What I wish many adults knew and understood

"This is your heart. It goes in your belly so you can hear 

Jesus." 

My Grandson Gavrel

I know my church board is healthy when....

There are a number of key indicators of a healthy church board. If you are serving in this capacity, consider these indicators as you consider your own board.

I know my church board is healthy when...

• There are healthy relationships between all board members - even when there are differences of opinion

• We are free to put all issues on the table with the exception of hidden agendas and personal attacks

• A concern for what would please Jesus is front and central all the time

• There is a healthy balance between business and prayer

• Meetings are focused and generally stay within the set time constraints

• I want to go to board meetings!

• There is clarity about ministry direction and we seek to move in that direction

• We do governance work and allow staff to do their work without interference

• We place a high priority on learning and growing

• There are no elephants in the room

• Unhealthy behaviors on the board are not tolerated

• We have a vision that goes beyond us and is Jesus and Kingdom centered not us centered

• There is a deep concern for the spiritual growth of those in the church as well as for those in our community that do not yet know Jesus

• We are willing to tackle hard issues but always with the grace of Jesus

• We know one another well enough to tolerate and appreciate one another's differences

• We are never satisfied with the status quo but are always looking to the future and where God wants us to go

• We pray for one another outside of board meetings

• We have a board covenant that speaks to how we work with one another

• There are no unresolved conflicts between board members

Simple indicators but indicators of health. It is worth taking a few minutes as a board and asking the questions!

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

I am sad this evening

I am no stranger to health issues which is why it saddens me when others are suffering from them. I spent the afternoon at a hospital visiting a friend whose brain function is unknown after a fall. I had the privilege of praying for him and as I did he opened his eyes and tried to focus, it seemed, but I don't know.

A few days ago I received news of a senior team member of ReachGlobal who has an aggressive brain tumor. It has not left my mind since I heard it. I am praying for full healing as I prayed for my friend in the hospital but I am grieving for the uncertainty he faces along with his family. They are expressing their faith in the title of their blog (Good Things from the hand of God). That is the kind of faith we all need to live with. Nevertheless I grieve as I pray in faith.

And then there is a dear friend who informed me that she has been diagnosed with stage four stomach cancer. She is my age. I grieve and I pray. And then there is a dear friend of mine from college (it seems like yesterday) who just entered hospice care after fighting ovarian cancer with everything she had for seven years until she knew it was time and she could not fight anymore. 

I am reminded of the number of times in the Scriptures it talks of those who visit the sick, who care for the forgotten and I think of the many who ministered to me and my family during times of life threatening illness. They encouraged, they ministered and they prayed. We can never make enough home or hospital visits to the sick and suffering. We can never extend enough love to those who are physically hurting. We can never pray enough for those who are dependent on our prayers because they don't have the strength to pray themselves. 

We who have health ought to never take it for granted and it will not last forever. Thank God for it. And remember those who do not. Minister to them, pray with them, be bold in your prayers. Love them and their families. It may be the most important and unknown ministry you will ever have. Our family will never forget the friends who stood by us during long hospital stays. I will be forever grateful. Jesus was honored by their faithfulness. It is never a wasted opportunity.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Lessons I have learned in helping churches resolve conflict

After many years of working with churches that find themselves in conflictual situations, I have come to the conclusion that there are six non-negotiable principles if there is to be a successful outcome.

First, an outside facilitator is usually necessary. The nature of conflict is that people take sides so it becomes very difficult for anyone from within to play the role of a neutral mediator. In fact, the larger the conflict the more critical it is that the individual you bring in is trusted by both sides to have the best interests of the church at heart. The sooner you bring someone in when it is clear that the situation is dangerous the better.

Second, the issues that are fueling the conflict need to be brought into the light. Conflict thrives in the shadows, in gossip, in cliques, in assumptions and behind the scenes. Bringing all the competing agendas, attitudes and positions into the light and allowing all members of the congregation to understand what is being said, what is happening and what the issues are takes the mystique out of the situation and allows everyone to respond from a position of knowledge. It also removes the power of those who have an agenda but have not been willing to make it public but have instead been putting on pressure from behind the scenes. Getting everything on the table allows all stakeholders to understand what is going on and to have a voice in solving the issues. Ironically, those who are most vociferous in their opinions overplay those who agree with them when in fact, if all facts were known, the majority would not agree. 

Third. Reconciliation is always preferable to disunity. This is actually a hard concept for many who have taken a position in church conflict. First, our natural tendency is to take a hard line and once we have told others about our own line-in-the-sand it is humbling to change our position. Second, the longer conflict goes on, the more we see the members of the opposing side as evil, dishonest, disingenuous, people with bad motives and once we demonize people it is hard to ever think that reconciliation is possible. 

To not be willing to consider reconciliation is to make a mockery of God's reconciliation with us and His call for us to be reconcilers. Speaking of church conflict, this is what Paul had to say to the Corinthians. "I appeal to you brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought (1 Corinthians 1:10)." 

In Ephesians 4:1-6 Paul writes, "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit - just as you were called to one hope when you were called - one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." Having said that, I acknowledge that sometimes it is not going to be possible to reconcile and stay together. Sometimes it means that we part ways and speak well of one another.

Fourth, ground rules need to be established. One of the most incendiary fuels in all conflict is the absence of ground rules - what is acceptable and what is not. For a list of the ground rules that I recommend, see my blog, Negotiating church conflict in a healthy manner. Or if you want to keep it very simple, look back at the passage in Ephesians 4:1-6 where he says be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace. When you think about it, these characteristics are almost always lacking when conflict is taking place. What gets in our way? Pride, wanting to get our own way, anger, and our emotions.

Five, you probably will not convince everyone. There are people who don't want to reconcile. There are people whose pride is far greater than their humility and they have no desire to seek a win/win solution. In working with churches in conflict, I don't do very much to try to convince the unconvincible even if they have the loudest voices. I am looking for people of peace and reason who are willing to work together to see the church come together in unity. This does not mean that the issues that have caused disunity are swept under the rug. To the contrary, as principle two states, they are all on the table and those that need to be addressed are addressed. To do that successfully, however, it requires men and women of peace and reason, whose personal agendas do not cloud their emotions.

Who is most likely to leave in church conflict? Those who have taken a hard stand and cannot or will not compromise that stand. Frankly, it is good for them to leave because they will simply contribute to ongoing conflict if they are not willing to come together with the rest of the congregation.

Sixth: It is a process. Church conflict does not start overnight and it does not get settled overnight. It may take a year in some cases to bring the church back to health. The benefits of doing so far outweigh the trauma of either a church split (which damages churches for years to come) a powerplay by a faction in the church (which causes huge trauma to a church and a significant lack of trust) or not dealing with it at all which dooms the church to later issues.

What is needed for a healthy process is a willingness of the congregation to work together recognizing that how they handle their differences will either enhance or diminish the reputation of Jesus. If His reputation is at stake - and it is - I will do all I can to enhance it.

Additional blogs on church conflict:

Negotiating church conflict in a healthy manner

8 Reasons in my experience that churches experience major conflict

Church conflict: Finding the core issue and the common source

Seven things to understand about church conflict

Church conflict, christian character and the reputation of Jesus

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Leaders who neglect this discipline pay for it dearly

There is one discipline that no leader can do without but too many try. It is that of developing meaningful relationships with key staff and leaders or people of influence in their organization. For instance, I regularly talk with pastors regarding board members that they are having difficulties with and inevitably there is also an absence of a meaningful relationship.

This is not about lobbying these individuals. It is about understanding them and they us which only happens in the context of time together. Relationship is the foundation of understanding and where we have meaningful relationships we are willing to give others the benefit of the doubt rather than judging their motives.

My take is that many leaders are so busy doing their thing and building whatever they are building that they are too busy to be bothered by the time and attention it takes to develop meaningful relationships. Eventually this catches up with them when fault lines appear in the ministry and the very people who the leader needs to help them through have lost their confidence and there is no relational glue to hold it together.

This also pertains to leaders with their key staff. It is easy to neglect relationships with staff members, just assuming that all is well. But in the absence of relationships those staff members have no great incentive to stand by their leader when there is difficulty or conflict. This often catches senior leaders by surprise but it is often too late by the time they realize the situation.

All good leadership is based on relational equity. Without relationship there is little or no equity. If you lead anything, make sure that the discipline of meaningful relationships is high on your agenda.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

The Rise of the Dones, why bright and committed believers are leaving the church today

A very insightful article as to why some of the best and brightest are just done with church. It could be coming to a church near you or yours.

The Rise of the Dones

Coming on January One

It is not out till January one but I have the first copies and it looks great. Thank you NavPress and Tyndale. 

Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.