never absent. We may think him absent. In reality he is doing us a favor but helping us build our faith. And Jesus says in those times "Take courage it is I, Don't be afraid."

Lessons learned from ministry burn-out

Recently I addressed the issue of ministry burnout which is not uncommon among successful pastors or missionaries in their fifties. One of my cohorts who has experienced this is a founding pastor of a church that now runs around 2,000 people per Sunday.

As he has tried to make sense out of the growing lack of satisfaction in his role as senior leader and has thought through his sweet spot – the things he is good at and those things he is not good at, he offered the following seven observations that are worth considering.

1. We are an amalgamation of body, emotion, and spirit. These parts borrow from one another like good neighbors. But when all are depleted, bankruptcy follows. I kept borrowing and nearly lost the farm. Weariness is God's wake-up call that I am in debt in my life and need to pay down that debt before investing again.

2. I have learned that a good leader first cares for his own life. Sounds selfish, but it isn't if it is motivated properly from a devotion to stewarding God's resource, and a determination to lead long-term. I am advance blocking unstructured hours into my week to assure that I will retain time to do what I determine is most important. My schedule used to determine what was most important.

3. I have been learning what energizes and sustains me and what exhausts and drains me. I need to delegate the exhausting long-term job-related aspects of my life. I used to feel that was what I was paid for. Now I am pushing more down to others without losing sleep.

4. Growth brings good things, but also grief. There is a lot of loss that travels with growth: Loss of connection, Loss of control, Loss of old roles... and the list goes on.

5. Founders have full underwear drawers. We keep ill-fitting stretched out stuff that needs to gets tossed as our 'body' changes. Finding the courage to throw away old expectations and roles that don't any longer fit is essential of life is going to be good.

6. You will disappoint people no matter what. Choose the right people. Your own sense of calling, God and your family, and your closest colleagues are not the right people. I am being very intentional in choosing my priorities wisely, building structures and accountability to avoid disappointing the right people, but I am steeling myself to endure the judgment of those I do disappoint. I have learned that I am not good at 'no', so I am creating structures that can say 'no' for me... and an assistant who understands my priorities and steers appointments to others as needed.

7. Fun is holy. Without it planned into my life, I lose the ability to be renewed and carry joy and hope to others.

My friend also listed symptoms to pay attention to that may well be indications that not all is well and that a rethinking of roles, responsibilities and priorities is needed: I am sure many of us could add to this list.

Symptoms to pay attention to:

1. When you are so immersed in your job that you don’t plan anything fun anymore.
2. When a day off is a zombie-like shuffle through sadness that seems to have no clear source, not a day embraced with enthusiasm.
3. When work seems like it is all that is happening in your life.
4. When resentment over-takes satisfaction.
5. When a day off does not refresh you, and you resent having to go back to work.
6. When you are preaching about contentment, but you are discontented with your sermon. (Not proud of that one.)
7. When you resent people calling you or wanting to meet with you and you wish everyone would just leave you alone.
8. When people talk about the future and you feel numb.
9. When you have stopped laughing, and emotions seem to be just under the surface.
10. When you feel alone even though you are surrounded with people.
11. When you feel used and taken for granted.
12. When you have trouble sleeping at night, and trouble getting up in the morning.
13. When you are mostly irritable instead of mostly affable.
14. When you feel like everyone wants something from you, and you cannot possible meet all of their expectations… but you try anyway.
15. When people tell you. ‘You don’t look so good, you look tired, get some rest’ and you are stunned that they have no idea how tired and worn out you really are… and you wish you knew how to stop your schedule and just figure out your life.

Please pray for believers in India

Many do not realize that there is significant persecution of believers in India. It is often overt and ignored by the authorities. Hinduism is not a peaceful faith - especially when it comes to Christianity. Below is a recent report from a ministry leader in India. I have not included his name for security purposes. As you think of the growing church in India please pray for pastors who are on the front line and God's people who are often under tremendous pressure.

From a ministry leader in India:

Dear Praying friends,
Your prayers are our strength and through your prayers we have been protected by the attacks of enemy. India has a long history of Christian being persecuted. It is the same place where St. Thomas was put to death in the 1st century AD and Graham Stains and his two young sons were burnt alive in 20th century AD.

Again, At this juncture India is going though a very difficult phase as far as Christianity is concerned. It has been a long time since Christians are under attack - physically. Many saints have lost their lives defending the faith and many churches were burnt.

It seems that the time of India has come. There are great news of thousands coming to Christ. And sure enough the enemy is not happy. It also seems that the enemy is trying to recapture his lost territory. And thus fighting a lost battle (he has been defeated of the cross of Calvary).
Literally, he has set India on fire. From Kashmir (up North) to Kanyakumari (down south) incidences of attacks of Christians are reported everyday.

Let me start from Kashmir: there has been a great unrest in Kashmir valley since last two months. The last time I was in Kashmir in June 08, I had time baptizing new believers and again this time Aug. 08 my visit along with bro. Anil and Pappu is the worst so far. We could be with the new believers just the day we arrived (Aug 22).

From the next day the separatists called for a strike and the administration has imposed indefinite curfew in the entire region. The separatists demanded that all Hindus and Christian must leave Kashmir and Kashmir must be declare as a separate nation.

Well, we were suppose to be back on Aug. 25 but there was no way to get out and get to the airport. So I took to the empty road with heavy military presence, alone, to walk to the airport which is 20KM from the place where I was staying.

God melted the hearts of the military personnel who would let me pass after just asking me where I was going. I reach the airport and I am in Delhi right now. But Anil and Pappu are still trapped in Srinagar. They also tried to walk to the bus station but were beaten up by the military and they both got injured on their legs. Since we do not have funds for their air tickets, they were planning to come back by bus and train. Now the situation is worse their and I am trying to get air tickets for them. Please pray.

Well, in Haryana, two of the NISA partners were beaten up mob for sharing the gospel with Hindus. Their houses vandalized and property destroyed. Both of them left Haryana (Nilokhedi) for a safer place.

In Delhi, a mob attached a church while Sunday worship was going on last month. The pastor other believers including women and children were beaten up and many were admitted into hospital. Later the pastor was arrested on charges of converting people. He was released on bail. The case is pending in the court. If convicted, he could face a jail term for 3 years. Skipping the many small incidences (small means nobody died) I will come to the most horrible situation in Orissa:

God is doing great and mighty things in Orissa, thus the state is on the hot list of the enemy. You are aware of Dec. last year violence against Christian. It did not stop there. It continued till date. From last few days orissa is experience fresh violent attacks on Christians in many districts.
Some reports:

NISA has learnt of attacks on numerous Christian homes and institutions in the wake of the attack on Swami Lakminanda Sarawatiʼs ashram which resulted in his death on August 23.

In a report received from Bishop Juria Bardhan, of the Believers Church in Orissa on August 24 in the morning, one of the pastors Jeebaratna Lima from Khurda district while going to conduct the Sunday service was attacked by a mob and they were almost setting fire on him after spraying petrol. He was saved on account of the timely arrival of police. He is presently in police custody.

In another incident, pastor Bahumulya Paik of Believers Church (Bamunidei, PS.Patpur, Ganjam district) was attacked on August 24 by a mob of about 100 people. Believing him to be dead, the mob moved on the attack other Christian homes, however the pastor managed to escape once he regained consciousness. He is however not been able to receive adequate medial treatment as the curfew has been imposed in the area and roads have been closed or blocked.

There are reports of other Christian who have fled to nearby forests. Pastor Bishnu Kumbhar and his pregnant wife ran into forest in the darkness being chased by a group of people and now have taken shelter in one family in a neighbouring village.

At about 9:00 pm on August 24, a mob destroyed one of the Believers Churches at Tengada Pathar in Phulbani by hurling bombs and set fire on the houses of the local believers. About 30 Christian families have sought shelter in the forests.

We have about 30 Christian families in this village. All the Christians have run to the jungle along with Pastor Aluo Jena and hiding there. Several women who were earlier belived to be missing are hiding in the jungle without and food and water and proper shelter.

Reports of churches and Christian homes being attacked are coming from across Orissa. According to reports received on a Believers Church in Chandrasekharpur, Bhubaneswar was attacked and broken down on the morning of August 25.

Four Christian houses are believed to have been burnt in Kanjmandi, Nuagam PS. Baliguda, Kandhamal district. Local Christians along with Pastor Lebiyo Rait have escaped into the forest. Pastor Amit Pani, from Ambapani, Kalahandi was rescued from a violent mob as it attempted to stormed his house. He is currently under police protection.

The wounds of ministry

Ministry is deeply painful at times. For those in full time ministry as well as for those who serve in leadership positions as volunteers. Any board member who has had to walk through difficult times in a local church knows. Every pastor bears scars, some that feel raw for years. Missionaries know the pain of cross cultural misunderstandings (as well as nationals working with missionaries) or even conflict on their own teams. At 52, I bear numerous scars from 27 years of full time ministry.

The pain experienced in ministry is often different than other pain. After all we do what we do for God, not ourselves, which makes the pain feel unfair. Further, believers can be even more unkind than unbelievers. How we treat one another is often unconscionable. But, too often the stakes are high so we put a stake in the ground and in our conviction, take the arrows or missiles of others.

How we deal with the pain of the past has a direct influence on our ministry in the present. It can either help and inform our present and future ministry or it can cause us to withdraw, live with bitterness, bring cynicism or cause us to approach relationships with distrust. How we deal with past pain matters to us today.

Here are some principles I have learned in dealing with the wounds of ministry.

First, treat your past wounds as what you see in your rear view mirror. We glance at the rear view mirror as we drive but we focus on what is in front of us. If you drive with your eyes on the rear view mirror you will crash. The same is true if we focus on our past wounds - we will crash.

Paul had as many or more wounds than any of us will ever have. Yet he was able to say, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:13-14). His eyes were on the future, not the past.

Second, learn from the past. Pain is one of the greatest teachers. It teaches us to persevere. It teaches us how to deal with people. It forces us to examine our own motives. There is no question that our most significant growth comes through pain. So treat it as an unwelcome blessing that we can learn from.

Paul writes in Philippians 3:16, right after the above reference, "Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Live out, he says what we have learned. Live up to the growth we have experienced. Rather than seeing pain as our enemy, see it as a friend, learn from it but keep your eyes on the present, not on the past.

Third, remember that we do not ultimately serve men but our Father. People will always let us down (as we will let others down). People will take shots. People will be unkind at times and life isn't fair - especially in ministry.

Again, Paul, through his experience gives great perspective. "I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me (1 Corinthians 4:3-4)."

His point is that we worry too much about what others think of us when what should concern us is what God thinks. Not everyone will like us. Join the ministry club of Jesus, Paul, the apostles and everyone who serves in ministry. We often carry around the burden of knowing that there are those who not only don't like us but speak against us and some who actually try to do us harm.

But Paul reminds us that it is not about us, but about the call of God on our lives. Don't carry the burden. Let it go and remember that we ultimately answer to an audience of One.

Finally, where we have wounded those who have wounded us - it often happens in conflict, do what you can to make it right. You cannot control the response of others, but you can seek to make right relationships that are broken. Again, Paul tells us to live at peace with all men as far as we are able.

If we can gain Paul's perspective, pain becomes a friend that molds us, grows us and matures us. But we focus on the present and future, not on the wounds of the past. Keep those in the rear-view mirror.

It is not about trying to forget pain. It is about keeping our wounds in proper perspective.