Getting it all on the table

I recently sat through a meeting that was honest, hard, candid and helpful. It was honest and candid in that everyone had a chance to speak into the issues fully. It was hard because there were hard issues put on the table. It was helpful because what was inside and impacting the thinking of people toward one another was said, making it easier to deal with the real issues. 

Because there was goodwill toward one another there were no words spoken in anger but many with conviction. What really mattered was the mission of the organization and that was put at the center of the discussion. Everyone had a chance to speak and they did.

This kind of dialogue happens too seldom. We dance around issues, we pretend all is well and we don't say the truly honest things to one another. It is unfortunate because in the end the organization does not reach its full potential. Truth and honesty bring clarity and understanding while stuffing it causes ambiguity and misunderstanding. But it takes courage to put issues on the table and trust that it will be heard and not used against us. That is the mark of a healthy team. Easy? No! Freeing? Yes!

Life is too short to pretend or hide. And neither move the mission forward. People of goodwill, however can have this kind of candid dialogue because they care for one another and the mission and are willing to have the uncomfortable but necessary conversations to get there relationally and missionally. It may get tense at times but it does get the issues in the open so that they can be discussed and hopefully resolved.

Getting it on the table is not something to be feared but to be embraced. Without this there cannot be resolution. With it there can be.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Moving from baggage to luggage

Think of baggage as those things that hold us back. It may be that we are running in the wrong lane, personal debt, unresolved issues or anything that unnecessarily weighs us down. It is all those things that create unnecessary dissonance in our lives and weight us down. All of us have baggage that we carry around.

Luggage on the other hand is what we take with us to help us in our travels to make the journey easier and more enjoyable. It is the skills we have, the relationships that fill us and the role we play when it is fruitful and enjoyable.

Here is the question: do you have more baggage in your life or luggage? To be more specific, what are the pieces of baggage that currently hold you back and keep you from being all God made you to be? What can you do to shed the baggage and exchange it for helpful luggage?

We pick up baggage over the course of life and it takes an intentional effort to relive ourselves of the baggage and therefore the burdens that it entails. Make a list of your baggage and then ask yourself what you can do to shed it or resolve it. A journey requires some well chosen luggage but not a lot of baggage. 

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Top blogs on conflict and reconciliation

Incarnation and reconciliation 

Conflict, reconciliation, Jesus, the church and us

Reconciling irreconcilable differences

Lessons I have learned in helping churches resolve conflict

When churches need to reconcile with staff and members who have been treated badly

Unfinished business

Conflict: Walk toward the barking dog

Conflict avoidance creates greater conflict: Four ironies regarding conflict

Five mistakes to avoid in negotiating conflict

Seven things to understand about church conflict

Church conflict: Finding the core issue and the common source

De escalating conflict

Living in peace with one another

Conflict and problem avoidance create sick churches

Negotiating church conflict in a healthy manner

Church conflict, christian character and the reputation of Jesus

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

A great article on what it does and does not mean to lead with compassion

HOW TO LEAD WITH COMPASSION BUT NOT BE A PUSHOVER

Appealing to our vanity

From time to time I receive "notice" that I have been chosen as an outstanding contributor in some field and that upon the acceptance of my application (and significant fee) I may be approved to be included in this exclusive list of names to be listed in a fancy volume so that I can purchase it and put it on my shelf. 

Of course, this is not about my great accomplishments but someone making money but the fact that they publish said volumes year after year is indication that there is no shortage of vanity to take advantage of. My latest accomplishments seem to be in the field of HR which my own HR office would find highly comic, and highly suspect.

Studies show that we consistently overrate our abilities and wisdom and underrate out weaknesses and mistakes. No matter, we know better and often think of ourselves more highly than we should.

Those in Christian service who see success often start to buy the press they (we) receive. It is a dangerous path to walk down. The leaders I admire the most are the most ordinary of people, real people, who have not allowed anyone to place them on a pedestal, who discount the adulation they receive because they both know themselves well and know who gave them any gifts they possess. It is their humility and humanity (and these two go together) that endear them to others. 

Pride is one of the most often named sins in Scripture because God hates the haughty but loves the humble. The humble, after all, reflect the character of Jesus (Philippians 2). The humble reflect the character of God who has no need to be humble in any sense. As the beatitudes say, "blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth." I have made it an "unseen practice" when people are praising me to inwardly say, "Jesus it is all yours and any praise that comes to me is your deserved praise." I cannot claim credit for gifts that God gave me to steward. He was the source and His is the praise. It is why I am always uncomfortable in that situation.

It is easy to think we are humble. It is a lifelong discipline to stay humble, especially for those who are in the limelight. I will always remember the funeral of my mother in law, one of the most humble people I ever met. The place was packed. Not because she was somebody in circles that "mattered." Rather because from behind the scenes, she lived out her faith in humble acts of kindness that endeared her to all who came to her service. I receive accolades in this life. She may receive more of them in heaven. 

Guarding ourselves against vanity and practicing humility is one of the more important disciplines for those who end up in the lime light. 

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

You cannot see the picture if you are inside the frame

How often we are blind to the issues within our own organizations that in retrospect we wish we had seen. It is often a challenge to see what we need to see without a great deal of intentionality because you cannot see the picture if you are inside the frame. All of us live and work within certain frames and it is difficult to see the whole picture from our vantage point. It is the very reason we bring in consultants. They may not be brighter than us but they can see the picture better than we can.

There are ways to mitigate against not being able to see the forest for the trees. One is to intentionally maintain an outside perspective by asking how others would see our organization. Or, what would I say if I were a consultant to my own organization? Another is to routinely question why we do things the way we do, or "if we were building this today how would we design it?" Usually we would design it differently than it is designed today. Should we do something about that? In other words, we intentionally seek to look at our way of doing things from the outside rather than just assuming we do them well.

This is also why the best leaders spend time with other leaders asking them about issues that they wonder about. Many leaders never do this because they simply assume they have it down. None of us have it down perfectly or are exempt from learning from others. Run of the mill leaders are not inquisitive but the best leaders are.

Finally this conundrum of perspective is why it is so critical to create an organizational culture of openness, candid dialogue and the ability to question the status quo. It is the absence of this kind of culture (usually due to the insecurity of a leader) that keeps our own staff from naming issues that need to be seen. Staff will not go where they are not invited or allowed to go so leaders either create this kind of culture or don't depending on their own EQ.

There is one thing I can assure all of us. None of us see perfectly from inside the frame. That fact in itself ought to humble us and give us pause. And cause us to work diligently to see as much of the picture as we can.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

What I wish many adults knew and understood

"This is your heart. It goes in your belly so you can hear 

Jesus." 

My Grandson Gavrel