Guarding Our Hearts

At the center of our inner lives is what the Scriptures call our heart. Within the heart lies the truest core of who we are - our relationship with God, our motives (good, bad and sometimes mysterious even to us), that which has been brought under the lordship of Jesus and that which makes up our shadow side. Our hearts are deeply complex and central to everything we are and our commitment to understand and guard our hearts over the long haul of our lives is perhaps the most critical element in becoming a person of deep influence.



Life was far simpler in my younger years than they are today in my fifties as it relates to my heart. As a young Christian I saw things as black and white, good or bad. I understood certain temptations and did my best to make choices that were pleasing to God but I did not understand the labyrinth of my heart: its passages, rooms, closets, corners, areas where the light of Christ penetrates brilliantly and those where there is more shadow than light. Nor did I understand my ability to celebrate those areas of light and to minimize or ignore the areas of shadowy twilight.


With each passing year I understand better how much of me has yet to be transformed by Christ. I am continually amazed and often disheartened to discover another door of my heart that I have not opened to Him. With each realization I recognize how much more I need His grace today than yesterday and how important it is to understand my heart, to live in truth rather than deception (or ignorance) and that my spiritual pilgrimage is about understanding Him better so that I understand me better and can bring another part of me into alignment with Him.


People of deep influence are exegetes of their own hearts. They actively seek to peel back the layers of protection we use to avoid confronting the real us in order to allow God to transform us into what He made us to be – in every area of life – a process to be completed only when we see Him face to face! They live with a deep sense of God’s grace in their lives because they are willing to acknowledge their own darkness and allow God too shine His light in dark and dangerous places within their own souls.


Solomon was one who understood the multifaceted dimensions of the heart – its capacity for good under the Lordship of God and its capacity for deception and evil under the lordship of self. It is he who wrote this admonition: “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).


Our hearts are the place from which all of our attitudes, motives, and actions emanate. Jesus was clear on this…. Scripture is also clear on the fact that the heart of man was severely damaged by the fall, when Adam believed Satan that if he ate the fruit of the tree he would become like God. Interestingly, it was simply another version of Satan’s own attempt to become like God, or to usurp God so Satan’s own competition with God became man’s competition with God with the result that “We all like sheep have gone astray, each one going his own way” rather than God’s way.


The dilemma we face is that even though transformed by grace – having been justified by Christ’s blood, the process of sanctification is ongoing and the ability of our hearts to deceive us is significant. This is why Christ followers can do such damage to one another – we are deceived in our own hearts that what we are doing is justified when often it is simply the sinfulness of our lower nature showing its ugly head.


I think of church leaders who in the name of “ministry” hurt others who get in their way to success. I think of Christ followers who refuse to reconcile with another party even when that party desires reconciliation. I think of my own ability to justify attitudes or actions that negatively impact others in the name of furthering the gospel of Christ. It takes deep sensitivity to the Spirit of God and word of God which has the ability to divide the marrow of the heart, to sift through what is truly righteous in our motives, thoughts and actions, and what is the residue of our own sinful, stubborn and independent nature!


For leaders, this issue is even more important because our actions impact others in a more direct way than the actions of the average person. And, we have authority over others that many do not have. How we use that authority is always a matter of our heart and whether we understand the layers of our hearts, thoughts, motives, intentions, desires and the myriad other influences on our lives that impact our actions. Like the proverbial onion, there are layers and layers of possible motivations to our actions and getting the real “core” is the constant challenge of a person of deep influence.

Split Boards, Split Congregations

It grieves me every time I hear it. A church board that cannot get its act together, cannot speak with one voice, and cannot deal with rogue board members. Once again, I heard recently of a pastor who has resigned from his church because of massive, ongoing, untreated cancer on his board. Cancer of disagreement, lack of unity, inability to resolve issues, inability to make common decisions that are then kept and inability to support the pastor with one voice.

This is a board that is going to cause a crisis for the congregation. Their poor leadership, their inability to police themselves and their total lack of leadership skills will likely throw the congregation into a major leadership, ministry and financial crisis. The congregation may never recover from a massive wound which their own leadership has inflicted.

There are three principles that I have observed over the many years that I have worked with church boards and congregations. First, the congregation rarely exceeds the spiritual level of its leaders. Second, the congregation usually mirrors the unity or lack of unity of its leaders. Third, congregations suffer deeply when there is dysfunction on the board and benefit deeply when there is health on the board.

Boards think that what happens behind their closed doors are secret. Congregations read the health or dishealth of the board in intuitive ways and real ways and their conduct, health, alignment and behavior matters. Frankly some boards behave in ways that they would never allow others in the congregation to behave.

Once when talking to a church leader about massive board dishealth in his church I suggested that the whole board ought to resign and allow a new group who were willing to work in a unified and healthy way take over. The alternative of perpetuating ongoing board and therefore congregational dishealth is too painful - and too hurtful to the bride of Christ.

One thing I know about this present situation is that a number of board members simply refused good help and counsel when it was offered. They refused help and counsel from seasoned mature leaders and in the end they have deeply wounded the church instead. The book of Proverbs has a word for those who refuse wise counsel - "fools." It is a strong word but it fits rogue boards or rouge board members wherever they are who will not or cannot get their act together for the sake of the congregation they lead.

The church is the place where the very best leadership should be found for it represents the most important enterprise in the world - the bride of Christ and the spread of the Gospel. Where that leadership is treated lightly, where personal agendas get in the way, where rouge and unaccountable board members are tolerated - it is a sinful shame.

Listening with our eyes

Recently one of my colleagues was spending time with his grandchildren while their parents were dealing with an emergency situation with another of their kids. My colleague was constantly on his cell phone (who of us is not?) dealing with his own work issues.

After a while one of his grand kids came up to him, turned his face with his hands so my colleague was looking him in the eyes and said. "Put that phone away. I want you to listen to me with your eyes!"

That was a profound statement from a youngster. He wanted his granddad's full attention, not distracted attention. He wanted him to hear him with his eyes - meaning that he was truly listening, truly paying attention, truly interested. And he knew that his granddad was not listening with his eyes.

On our second trip to Israel some years ago, we were eating breakfast in a hotel we had been in some years earlier. One of the waiters came up to our table and said to my wife, Mary Ann, you were here before! Why would he remember? Because Mary Ann looks people in the face and gives a wide smile when she greets them and she listens to them with her eyes. They don't forget.

One of the interesting comments in the gospels about Jesus is that He looked directly at people. He was fully engaged. He listened to them with His eyes. In doing so, he honored them and made it clear that he cared about them and connected with them.

How often do we only half engage and half listen. I for one am going to do better at listening with my eyes. From the mouths of little ones.....great wisdom.

Powerful Words

Recently I met with a church board that had been experiencing significant conflict with its relatively new and young senior pastor. Tensions had been high and one leader had chosen to step off the board in the prior meeting because of his discouragement. It was if a giant log jam was piling up at a rapid pace threatening the unity of the board and the church.

The day before I met with the board an extraordinary thing happened. The young pastor after much self searching and counsel from mentors wrote an extraordinary letter to his board apologizing for his behavior, asking their forgiveness and committing himself to work as a team. When I came to the meeting, it was as if the giant logjam had been released. Even the member who had stepped off the board was there with a renewed sense of hope.

It takes humility to say, I have been wrong and am sorry. But those words, coupled with a truly repentant spirit can break any number of relational or leadership logjams. The longer we insist on our "rightness" the higher the logjam becomes. The moment we acknowledge our wrongness the faster the logjam is released.

Church boards and other teams suffer when members - including leaders - refuse to acknowledge they have been wrong. Our pride foolishly compromises our mission and the work of God. The answer is simple. Humbly acknowledge we have been wrong, ask forgiveness and make whatever we need to make right. 

Transparency with Ourselves

A life of transparency with others has the benefit of encouraging us to be transparent with God about our lives as well. It is not that God needs our help in this – He is fully aware of who we are and where we struggle. He does not need our transparency but we do. Not as a matter of guilt but as a matter of knowing where He is gently (sometimes not so gently) prodding us to move closer to him and away from the distractions of self and sin.



Understanding our own hearts, our particular vulnerabilities (our shadow side) and areas where we need to grow spiritually keeps us from pride, from self-satisfaction, from the often unbiblical view of life and success and keeps us grounded in our need of His grace and presence. All of us would like to think that we are better than we are, more mature than we are and less vulnerable than we are. When we measure our lives against the truth of His word we realize that none of that is true. We need God desperately and one another deeply. Our hearts – by themselves – are prone to mislead us regarding our true spiritual condition.


The moment we start to fool ourselves about our own lives we begin to compromise our influence. This is why it is so critical to take the time regularly to examine our own lives, motives, priorities, and thinking – being as honest with ourselves as we can. We often avoid such analysis because it can be painful but ironically it is part of the path to deep influence because it is in our need for His grace and the ongoing transformation of our lives through His Spirit that our lives have the most influence.


Such self and spiritual understanding gives our lives authenticity and authenticity gives us influence because there is an inherent integrity to lives that embrace truth rather than self-deception. Here is an interesting question to ponder: Where are you most likely to be self deceived? It is an “ouch” question but one that merits personal analysis. Self deception comes in many varieties and we are each prone to our own areas of deception that unless understood become spiritual traps robbing us of influence.


On this count, there are a growing number of men and women who have a “spiritual mentor:” a mature and insightful individual who has permission to probe their spiritual lives and ask the kinds of questions that cause them to think deeply. This is not about having someone tell them what to do or God’s will for their life, or taking the place of the Holy Spirit. It is about asking the probing questions that help discern the spiritual crevices of their lives.


People of deep influence are people of truth. They seek truth in their lives, in their relationship with God, in their relationships and in their work. The pursuit of truth is a Godly pursuit. Remember that the evil one is the father of lies. As citizens living in a fallen world we are prone to believe those lies. As citizens of heaven we are committed to pursuing truth.


Truth comes to us through the Word of God and the practice of meditation on His word where we measure His word against our own lives. It comes to us through the Holy Spirit who is our counselor and “the Spirit of truth” (John 14:16). And it comes to us through close, trusted friends who are given permission to speak into our lives even when the words are hard to hear. People of deep influence have those people, listen to God’s Spirit and spend significant time in God’s word. They are pursuers of truth in all of life.


In the pursuit of truth and wisdom, there is no substitute for a lifelong study of the Wisdom literature in the Old Testament: Job, Psalms, and Proverbs. What passes for wisdom in our world is often foolishness to God and vice versa. Saturating ourselves in wisdom and truth becomes a filter through which we view the messages that come to us on a daily basis regarding wisdom and success. The wisdom of the Kingdom is foolishness to the world. The juxtaposition of a “fool” in God’s eyes with the “wise” is sobering when one considers how our society defines both kinds of people.


These books challenge us to understand the fear of the Lord by following him in all arenas of life and to examine our hearts, motives and followership continually. They help us understand the holiness of God and His heart of truth and grace. They are a goldmine of wisdom for those who desire deep influence with others.

Presence

Our greatest influence will come through our personal interactions with others. Distant and unapproachable leaders may look impressive (for a while) but they will not have the kind of deep influence that a present and approachable leaders has. Our greatest influence is life on life and that requires relationship, time with others and shared work or life.



Through high school I had contact with Dr. Walter Kaiser as he mentored me from a distance in theology and the Old Testament. I admired him greatly but did not know him well. Then, as his teaching assistant at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School I saw him almost daily for four years when school was in session. I was in his home and saw his interactions with his family. I was in a small group with him and students in my cohort. I watched him deal with the many challenges he faced as the Dean of the Seminary. I saw the authentic, honest, unvarnished and transparent Dr. Kaiser and his life rubbed off on mine in a powerful way. Most of all I saw his amazing heart for God and desire to influence the world for Christ. He gave me an amazing gift, one that I can never repay in allowing me into his life and I was changed because of it.


People who want to have deep influence have a commitment to other people. They love people and are willing to invest in them. While I am by nature more of an introvert than an extrovert much of my life is spend with key individuals who are my colleagues and whom I desire to influence. My writing is merely an extension of that time with people where the real lessons are learned and the deepest influence takes place. This is where the power of transparency is at its best.


Since high school I have practiced the discipline of spending quality time with a select number of individuals – usually around ten at a time – and continue to do so to this day. These may be formal mentoring relationships or often informal where time together, dialogue, and discussion allow life on life influence. Sometimes it is fairly one way, sometimes two way. These are individuals that I believe God desires me to have influence on for a season. In some cases they are fairly young, in others, middle age or older.


One of the mistakes in the western world as it relates to spiritual transformation is to focus on class room teaching or reading. While these can be valuable pieces of the equation, the reality is that the most powerful growth and transformation is life on life rather than primarily classroom. That is why Jesus lived with twelve disciples, dialogued with them, did ministry with them and even sent them on their own for special ministry. But his influence was one of presence with them rather than simply through his teaching. It was life influencing life.


I was influenced by Dr. Kaiser through his preaching and mentoring from a distance but I was profoundly influenced when I had personal contact with him over a period of four years. What people see in us, what they discuss with us, what happens when we invite them into our lives is far more profound than any classroom experience.


At fifty four years old I know that my deepest influence will be through a new generation of leaders whom I can have a part in developing. These are national leaders from around the world as well as those from this country. It has become one of my four key priorities and it takes place first through presence so that I can invite them into my life. Once there is presence and a relationship there can be ongoing mentoring face to face or from a distance.


What is interesting about presence is that we don’t know how God is going to rub off on others. Often someone will say to me, “Do you know what I remember about our time together?” When I say “What?” they will relate some facet of a conversation that I don’t even remember. The Holy Spirit had been working just where they needed encouragement or a word and I had no clue at the time – but that is the magic of life on life interaction.


Because time is precious I think and pray about who I choose to invest in personally through my presence. I want to develop other deep influence individuals who will in turn do the same. At its heart this is about transparency and inviting others into my life.

Spiritual Transformation and Transparency

The goal that Jesus has for our lives is to make us into the best version of me (reflecting the person of Christ) that is possible through the work of His Spirit. This process is the spiritual transformation of our hearts, our minds, our priorities and our relationships.



Remember, perfection is not the goal of our lives – that will take place only when we see Him face to face. Paul challenges us to simply live up to the level of maturity that we already have (Philippians 3:16). The most powerful indicator of God’s supernatural work in our lives is this very transformation because in its process, our hearts, minds, priorities and relationships change and those changes are only possible through God’s work in our lives. It is as people see those changes and want the same for their lives that they press into how and why we have changed. Or are quietly influenced to move in the same direction themselves.


It is this very transformation which God intends for our lives that is a powerful source of our deep influence with others as they see God’s work in our lives. I am a gentler, kinder, more empathetic person than I was twenty years ago. Those who have known me over that time can see the change and it is a testimony to God’s work in my life. It gives me greater influence but the very transformation becomes a encouragement to those who need to experience that same transformation themselves.


Paul made this point to Timothy when he wrote, “Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers” (1 Timothy 4:15-16). It was precisely Timothy’s growth that would be an encouragement to those who knew him and give him credibility in his ministry.


Never allow anyone to place you on a pedestal as if you have arrived. It is a dangerous and dishonest place to be. Rather, be disclosing about where God is working in your life as a reminder to others that the work of God’s Spirit is central to our lives and that all of us are on that journey. We cannot influence others from a pedestal (it is dishonest and unattainable). We can influence others as we are transparent about our own spiritual journey and the lessons we are learning.


As we press into the transformation God desires for our lives, we gain influence because we become more like Him. At the same time, as we are open about what God is doing in our lives we influence others in the same direction. Transparency in the journey is a key element in our deeper influence with those around us. While we all try to hide the rough spots in our lives to some degree or another, we all struggle with the same kinds of things. Those who are willing to name the struggles and how God is working become a great encouragement to others who want and need the same.


Think through your circle of friends and acquaintances and ask yourself the question, “How self disclosing and transparent am I with them?” I have found that the more transparent I am in my leadership role, the more those I lead appreciate me and my self disclosure. In that self-disclosure I become more real, less guarded, more accessible, humbler, less threatened and less threatening. Just being me – as long as I am engaged in God’s transformation is far more powerful than seeking a persona of me.


Transparency begets transparency. And, it deepens our influence as others are encouraged to allow God to do in their lives what He is doing in ours.


One powerful area of regular transparency is simply sharing what God is showing us as we pursue him. That openness is also an encouragement to others to also be pressing into their relationship with God and avoid the trap of being so busy serving Him that we are not cultivating our relationship with him. Every time I hear a colleague share how God is working in their life I am encouraged to think about that area in my life and I am reminded that “intimacy comes before impact.”


The power of a group of individuals regularly sharing their cutting edge issues with God is truly significant. It is a leverage in the lives of all present because we are exposed to many lessons being learned. And the openness promotes individual an group transparency. It is leaders who set the culture for this kind of sharing. To the extent that we are open and transparent, others will be as well.