Powerful relationships

We all have relationships. For most of us, however, they are relatively shallow and we long for something deeper: someone with whom we can reveal our true selves and the struggles we wrestle with. Friends who knows us fully and yet accepts us totally. That is a powerful relationship.

I am blessed with a few powerful relationships. Other men who know me, love me, accept me, challenge me and want the best for me. I have a handful of these but they are enough. I am thankful for each of them and tell them of my appreciation regularly. 

Why are these relationships so powerful? Because in each case there is a mutual commitment to honesty and wanting the best for one another. There is grace and love extended both ways. There is a desire by each to be there for the other and encouragement is a regular part of the relationship. We may or may not talk often but when we do it is a life giving conversation that leaves both of us uplifted, hopeful and accepted. Even if the rest of the world were to abandon me, I know that these will not, no I them.

The key to powerful relationships is that grace and understanding is always present - even when we are challenged or are challenging another. Judgmental attitudes kill openness while attitudes of grace invite it and make it a safe place to open our hearts and lives. I suspect that it is the absence of grace among so many that makes these relationships so rare - and special.  

Powerful relationships are safe places, one of the most sacred gifts that we can give and receive. They are sacred because it is like Christ who loves us unconditionally. They are sacred because it is rare. They are sacred because these are people who will never abandon or betray us.

Who are you a safe place for? What are the powerful relationships that define your life and allow you to give others a like gift? Never take them for granted. Nurture these friendships. Allow a few powerful relationships to enrich your life and you enrich the lives of others.

Seven personal behaviors for the best board work

We give each other grace

Boards debate ideas and options and must deal with difficult decisions. Without grace toward one another and each other's viewpoints, conflict can create animosity and relational issues. Grace allows us to wade in and speak truthfully in a context of peace.

We speak the truth as we understand it

Unless we share what is actually on our minds, issues cannot be properly discussed, and options are left unaddressed. Too many board members are unwilling to speak candidly in meetings and end up talking about the issues elsewhere or living with frustration. Grace allows candid dialogue. We are responsible for sharing the truth as we understand it.

We show patience toward one another especially when we disagree

Disagreements are inevitable on a board. In fact, if there was no disagreement, a board would not be necessary. It is in the confluence of opinions, options and ideas that the best decisions are made. But getting to those great ideas requires patience with one another.

We listen carefully

The best board members are those who listen carefully and thoughtfully to others. Wisdom cannot be mined without careful listening and evaluation. The best board members are those who thoughtfully listen. When they speak others tend to listen.

We meet without a personal agenda

Boards exist for the good of the organization and its mission. Decisions are not about us or getting our way. It is what is best for the organization and its mission. Board members who must have their own way hurt the work of the board and often the organization itself.

We take a humble posture

Humility is at the heart of all good leadership. Our leadership is not about us and we do not possess all wisdom. The best leadership comes from humble leaders and board members who believe that the best decisions are corporately made. Humble board members learn at each meeting. Prideful members are simply focused on their own agenda.

We engage in robust dialogue without hidden agendas or personal attacks

Robust dialogue is the coinage of good boards. The ability to speak truth, disagree, talk through issues and even be emotional or passionate about an issue. This is healthy with two caveats: No personal attacks - it is not about people but about the mission; and no hidden agendas but only honest dialogue.