The leadership stewardship of necessary but hard conversations

One of the most difficult things a team or organizational leader does is to say the hard things to individuals when behaviors, attitudes or performance are problematic. No one likes to have these conversations and if someone relishes them I question their qualifications for leadership. However, those hard conversations are one of the kindest things a leader can do for the individual involved and for the organization.

What is kind is not always easy but it is necessary. Pressing into the hard things is a great favor to the individual. First, because you have given them the courtesy of hearing what others around them are saying or thinking - which they may be oblivious to. Second, it opens up a dialogue regarding issues which if solved will make them better people and better staff. 

That dialogue may also reveal that the individual is not in their correct lane where they are likely to be successful. If that is the case, they probably know in their gut that they are in the wrong spot but don't know what to do about it. Helping them find their lane whether in your organization or another is the prelude to a happier existence.

If the hard conversation meets great resistance and defensiveness you know that you are dealing with an individual with EQ deficits which will manifest itself in other unhealthy ways and must either be resolved or will cause relational damage. In fact, how an individual responds to hard conversations is a very telling factor about their ability to become healthier. Your willingness to press in, however, is often the prelude to greater happiness and satisfaction on their part - if they choose to respond well.

It is also a huge favor to the team or organization. When there are behaviors, attitudes or performance that are problematic it impacts others in the organization. If we choose to avoid the issue (it is an uncomfortable conversation) we effectively disempower others who are impacted. This is why I call this an issue of leadership stewardship. As stewards of our staff or team we have a responsibility to create a healthy and empowering work environment

Often we wait too long to have necessary conversations out of our own issues and discomfort. When we put it off we forget that we are not doing either the individual or the organization a favor by doing so. 

They are amazingly powerful things, words are

They are amazingly powerful things, words are, especially for often being invisible, coming only from our mouths, invisible messages transmitted from one to another. Yet they have the power to build up and to tear down, encourage and discourage, empower and disempower, express ideas and destroy people. Every invisible word we speak has an immediate impact on those who hear.  They are amazingly powerful things, words are.

I am a purveyor of words: speaking, blogs, books and dialogue. I play with them, carefully consider them and use them as a craftsman uses his or her tools. They are my tools and powerful tools, words are. Finding a new word to convey the right meaning is like striking a vein of gold so powerful those words can be. Putting them in sequence for the right effect is like arranging the books on my study shelves because arrangement matters.

Our words reveal the temperature of our hearts for what is inside tumbles out, sometimes unwittingly and with later regret. “Did I say that? That way? I hurt you! I cannot believe I said that!” Our words the invisible revealer of the invisible us. Once unleashed, never to be recalled. We can only use other words to minimize the damage but those terrible words, ever invisible live on in the hearts of those who were wounded by them.  Our words have betrayed us, or revealed us and the ugly remnants of our sinful humanity. They are amazingly powerful things, words are.

Being invisible and coming so easily we pay too little attention to our words. Jesus told us to consider our words. James warned us of the power for good or for evil they contain. Proverbs speaks often of words and their impact for good and evil. Paul wrote of words that should not be spoken and words that should be spoken. Because they are amazingly powerful things, words are.

It is easy to allow our words to become useless items frittered away on topics that are base and in ways that are harsh – other people the likely target of our spiritual poverty. They are precious things, words are, because of their power. To loose them carelessly is to squander opportunity and to diminish the wonderful gift they can be. For our words can shape entire lives or diminish the same so powerful they are and so long they live invisible yet remembered.

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you O Lord. For each of us will give an account for every invisible word we spoke. They are amazingly powerful things, words are.

“Father, help me craft words that heal, reflect your character, bring your love, and soothe the wounds of life today. May I use words for your purposes today and not mine. Even better, give me your words to speak for your words are pure and holy and loving and true. They are words of life from a heart of love. May I be a purveyor of your words today.”

Keystone habits that can change organizational culture

Eight years ago when I assumed leadership of ReachGlobal, the international mission of the EFCA I made two decisions that would radically impact the culture of the mission. The first was that we were going to place a very major focus on health: healthy staff, healthy teams and healthy leaders. The second was that we were going to develop, empower and release healthy national leaders wherever we worked.


While I knew that these two decisions were the right decisions for ReachGlobal I did not know how foundational they would be for the organizational culture long term.  I am currently reading Charles Duhigg's groundbreaking book on The Power of Habit: Why we do what we do in Life and Business, where Duhigg defines these kinds of decisions as Keystone habits which while seemingly insignificant in themselves (who would argue with healthy individuals, teams and leaders?) have a lasting and long impact on the organization's culture.


The focus on health forced us to re-evalutate our screening processes for potential missionaries and we actually shut the process down for six months to rebuild it from the ground up. It allowed us to deal with some staff who were disruptive to others.


It also spawned a new way of mentoring and coaching, team training, supervisor training and a redefinition of what leadership in the organization was about. That one directional decision touched everything we did and how we did it. My book "Leading From the Sandbox" defines our approach to leadership and teams all in line with that one directional decision.


The focus on developing, empowering and releasing healthy national workers wherever we worked shifted the focus from what we as missionaries could do to how we could help others do what they could do better than us. Again, that seemingly small keystone habit changed our whole approach to mission strategy.


I would encourage all those who lead to read Duhigg's book. But I would also encourage leaders to think carefully about what key habits should define your ministry culture and realize that you can intentionally change or redefine your culture for the better by a few key directional decisions. That is, if you have the resolve to see them through. 


What I have learned is that it does not take many decisions to actually redefine one's culture. It usually takes one or two that you believe in fully and have the resolve to stick to no matter what. 


People understand that you are actually serious and that it is not the flavor of the month when you make hard decisions that are in alignment with those directional decisions (keystone habits) you have resolved to live out. In the early days of my leadership and still today I tell staff "Do not question my resolve" to see these things become reality.


All organizations have a culture that is either intentionally created or accidental. Intentional is far better than accidental. In fact, there may well be habits in an organization that are unhealthy and which should be replaced by new habits. Understanding what is and what should be is part of the job of a leader.

The most important thing we leave our grandchildren

I remember how important my grandparents were to me. Even from a distance, growing up in Hong Kong they had the most special place in my heart. I am not sure what it is about grandparents but they are sometimes even a step above our parents as we grow up. They love us unconditionally, they are old and therefore wise, they have great stories of the "old days" and for whatever reason, very, very special.


Which gives us as grandparents amazing opportunity in the lives of our grandchildren. We can say things to them that others (even their parents) cannot say and be heard. We can love them without being the disciplinarians. We can talk about faith issues without them thinking we are pushing an agenda. We are, after all special. 


What is the most important thing we leave behind with our grand kids? It is an example of a life well lived, a faith that meets all circumstances with grace and trust in Jesus. It is belief in them that they can be what God made them for. It is love that mirrors the love of Jesus. It is the example of simple faith lived out in the day to day issues of life - loving Jesus with all our hearts.


Grandchildren don't often forget their grandparents. Long after they are gone I remember mine and one of the things I look forward to is a reunion in heaven. Theirs was not a sophisticated faith: it was real and powerful and authentic. The way faith is supposed to be. Most of all I remember their love for me and acceptance of me. 


I am thankful for the relationship my kids had with their grandparents. They taught them many things including some mischievous things. My father in law from peasant roots in the Ukraine taught the kids how to make switches from the apple tree in his back yard and fling apples far and wide in the neighborhood - thus ridding his lawn of apples :). He taught Chip how to jerry rig anything to fix something. My mother in law from Sweden took the kids on long walks through the nature preserves to learn flora and fauna. My folks allowed them to be themselves even when it might have offended their sensibilities.


Grandparents are special. If you are one, leave them two things: unconditional love and a love of Jesus that they cannot ever forget. You have amazing power in their lives. Use it to help them grow as individuals and as Christians. Grandparents may have more influence over their grandchildren than even their children. 

A Submarine Captain on the Power of Leadership Language

From Fast Company - A great read on the power of language and words that empower or disempower. 


http://www.fastcompany.com/1843334/a-submarine-captain-on-the-power-of-leadership-language?partner=homepage_newsletter

Seven Dangers of leading alone rather than through team

Lone ranger leadership is dangerous territory and there are plenty of examples that bear witness to it. Leading through team is far healthier, more effective and can contribute to long term effectiveness.


Here are some advantages of leading through team rather than by ourselves.


1. We are only as good as the skills we possess. When we combine our skills with those of others we multiply the possible outcomes, enjoy robust dialogue and are not limited by our own skills and gifting. Leading alone has built in limitations.


2. We are never as good as we think we are but left to our own we over inflate our effectiveness and under estimate our weaknesses. Leading through team - if it is a healthy team - protects us by compensating for our inflation and weaknesses. 


3. We can only handle a certain span of relationships. Thus when we lead alone we inevitably plateau whatever we are leading at some point. Leading through team, on the other hand is immediately scaleable if done right.


4. We hear and believe what we want to. All of us have a bias about what we hear and believe. None of us are unbiased in our judgements and decisions. Having a team around us that gives us another perspective and tells us the truth when we need to hear it can save us a great deal of dumb tax. 


5. Leadership isolation eventually leads to a bad place. Lone ranger leaders easily become isolated and autonomous, especially if they see success. It is a dangerous place because isolation often leads to actions that we would not engage in when we are in community. We were made for community not isolation. 


6. Alone breeds pride while team breeds humility. Leading through team tempers our natural tendency to think too greatly of ourselves as it is by definition no longer about me but about us. Leaders who lead through team share the success with the team - in fact the best ones credit the team! Lone ranger leaders have no one to share the success with (they think) and often take the credit.


7. Leading alone is lonely while leading through team is collegial and offers the support of a group. Leadership is lonely enough. Trying to do it without others is lonelier still. Healthy individuals enjoy the benefit of relationships in the journey.


If you lead, don't do it alone. Form a healthy team. You will be a better leader, a better individual and your organization will thank you.

A connected world with siloed ministries: Why?

We live in a connected world. More so than ever before and it is growing rapidly. But churches, denominations, mission agencies and other ministries are still disconnected, siloed and living in their own small universe. Why?


Talk to any business leader and they will tell you about alliances with other businesses across international borders. Talk to non-profits and they will describe the interconnected nature of what they do. Why? Because they realize that they can do more through strategic alliances and connections than they can alone. It is a very connected world.


Then talk to most denominational officials, local church pastors and mission agencies and they look at you with puzzled eyes when you ask them about their strategic alliances with others - or cooperative efforts. And they (we) work for the Lord of the universe whose Kingdom needs no competition but huge cooperation. Once again, the church and missions are decades behind the rest of society and poorer because of it.


The day of ministry brand loyalty to the exclusion of other brands should be over. The day of ministry brand cooperation needs to start. It is a connected world and those connections can make all of us healthier and more fruitful. 


As in business alliances, this does not mean one loses their identity and certainly one chooses with whom they want to be connected but they do so for a higher kingdom purpose and are willing to set aside the lesser things that divide us for the greater purpose that unites us - the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the expansion of His Church and Kingdom.


In the old world, connection was hard and often impossible. That was in the pre-globalized black and white world. In the new world the whole world is connected - with the exception of most ministries. Yet today it is not only easy but necessary. No church or denomination can reach a whole city. We need connection. No mission can reach a city, region or country. We need connection. 


How connected is your ministry - beyond itself: With other ministries in common ministry pursuits? How connected is your mission with other missions in common mission pursuits? 


The advances of connection in today's world are a great gift to the church if the church will take advantage of it. The petty differences that divide many of us should be set aside for the sake of the Gospel and the advance of His Kingdom. Our own egos and ambitions need to be set aside for the sake of Jesus's name and reputation and Gospel.


I have 2600 friends on Facebook from all over the world (the introverts strategy of being an extrovert). When will ministries connect that way in a connected world? It is worth thinking about and praying about.