"Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me"
Few songs are more deeply loved and more theologically true. It is not just grace: it is amazing grace! Every one of us in our deepest heart know our own depravity. Some of which we have never admitted to others. The older I am the more of that depravity I understand. Yet I know that all of that is covered by the amazing grace of Christ which far exceeds my deepest failures, sin or depravity.
Now multiply that amazing grace by every member of your congregation. Hundreds of people that have been immersed in the amazing grace of Jesus. It is an ocean of grace. If we even remotely understood the amount of that amazing grace represented by our local church family we would be astounded: in fact we could never comprehend it.
Now think of an unbeliever or broken individual who comes into that ocean of grace. If they meet people who understand and live out of grace. Have you ever walked into a church where you just felt you had entered an ocean of God's grace through His people? I have. There is a felt presence, a deep love, an unconditional acceptance that can only come through being in the very presence of the holy, forgiving, merciful, grace filled God. In the acceptance and love of His people you experience the acceptance, love and amazing grace of the Father.
Why are there not more congregations like that? I think it is that we often don't understand the grace of Jesus in our lives. The more I understand what that amazing grace has done in my life, the more I naturally extend that grace to others. Too many believers who have experienced that amazing grace lack that grace toward others because they don't understand, don't remember what God has extended to them. Legalism, harshness, critical spirits, anger, and lack of forgiveness reflect a poor understanding of our own depravity, our deep need and the amazing grace that God has extended to us.
Interestingly it is as we take the time to understand our own depravity that we better understand grace because we continually are reminded of our deep need - daily - for the amazing grace of Jesus. If I need that grace daily, if I am dependent on that grace daily, how can I not extend that grace to those I come into contact with - loving them as Jesus loves on us.
The purpose of this blog? To remind me what amazing grace looks like and to remind me to extend that amazing grace to others. And, hopefully to remind others what churches look like when the amazing ocean of grace welcomes the hurting, the sinful and the lost. Or even that member who irritates us deeply!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
church renovation
On a regular basis some of the most read blogs on this site have to do with dysfunctional boards and unhealthy churches. I am sure that this comes out of the deep frustration of leaders who want to see greater health and congregants who are tired of the lack of leadership, health, intentionality and missionality of their church.
There is a deep yearning among people I meet to see the church live up to its Biblical expectations where life change takes place, people find Jesus, there is safe and supportive community and the power of the gospel of Christ is found in a grace and love filled environment. But such churches don't just happen: they are led by leaders who have charted an intentional course toward congregational health and missionality.
So what does it take to see an unhealthy church become healthy and vibrant?
First it takes leaders who have the courage to face the reality in humility that there is a problem. This is not easy. It takes a large dose of humility to admit (if you are a leader) that a problem exists in your church and that change is deeply needed. But until leaders are willing to name the elephant in the room (dishealth) and articulate what needs to change, renovation cannot come.
Spiritual pride is the foremost issue that keeps leaders of unhealthy churches (the vast majority in the United States) from moving toward health. We simply don't want to admit that we have a problem even in the face of intractable evidence. There is no chance for greater health in a sick church until leaders set aside their own pride and humbly admit that there is a problem, that they are part of the problem and that they need God's help in solving the problem. I cannot say this strongly enough: Until leaders humbly admit their need, there will not be change.
In cases where there is deep dysfunction on the board and the board has faced reality and wants to get its act together I strongly suggest that they ask for outside help: a coach to walk them through a process toward health. An outside voice can speak truth, sometimes painful that insiders often cannot. Further, an outside voice can hold board members accountable for their own health as a board.
Second, leaders change first. Generally, unhealthy churches are simply a reflection of unhealthy leadership - staff or boards. So, divided boards generally yield a divided congregation. Lack of spiritual passion among leaders yields a congregation with a lack of passion. Lack of intentionality in leading yields a lack of intentionality of the congregation as a whole. Congregations do follow the example of their leaders so until leaders choose to change and to get their act together spiritually, relationally and in their intentionality, the congregation won't. When they do, the congregation takes notice.
Third, realize that this is a spiritual issue. The church is the bride of Christ. Unhealthy churches, churches in decline or that are plateaued, churches with conflict and a spirit of criticism or simply malaise are not just unhealthy, they lack spiritual vitality. There needs to be both recognition of this and a deep sense of repentance on the part of leaders. God immediately pays attention to the humble repentance of His people and His leaders. He resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.
Fourth, talk publicly, openly and candidly to your congregation about the spiritual issues in the church, the need for change and the commitments that the board has made spiritually, relationally and missionally. Naming the issues and calling a congregation to a higher level of spiritual citizenship is a powerful move. Some will naturally resist because they are used to the status quo but if leaders are together and committed, the vast majority of folks will agree and follow their lead.
Fifth, call the congregation to prayer, repentance and humble obedience. It is amazing what happens when we simply humble ourselves before God and ask Him to show up in power as we commit to healthy relationships and focus on becoming a healthy body of believers.
Sixth, chart a clear course of intentional ministry. Health and missional effectiveness does not happen by accident but as leaders intentionally help the church do what God intended it to do: introduce people to Christ and help them experience the full transformation that Jesus wants to bring - impacting then their community and the world.
Seven, realize that people are used to living in an unhealthy church environment and some will resist moving toward health because it means they need to change their behavior. When sick churches become healthy, some folks actually leave because they don't want to live in a healthy environment. For leaders charting a course of change, chapter twelve of my book, High Impact Church Boards, Negotiating the Whitewater of Change can be helpful. In fact, the book is all about healthy, intentional and empowered church leaders.
Want renovation in your church? It starts with leaders and it starts with humility. It starts with hearts that are willing to humble themselves before God.
There is a deep yearning among people I meet to see the church live up to its Biblical expectations where life change takes place, people find Jesus, there is safe and supportive community and the power of the gospel of Christ is found in a grace and love filled environment. But such churches don't just happen: they are led by leaders who have charted an intentional course toward congregational health and missionality.
So what does it take to see an unhealthy church become healthy and vibrant?
First it takes leaders who have the courage to face the reality in humility that there is a problem. This is not easy. It takes a large dose of humility to admit (if you are a leader) that a problem exists in your church and that change is deeply needed. But until leaders are willing to name the elephant in the room (dishealth) and articulate what needs to change, renovation cannot come.
Spiritual pride is the foremost issue that keeps leaders of unhealthy churches (the vast majority in the United States) from moving toward health. We simply don't want to admit that we have a problem even in the face of intractable evidence. There is no chance for greater health in a sick church until leaders set aside their own pride and humbly admit that there is a problem, that they are part of the problem and that they need God's help in solving the problem. I cannot say this strongly enough: Until leaders humbly admit their need, there will not be change.
In cases where there is deep dysfunction on the board and the board has faced reality and wants to get its act together I strongly suggest that they ask for outside help: a coach to walk them through a process toward health. An outside voice can speak truth, sometimes painful that insiders often cannot. Further, an outside voice can hold board members accountable for their own health as a board.
Second, leaders change first. Generally, unhealthy churches are simply a reflection of unhealthy leadership - staff or boards. So, divided boards generally yield a divided congregation. Lack of spiritual passion among leaders yields a congregation with a lack of passion. Lack of intentionality in leading yields a lack of intentionality of the congregation as a whole. Congregations do follow the example of their leaders so until leaders choose to change and to get their act together spiritually, relationally and in their intentionality, the congregation won't. When they do, the congregation takes notice.
Third, realize that this is a spiritual issue. The church is the bride of Christ. Unhealthy churches, churches in decline or that are plateaued, churches with conflict and a spirit of criticism or simply malaise are not just unhealthy, they lack spiritual vitality. There needs to be both recognition of this and a deep sense of repentance on the part of leaders. God immediately pays attention to the humble repentance of His people and His leaders. He resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.
Fourth, talk publicly, openly and candidly to your congregation about the spiritual issues in the church, the need for change and the commitments that the board has made spiritually, relationally and missionally. Naming the issues and calling a congregation to a higher level of spiritual citizenship is a powerful move. Some will naturally resist because they are used to the status quo but if leaders are together and committed, the vast majority of folks will agree and follow their lead.
Fifth, call the congregation to prayer, repentance and humble obedience. It is amazing what happens when we simply humble ourselves before God and ask Him to show up in power as we commit to healthy relationships and focus on becoming a healthy body of believers.
Sixth, chart a clear course of intentional ministry. Health and missional effectiveness does not happen by accident but as leaders intentionally help the church do what God intended it to do: introduce people to Christ and help them experience the full transformation that Jesus wants to bring - impacting then their community and the world.
Seven, realize that people are used to living in an unhealthy church environment and some will resist moving toward health because it means they need to change their behavior. When sick churches become healthy, some folks actually leave because they don't want to live in a healthy environment. For leaders charting a course of change, chapter twelve of my book, High Impact Church Boards, Negotiating the Whitewater of Change can be helpful. In fact, the book is all about healthy, intentional and empowered church leaders.
Want renovation in your church? It starts with leaders and it starts with humility. It starts with hearts that are willing to humble themselves before God.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Disappointment in Missions
One response that I have observed is that we simply quit expecting God to do anything significant. We literally give up hope, downsize our expectations and in live with quiet sadness. In some cases I have seen workers become cynical of God who promised that we would see much fruit (John 15). It is easy to ask in these contexts whether it is worth the effort we have made.
I believe that Paul would give us another answer. He would tell us that God can do far beyond anything we could expect or imagine (Ephesians 3:20 ) but would then remind us that some water and others reap (1 Corinthians 3:5-9). I also think he would remind us that God's timetable is not always our timetable. When we are promised fruit we are not given a timetable for the fruit.
The early missionaries to China labored for decades without seeing much fruit. What they did not know was that even as missionaries were forced to leave China in 1949 that the church would explode. They watered and went to their graves without seeing much happen but in God's timetable their labor and the seeds they watered came to amazing fruition.
I remember the many times I visited the grave of Robert Morrison as a child in the cemetery in Macao (1782 - 1834). Morrison was the first protestant missionary in China and in his first 25 years he translated the Bible into Chinese and baptized only a handful of believers. Having lost a wife and a child, he worked in circumstances we cannot easily imagine today, and he never saw this side of glory the result. But in eternity he did. How many millions of Chinese will be in heaven whose true spiritual father is Robert Morrison because of his tenacity in cracking hard soil for the gospel?
"In June, 1834, he prepared his last sermon on the text, 'In my Father's house are many mansions.' It was to show how much of the joy of the eternal Home would 'consist in the society formed there ; the family of God, from all ages and out of all nations.'"(Wikipedia).
The same stories could be told about countless places where the gospel took long to gain a foothold but once it did, it flourished - long after those faithful workers had left the scene.
Morrison took comfort and encouragement from Revelation 7:9 which talks about those from every nation, tribe, people and language who will inhabit heaven. That includes those places where the soil is hard today but where one day there will be a wonderful harvest. We don't control the timing but we can trust God's promise that there will be a harvest and often when it comes it is far greater than we could ever ask or imagine because we labored in the hard years.
Here is the lesson that can be learned from mission history: We will see a harvest, perhaps here, perhaps in heaven but the harvest will come. We are optimistic about what God will do, even if He does not do it on our watch. Those who harvest later stand on the shoulders of those who worked so hard in the lean times. They will have a great reward for persevering when the soil was hard, planting seeds that later sprouted in large numbers.
To those who labor today among the Islamic peoples, often deeply resistant to the gospel I would say, hang in there. Their harvest will come as well and we are seeing perhaps the first trickle of what God intends to do among a billion Muslims prior to His return.
Our disappointment can be mitigated by believing God's word that the gospel will prevail, that there are those who sow, and water and those who reap and that His power working through us is the same power that raised Christ from the dead! If we believe Him, the harvest will come whether in our day or in a future day. Our human disappointment is not divine disappointment because nothing can stop the spread of the Good News and the power of the Gospel.
Morrison was buried in the Old Protestant Cemetery in Macau. The inscription on his marker reads:
Sacred to the memory of Robert Morrison DD., The first protestant missionary to China,
Where after a service of twenty-seven years,
cheerfully spent in extending the kingdom of the blessed Redeemer
during which period he compiled and published
a dictionary of the Chinese language,
founded the Anglo Chinese College at Malacca
and for several years laboured alone on a Chinese version of The Holy Scriptures,
which he was spared to see complete and widely circulated
among those for whom it was destined,
he sweetly slept in Jesus.
He was born at Morpeth in Northumberland
January 5th 1782
Was sent to China by the London Missionary Society in 1807
Was for twenty five years Chinese translator in the employ of The East India Company
and died in Canton August 1st 1834.
Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth
Yea saith the Spirit
that they may rest from their labours,
and their works do follow them
God is still looking for the Robert Morrison's of this world who will go to hard places where the Gospel has not been shared and who will persevere knowing that the harvest will indeed come.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Every congregation is one leadership board away from trouble and decline
I am grieving for another pastor who is leaving his church because of pain inflicted by some members of the congregation and an unhealthy board.
Like so many church boards there is deep dysfunction on this one. It is a passive board that does not lead but simply reacts. Members feel free to come and air their complaints and criticisms against the pastor leaving him bruised and beaten up - often without even knowing the facts. Meetings that should be confidential are not always confidential. It has no ability to hold board members accountable. Staff feel free to go around their senior pastor directly to board members and some board members have developed alliances with members of the staff that are counterproductive. All of this with a church that has already been in serious decline and trouble for some years.
Pastors can take a lot of hits if they know their board is behind them. But when they don't have a unified and healthy board, they are left vulnerable and unprotected. I have been in that situation and many other pastors have as well.
This is not a renegade pastor. He is well trained, a good expositor and wise (despite his young age) but he has been sabotaged by a board that does not have its act together, is divided, and cannot chart a common course either for the church or for its support of the pastor that they called just a few years ago.
Divided boards create a divided congregation and that is just what has happened in this situation. Time after time, this board has been tepid in its support of the one they called and were then surprised when he resigned. The ineptness of the board has damaged an already damaged congregation by its actions. In fact, I predict that this congregation that has already suffered deep pain will go even deeper into decline by the actions of its board. Further, any wise candidate in the future will read the writing on the wall and decline to come leaving them with an undiscerning candidate who wants a job. Thus the cycle is likely to repeat itself.
When confronted with their actions, some members of this board refused counsel. The prediction of that counsel has now come to pass. Another pastor is gone, the congregation is divided and further losses are inevitable. They live with an attitude that things are well and healthy. Unfortunately because of their past actions, many of the healthy leaders have have already migrated out of the church, unwilling to live with the dishealth they observed.
Here is the principle. Every congregation is one leadership board away from trouble and decline. This congregation is paying the price of poor, unhealthy and dysfunctional leadership. And, the end result will most likely be a long period before the congregation is healthy if it every regains health - which is an open question. When the leaders don't understand their lack of health, there is little chance for congregations to become healthy.
My concern is both for the congregation that suffers from the poor leadership of its board and for another pastor who is temporarily or permanently out of ministry. The pain of the congregation is high, and for the pastor - exceedingly deep. And in the end, it is the board that is responsible for both.
Board members are under shepherds of the Lord of the Church. They will one day answer for their their actions, their decisions, their decisions and their wisdom. Many will receive a reward from Christ as "good and faithful servants." Others will receive hard questions as to their lack of faithfulness, wisdom and ultimately poor care for their flock. I bless the former and fear for the latter.
Too many boards and board members of local churches take their mandate too carelessly. They often do not understand good leadership, lack wisdom and in the end hurt rather than help the people they lead. Such is the case in the church I am watching at the moment. It makes me sad and I am certain it makes the Lord of the church sad as well. It is also why over eighty percent of the congregations in the United States are either plateaued or in decline. Guard the gate of your leadership. Hold your board accountable for healthy practices and pray for wisdom on their part.
Like so many church boards there is deep dysfunction on this one. It is a passive board that does not lead but simply reacts. Members feel free to come and air their complaints and criticisms against the pastor leaving him bruised and beaten up - often without even knowing the facts. Meetings that should be confidential are not always confidential. It has no ability to hold board members accountable. Staff feel free to go around their senior pastor directly to board members and some board members have developed alliances with members of the staff that are counterproductive. All of this with a church that has already been in serious decline and trouble for some years.
Pastors can take a lot of hits if they know their board is behind them. But when they don't have a unified and healthy board, they are left vulnerable and unprotected. I have been in that situation and many other pastors have as well.
This is not a renegade pastor. He is well trained, a good expositor and wise (despite his young age) but he has been sabotaged by a board that does not have its act together, is divided, and cannot chart a common course either for the church or for its support of the pastor that they called just a few years ago.
Divided boards create a divided congregation and that is just what has happened in this situation. Time after time, this board has been tepid in its support of the one they called and were then surprised when he resigned. The ineptness of the board has damaged an already damaged congregation by its actions. In fact, I predict that this congregation that has already suffered deep pain will go even deeper into decline by the actions of its board. Further, any wise candidate in the future will read the writing on the wall and decline to come leaving them with an undiscerning candidate who wants a job. Thus the cycle is likely to repeat itself.
When confronted with their actions, some members of this board refused counsel. The prediction of that counsel has now come to pass. Another pastor is gone, the congregation is divided and further losses are inevitable. They live with an attitude that things are well and healthy. Unfortunately because of their past actions, many of the healthy leaders have have already migrated out of the church, unwilling to live with the dishealth they observed.
Here is the principle. Every congregation is one leadership board away from trouble and decline. This congregation is paying the price of poor, unhealthy and dysfunctional leadership. And, the end result will most likely be a long period before the congregation is healthy if it every regains health - which is an open question. When the leaders don't understand their lack of health, there is little chance for congregations to become healthy.
My concern is both for the congregation that suffers from the poor leadership of its board and for another pastor who is temporarily or permanently out of ministry. The pain of the congregation is high, and for the pastor - exceedingly deep. And in the end, it is the board that is responsible for both.
Board members are under shepherds of the Lord of the Church. They will one day answer for their their actions, their decisions, their decisions and their wisdom. Many will receive a reward from Christ as "good and faithful servants." Others will receive hard questions as to their lack of faithfulness, wisdom and ultimately poor care for their flock. I bless the former and fear for the latter.
Too many boards and board members of local churches take their mandate too carelessly. They often do not understand good leadership, lack wisdom and in the end hurt rather than help the people they lead. Such is the case in the church I am watching at the moment. It makes me sad and I am certain it makes the Lord of the church sad as well. It is also why over eighty percent of the congregations in the United States are either plateaued or in decline. Guard the gate of your leadership. Hold your board accountable for healthy practices and pray for wisdom on their part.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Life as we know it and life as we planned it
I can already see the smile on your face if you are in your forties or later! For many of us, perhaps most of us, life as we know it today is very different than life as we planned it. That is certainly true for me. The question is, have we adjusted and embraced life as we know it rather than living in sadness or bitterness over life as we planned it.
Life as we planned it is a product of our youth, largely devoid of the realities of living in a sinful, fallen world which causes life to come undone (see my new book) and change in ways we never could have imagined. More than that, life as we planned it cannot take into account the sovereign work of God in our lives who wants to use us in ways that we could not have imagined. His divine preparation for our use takes us to places we could have never imagined.
Think of Moses. From a life of privilege and nobility, could he have possibly imagined forty years as a shepherd in the wilderness? Yet that was the path God took him on so that when he met Him in the burning bush he was prepared for the task ahead of him.
Think of David. He is anointed by Samuel as the next king and then finds himself running for his life for years as Saul tries to kill him. Yet, it was in those years that many of the Psalms were written which show how God was shaping his heart in the process of his wilderness experience. He would become the greatest king Israel would ever have.
The reality is that God has a way of taking our dreams and molding us for impact that is far beyond what we could have imagined but the path to that greater impact is a path of hardship and even the wilderness that forces us to trust Him more, push into Him more, develop authentic faith and hard won character. His diversions for our lives are not aberrations but are His contribution to life as we planned it. Even when that means taking great heartache and redeeming it for His purposes.
One of the conclusions I have is that life as I planned it does not have the color, opportunities, growth, faith filled moments and trust learned the hard way as life as I know it. And that is because my Sovereign Father took my dreams - and willingness to follow - infused it with His purposes and His preparation and gave me opportunities and impact that I could not have ever had without His participation in my life.
I think of Abraham. What would life have been for Him if he had not walked the life of faith that he did. It was certainly not life as he planned it. But because of his obedience and God's work in his life, He impacted every person who every followed God after him as he became the model of faith and followership.
Seen through God's eyes, life as we planned it is a mere shadow of life as we know it when we have wholeheartedly followed Him in the adventure of life. Without His sovereignty over the course of our lives we would be far less than we are today. For that, in spite of the road that got me here, I rejoice.
Sometime take a sheet of paper and make three columns: Life as I planned it; Life as it is today and lessons God taught me in the process. Then ask, "how am I different because of the path God took me on - including the painful and hard times?"
Life as we planned it is a product of our youth, largely devoid of the realities of living in a sinful, fallen world which causes life to come undone (see my new book) and change in ways we never could have imagined. More than that, life as we planned it cannot take into account the sovereign work of God in our lives who wants to use us in ways that we could not have imagined. His divine preparation for our use takes us to places we could have never imagined.
Think of Moses. From a life of privilege and nobility, could he have possibly imagined forty years as a shepherd in the wilderness? Yet that was the path God took him on so that when he met Him in the burning bush he was prepared for the task ahead of him.
Think of David. He is anointed by Samuel as the next king and then finds himself running for his life for years as Saul tries to kill him. Yet, it was in those years that many of the Psalms were written which show how God was shaping his heart in the process of his wilderness experience. He would become the greatest king Israel would ever have.
The reality is that God has a way of taking our dreams and molding us for impact that is far beyond what we could have imagined but the path to that greater impact is a path of hardship and even the wilderness that forces us to trust Him more, push into Him more, develop authentic faith and hard won character. His diversions for our lives are not aberrations but are His contribution to life as we planned it. Even when that means taking great heartache and redeeming it for His purposes.
One of the conclusions I have is that life as I planned it does not have the color, opportunities, growth, faith filled moments and trust learned the hard way as life as I know it. And that is because my Sovereign Father took my dreams - and willingness to follow - infused it with His purposes and His preparation and gave me opportunities and impact that I could not have ever had without His participation in my life.
I think of Abraham. What would life have been for Him if he had not walked the life of faith that he did. It was certainly not life as he planned it. But because of his obedience and God's work in his life, He impacted every person who every followed God after him as he became the model of faith and followership.
Seen through God's eyes, life as we planned it is a mere shadow of life as we know it when we have wholeheartedly followed Him in the adventure of life. Without His sovereignty over the course of our lives we would be far less than we are today. For that, in spite of the road that got me here, I rejoice.
Sometime take a sheet of paper and make three columns: Life as I planned it; Life as it is today and lessons God taught me in the process. Then ask, "how am I different because of the path God took me on - including the painful and hard times?"
For my many readers in the UK
My book, Live Like You Mean It: The 10 Crucial Questions That Will Help You Clarify Your Purpose; Live Intentionally and Make the Most of the Rest of Your Life is currently being offered as a free Kindle download (UK only).
Take advantage of this offer and help spread the word in the UK!
Take advantage of this offer and help spread the word in the UK!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Reputation management
Everyone who leads, whether full time, or in volunteer settings accumulates wounds from that leadership. Sadly, the most painful wounds are not from those outside the Kingdom but from those inside. The deepest wounds for many of us are attacks on our character. I once had the joy, years ago of listening to six pages of accusations against my character read in public. Nothing is more painful. One cannot lead without being attacked and the most painful attacks are to what matters the most to us - our reputations.
When our character is attacked, what we want to do at the least is to respond and defend what is so precious to us. Or, even to strike back in righteous anger. Both are human reactions but neither are helpful. Those who attack our character will not be moved, and in the end only God can vindicate our actions and character.
David, agonized over those who attacked his character. He also gave us great advice when evil men speak ill of us - and attacks on our character are often the work of either "evil men" or those who the evil one is using to discourage and hurt us, whether believers or not. David tells us when attacked:
"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him"
"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret"
"Wait for the Lord and keep his way"
Psalm 37
Time and God have a way of sorting out our character in the minds of others. We play not to the crowd but to an audience of One. His opinion is the one that matters, not the opinions of our detractors. The best thing we can do when attacked is to refuse to fight back, give our pain to God, guard our own hearts, attitudes and words and focus on being the people God wants us to be.
This is neither easy nor natural. In fact, responding in grace to personal attacks can only be done when we are staying close to God, have His perspective and are walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. In the end, we cannot manage our reputation, that is God's responsibility. What we can do is live in a way that pleases him rather than worrying about what others think.
When our character is attacked, what we want to do at the least is to respond and defend what is so precious to us. Or, even to strike back in righteous anger. Both are human reactions but neither are helpful. Those who attack our character will not be moved, and in the end only God can vindicate our actions and character.
David, agonized over those who attacked his character. He also gave us great advice when evil men speak ill of us - and attacks on our character are often the work of either "evil men" or those who the evil one is using to discourage and hurt us, whether believers or not. David tells us when attacked:
"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him"
"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret"
"Wait for the Lord and keep his way"
Psalm 37
Time and God have a way of sorting out our character in the minds of others. We play not to the crowd but to an audience of One. His opinion is the one that matters, not the opinions of our detractors. The best thing we can do when attacked is to refuse to fight back, give our pain to God, guard our own hearts, attitudes and words and focus on being the people God wants us to be.
This is neither easy nor natural. In fact, responding in grace to personal attacks can only be done when we are staying close to God, have His perspective and are walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. In the end, we cannot manage our reputation, that is God's responsibility. What we can do is live in a way that pleases him rather than worrying about what others think.
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