Those who get their way though intimidation in the church

Intimidation is a great way to get your way in church settings, mainly because most people are conflict adverse and don't want to go head to head with people who are bullies in their tactics. Bullies are no different in the church than in other arenas of life - their tactic is simple: intimidation.

Online Your Dictionary defines it this way: "To frighten into submission, compliance or acquiescence." It is the use of force of personality to get one's way because one is too intimidated to go up against them. By they way, those who do this know exactly what they are doing They know they are trying to force others to agree with them or to a decision or direction they want. Bullies have learned over time that they can bully others into submission.

In church settings, this intimidation may well have a spiritual veneer wrapped around it. Often, the bully will underhandedly bring a few other key voices into his/her circle in order to strengthen their case. Sometimes those they bring in are more vociferous in their tactics than the one who influenced them in their direction which is why one often needs to ask the question, who is the voice behind the voices when common issues are being voiced by several.

Whenever you have one board member who can effectively veto decisions of the board as a whole you have a bully. Whenever there is someone in the church who can veto decisions of the board, you have a bully. In case you feel the word "bully" is not gracious, Paul calls them "wolves" in Acts 21. This kind of behavior ought to be illegal in the church.

Here is something to know about bullies. They play unfair because they have learned that it is how they can get their way which is what bullying is all about - getting their way. What is also true is that when they are confronted on their behavior they get very nervous because at their root they are often insecure people which is why they use dysfunctional means to get their way and bully others. When confronted they will often back off quickly. 

At the board level, one prevents this behavior by a board covenant which does not allow unhealthy behaviors to prevail and when they do it gives them permission to remove the offender from the board.

At the congregational level, the loud, intimidating voices must be met by reasoned response from others who are willing to take them on. Congregations often assume that the loud voices represent a large faction of the congregation when in fact, they usually represent a very small faction (often just themselves) and when another person with courage challenges their position the congregation understands that there are others like themselves out there who have a reasoned position. To let people make loud, intimidating and obnoxious statements without a measured response is irresponsible.

Where it is clear that one has a divisive individual in the congregation it is up to the leaders to confront the individual's behavior and make it clear that it is unacceptable. Most bullies last as long as they do because no one has the courage to confront them. This is wrong.

Paul mentions three kinds of wolves the hurt the flock in the New Testament: The wolf of heresy, the wolf of ongoing unrepentant sin and the wolf of division. We do pretty good on the first two but the most common wolf in the evangelical world - division - is one that we usually don't deal with well. And it does our congregations a great deal of harm. 

In one church I am very familiar with, the board, congregation, district leaders and denominational leaders were unwilling to deal with a wolf of division which led to two decades of division within a congregation. Think of the pain because of a failure of courage. 

Bullies and intimidators don't like accountability. Putting into place measures that bring accountability and then following through is the best remedy for dealing with them. Give them their way and they will disempower and destroy a congregation.

Don't forget God's people in the middle of the Middle East conflict

On February 21, 2011, I wrote the following blog on upheaval in the Middle East. It appears to be prescient regarding what has transpired and it reminds us again to pray for Christ followers in this part of the world who could easily become targets by radical Muslim groups. We know that such uncertainty gives the gospel opportunity to spread. We also know it is a time of significant danger for believers in many places within the Middle East.

There is no doubt that we are watching history in the making in the Middle East and North Africa. If there was ever a time to pray that God would protect his people there and build his church it is now. This is both a time of opportunity and peril for the church in this part of the world.

There are many unknowns as to how political change will impact the church. In many cases the regimes that have been in power have kept more radical elements of Islam at bay. With regime change, these groups, such as the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt will seek to assert themselves. Radical Islam has no place for Christianity or freedom of religion which could mean huge pressure for Christ followers. In some cases, "democracy" could mean radical Islam!

The winner in this upheaval could prove to be Iran as it spreads its version of Islam and anti west, anti Christianity and hatred of Israel throughout the region. They believe that these events could herald the return of their great prophet who will usher in a pure world wide Islamic rule. And, there are elements in Iran who will do anything to help make this happen.

If the new order in the Middle East proves to be a more radical Islamic order, this will increase tensions with Israel. Today, two of its immediate neighbors, Egypt and Jordan have peaceful relations with Israel but that could change with regime changes. In that case, the Middle East will become more of a tinderbox than it currently is.


Hidden from view in all of these events is the fact that there are many Christ followers in each of these countries that are today under pressure - including Iran. There are believers in Mecca and Medina in Saudi Arabia. God has quietly been building His church even in the most radical areas of the Middle East and will continue to do so. And, God uses the events of history to spread the good news (Acts 17:26-27). We need to stand with these believers in prayer as they walk through very uncertain times. 


As you watch the news of the Middle East, let it be a constant reminder to pray for God's people there, for their protection, for opportunities to share the good news and that God would continue to build his church. Pray also, that God would protect the many church planters and missionaries who work in this part of the world. Their work is hard in times of peace. It is harder in these current circumstances. Now is the time to pray.

When God gives us a full cup to hold

Full cups of anything are hard to hold, my steaming cup of coffee in the morning for instance, without spilling. Many of us hold full cups of something which are trusts from God. It may be a full cup of success, or of responsibility, or of money, it could be a full cup of suffering, or of significant gifting, or maybe wisdom or even vision. Whatever it is, we know the cup is full and others know the cup is full and we must decide how we are going to handle that full cup.

Full cups are made to be held with a steady hand. 

A steady hand comes from a quiet settled confidence that what we hold is from the hand of God and we hold it on His behalf. It is not for us to be proud as it did not come from us. It is not ours to be used indiscriminately as we hold it in trust. 

Steady hands understand the source of what they hold in their cup and the one they hold it for. 

What do you hold in your cup and how well are you holding it?

What does it mean to be ready for death?

No this is not a macabre subject, at least for those who are Christ followers. Nor is this a blog for senior citizens. The truth is that our time on earth is but a speck of the time we will have in eternity. 

The other truth is that there is a paper thin line between life and eternity and although we all expect and hope to live to a ripe old age, we know that is not always reality either. I know this from experience having been on the precipice of death at ages 51 and 52. The line came so close for me on several occasions that the paddles were out, the crash cart there and I hung by a thread between time and eternity - for days.

I have two dear friends right now who will slip through the veil in the next days or weeks. And I have a list of people now at 56 with whom I will be reunited on that day when I too slip through the veil.

Which leads me to a question. What does it mean for us to be ready for death? It is, after all a part of life and it is the close of one chapter and the opening of another chapter so amazing that there are not adequate words in the New Testament to describe it - only glimpses. But if Jesus is everything and if we will spend eternity with He who is everything, I guess that sums up what we need to know. 

The problem is that we don't know the day or the hour when we will close this chapter and open the next so living in light of eternity means that we are ready for those two chapters to collide and for us to go from one to the other. 

So what does it mean for us to be ready for death, for eternity, for that moment when life and eternity intersect just long enough for us to move from one to the other?

Readiness means that we don't fear death. We may not like the process but for believers death holds a promise of something far greater than we have ever experienced or could ever imagine. Fear of death is really the result of an inadequate understanding of God and His Word. Those of us who fear death need to study the promises of God on death and eternal life. 

Readiness means that we don't leave unfinished business. I am not talking about the unfinished building project or things that can be picked up by others. I do mean relationships that we wished we had fixed, priorities we should have pursued, family we should have spent time with, obedience we should have paid better attention to. We don't want loose ends that we wish we had tied up when we are moments from eternity.

Readiness means that we don't so overvalue life and undervalue eternity that we and our family cannot make the adjustment to our going. Death is hard for those we leave behind, not for those who enter Christ's presence. But just as we must not fear death, so they must not fear it either and in their sorrow for loss, rejoice in the gain of those who are now in the presence of Jesus. I grieve for families that live in depression and diminished life for years after a loved one has died. If they only had a glimpse of the other side of the veil they would be rejoicing even in their loss.

Readiness means that I want to leave an example of a life well lived and a death well died that comes out of a deep followership of Christ and faith in all of His promises. Eternity is about legacy that we leave behind for our families, friends, and colleagues. It is about an example that we can follow. Every day I think of friends who have gone before me and the example they left in how they lived and how they died. Those examples are like channel markers for me to do the same. I want it to be said that I ran the race well and that in the end with eternity in front of me, I finished the race well.

Death comes to all of us. We all face that journey. How we face it makes a great difference to us and to others.

Forgiveness and legacy

Our ability to either forgive or not forgive those who have wronged us has a direct impact on our legacy. True legacy is not about the success we have accomplished as it is about lives we have impacted.

When we refuse to forgive someone who has wronged us we rob ourselves of the ability to influence or impact them. And we live in the prison of our own unforgiveness because what we cannot forgive we cannot let go of.

The greatest pain I ever encountered was pain inflicted by an individual who over a period of years caused huge emotional turmoil, caused me to leave my job and spread lies and untruths that were deeply hurtful. It was a situation that left me clinically depressed, deeply discouraged, emotionally wounded and my life dreams shattered.

From a human perspective, if anyone did not deserve my forgiveness it was this individual who had violated me so greatly in many ways. He did not deserve to be forgiven, nor did he ever attempt to make things right. But I was left with a dilemma. As long as I held on to the hurt and offense that had been committed, I could not move beyond the pain he had caused.

If, on the other hand, I was willing to offer what he did not deserve, my forgiveness, I could move beyond the prison of the pain, allow that chapter of my life to become a part of my history rather than my present and allow that history to contribute to my personal growth, future difficult people I encountered and mold my character. It is a dilemma all of us face when others have hurt us.

Forgiving this individual in my own heart was one of the hardest things I ever did. The pain he had caused was so severe. But, once I took that step, I was on a journey toward freedom from that pain, even though it took years to finish. Had I not taken that step I would still be imprisoned by bitterness and the memories. Today neither have a hold on my life and the experience has molded me in numerous ways.

When we choose to forgive we not only do what Jesus told us to do but we release the hold that those who have wronged us have on our lives. And, in releasing the bitterness and pain we give God the opportunity to redeem the pain by turning it into ways that God can use it in our lives and in the lives of others.

When we choose not to forgive, we continue to allow those who wronged us to affect our lives negatively (effectively they continue to have power over us) and we prevent God from redeeming the pain and turning it into legacy.

Ministry gives plenty of opportunities to forgive "each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Every time we do that we live as Jesus lived and a bit of grace falls on those we forgive. And, we free ourselves from the possibility of bitterness which will lead us into bondage. Life is not fair - and God often uses the unfairness of life to build our own character and legacy. The issue is not whether we have been treated fairly, it is how will we respond when it happens.

Take a moment and write down the names those who you have not forgiven. Are you willing to forgive them today so that you can live in freedom and allow God to turn their offense into a part of your life’s legacy?

The one thing that can change everything in ministry impact

We are always looking for ways to change the equation in local church ministry. While there are many things we can do to increase our impact there are a handful of things that the New Testament tells us are essential to do. 

One of them can change everything: helping God's people reclaim their God given call and potential in ministry: To develop, empower and release people to use their skills and gifts to advance His kingdom in their circles of influence.

The heart of our call as church leaders is to see all of God's people join Him in meaningful ministry. "So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up (Ephesians 4:11-12)." It is my conviction and I believe the New Testament teaching and example that our congregations will have impact for the Gospel to the extent that God's people are using their gifts and skills on His behalf.

Here are several ways to help make this a reality in the local church.

First, we need to create an expectation in line with Ephesians 2:10 that we were created by God for specific works and He wants us to join Him in His work to "destroy the devils work" (1 John 3:8) on our planet and bring the hope and restoration of the Gospel (Romans 1:16-17) that changes lives in God's power. None of God's people are exempt from that expectation and call.

Second, we need to reclaim the priesthood of all believers as the theology behind the expectation. One of the dysfunctions of the church is professional ministry where we hire staff to do the work of ministry and ask for people to assist. How would life look different if we understood that we are all called, all given specific gifts by the Holy Spirit and all of us God's staff! Practice follows a proper understanding of theology and this is a theology that needs to be understood by God's people.

Third, it is powerful to tell stories of how God is using regular people in significant but ordinary ways to share the Good News, be agents of compassion and help, infuse their workplaces and neighborhoods with His love and live out the good works Jesus created us for. Stories make the theology practical and doable. They encourage others that God can use them in significant ways by simply living out God's call on their lives.

Fourth, we need to make it practical in our teaching and preaching. God changes the world by ordinary people doing ordinary things in the power of God's Spirit in their circles of influence. We need to communicate this theology that God can and does use ordinary people to accomplish His work: "Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong (1 Corinthians 1:26-27)."

Fifth we must redefine ministry. Ministry is not simply what happens in the church but it is living out God's call in each of our unique places and circles of influence. For some, most of their ministry will be outside of the church. Keeping it inside the church is the reason we have so little impact in our communities.

Finally we need to tell God's meta story of a world undone which God intents to make whole again through His death and resurrection and his return with a new heavens and new earth. In the meantime we are His agents of heaven to bring the hope and truth and love of Jesus to all places where we intersect. It is the fulfillment of the Lord's prayer, "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:9-10)." We are His agents to bring bits of heaven to earth as we live out our followership faithfully.

Our passion ought to be to see all of God's people find fulfillment in their lives and work as they become His ambassadors in ordinary places, in ordinary ways with results that are extraordinary because the Holy Spirit has infused our efforts with His power.

Life is a pursuit: we are all chasing something

Life is a pursuit. We have dreams, goals, desires, inner drives, and our own dysfunctions and pride that all contribute to whatever it is that we are pursuing. Understanding what we are chasing is a complex undertaking. But we are all chasing something!

In his advice to his protegee, Timothy, the Apostle Paul gives him some clear and salient counsel about those things he should chase. "But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith...(1 Timothy 6:11:-12)."

What he was to flee from is exactly what the world chases after - the love of money, discontentment, the "foolish and harmful desires" that drive so many. What he was to chase after were the spiritual qualities that define a person who looks like Jesus. We are all chasing something. Paul says be clear about what you are chasing and make sure that it is worthy of the chase.

We are defined by what we pursue in life. Chase the wrong things and we are like those Paul talks about who have "pierced themselves with many griefs (1 Timothy 6:10). 

In the end it is a person who defines our pursuit: God! Paul trips over his words to try to define the only one worthy of our pursuit. "God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen (1 Timothy 6:15-16).

What or whom are you chasing today? If you lead others, your chase will impact everyone you lead.