The longer I lead the more convinced I am that much of one's leadership stands or falls on their EQ (Emotional Intelligence). Good EQ gives our leadership credibility while poor EQ sabotages it. Yet it remains a skill set that many pay too little attention to. If I had to identify three EQ skills that a leader or supervisor had to have to be successful in the long run they would be these.
One: Personal security. Insecurity is the menace of many leaders leading to all kinds of behaviors to mask that insecurity. Personal security is knowing who we are with our strengths and weaknesses and being OK with that. Secure individuals do not need to be right, they have no need to be defensive and can live from a "nothing to prove, nothing to lose" perspective. Secure leaders are healthy leaders while insecure leaders are not.
Two: Self awareness. The better we understand ourselves the better our leadership can be. Other awareness and empathy toward others are not possible without self awareness. Self aware individuals understand their emotions and control them, their motives and regulate them and their relationships and keep them healthy. They also understand how they are perceived by others and how to manage their dark side (we all have one).
Three: Other awareness. Those who cannot understand the emotions, reactions, motivations and behaviors of others come off as uncaring, aloof and arrogant. Maybe even narcissistic. One cannot have empathy toward others without being aware of their needs and concerns. The best leaders are acutely aware of those around them and their needs. Only those who understand others can help them succeed and grow.
There is one more thing. It is possible to possess these skills but to neglect them - to become so consumed in our own stuff that we become careless with our self awareness, other awareness and it is possible for our personal security to become arrogance if not guarded. These three areas of EQ must be guarded, practiced and evaluated regularly for our leadership to be healthy.
(Written from Berlin, Germany)
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
After you hire the real work begins
You have your addition and you breath a sigh of relief. But not too fast! Now, the real work begins. From day one, you want to ensure that your new team member understands the mission, values, preferred future and all the things you told them on your 'what they need to know' list. They have heard it from you, now you need to make sure that they 'get it' in terms of how they work on your team.
The more personal time you can spend on the front end, the faster they will get up to speed and develop what you want them to develop rather than trying to figure out the 'rules' by watching others.
Set aside regular times to just sit with them over the first six months to ask them what they are observing, what they are surprised about, what information they need to do their job, and how you can remove barriers for them. Ask them how they read the culture of your team and ministry. They are new - you might be surprised by what they observe as a new set of eyes coming in. Probe with questions so that you both learn and can know how well they are assimilating into the organization. Make personal introductions to those they need to know in the organization.
For your own purposes and so you can do a better job with the next hire, after six months ask them to tell you what they wish they had been told on the front end, what the most difficult part of the transition was and what was most helpful in the entire process. Jot down their feedback and incorporate it into your next hiring process.
(Written from Berlin, Germany)
The more personal time you can spend on the front end, the faster they will get up to speed and develop what you want them to develop rather than trying to figure out the 'rules' by watching others.
Set aside regular times to just sit with them over the first six months to ask them what they are observing, what they are surprised about, what information they need to do their job, and how you can remove barriers for them. Ask them how they read the culture of your team and ministry. They are new - you might be surprised by what they observe as a new set of eyes coming in. Probe with questions so that you both learn and can know how well they are assimilating into the organization. Make personal introductions to those they need to know in the organization.
For your own purposes and so you can do a better job with the next hire, after six months ask them to tell you what they wish they had been told on the front end, what the most difficult part of the transition was and what was most helpful in the entire process. Jot down their feedback and incorporate it into your next hiring process.
(Written from Berlin, Germany)
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Bill Gothard and how his Basic Youth Conflicts led to Scriptural abuse and people abuse
Yes I attended one of the Basic Youth Conflict seminars as a teenager, one of millions that did. In a day when the church was not talking about practical issues, he certainly did. And it drew many adherents, and many cult like followers who believed his every word. Bill Gothard has finally resigned after decades of allegations, problems and abuse of people in his organization.
The problem was how Bill Gothard used the Word. For every issue there was a several step process to resolve them. It was a mechanical approach to solving those "basic youth conflicts" and you didn't need much of the Holy Spirit to do so. Further, his proof texting approach led to some egregious theological errors including the infamous "chain of command" from God to parents to children and of course from husbands to wives to children.
It was a theology of control that led Bill and his brother to controlling people who worked in his ministry in amazing ways. Words like manipulation, abuse, bondage, legalism, guilt, threats, manipulative God speak and sexual abuse all fit. It was legalism through and through with enough "truth" thrown in to make it sound and seem biblical. But it was far from Biblical in many respects.
One of the interesting byproducts of the black and white approach to every issue by Bill was that his disciples tended to marginalize those who disagreed with them. Churches split over Gothard theology, families were hurt, women were put down and used. When theology causes division (not over orthodox tenets of the faith) you know something is very wrong and it was a regular trait of both Gothard and his followers.
It also allowed the abuse of people using the veneer of God and the Bible. Grace was hard to find and as noted the Holy Spirit and His direction in our lives downplayed for the direction of the "spiritual authority" above us.
What is truly sad is that the bad theology and terrible treatment of people goes back to the sixties and yet he has been able to carry on largely unimpeded all these years. Until now when the weight of the years of abuse finally brought about his resignation. Many, many people have been scarred by his legalism and proof-texting. Many live with great guilt because they violated his "dress code" or "definition of Christian music." Many know they don't measure up to God because of what God "requires" (by Gothard's definition).
Some lessons from all this?
The problem was how Bill Gothard used the Word. For every issue there was a several step process to resolve them. It was a mechanical approach to solving those "basic youth conflicts" and you didn't need much of the Holy Spirit to do so. Further, his proof texting approach led to some egregious theological errors including the infamous "chain of command" from God to parents to children and of course from husbands to wives to children.
It was a theology of control that led Bill and his brother to controlling people who worked in his ministry in amazing ways. Words like manipulation, abuse, bondage, legalism, guilt, threats, manipulative God speak and sexual abuse all fit. It was legalism through and through with enough "truth" thrown in to make it sound and seem biblical. But it was far from Biblical in many respects.
One of the interesting byproducts of the black and white approach to every issue by Bill was that his disciples tended to marginalize those who disagreed with them. Churches split over Gothard theology, families were hurt, women were put down and used. When theology causes division (not over orthodox tenets of the faith) you know something is very wrong and it was a regular trait of both Gothard and his followers.
It also allowed the abuse of people using the veneer of God and the Bible. Grace was hard to find and as noted the Holy Spirit and His direction in our lives downplayed for the direction of the "spiritual authority" above us.
What is truly sad is that the bad theology and terrible treatment of people goes back to the sixties and yet he has been able to carry on largely unimpeded all these years. Until now when the weight of the years of abuse finally brought about his resignation. Many, many people have been scarred by his legalism and proof-texting. Many live with great guilt because they violated his "dress code" or "definition of Christian music." Many know they don't measure up to God because of what God "requires" (by Gothard's definition).
Some lessons from all this?
- We should be disciples of no man or woman but Jesus alone.
- If anyone has all the answers they don't have the answers.
- When theology divides beware.
- When theology is used to control people it is not from Jesus.
- When legalism rather than grace is the focus, it is not from Jesus.
- When rules not found in Scripture are propagated, it is rarely from Jesus.
- Check out the texts being used by yourself. Many of Gothard's proof texts do not say what he says they do.
- When many evangelical scholars take exception to someone's teaching, pay attention (many did).
- When there are hints of immorality and money misuse or poor board oversight of a ministry - stay away (there were).
- When there is a mechanistic answer to every problem, forget it. It is not how God works.
- When a ministry's workplace is toxic something is very, very wrong.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
When leaders get irritated
It happens to anyone who leads. I don't need to go into the causes as there can be many. The question is how does one handle the irritation with ones staff? It may seem like an elementary question but it actually is not as our response can help or hinder our leadership. It is why careless leaders lose unnecessary coinage with staff because they do not moderate their responses appropriately.
Leaders have a higher responsibility to moderate their emotions and responses than others. The best leaders choose carefully how and when to respond to irritating events and modulate their emotions with care. The control of our emotions is designed to get us the best result rather than to vent in ways that are unhelpful. Leaders who are careless with their responses and emotions often hurt people unnecessarily (especially true with emails).
There are many times when leaders choose to keep their irritation to themselves and seek to solve the issue without revealing their emotions. There is often no need for staff to know our irritation if it is not necessary. Every time we reveal irritation we use and often lose coinage with staff.
There are a few instances where leaders intentionally choose to reveal their irritation, strong feelings or appropriate anger in order to make a significant point. There are times and events that require strong reaction because the issue at hand is critical to the organization. Especially when a key value of the organization has been violated.
The issue is whether leaders have the ability to modulate their emotions and often keep their emotions to themselves. And, to use their emotions in a productive manner rather than allowing them to be used unproductively.
(Written from Berlin, Germany)
Leaders have a higher responsibility to moderate their emotions and responses than others. The best leaders choose carefully how and when to respond to irritating events and modulate their emotions with care. The control of our emotions is designed to get us the best result rather than to vent in ways that are unhelpful. Leaders who are careless with their responses and emotions often hurt people unnecessarily (especially true with emails).
There are many times when leaders choose to keep their irritation to themselves and seek to solve the issue without revealing their emotions. There is often no need for staff to know our irritation if it is not necessary. Every time we reveal irritation we use and often lose coinage with staff.
There are a few instances where leaders intentionally choose to reveal their irritation, strong feelings or appropriate anger in order to make a significant point. There are times and events that require strong reaction because the issue at hand is critical to the organization. Especially when a key value of the organization has been violated.
The issue is whether leaders have the ability to modulate their emotions and often keep their emotions to themselves. And, to use their emotions in a productive manner rather than allowing them to be used unproductively.
(Written from Berlin, Germany)
Friday, March 7, 2014
Can the Gospel impact whole cities?
The answer is yes! We know because God has done it before and I am confident he will do it again (I hope many times over) in our day. I remember growing up in Hong Kong where the Gospel was not well known in the sixties. Today it would be hard to live there without being touched by the love of Jesus in some way as over the years the Gospel has flourished and grown and the church has been deeply active in the life of the city. Much the same can be said for Singapore.
Today I am attending a conference for Together for Berlin, a coalition of ministries committed to reaching Berlin with the Gospel. ReachGlobal participates heavily in this effort. Together we would like to see a transformational Gospel presence in every one of Berlin's 100 distinct neighborhoods. Together, across ethnic (there are some 200 ethnic churches in Berlin), denominational and country lines we want to see the name of Jesus become well known and His reputation lifted high. And that in a city that is today one of the most secular but influential cities on the planet.
Can it happen? Through the presence of the Holy Spirit and the power of the Gospel it can. And I believe it will because God has laid a similar burden on the hearts of so many Christians in this city and when God's people live and work in unity (John 17) God can work powerfully. Powerful ministry comes out of God's people putting aside their less important differences for the cause of the Gospel and the name of Jesus. They have kingdom hearts like Jesus not provincial and small hearts like many others.
In the room with me are people from all over the world who now live in Berlin. They are very different and their faith expressions are also varied. The music this morning comes from a Romanian church in Berlin of 600, one of the largest churches in the city. Many different people, different churches, but they are of one mind when it comes to reaching this city with the love and transformation of Jesus. The unity of His people is a sign of His presence. Jesus said so! And it is evident in Berlin!
What about your city? Is there an effort among God's people to come together for the cause of the Gospel? I watched it happen in my home city, Hong Kong. I am watching it happen in Berlin and in ReachGlobal we are praying for some 100 such places world wide. I know of a number of cities where such efforts are underway and it always starts when God's people come together in unity around the Gospel. What unites us as evangelical believers is far more powerful than what divides us.
(Written from Berlin, Germany)
Today I am attending a conference for Together for Berlin, a coalition of ministries committed to reaching Berlin with the Gospel. ReachGlobal participates heavily in this effort. Together we would like to see a transformational Gospel presence in every one of Berlin's 100 distinct neighborhoods. Together, across ethnic (there are some 200 ethnic churches in Berlin), denominational and country lines we want to see the name of Jesus become well known and His reputation lifted high. And that in a city that is today one of the most secular but influential cities on the planet.
Can it happen? Through the presence of the Holy Spirit and the power of the Gospel it can. And I believe it will because God has laid a similar burden on the hearts of so many Christians in this city and when God's people live and work in unity (John 17) God can work powerfully. Powerful ministry comes out of God's people putting aside their less important differences for the cause of the Gospel and the name of Jesus. They have kingdom hearts like Jesus not provincial and small hearts like many others.
In the room with me are people from all over the world who now live in Berlin. They are very different and their faith expressions are also varied. The music this morning comes from a Romanian church in Berlin of 600, one of the largest churches in the city. Many different people, different churches, but they are of one mind when it comes to reaching this city with the love and transformation of Jesus. The unity of His people is a sign of His presence. Jesus said so! And it is evident in Berlin!
What about your city? Is there an effort among God's people to come together for the cause of the Gospel? I watched it happen in my home city, Hong Kong. I am watching it happen in Berlin and in ReachGlobal we are praying for some 100 such places world wide. I know of a number of cities where such efforts are underway and it always starts when God's people come together in unity around the Gospel. What unites us as evangelical believers is far more powerful than what divides us.
(Written from Berlin, Germany)
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Desperation
I just arrived in Berlin for two and a half weeks of meetings and discovered when I checked into my room that my phone was missing. Immediately there was this feeling of desperation. All my contacts, my best way to communicate, the one thing that is never more than a few feet from me at any time and somehow it has become separated.
It got me to thinking! What if we were as desperate for the company of the Holy Spirit in our day as we are for that little piece of technology that has become so dear to our lives and which we cannot do without. I think that is the point of John 15 where Jesus says I am the vine and you are the branches and whoever remains in me and I in them will bear much fruit.
I know that I can exist without my phone. I know I cannot exist without the presence of the Holy Spirit. If only we were as concerned about Him as we were about those things that make our life manageable on the technology side. A good lesson learned. Now I hope I can still locate that piece of technology!
(Written from Berlin, Germany)
It got me to thinking! What if we were as desperate for the company of the Holy Spirit in our day as we are for that little piece of technology that has become so dear to our lives and which we cannot do without. I think that is the point of John 15 where Jesus says I am the vine and you are the branches and whoever remains in me and I in them will bear much fruit.
I know that I can exist without my phone. I know I cannot exist without the presence of the Holy Spirit. If only we were as concerned about Him as we were about those things that make our life manageable on the technology side. A good lesson learned. Now I hope I can still locate that piece of technology!
(Written from Berlin, Germany)
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Pray for those in Ukraine: A missionary's perspective
Comments from a ReachGlobal staff member
It’s now after 5 am in Ukraine on March 4. Before I go to sleep tonight in the US, I’ll scour international news sites and Facebook with friends from Ukraine, looking for friends and ministry partners who may be on Skype at this early hour (for them) to see what happened with the ultimatum presented by the Russian government for Ukrainians to abandon their posts in Crimea or face the consequences and wrath of the Russian Army.
It’s now after 5 am in Ukraine on March 4. Before I go to sleep tonight in the US, I’ll scour international news sites and Facebook with friends from Ukraine, looking for friends and ministry partners who may be on Skype at this early hour (for them) to see what happened with the ultimatum presented by the Russian government for Ukrainians to abandon their posts in Crimea or face the consequences and wrath of the Russian Army.
It is surreal to live
in and love the country that is the headline of every international newscast. News changes so quickly that I’m often
hesitant to post or make requests too specific.
That said, I would like to suggest ways we can pray together:
Just as God held back
vast armies numerous times in The Old Testament, we have seen God hold back the
immense Russian Army and opposition in Ukraine.
Please pray with us that God will grant peace throughout Ukraine. We are dependent on him for his intervention.
Amid the conflict in Kiev, there has been a prayer tent
where people of numerous denominations have gathered together and stood to
intercede for unity and peace. Please
pray with us that this unity of believers will continue long beyond this
conflict.
Pray for war to be completely avoided in all areas of
Ukraine.
We know from biblical accounts and personal experience that
we serve a God of restoration and miracles.
Pray that He changes and directs the hearts of opposition leaders.
Pray for wisdom as the new government in Ukraine leads. The new Prime Minister is a former Baptist
Pastor. Pray that he will hear and heed
God’s voice.
We place our hope in God.
We recognize that He uses nations and leaders to accomplish His
will. Thank God for His sovereignty.
Often when the things that we put temporary hope in are
stripped away, we see people search for answers. Pray that Ukrainians will continue to turn to
God for eternal hope and answers.
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