Expectations of others and the role they play in our leadership paradigms

Those who lead inherit expectations from their team or organization. Some of those expectations are critical: Building healthy teams; serving one's staff; removing barriers; clarifying what is important and so on. All supervisors and leaders have an unwritten contract with those they lead around these key issues. Leaders ought to pay close attention to those leadership traits that promote clarity, health, alignment, accountability and results.

But, there are also expectations that simply come from history (what the previous leader did), personal preferences (this is what my leader should do) or my version of what a leader is and does. This is one of the primary issues pastors face because there are as many expectations of what a pastor should be and do as their are members of the congregation. These unrealistic or false expectations can cause issues for leaders unless they are personally clear as to what is important to them in their leadership role.

The expectations of others are a trap because no leader can ever fulfill all the expectations that others have, nor should they. There are simply too many. Leaders must be clear about what is important to them in leading well rather than trying to fulfill the expectations of others. Furthermore those expectations, (other than the critical obligations every leader has) are often distractions to good leadership, rather than contributors to the mission. 

Leaders must have a clear understanding of their strengths and those things they bring to the table that are critical to the team or organization they lead. If we as leaders are not clear on our priorities, others will gladly step in and define our priorities for us. In that scenario we are not leading: others are leading us. 

If we are driven to please others by meeting their expectations we are more concerned that people like us than that we are to lead well. Our goal should not be that everyone likes us but that those we lead respect us, and that we serve them well. There is a big difference between the two. The best leaders have conviction and clarity as to what their priorities are and it does not include meeting all the expectations of others. 

What is important is that leaders can articulate clearly what their priorities are and what staff can expect from them. And then consistently deliver on those commitments. Clarity and consistency generate respect and stability. Lack of clarity and inconsistency confuse those we lead. 

The expectations of others usually come from how they would live or lead. But they are not us. "But our last leader...." is not an uncommon phrase. Bless them for how they did what they did but we are not them. It is why in organizations I have led there are some non negotiable expectations of leaders, but how they do what they do is highly flexible. Leaders are individuals with their unique gifting, personalities and even quirks (yes we all have them). All of us must  lead from who God made us to be. 

When we get caught in trying to meet the unrealistic or false expectations of others we inevitably get out of our best lane and it hurts our leadership. Ironically in trying to meet the expectations of others we often end up hurting our staff because we are no longer leading out of who we are, or focused on the clarity that we ought to have. The clarity of a leader keeps them from the trap of expectations that would otherwise be a distraction to their leadership.

You cannot see the picture if you are inside the frame

How often we are blind to the issues within our own organizations that in retrospect we wish we had seen. It is often a challenge to see what we need to see without a great deal of intentionality because you cannot see the picture if you are inside the frame. All of us live and work within certain frames and it is difficult to see the whole picture from our vantage point. It is the very reason we bring in consultants. They may not be brighter than us but they can see the picture better than we can.

There are ways to mitigate against not being able to see the forest for the trees. One is to intentionally maintain an outside perspective by asking how others would see our organization. Or, what would I say if I were a consultant to my own organization? Another is to routinely question why we do things the way we do, or "if we were building this today how would we design it?" Usually we would design it differently than it is designed today. Should we do something about that? In other words, we intentionally seek to look at our way of doing things from the outside rather than just assuming we do them well.

This is also why the best leaders spend time with other leaders asking them about issues that they wonder about. Many leaders never do this because they simply assume they have it down. None of us have it down perfectly or are exempt from learning from others. Run of the mill leaders are not inquisitive but the best leaders are.

Finally this conundrum of perspective is why it is so critical to create an organizational culture of openness, candid dialogue and the ability to question the status quo. It is the absence of this kind of culture (usually due to the insecurity of a leader) that keeps our own staff from naming issues that need to be seen. Staff will not go where they are not invited or allowed to go so leaders either create this kind of culture or don't depending on their own EQ.

There is one thing I can assure all of us. None of us see perfectly from inside the frame. That fact in itself ought to humble us and give us pause. And cause us to work diligently to see as much of the picture as we can.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Six areas that every leader needs to have clarity on

A critical factor in leadership development is that of coming to maximum clarity in a number of areas. This clarity frees us from the expectations of others and allows us to lead from a reliable internal compass. Unpredictable leaders or those who change direction often or who are hard to predict lack such internal clarity. As a result they create confusion for those around them as they struggle with their own issues.

Think about these areas of clarity:

One: Clarity around who God created us to be. God gave me a few specific gifts, the same with you. Being clear on how God gifted us allows us to focus in on what we are good at and find ways to say no to those things we are not good at. God designed us the way He did for a specific purpose!

Two: Clarity around how we lead. I cannot lead like you and you cannot lead like me. We can all learn from one another but ultimately we must lead out of who God made us to be. Leadership styles vary and they reflect our wiring and gifting.

Three: Clarity around who we need on our team. Because our skill set is limited we need others with requisite skills to work with us in the accomplishment of our mission. Being clear on what we bring to the table and what we need others to bring to the table is an important skill to develop. 

Four: Clarity about what drives us. For those of us in Christian ministry this is especially important. What motivates me and drives me? Is it more about me or more about God? It is easy to confuse the two and when it is about us we will often use people for our purposes rather than steward them for God's purposes. Understanding our hearts is critical for healthy leaders.

Five: Clarity over a cause worth giving our lives to. Some settle for a job while others pursue a calling. It is easy to settle into mid life with a job and rather than a calling. The best leaders always pursue a calling and never settle for a job.

Six: Clarity of being able to say no and feel good about it. This only comes when we have clarity on our calling, our gifting, our wiring and what it is that God has called us to do at this point in our lives. Until we can say no to those things we are not called to do so that we can say yes to those things we are called to do and feel good about it we don't live with adequate clarity.

Increasing our level of clarity allows us to lead with greater focus and a strong compass. 

Habits that set the best leaders apart from other leaders

The best leaders have developed habits that allow them to become what they are. Some of the habits that set them apart from other leaders are:

·       They are more reflective

·       They take the time to think more deeply

·       They spend more time understanding themselves and those       they lead

·       They are more deeply committed to understanding God           and his Word and discerning his direction

·       They ask more and better questions

·       They take more time to evaluate success and effectiveness
         in their own lives and in the ministry the lead

·       They do less so that they can accomplish more

·       They spend more time thinking about what they should do

·       They think long term rather than short term

·       They are more concerned about the quality of their inner         life than the success of their outer life

·       They are deeply sensitive to the voice of God in their               lives and leadership

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.