I can already see the smile on your face if you are in your forties or later! For many of us, perhaps most of us, life as we know it today is very different than life as we planned it. That is certainly true for me. The question is, have we adjusted and embraced life as we know it rather than living in sadness or bitterness over life as we planned it.
Life as we planned it is a product of our youth, largely devoid of the realities of living in a sinful, fallen world which causes life to come undone (see my new book) and change in ways we never could have imagined. More than that, life as we planned it cannot take into account the sovereign work of God in our lives who wants to use us in ways that we could not have imagined. His divine preparation for our use takes us to places we could have never imagined.
Think of Moses. From a life of privilege and nobility, could he have possibly imagined forty years as a shepherd in the wilderness? Yet that was the path God took him on so that when he met Him in the burning bush he was prepared for the task ahead of him.
Think of David. He is anointed by Samuel as the next king and then finds himself running for his life for years as Saul tries to kill him. Yet, it was in those years that many of the Psalms were written which show how God was shaping his heart in the process of his wilderness experience. He would become the greatest king Israel would ever have.
The reality is that God has a way of taking our dreams and molding us for impact that is far beyond what we could have imagined but the path to that greater impact is a path of hardship and even the wilderness that forces us to trust Him more, push into Him more, develop authentic faith and hard won character. His diversions for our lives are not aberrations but are His contribution to life as we planned it. Even when that means taking great heartache and redeeming it for His purposes.
One of the conclusions I have is that life as I planned it does not have the color, opportunities, growth, faith filled moments and trust learned the hard way as life as I know it. And that is because my Sovereign Father took my dreams - and willingness to follow - infused it with His purposes and His preparation and gave me opportunities and impact that I could not have ever had without His participation in my life.
I think of Abraham. What would life have been for Him if he had not walked the life of faith that he did. It was certainly not life as he planned it. But because of his obedience and God's work in his life, He impacted every person who every followed God after him as he became the model of faith and followership.
Seen through God's eyes, life as we planned it is a mere shadow of life as we know it when we have wholeheartedly followed Him in the adventure of life. Without His sovereignty over the course of our lives we would be far less than we are today. For that, in spite of the road that got me here, I rejoice.
Sometime take a sheet of paper and make three columns: Life as I planned it; Life as it is today and lessons God taught me in the process. Then ask, "how am I different because of the path God took me on - including the painful and hard times?"
Saturday, July 2, 2011
For my many readers in the UK
My book, Live Like You Mean It: The 10 Crucial Questions That Will Help You Clarify Your Purpose; Live Intentionally and Make the Most of the Rest of Your Life is currently being offered as a free Kindle download (UK only).
Take advantage of this offer and help spread the word in the UK!
Take advantage of this offer and help spread the word in the UK!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Reputation management
Everyone who leads, whether full time, or in volunteer settings accumulates wounds from that leadership. Sadly, the most painful wounds are not from those outside the Kingdom but from those inside. The deepest wounds for many of us are attacks on our character. I once had the joy, years ago of listening to six pages of accusations against my character read in public. Nothing is more painful. One cannot lead without being attacked and the most painful attacks are to what matters the most to us - our reputations.
When our character is attacked, what we want to do at the least is to respond and defend what is so precious to us. Or, even to strike back in righteous anger. Both are human reactions but neither are helpful. Those who attack our character will not be moved, and in the end only God can vindicate our actions and character.
David, agonized over those who attacked his character. He also gave us great advice when evil men speak ill of us - and attacks on our character are often the work of either "evil men" or those who the evil one is using to discourage and hurt us, whether believers or not. David tells us when attacked:
"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him"
"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret"
"Wait for the Lord and keep his way"
Psalm 37
Time and God have a way of sorting out our character in the minds of others. We play not to the crowd but to an audience of One. His opinion is the one that matters, not the opinions of our detractors. The best thing we can do when attacked is to refuse to fight back, give our pain to God, guard our own hearts, attitudes and words and focus on being the people God wants us to be.
This is neither easy nor natural. In fact, responding in grace to personal attacks can only be done when we are staying close to God, have His perspective and are walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. In the end, we cannot manage our reputation, that is God's responsibility. What we can do is live in a way that pleases him rather than worrying about what others think.
When our character is attacked, what we want to do at the least is to respond and defend what is so precious to us. Or, even to strike back in righteous anger. Both are human reactions but neither are helpful. Those who attack our character will not be moved, and in the end only God can vindicate our actions and character.
David, agonized over those who attacked his character. He also gave us great advice when evil men speak ill of us - and attacks on our character are often the work of either "evil men" or those who the evil one is using to discourage and hurt us, whether believers or not. David tells us when attacked:
"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him"
"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret"
"Wait for the Lord and keep his way"
Psalm 37
Time and God have a way of sorting out our character in the minds of others. We play not to the crowd but to an audience of One. His opinion is the one that matters, not the opinions of our detractors. The best thing we can do when attacked is to refuse to fight back, give our pain to God, guard our own hearts, attitudes and words and focus on being the people God wants us to be.
This is neither easy nor natural. In fact, responding in grace to personal attacks can only be done when we are staying close to God, have His perspective and are walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. In the end, we cannot manage our reputation, that is God's responsibility. What we can do is live in a way that pleases him rather than worrying about what others think.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
When Life Comes Undone: Walking by Faith when Life is Hard and Hope is Scarce
/The new book is out. Copies can be ordered from Next Step Resources.
The book is written:
- For those going through hard times
- For small group discussion around suffering and pain in our lives
- As a resource that churches can provide for those whose lives have come undone.
Table of Contents
1. Life Undone (When Life Changes Forever)
2. The Unlikely Gift (Learning to Walk in Faith)
3. Divine Scars (The Fellowship of His Sufferings)
4. Creation Interrupted (Why Bad Things Happen)
5. God's Amazing Heart (Understanding God's Love for Us)
6. High Ropes and Waterfalls (Where Faith and Grace Collide)
7. Storming Heaven's Gates (Bold Prayer)
8. Offensive Plays (Taking Life Back)
9. Life Redone (New Perspectives Forged in Fire)
10. Freedom (Reshaped Hearts)
The book will help you understand how you can turn your human scars into divine scars
- Understand why bad things happen to God's people
- Develop bold faith and understand God's grace and love
- Pray boldly
- Take life back
- Experience the freedom that pain can bring
- See how God takes the pain in our lives and turns it into something good and meaningful.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Distraction management
Our lives are full of them. They include the many ways we can spend our time, great ideas that will take us nowhere, other peoples agendas for our lives. They are all the distractions that pull at us for our time and attention and if we are not careful can pull us away from those things that are most core and central to our lives and our calling.
Some of the most spectacular and tragic air crashes have been a result of distractions in the cockpit where pilots fiddled with some unimportant issue, ignoring the fact that the plane itself was going to crash. One of the most notorious was a crew fiddling with a broken light (a minor issue) as the plane proceeded to crash in a swamp (a major issue).
That is the irony of distractions. They are often little things, innocuous things that steal our attention from the most important priorities of our lives: relationships; ministry calling; using our God given gifts; investment in others; and the big rocks of our lives. It is the good robbing us of the best.
This is why it is so important to take time periodically to take stock of our activities, priorities, focus and relationships and determine whether they are in sync with what we believe God has for our lives. It is also where the power of NO comes in. The only way to deal with distractions is to say no to them and to those who offer them to us - graciously of course.
Here are three questions that it is worth asking on a regular basis. I do so monthly: What is core to my life and calling?; What distractions are getting in the way of my life and calling?; and What am I going to do about it?
All wise people practice "distraction management."
Some of the most spectacular and tragic air crashes have been a result of distractions in the cockpit where pilots fiddled with some unimportant issue, ignoring the fact that the plane itself was going to crash. One of the most notorious was a crew fiddling with a broken light (a minor issue) as the plane proceeded to crash in a swamp (a major issue).
That is the irony of distractions. They are often little things, innocuous things that steal our attention from the most important priorities of our lives: relationships; ministry calling; using our God given gifts; investment in others; and the big rocks of our lives. It is the good robbing us of the best.
This is why it is so important to take time periodically to take stock of our activities, priorities, focus and relationships and determine whether they are in sync with what we believe God has for our lives. It is also where the power of NO comes in. The only way to deal with distractions is to say no to them and to those who offer them to us - graciously of course.
Here are three questions that it is worth asking on a regular basis. I do so monthly: What is core to my life and calling?; What distractions are getting in the way of my life and calling?; and What am I going to do about it?
All wise people practice "distraction management."
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Your church board is unhealthy but you are not on it and don't know what to do about it
It is not unusual that I receive emails or calls from individuals who want to know what to do about an unhealthy church board - in their church. They see that the board does not have its act together, they see the results of that dysfunction (including pastors whom they love leaving) but they feel impotent to affect real change. I have found myself in that situation at times and I am sure many others have as well.
In some cases, it is even worse for the fact that they know that the board has sought help but has rejected the advice they received and they muddle on in their dysfunction and that dysfunction is negatively impacting the church body as it always does. The consequence of sick boards is inevitably a sick church - but what do you do about it if you are in the church watching?
Before I suggest a course of action, we need to recognize that there is a deeper problem to a sick board and that is that the congregation does not have a good way to vet potential leaders. Good leaders don't allow their board to get sick. Poor choices of church leaders and poor board leadership result in sick boards.
That being said, what does one do? The first thing we need to do is to make this a matter of prayer. This is a deeply spiritual issue for a congregation and for us as well. Unless our own attitude is right, we will add to the already problematic situation with our own anger which adds fuel to the fire. The evil one love sick boards and church fights. Don't give him that joy.
Second, commit to yourself that you will never intentionally "hurt the bride of Christ." Your local congregation is a local representation of Christ's bride, no matter how dysfunctional. Your board, through their lack of healthy leadership may already be hurting the church. You don't want to contribute to that hurt. I would rather quietly leave a church (and I have) rather than to contribute to church conflict.
Third, be honest with what you see with board members you can speak to.Give them your observations about what you see happening and how it is impacting the church. Ask questions, speak for yourself (not others) and clearly state your concerns.
If matters continue, I would consider doing the same thing in a congregational meeting if I believed it might make a difference - carefully. I would state my personal concerns, making it clear again that I speak for myself and not others doing so without a personal attack or hidden agenda. If I thought that saying something would not make a difference I would refrain and keep my own counsel.
Some will disagree with this and that is fine. If I thought that there was little chance that the dysfunction could be solved, I would leave the church and look for a healthy one. Unhealthy churches produce unhealthy disciples, muddle along without direction and are a magnet for people who like conflict. Do you want to be a part of that and do you want to bring your friends to a place with that ethos? It can be painful to leave a church but fortunately most of us have other expressions of the bride that are available to us. Obviously we need God's direction in such issues but we are often naive in believing that things will change.
Congregations, like families often have dysfunctional "family systems" which support that dysfunction. They make it hard to voice differing opinions or even to leave. In other words, the very church culture prevents the dysfunction from being dealt with. It is a closed circle that does not allow outside views (taken to an extreme one has a cult). Sometimes you don't realize how unhealthy the culture is until you are out of that culture and experience the freedom of a healthy church. Closed systems rarely change and trying to affect change to a closed system will generally end up with you on the outside for trying. Even pastors have limited ability to impact a closed system which is why they often end up resigning when they find themselves in one (unless they are a part of it).
I often say that churches get what they deserve. Elect poor leadership and you get dysfunctional boards and congregations. Often such churches manage to repeat their same dysfunctions over and over again. I have met boards that did not want advice, did not want to own up to their own issues and proudly continued in their awful leadership. I feel for those in their church! I don't want to be a part of such a church.
In some cases, it is even worse for the fact that they know that the board has sought help but has rejected the advice they received and they muddle on in their dysfunction and that dysfunction is negatively impacting the church body as it always does. The consequence of sick boards is inevitably a sick church - but what do you do about it if you are in the church watching?
Before I suggest a course of action, we need to recognize that there is a deeper problem to a sick board and that is that the congregation does not have a good way to vet potential leaders. Good leaders don't allow their board to get sick. Poor choices of church leaders and poor board leadership result in sick boards.
That being said, what does one do? The first thing we need to do is to make this a matter of prayer. This is a deeply spiritual issue for a congregation and for us as well. Unless our own attitude is right, we will add to the already problematic situation with our own anger which adds fuel to the fire. The evil one love sick boards and church fights. Don't give him that joy.
Second, commit to yourself that you will never intentionally "hurt the bride of Christ." Your local congregation is a local representation of Christ's bride, no matter how dysfunctional. Your board, through their lack of healthy leadership may already be hurting the church. You don't want to contribute to that hurt. I would rather quietly leave a church (and I have) rather than to contribute to church conflict.
Third, be honest with what you see with board members you can speak to.Give them your observations about what you see happening and how it is impacting the church. Ask questions, speak for yourself (not others) and clearly state your concerns.
If matters continue, I would consider doing the same thing in a congregational meeting if I believed it might make a difference - carefully. I would state my personal concerns, making it clear again that I speak for myself and not others doing so without a personal attack or hidden agenda. If I thought that saying something would not make a difference I would refrain and keep my own counsel.
Some will disagree with this and that is fine. If I thought that there was little chance that the dysfunction could be solved, I would leave the church and look for a healthy one. Unhealthy churches produce unhealthy disciples, muddle along without direction and are a magnet for people who like conflict. Do you want to be a part of that and do you want to bring your friends to a place with that ethos? It can be painful to leave a church but fortunately most of us have other expressions of the bride that are available to us. Obviously we need God's direction in such issues but we are often naive in believing that things will change.
Congregations, like families often have dysfunctional "family systems" which support that dysfunction. They make it hard to voice differing opinions or even to leave. In other words, the very church culture prevents the dysfunction from being dealt with. It is a closed circle that does not allow outside views (taken to an extreme one has a cult). Sometimes you don't realize how unhealthy the culture is until you are out of that culture and experience the freedom of a healthy church. Closed systems rarely change and trying to affect change to a closed system will generally end up with you on the outside for trying. Even pastors have limited ability to impact a closed system which is why they often end up resigning when they find themselves in one (unless they are a part of it).
I often say that churches get what they deserve. Elect poor leadership and you get dysfunctional boards and congregations. Often such churches manage to repeat their same dysfunctions over and over again. I have met boards that did not want advice, did not want to own up to their own issues and proudly continued in their awful leadership. I feel for those in their church! I don't want to be a part of such a church.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Church board best practices
There are certain practices which reflect a healthy church board. If you are on a board, I would encourage you to measure your board against these practices.
1. Define clearly how the board operates through a board covenant or policy governance. You can only hold people accountable to what they have agreed to. Define your rules of engagement and then hold every board member accountable for those healthy practices.
2. Deal only with the big rocks of ministry and delegate to staff or others the small rocks and pebbles. You should be able to do your normal board work in two hours per month, leaving a second two hour meeting for discussion, prayer, learning and dialogue.
3. Never ignore spiritual issues in the church including gossip, critical spirits, division, ongoing egregious sin or heresy. Hoping they will go away will not make them go away.
4. Always keep the main thing the main thing: evangelism and disciplemaking. Churches don't drift into missionality, they drift into diffusion of purpose and unsafe waters.
5. Have a well defined mission, set of guiding principles and the culture you want to build. Lack of clarity around what is important will keep you from being missional.
6. Guard the gate of the board. Choose board members with great care. Every board is one board member away from disunity and one board away from church trouble and decline.
7. Do the work of elders together: pray, study God's purposes for the church, pray for your congregation. Don't allow administration and business to crowd out the most important.
8. Do honest evaluation against the clarity you have defined. Don't allow "church nice" to keep you from honest discussion regarding your effectiveness.
9. Focus on the Gospel and not on programs. Every church board should study the implications of the gospel for believers and congregations. It is very easy to focus on numbers and programs rather than the transformation of lives, communities and institutions that the gospel brings.
10. Ensure that you are developing robust followers of Jesus, not simply "nice churchgoing Christians." That starts with board members as congregations are unlikely to rise above the spiritual commitments of its leaders.
11. Love and care for your congregation like Jesus does. You are undershepherds of the Good Shepherd. The gospel is about people and churches are about people.
12. Release people into active ministry to use their gifts in the marketplace, the neighborhood, among the poor and disadvantaged and in the church. Make that an expectation, not optional.
1. Define clearly how the board operates through a board covenant or policy governance. You can only hold people accountable to what they have agreed to. Define your rules of engagement and then hold every board member accountable for those healthy practices.
2. Deal only with the big rocks of ministry and delegate to staff or others the small rocks and pebbles. You should be able to do your normal board work in two hours per month, leaving a second two hour meeting for discussion, prayer, learning and dialogue.
3. Never ignore spiritual issues in the church including gossip, critical spirits, division, ongoing egregious sin or heresy. Hoping they will go away will not make them go away.
4. Always keep the main thing the main thing: evangelism and disciplemaking. Churches don't drift into missionality, they drift into diffusion of purpose and unsafe waters.
5. Have a well defined mission, set of guiding principles and the culture you want to build. Lack of clarity around what is important will keep you from being missional.
6. Guard the gate of the board. Choose board members with great care. Every board is one board member away from disunity and one board away from church trouble and decline.
7. Do the work of elders together: pray, study God's purposes for the church, pray for your congregation. Don't allow administration and business to crowd out the most important.
8. Do honest evaluation against the clarity you have defined. Don't allow "church nice" to keep you from honest discussion regarding your effectiveness.
9. Focus on the Gospel and not on programs. Every church board should study the implications of the gospel for believers and congregations. It is very easy to focus on numbers and programs rather than the transformation of lives, communities and institutions that the gospel brings.
10. Ensure that you are developing robust followers of Jesus, not simply "nice churchgoing Christians." That starts with board members as congregations are unlikely to rise above the spiritual commitments of its leaders.
11. Love and care for your congregation like Jesus does. You are undershepherds of the Good Shepherd. The gospel is about people and churches are about people.
12. Release people into active ministry to use their gifts in the marketplace, the neighborhood, among the poor and disadvantaged and in the church. Make that an expectation, not optional.
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