Mentoring: A gift that lasts a life time

One of the most unselfish things we can do is to mentor the next generation of leaders. Our knowledge, wisdom and lessons learned over the years can cut the learning curve significantly for younger emerging leaders. Mentoring is a gift that will resonate through the next generation of leadership. For those who intentionally practice it, mentoring is a major part of our legacy.

Think for a moment of what you wish you had done differently as a young leader. Think of the dumb tax you paid for mistakes and inexperience. Consider the things you wish you had known back then. Now take all of that and help the next generation avoid some of the pitfalls you encountered and shorten their learning curve as a young leader. That is a gift!

Mentors can literally shave years off of the growth curve of younger leaders through their encouragement, coaching, counsel, training and developing. 

It is not only the beneficiary who benefits from this relationship. For the mentor there is a deep sense of satisfaction that you are able to make a significant difference in the life and work of another. It also reminds the mentor of things that are important to them and causes them to think more deeply about the issues they are giving advice on. It keeps the mentor sharp as they think about the issues they are advising on. It also bridges the divide between generations and gives the mentor insight on the generation they are influencing. There is learning on both sides.

Those who choose to mentor are living unselfish lives. After all, life is not all about us. The unselfish individual realizes that helping others is good and right and contributes to a better workplace and a better society. At some point in our lives, our greatest influence is in passing on the wisdom, knowledge, experience and dumb tax that we have accumulated. 

Who are you mentoring?

13 lessons I have learned about mentoring young leaders

Mentoring young leaders is a passion of mine. At sixty two, the more young leaders I can help grow, the more ripples I can make - and keep on making after I have left the leadership stage. I believe that mentoring is a stewardship responsibility of all leaders and it is one of the most unselfish investments we can make.

Mentoring young leaders is all about taking people with significant potential and helping expedite their growth through your sponsorship, attention and leadership example. A proven leader can open critical doors of opportunity, understanding and growth to a young leader which can dramatically accelerate the leadership trajectory of young leaders.

I recently reflected on some of the lessons I have learned in this process:

Look for potential not experience. Almost all job applications have an experience clause. Sometimes that is what you need. But often, what you really want is the "right stuff" in potential that can be shaped and grown. It is a thrill to hire someone who is "too young" by others standards and watch them flourish.

Look for good EQ. Good emotional intelligence is critical for a mentee because there will be plenty of opportunities when they will need to receive honest feedback on their performance. Poor EQ - defensiveness, inability to accept honest feedback, poor relational skills - will prevent them from growing like the should. Get good EQ, combined with potential and you have a powerful combination.

Help them understand their wiring and strengths. Mentoring is not about growing another "you" but about helping a young leader understand how God designed them, how they are wired and where their strengths lie - and don't lie. Young people often don't have the life experience to figure that out well but a good mentor can dramatically speed up the process by helping them discover their strengths.

Dialogue a lot. Mentor's use Socratic dialogue to help those they mentor think through issues, solve problems, discover solutions and evaluate performance. By its very nature, mentoring takes time and only those who are willing to make the investment will make good mentors. People learn the best when they are challenged to think critically and evaluate well so mentors think out loud with their mentees on a regular basis.

Ask lots of questions. The more questions one asks, the more you will help your young leader think and evaluate. Engage their perspective on people, situations, problems and solutions. Don't tell, ask - and then dialogue.

Give honest feedback. Good mentors give feedback but they do it in appropriate ways and appropriate settings. No, the Trump method "You're Fired," does not fit that paradigm! Mentors never embarrass by calling out a failure or misstep in public. They do it behind closed doors and in a way that causes growth, not discouragement (again, good EQ is very helpful).

Allow young leaders to figure it out and even fail. We learn more from our failures than our successes so allowing young leaders to figure out how do get something done (consistent with their strengths) and even to get it wrong on occasion is a powerful growth strategy. We practice "autopsy without blame" after a failure. We want to know why it happened and what went wrong and why but it is not about blame, but about learning.

Give assignments that stretch. Often, young leaders do not see in themselves what others see in them. Giving assignments that are out of their comfort zone - but within their ability helps them test their skills and critical thinking. Again, Socratic dialogue along the way is helpful, but not solving the problems they encounter.

Keep their plate full. Bright young leaders get bored quickly. Keep their plate full so that they continue to grow and stretch and increase their capacity. If they are really good - do whatever it takes to keep them engaged with you so that they don't look for greener pastures elsewhere.

Let them shadow you. Young leaders need models of what good leadership looks like. Because mentors are all about developing others, find ways to expose them to your world even if it is not in their job description. Exposure to meetings, problems, problem solving and other key people will give them context that they would not otherwise have and exposure that helps them leverage growth.

Ensure a relationship of high trust. Mentors often share information with a young leader they would not share with others - precisely because by introducing them to one's world and the real challenges one faces, young leaders learn how to deal with real life situations. This means, however that young leaders must be trustworthy (EQ again) to keep information that is private private and the maturity to handle sometimes difficult information. Clear guidelines should be discussed up front and reminders made along the way regarding confidential information.

Don't push them to be like you. You are you, not them. Encourage leaders to lead from their strengths, think of their own solutions and find their own way. We are there to share wisdom, principles and help them shorten their learning curve. They will do things differently than you and you should encourage and celebrate this. 

Be tansparent. Sharing one's life honestly is an important element in growing leaders. Understanding how to balance life, deal with life when it comes undone and persevering in Godly character is the inner core that will sustain young leaders over the long haul. Wherever appropriate, be transparent so that they are challenged by your heart and character as well as your leadership expertise.

Mentoring is a challenge and a great privilege. And it allows you to expand your influence far beyond what you could ever do yourself.

Investing in direct reports is a critical factor of a leader's success

Leaders have conversations all the time. It is what they do but not all conversations are equally important. Some conversations are far more important than others.

I am a firm believer that the most important conversations a leader has on an ongoing basis is with members of their team. These may be monthly meetings or as needed when issues arise. These are not random conversations but revolve around some carefully considered thoughts that are customized for each direct report.

The purpose of these conversations is to ensure alignment, think together regarding strategy, ensure results, and encourage the personal growth of senior team members. All four of these topics are critical for senior team members to pay attention to and the one who can ensure that is their supervisor/leader. This is also the way that a leader develops alignment through regular interaction with their key staff.

In order for these conversations to be meaningful a leader must become an exegete of their direct reports. What are their strengths? Where do they need to grow? What critical skill sets are they missing? What areas of their performance need to be reevaluated? And then, most importantly, how can I open a conversation about one or more of these issues to help my team member grow and develop? And, how can I convey my desire to help the team member grow in the areas where growth is needed?

This underscores the necessity of actively cultivating relationships with those we supervise. Relationship builds trust which in turn allows a supervisor to raise issues without being met with significant pushback or defensiveness. Over time such conversations become part of the fabric of the relationship and the leadership culture a supervisor brings to their team. The more we invest in our reports, the better our team will be.

The case for those of us who are older to mentor those who are younger

The book I released early this year, Deep Influence, has prompted many conversations with individuals and groups over essential issues of the inner life of a leader. One of the common themes is this: "I wish someone had talked to me about these issues when I was younger."

I agree! I wish someone had taken the time to talk to me about these issues when I was younger: Humility, suffering, EQ, managing the shadow side, living with transparency, intentional living, thinking like a contrarian, leading from who God made me to be and so on. I had to learn these the hard way and often through my own painful experiences. I wish someone had come alongside me as a young leader and shared their experiences in these and other things that would have given me context for the times when I needed that counsel.

This is what drives me to mentor and coach others. It is not that I am all wise (most of everything I learned was through my own mistakes) but that I want to help other young leaders develop an understanding of the issues they will face, help them understand how God designed them and provide some tools that will help them. I do not want them to look like me but to lead from who God designed them to be.

It does not need to be a formal coaching and mentoring. Some of my relationships are and some are not. Mainly it is a desire to help others avoid some of the dumb tax I experienced and move toward greater maturity earlier in life (knowing that some of that maturity is simply experiencing life). It is also about wanting to help young leaders grow spiritually so that their leadership comes out of inner health rather than the dysfunctions that drives so much of leadership - even in the church.

I am convinced that in our fifties and beyond our greatest legacy is what we pass on to the next generation. It is not about us (and never was) but about how we can equip the next generation of leaders to meet the unique challenges they will face. Many of which will be different from ours.

Who are you mentoring and coaching? Not because it is your job but because you desire to pass on what you have learned to the next generation of faithful leaders (2 Timothy 2:2).

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of organizational excellence."

The debt of thanks we owe to those who helped make us who we are

I received a delightful card recently. It said something like this: "today is my fiftieth birthday and I am writing to 50 individuals who have helped me become what I am. You have been a blessing to me and influenced me. Thank you." It was a blessing to receive both because of the thoughtfulness of the note and because it is a rare occurrence. Too often we live under the illusion that we got to where we are by ourselves. That is never true. Countless people have influenced us along the way and the more we realize that the more we have to thank God for. And those who invested in us!

Recently I sat down and made a list of all those who have positively influenced my life and it was a long list. These are people who have believed in me, encouraged me along the way in the journey or whose character and life have rubbed off on me. As I contemplated that list I was humbled and realized again that we grow and flourish in community as Bonhoeffer so eloquently wrote about. Those who remain insular are those who lose out on this wonderful blessing.

We run the race that is life with a group of wonderful fellow pilgrims. We ought to be ever conscious of how we can encourage and help them and conscious of how they wonderfully impact our own lives. And rather than taking it for granted, lets acknowledge their contribution to our lives and seek to make one to theirs. Whether we know it or not, our lives are the accumulation of those who have blessed us along the way. We do not stand alone but with  so many who have walked the journey with us.

And so, Walt, Susan, Carol, Grant, Ken, Barb, Mom, Dad, Tom, Kevin, Gary, Brian, Daryl, Dave, Jeff, Mary Ann...... thank you.
(Written from Hua Hin, Thailand)

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Helping others become all that they can be

One of the fallacies of spiritual formation and spiritual mentoring is that if we can convince individuals to follow a specific set of disciplines that they will become everything God wants them to be. This thinking ignores a number of core principles:

It ignores the fact that each one of us is absolutely unique. As unique individuals we relate to God individually and differently, we learn and grow differently, and we are at different places in our spiritual lives so no one program or set of disciplines or formula is going to help everyone grow spiritually. In Ephesians 2:9-10, Paul calls us God's workmanship or literally, God's work of art - each unique, each special, each a creation of God.

Growing up in Asia I had my own personal "chop." It is my name in Chinese engraved by hand in a piece of soap stone. The cool thing about chops is that each one is unique and even though some of the Chinese characters may be the same, since they are carved by hand, no one is the same. That is true for each of our personalities, God given wiring, the place we are spiritually and the next place we need to go in our relationship with Christ.

This has implications for those of us who preach! We can give people specific instructions as to how they should relate to God or we can give Biblical principles and encourage people to apply them to their lives in ways that work for them.

For years my dad rose at 4:00am in the morning for his devotions. That is great but it does not work for everyone! Some love to journal (I do) but for many it never really works and is a chore, not a pleasure. Some can spend long periods in prayer, others cannot and when they try they end up discouraged and feeling guilty.

But even these practices miss an important part of spiritual formation. It is possible to do all the things one is supposed to do and still not live a transformed life. Practices by themselves do not translate into transformation.

I remember an elder in a church I pastored who was as legalistic as anyone about the Christian life yet he left his wife because she didn't make him happy?  He had the practices down (and was ready to impose those practices on others) but his heart was untransformed and hard. Nor would he listen to those who tried to reason with him. All of us have stories like that.

Transformation means that we are regularly becoming more like Jesus in our relationships, our intellect, our experiences, the desires of our hearts, in the shedding of those elements of our lower nature and the embracing of the fruit of the spirit.

Helping people get to transformation is the key to spiritual formation or mentoring. The place to start is where people are and not where we think they should be. I am always amazed at how impatient we can be with people - and how patient God is with us.

One way to find out where people are at is to explore the areas of difficulty or unhappiness in their lives which is often an indication of where they are "itching" and looking for solutions. The Holy Spirit has a gracious way of getting our attention through difficulty and unhappiness.

I think for instance of the many couples who are struggling with their finances today and looking for solutions. Helping them understand Biblical principles for finances is obviously a part of spiritual transformation and it is the place where they are looking for solutions today. So that is a great place to start and as they see God's transformation in their financial life they become open to His transformation in other areas of life. We start where people are open, and looking for solutions. That is exactly what Jesus did with the people he came into contact with.

I think that one of the barriers in spiritual growth is that we often believe that those teaching us, mentoring us or preaching to us want us to become a version of them. It is easy to extrapolate that since we are "mature" that others will be mature when they look like "us."

The truth is that God wants us to look like the best version of us that we can be through the transformation of our hearts and lives - not like someone else. God made us unique. Now he wants to infuse our uniqueness with His Spirit and make us supernaturally unique. A better, supernaturally changed version of who He already made us to be. That is the end goal of transformation because it infuses our uniqueness with His Spirit, character, mind, and passions. We become like Him but remain like us as the "work of art" he created us to be.

The armed services says, "Become all that you can be!" Jesus says, "become all that I made you to be." That is our challenge to others as we help them to grow spiritually.

Coaching those with poor EQ

It is not easy to coach those with poor EQ (Emotional Intelligence) precisely because it usually means that they do not understand how their actions, words or attitudes impact others. In fact, part of good EQ is understanding ourselves and how we are perceived by others and how we impact others. If my own self awareness is low it is very hard to understand why I might have a negative impact on those around me.

So how does one coach those whose self awareness is low? While not easy I have several suggestions.

First, and this is not easy, it is critical to have an honest and direct conversation with the one being coached on how they are negatively impacting others. Because their self awareness is low they will probably not have a flash of understanding and thank you for your concern. Rather, they will likely become defensive or seem clueless as to what you are talking about. Since they are not very self aware your news will be news to them and they often will not initially believe you.

That is why it is critical, second, to give them very concrete examples of what you are talking about: "Tim, in that meeting when you....this is how it was perceived by others and this is why they reacted negatively to you." Concrete examples are absolutely essential if you want someone with poor EQ to understand what you are talking about. They are likely to push back and say something like "well that is who I am" or "I am just being honest." While both may be true they need to understand that how they did what they did was disempowering to others and not acceptable in your organization.

Third, people with poor EQ often need very practical tools for avoiding problematic behaviors. So for instance, one friend I have been coaching tends to shut down when criticized - a bad thing for a leader to do. My suggestion to him was simple. When tempted to shut down, immediately engage. In other words the emotion to shut down should be a trigger and a reminder to engage, the very thing that will allow him to change the perception that when challenged he goes silent. Giving practical tools for dealing with EQ deficits can change the equation for one who wants to grow.

Fourth, give ongoing, direct, fast and candid feedback (in private) whenever problematic behaviors emerge. It is the very thing needed because philosophical discussions about EQ don't work with those who have deficits. They need clear examples. This can be followed up by the question, how might you respond differently in the future in order to get a different outcome? Again, that goes to developing their response toolbox.

Finally, if you are dealing with significant deficits be clear that their behaviors will not work in your organization and they need to get very serious about resolving them. Some need to understand that if they do not manage themselves better they may actually need to move on. 

How we respond to the coaching of our supervisor makes all the difference

Healthy organizations build into their system a mentoring/coaching component to ensure that all staff are developing their professional skills on an ongoing basis. Unfortunately many supervisors treat this as a formality rather than an opportunity to develop their staff and many staff treat this as a necessary evil rather than as an opportunity to grow.

All of us should be under authority. It may be the authority of a supervisor or of a board but unless one is self employed, we live with authority. The question is whether we see the coaching and mentoring of our supervisor (or board) as a necessary evil or as an opportunity to grow, learn and develop. Our attitude toward the input of our supervisor(s) has a great deal to do with our capacity to grow.

Good supervisors want to see their staff flourish. The better my staff becomes, the better our ministry so I will do whatever it takes to develop and help my staff flourish. Good staff come to this relationship with both expertise and humility. They are on staff because of their expertise but they understand their limitations as well and desire to grow. Good supervisers have the ability to help staff think with greater clarity about their roles and how best to fulfill them.

As one who is both a supervisor and supervised (by the president of our denomination) I both want to help others grow and I want to grow. With those I supervise I desire to challenge and clarify and see their potential released. In my relationship with my supervisor I also want to be growing and released which requires me to take off my leader hat at times and put on the learner hat. Lets face it, we often like to mentor others more than be mentored as the former puts us in a position of influence while the latter requires a spirit of humility and learning. Of course leaders who cannot follow don't belong in leadership so it is a good balance and regular reminder.

Supervisors who take a mentoring role seriously think about how they can best coach their staff. Staff who take the input of their supervisor seriously prepare carefully for their monthly meeting. When it becomes perfunctory it loses its value. When both parties take it seriously it is deeply valuable.

Three keys to people development

The development of staff is one of the most important responsibilities of leaders at all levels. That development involves three important skills.

Critical analysis
This is the ability to evaluate staff members and identify areas of strength, weakness, EQ (Emotional Intelligence) health and areas where EQ growth is needed. In addition, evaluation of how they interact with others, lead others, respond, do team, and ability to produce results are all important factors. Critical analysis is not about being critical. It is about the ability to objectively evaluate a staff member in order to appropriately coach them for personal and professional growth.

I find that many leaders in the ministry arena are not skilled at critical analysis of their staff. We tend to over emphasize strengths and under emphasize weaknesses - especially of our own staff. This may be Christian nice, it may be a sense of loyalty that causes us to gloss over necessary areas of growth or it may just be an underdeveloped skill. However, if we cannot do critical analysis of our staff we are unable to coach them for growth. Glossing over areas of needed growth is a disfavor to our staff.

Coaching for growth
Helping staff grow is one of the marks of a leader who serves his or her staff. It is also painfully absent in many organizations and teams. This coaching often comes in the form of an ongoing dialogue with a staff member based on our critical analysis. It is designed to help them maximize their God given potential and is a deeply intentional process to help a staff member grow.

Coaching for growth requires a level of courage to provide honest feedback where behaviors or responses are problematic. Supervisors who want to be best buddies with their staff will not go here and it is one of the downsides of a needy supervisor. But without honest feedback our staff members will not grow. This can be done diplomatically and with sensitivity but honest feedback is the only way any of us become aware of areas of necessary growth.

Positioning for effectiveness
Jim Collins popularized the term "the right seat on the bus." We often pay too little attention to the positioning of staff so that they are most effective. Often, a staff member who is struggling in one seat shines in another. Again, this is where critical analysis is so important because it is in understanding the unique wiring and strengths of a staff member that we are able to position them best for effective and fulfilling work.

While there are often things that we prefer not to do it does make sense to minimize the areas where staff are working from weakness rather from strength - if it is possible to do so. Staff should be working a minimum of 60% in areas of strength in order to be effective and the optimum is 80%. The right seat on the bus does matter - a lot.

Take time to ensure that your leaders and supervisors are able and committed to these three keys to people development. It is a great loss to leave potential on the table because we are not serving our staff in this area.

Emerging leaders

After spending several days with a bright group of emerging leaders in dialogue about the heart, leadership, strategies and spiritual transformation I am reminded of the significant responsibility that seasoned leaders have toward the next generation. If we don't pour into them who will?

Some of these were in missions, others in the local church, some in business. What characterized them was a hunger to learn, to explore, and to pick the brains of those of us who were presenting and dialoguing with them. I was personally challenged by their passion and commitment to Jesus - and their desire to lead well.

All of us have people in our circles who fit the description of emerging leaders, whether it be in the church, in other ministry contexts, in missions or in business. Our willingness to give ourselves away to them is the indicator of how much we value ensuring that the next generation is equipped and envisioned for the world they will inherit from us.

While leadership growth never stops, those of us who have led, who have paid dumb tax and learned lessons along the way, who have experienced failure and success, been humbled, and who  been forged in the midst of difficulties and challenges - have a lot to contribute to those who are emerging in the next generation of leaders. They will lead differently but their leadership can be deeply informed by others who will pour into them.

This is a 2 Timothy 2:2 issue: Multiplying ourselves so that the cause of Jesus is multiplied in our world. What are you doing to see that happen in your circle? Remember, life is not about us but what we leave behind us.

The quiet ministry of calling out the best in others

A question to ponder. Who saw potential in you and called it out of you? Who encouraged you in your growth and quietly mentored you? Whoever it was left a legacy not only in you but in all the people you have touched. 


Those who encourage and develop others are special people. Theirs is a ministry behind the scenes that gets little press but which has huge reward. It is a ministry that is other centered rather than self centered. And, it is a ministry that every one of us can have.


The story of the early church was easily dominated by one great figure - the Apostle Paul. As a theologian he defined much of its theology, as an apostle he planted key churches and as a developer of people he trained up the generation that would go after him. 


Think about this, however. Behind this giant was a quiet, unassuming gentleman by the name of Barnabas who took Paul under his wing when everyone else was afraid of him. It was Barnabas who taught Paul in the early days. It was Barnabas who introduced him to the other apostles and the church. It was Barnabas who encouraged and walked alongside Paul when others did not.


So who is more important in the story of the early church: Barnabas or Paul?


Barnabas saw potential in Paul when others did not. As he did with John Mark when Paul did not. I would suggest that Barnabas had a high level of spiritual discernment along with the patience and desire to develop others. His was not a flashy ministry but a ministry in the shadows that lifted others up. 


The development of others is a a humble ministry. It often goes unseen and unacknowledged - except by God. It's legacy is in the impact of those they encourage, develop and lift up. Those who see potential where others don't are like prospectors who know the vein of gold is somewhere beneath them. They have the heart of God who sees the potential in each one of us. And they have the patience to draw it out.


Few of us will be earth changing leaders. All of us can be life changing people who have the heart of Barnabas and who call out the best in others. 

Helping people learn: Don't tell, ask

Questions are powerful tools in helping others grow. And often underutilized. We are prone to tell others something rather than ask them something. In telling them something we give them valuable information. In asking them questions so that they come to a conclusion themselves we help them to think for themselves, the skill that will help them make good decisions themselves.


We used to do this with our kids at the dinner table. The questions would result in free flow discussions on many topics and both our sons are today deeply inquisitive of life and good thinkers. Sometimes they turned the table on us and asked why we had certain rules, making us think about the why behind the what.


I was talking to a young leader recently about question asking and he made the comment that no one has taught him how to use that skill. I encouraged him that everyone can learn the skill with practice. I also told him that one had to be OK with a bit of silence after asking a question. Be patient and eventually the other party will answer.


Questions are particularly important in helping others understand their own wiring, motivations, strengths and weaknesses. We may not even have the option of telling them these things but through questions and dialogue we can help them uncover their own makeup.


One reason that more leaders do not ask more questions and default to telling is that questions and dialogue take time. Telling is fast and easy. However, while telling is more efficient in the short run is is less effective in the long run since telling rarely helps the other party actually grow. It gives them information but does not build the skill of critical analysis - necessary for growth.


I just finished a week of dialogue with some bright leaders from around the world. Many shared the power of the week because it was based on questions and group dialogue rather than information imparting which they were used to. Several said they would be using the same method with those they oversaw or mentored.


Questions rather than telling also sends a powerful message that you care about the other party. You are implicitly saying to them that you value their perspective, that they have something to contribute to the question at hand and that it is worth exploring the issue together rather than you as the supervisor or leader simply telling them the answer. Telling communicates that you have the answer. Dialogue indicates that we can come up with the answer. There is a big difference.

Eleven things your younger leaders need to learn

Those of us who lead at any level are responsible for raising up the next generation of leaders behind us. Frequently we focus on leadership skills. Just as important, if not more, however is the development of the inner life of a leader from which their leadership will emerge.

I would like to suggest that there are eleven practices or disciplines that all leaders must have in order to be effective. If we can help the next generation leaders understand and live out these practices they will be well served. If they don't get these things they will not lead well.

1. The inner life of a leader will determine how good a leader they become. They can have all the skill in the world but if the inner life is not rock solid and continuously paid attention to they will not succeed as a spiritual leader. The hidden discipline of developing the inner life always comes before the public role of leadership.
2. Personal humility is a non-negotiable for good leadership. True humility is clear about what strengths we have as well as our weaknesses and therefore our need for others. Humility serves others while pride serves self. Because spiritual leadership is other focused and Jesus centered it must come from a place of personal humility.
3. Suffering and pain is a major way that God molds great leaders. It is when we are challenged that we grow and the test of a spiritual leader is whether they grow in their faith during hard times or move away from God in disillusionment. There is no way to effective leadership without the molding and forging of hard times. If you are going to lead, expect it and make the most of it.
4. Leaders actively embrace spiritual transformation. God can only use people to bring others closer to Him who are themselves allowing God to transform them. Transformation of their hearts to understand and live out grace. Transformation of their minds to think like Jesus thinks. Transformation of life priorities to align our lives with His and transformation of our relationships to see people as Jesus sees them and love people as Jesus loves them.
5. Our shadow side must be managed. All of us have a shadow side. It is the opposite of our strengths and it is those areas where we struggle with sin or negatively impact others. We cannot eliminate our shadow side but we can manage it by understanding it and modifying our behaviors so that they don't hurt others. Leaders who don't manage their shadow side will never lead well.
6. Emotional intelligence matters and needs to be developed. Healthy EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is one of the most important traits of a leader. It allows them to understand how they are perceived by others, to differ with others while staying relationally connected, hear feedback without defensiveness and negotiate conflict in a healthy manner. Poor EQ is the number one reason that leaders fail.
7. I can only lead from who God made me to be. God can use any personality style to lead and we will never be successful emulating someone else's leadership style. We can learn from others but we can only lead out of our own God given wiring. We must develop a leadership style that is consistent with our personality and wiring rather than emulate others.
8. Leaders live intentional lives. Accidental living does not make for a good leader because it is a life of reaction rather than a proactive life of considered intentionality. Leaders live intentionally so that they accomplish what God wants them to accomplish personally and with others. There is a discipline to a good leader's life that is based on the important things rather than the ancillary things.
9. Leaders are clear about what matters. There are many things that vie for our attention personally and organizationally. Leaders are able to identify what is truly important and not be distracted by the unimportant. They are clear themselves and help those they lead become clear. Clarity of life and mission are marks of a good leader.
10. Leaders live with transparency. The more transparent a leader is about both success and failure with others the more they are followed, respected and lead from authenticity. Authentic lives, where words match action, where we don't pretend to be something we are not and are open about our strengths and weaknesses, failures and accomplishments allows others to see the real us and to lead from a place of authenticity rather than from a place of pretense. 
11. Leaders guard their hearts. Everything in Christian leadership comes down to the heart. When leaders don't guard their hearts (King Saul) they lose their ability to lead. When they do (David) they lead from a place of health and strength. The Psalms say that David led from integrity of heart and skillful hands. Above all else, leaders guard their hearts on a moment by moment and daily basis.

Retaining great staff and dealing with their leaving

The quality of the staff we lead is everything in terms of the success of the organization. Two questions regularly present themselves with great staff. How do we retain them and how do we deal with them should they choose to leave. 

I believe that one of our primary responsibilities with staff is to help them develop all the God given potential they have. This means mentoring and coaching, giving them opportunities to grow, ensuring that they are in their "lane" and are using all of their potential. I regularly ask my key staff, "what is your happiness factor?" I am looking for a number on a scale of 1 to 10 and if it is a seven or less I will ask follow up questions to clarify what it is that is causing them to be lower than I would want on the scale. 

This can open up conversations about personal or home issues, or issues on the job: boredom, needing a new challenge, needing a larger platter, desiring to go to the next level and so on. It gives me the opportunity to evaluate options with an individual to re-motivate and sometimes reposition. 

But developing staff comes with another price. When we do the right thing, we may actually develop them out of the organization when their growth leaves them ready for a greater challenge. Perhaps a challenge that we cannot offer. This is where our commitment to wanting our staff to use all their gifts in the greatest possible way meets the real world.

Selfishly we desire that they stay. Unselfishly we must hold them with an open hand - they are not ours - but God's and ultimately we must want what is best for them and be willing to trust them and the Holy Spirit to sort that out. I actually ask my staff members to let me know if they are looking at something else. Some do and some don't but if they do, it allows me to explore their reasons for thinking of leaving, to affirm their gifts, explore options but most of all communicate that we want the best for them and if that is leaving us we will bless them and help them in the process. It can be personally painful but I am convinced that it is the Jesus attitude and that in blessing them, we do the Jesus thing.

We are stewards of our staff on a temporary basis. I desire former staff to look back at their experience with ReachGlobal and say, they cared for me, they developed me, they encouraged me and they held me with an open hand. If they can say that, I am a happy leader.

This is about a spirit of generosity. Selfish leaders want to control staff. Unselfish and generous leaders want the very best for staff and are willing to trust them and the Holy Spirit's leading when it is time to leave.

One of the greatest hiring mistakes in ministry

Too often we don't think about it, ask if they can do it or put it in a job description. We have a need, create a position, fill it and never address the most important question.


Can this individual multiply themselves by raising up others to do what they do? It is the "develop, empower and release" commitment and ability of your staff. If they cannot do it, or don't do it or won't do it and are in ministry positions, your ministry is not scaled for growth and one either plateaus or must hire additional staff as one grows. 


And it violates a basic Scriptural principle that those in full time ministry are primarily there to raise up others for ministry - Ephesians 4:12. 


The development of people is one of the highest responsibilities of every individual in full time ministry but it usually does not even show up on a job description. Nor, on annual reviews (where they are done). 


What would happen if 20% of your staff's time were spent in developing others? You would, over time, gain new staff, whether volunteer, or part time because you made the investment. 


Why do we wonder why we don't have enough volunteers for our ministries? Often it is because we didn't make the investment in them. We did not develop (mentor and train), empower (give real responsibility) and release (let them fly on their own).


When we make real investments in people, serious investments, the return is huge. It is what Jesus did with His disciples and what Paul did with the likes of Timothy and Titus. They multiplied themselves in real ways. 

The power of unselfish relationships in ministry

It has been said, "There are no innocent conversations," meaning that there is always an agenda in every conversation. I agree that there is often an agenda, and those agendas can be healthy and intentional in growing ministry or effectiveness. However, not all relationships have or should have an agenda apart from giving ourselves away in unselfish ways.

I am a great believer in unselfish relationships in ministry. Relationships that are intentionally developed where I have nothing to gain through the relationship and where there is no quid pro quo! Unselfish relationships are relationships where I am able to give, encourage and share expertise or tools without expecting anything in return. It is a Kingdom mentality rather than a selfish mentality.

A philosophy of generous living includes thinking beyond ourselves or our ministries. When I lead the organization I am responsible for I carry out my responsibilities and have something to gain as an organizational leader. All good. However, when I give myself away to other organizations or leaders where I have nothing to gain I more fully reflect the generous heart of God. I want to intentionally live beyond the self interest that drives us all to varying degrees. The best way for me to do that is to give myself away where I have nothing to gain. Each time I do, I experience the joy of God in new ways.

It also reminds me that it is not about the brand but about the Bride.  A great goal for every congregation would be to give themselves away to another congregation, even of another denomination that needs their help. That unselfish gift would change the heart of both congregations. It is in giving ourselves away unselfishly that we grow Kingdom hearts. Congregations that are committed to Kingdom Projects in their communities are doing the same thing and experiencing the transformation that unselfish living brings.

Another way to give ourselves away is to quietly mentor and coach others who come behind us. I try to be involved in ten mentoring relationships at any one time. It is a quiet but powerful way to leave a legacy and influence the next generation of Christian leaders. 

I find that as I develop relationships for the sake of encouraging others that when the time comes where there may be synergies, they emerge out of genuine relationship. Unselfish investments in relationships bless both us and our friends and it results in ministry synergies. And we reflect the amazingly generous heart of God.

Second half influence

For those who care about influence for the gospel, life is divided into two parts. Our own influence through our life and work and in the second half of life, our intentional mentoring of the next generation of influencers who will carry the baton to the next generation. It is Paul and Timothy and 2 Timothy 2:2. 


A wonderful example is John R W Stott whose world wide influence in my parents generation is tough to beat. Yet for many years prior to his death his primary focus was that of raising up the next generation of Christian leaders. He intentionally multiplied himself by giving himself away and focused less on his personal impact on society and more on the impact that the next generation would make. In doing so his legacy and influence live on in a powerful way. 


This requires a Kingdom heart that is focused not on one's own accolades but on empowering others who will will multiply one's Kingdom influence. It is about the Kingdom, not us. It is about leaving a living legacy in the lives we have influenced who will carry on our work when we are gone. I suspect that there will be many behind the scenes who will receive greater rewards in heaven than many big names whose focus was on their own ministry and legacy rather than on leaving a living legacy through others. 


This applies to wives who mentor the next generation of wives, husbands who mentor and raise up the next generation of Godly husbands, Christian leaders who invest themselves in the next generation of leaders ... anyone who is investing their lives in passing the baton to others who may actually have far more influence than we ever did. 


For Christian leaders, I am convinced that their success is best measured not by what happened while they were in leadership but by what happens when they are gone! Was there stewardship of the ministry about them or the ministry? If the latter they invested significant time and effort into the lives of the next generation of leaders. If the former, they often did not. 


If you are post fifty, who are you investing in? Who are you raising up to take your place behind you? That investment may well be your greatest influence and legacy as you multiply yourself in the lives of others. It is a quiet, behind the scenes work that will seldom be seen but its impact can be profound. It is in giving ourselves away that we have our greatest impact.

Investing in your staff

It is easy for leaders at all levels to become so busy with their own work that they neglect one of their fundamental responsibilities - growing their staff. For those of us who lead, staff development is not an ancillary but a primary part of our job. In fact, our ministry success is deeply wrapped up with the quality, focus and capacity of those who work under our leadership. Not only that: leading others is a stewardship and they have a right to expect that we will help them become all that they can be in the positions they are in.

This is not about micromanaging - a demotivating activity for staff. Nor is it about telling them how to do what they need to do - if one needs to do that one has the wrong staff. Rather it is about understanding the wiring of staff members and through dialogue and discussion helping them maximize their gifts strategically in the role they play.

Good leaders are exegetes of their staff. They seek to understand how each individual is wired, what motivates and demotivates them, where their strengths and weakness are, their emotional intelligence and even the shadow side of their personality (we all have one). Without a basic understanding of these elements of personality one cannot help others grow and develop. That is why staff development is a very personalized art and why leaders need to take the time to get to know those they supervise in more than a superficial way.

One of the greatest gifts we can give staff is time with them in dialogue regarding their work. There are three specific things that I look for: focus, strategy and relationships.

Focus is all about helping staff keep the main thing the main thing and not become distracted by activity. Activity does not equal results. Results come from a clear and focused set of priorities that is translated into schedule and activity. Can your staff articulate what is most important in their work and do their schedule and priorities reflect those big rocks they have articulated. Further do they have the correct big rocks? Lack of focus is one of the primary reasons for less than satisfactory results for all of us.

Second, do they have a strategy that makes sense? Is their strategy designed for addition (based around what they can do) or multiplication (getting others involved)? Does their strategy maximize the opportunity or leave things on the table? Socratic dialogue around these issues can sharpen their thinking and help them to leverage their time and efforts for the best results.

Third, how are are they doing with other staff and volunteers? Relationships are the coinage of ministry success. Helping staff grow in their ability to work with others productively, handle robust and candid discussion without defensiveness and resolve conflict and differences are non-negotiable elements of ministry success. Don't wait till there is a crisis to press into relational issues. They matter all the time.

An extended conversation around these kinds of things on a monthly basis will help you surface issues, talk through challenges, keep the focus sharp and help your staff report think more strategically. If we neglect this kind of time with direct reports we will inevitably pay for it. It is one of the best investments we can make because our ministry success is directly tied to the ministry acumen of those we lead. Make the investment monthly and you will reap the benefits in a big way.

What are you doing to intentionally raise up the next generation of leaders?

Every church, every mission, every ministry is one leadership generation (and that is not a long time) away from decline if we are not deeply intentional about raising up the generation who come behind us. In fact, I believe that our leadership stewardship is not primarily about what happens when we are in leadership, but when we are gone and the long term fruit of our work is either evident or not. And that means that we have paid attention to the sucession to the next generation of leaders in our ministry.

For church boards this often means taking the risk (in the eyes of current board members) to mentor and bring on young leaders who think differently and come with a different perspective than older leaders. And, making them welcome at the leadership table.

For churches with long term pastors who are now in their late fifties or early sixties, it may mean bringing on the next senior pastor and making a transition over a period of years so that the pastoral transition is planned and smooth. The larger the congregation the more helpful this is. It is a change in paradigm from simply waiting until the present senior pastor retires and then hiring someone completely new to the church. That obviously takes a selfless and unthreatened current senior pastor who is willing to share leadership for a period of time and then transition to the new leader as he transitions to either retirement or a different position in the church.

The issue of next generation leadership is particularly critical in mission organizations where my observation is that there is an aging leadership group and where leadership is often given to those who have long experience regardless of whether they have leadership skills or not. Mission organizations today are in a vulnerable position as the world is changing rapidly around them and unless they also change many current missions are going to find themselves in serious decline. I was surprised recently when one large and well known mission replaced its retiring CEO with an individual who was almost his age - as if it needed to guard the status quo rather than embrace the future.

Raising up the next generation of leaders in ministry does not happen without a passion to pass the torch well, to see the ministries we lead flourish and do even better when we are gone and a plan to bring new, younger leaders into key positions with the requisite mentoring and training to help them succeed. Any current leader over fifty ought to be thinking succession even as they continue to lead. Boards of ministries ought to be talking about this issue as well on an ongoing basis as they are stewards of the ministry.

This does not apply only to senior leaders but the the leadership bench throughout an organization. I know, for instance, a new senior pastor of a large church who inherited almost an entire staff of fifty five plus pastors who are locked into two decade old ministry paradigms. He must go through the painful process of bringing on a whole new set of leaders because the board and past senior pastor did not address the issue of leadership succession, or even keep their current staff growing and changing as the ministry grew.

The question for leaders is three fold: What are we doing to raise up the next generation of leaders througout the organization?; Who will replace us? and what are we doing to keep our current leadership staff on the cutting edge and not allowing them to coast toward retirement?

Teaching our children and grandchildren how to think

The art of thinking critically is being lost in the west at an amazing rate. The spirit of relativism, television, the loss of reading, popular culture all conspire to rob our kids and grand kids of the most important skill they could every acquire, the ability to think, to reason, to work through a problem logically and come to a logical conclusion. We cannot change the world in which our kids and grand kids live but we can give them the gift of helping them to think well.


With our two boys the forum for thinking was often our dinner table. Anything was fair game from politics, to church, to work issues to current events or the drama at school. In those conversations we would often ask questions to draw out their thinking. The boys would challenge us and one another and we them. It was a wonderful conversational free for all that put ideas on the table and didn't separate adult conversation from kids conversation. Often the conversation was alternatively serious and then very funny. 


Kids love to talk, play with ideas and express themselves. The simple act of dialogue where there is a back and fourth with lots of questions that help them clarify their thinking, reasoning and conclusions is a gift that will stick with them for a lifetime. In the process they learn critical thinking skills that help them separate current sophistry from truth.


In fact, helping kids understand that there is truth, that there are absolutes that we can count on is huge today because the relativism they grow up with in school is "you have your truth, I have my truth and both are true" (a non sequitur if there ever was one: But wait, that is logic!).  That kind of garbage thinking is raising a whole generation of kids to believe that anything and everything can be true simply because one believes it. As the British would say, that is pure, unadulterated rubbish! The shallowness of our political dialogue today is testimony to the fact that politicians count on the fact that people don't think. So much of what is said is pure rubbish but taken as fact.


All of this means taking time with our kids and grand kids. Their ability to think well impacts their faith, their personal lives and their vocations. It separates those who get their truth from Oprah and Chopra and those who understand real truth from Scripture. The ability to reason, to work through an issue logically and be able to defend it with real facts is a dying but necessary skill to successfully negotiate life and faith. Make that investment in the next generation and you will have given them a great gift.