Give the gift of Hope this Christmas to those who need it

Nothing describes the incarnation better than hope. Yet there are many who need the gift of hope this Christmas. This book was written for those who are walking through hard times - to give them the ultimate hope. If you know someone who needs the gift of hope this Christmas, this is a gift that will deliver much needed hope. To order, just click on the book cover.

From the forward:
Life has come undone. One day life is normal, and the next day our
lives are thrown into confusion and chaos. Like a drowning person, we find ourselves fighting to get back to the surface so we can take a breath.Pain, fear, and uncertainty have taken over. It is hard to even grasp this new reality as our minds and hearts shout, “This cannot be!”

If any of this describes you, a friend, or family member, this book is written for you. This is an authentic experience with life and pain and faith. Ultimately, this book offers hope for what can be after life has come undone, but before we get to what can be we must deal with what is. We must struggle through the emotional turmoil when life’s rules change cruelly without our permission.

No matter how strong our faith, such events often create a crisis of
faith. To not ask hard questions about God’s love and faithfulness in the trauma of life undone is abnormal, maybe irrational. Never is our understanding of God’s love, grace, and mercy more challenged and the answers more important than when life is hard and hope is scarce. We hang on to faith by the tips of our fingers as our minds work to encompass issues we have never had to understand except in a theoretical way.

To all of this there are no easy answers and often just more questions. The life undone forces us to question and reexamine the very core of what faith and life are about. I have asked these hard questions, and I am sure you have as well.

I invite you on a journey toward a life of hope, wholeness, and freedom. You can get there, regardless of how your life has come undone. This is not a journey of easy answers but one of honest realities, unlikely gifts, divine scars, God’s goodness, and ultimately a freedom that you have never experienced before.

There is nothing theoretical about When Life Comes Undone. It
comes out of real life, real pain, real struggle, and real faith. It explores the question, How do we walk by faith when life is hard and hope is scarce? Where is God in our pain? Why does God allow life to come undone when I have served Him and followed Him? There are no easy answers, but there are divine perspectives that can help us on that hard journey we all walk at one time or another.

I have walked this hard path. Walk with me toward freedom.
When life comes undone, having a community of support becomes
crucial. You may choose to use this book in a small group with others who are on this journey. Finding your freedom may involve receiving from others as well as giving your compassion and prayer to others. Use the discussion questions at the end of each chapter in your small group. Each chapter also includes a prayer, as an example of praying boldly. I invite you to prayerfully read through this book, allowing God to minister to your heart and heal your pain.

Listening to voices that make us feel uncomfortable

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned as a leader is to listen to voices and opinions that make me feel uncomfortable. It is not that I need to agree with them but I do need to listen to them and evaluate the perspective I am hearing. 

Think of the complexity of the world in which we live. We have perspectives of men and women (often different), first and second generation immigrants (often different), the outlook of various racial groups (witness Ferguson) and significant differences in the outlooks of differing age groups. It is in this environment that we are called to do ministry and advance the kingdom of Jesus - together.

I think it was no accident that Jesus brought together the most amazing group of disciples that would never have bonded apart from Him. He was making the point that in Him we can become one. In Him there is no Jew or Gentile, male or female, free or enslaved. In Him we  are one. The challenge of course is in living that truth out in the real life ministries we are a part of. Not easy indeed but possible if our vision is on the family God is intent in creating as His family. 

That means, however that we need to listen to the voices that make up the family we are a part of. All of us seen from our own perspective while Jesus desires us to see from His perspective. And His perspective takes in all of His people and their views and unique outlooks on life. Can it be uncomfortable? Yes! Can it help us grow and expand our views on life and ministry? Absolutely! It is our unity in our diversity that makes us the strongest as God's family. In that sense I love to be made uncomfortable because it helps me understand Him in a fuller way and the family of God in its fullness. 

The theology of the priesthood of all believers is a powerful reason to listen to fellow believers and seek to understand their perspective. They like us have the Holy Spirit dwelling in their hearts and it is us together that make up the wonderful and diverse family that is His family.

The kind of leader I aspire to be

There are no perfect leaders. The question is what kind of leader we aspire to be and what we are willing to do about it. I aspire to be a particular kind of leader that is counter cultural because that is what Jesus was. He sets the agenda for leaders who represent Him. I aspire to be a leader who is:

• Humble - knowing who I am, knowing who I am not and knowing Who gave me the gifts I have and why He gave them.
• Missional - possessing clarity on what God has called me to do and clarity on what He has not called me to do.
• Healthy - in my physical life, spiritual life, emotional life, relational life and skill set.
• Empowering - committed to developing, empowering and releasing others into their God given destiny.
• Christ centered - where it is all about Him and not about me.
• Intentional - living out the clarity that God has given me and not being distracted by less important things.
• Learning - we never arrive and I desire to keep becoming better at what God has called me to do. My goal is to create a culture of robust dialogue and learning so that we never become complacent and always keep growing.
• Gracious - treating people the way Jesus treated them and caring for them the way He cared for them.
• Candid - without spin or pretense, providing honest feedback and analysis.

Those I lead will be the first to tell you that I don't do any of this perfectly but I hope they would affirm that this is my heart, my intention and what I aspire to. What kind of leader do you aspire to be?

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

When convictions become theology

I have convictions based on my reading of God's word but my convictions are not theology - only what is explicitly taught in the Scriptures can be theology. But too often, our convictions become theology for us and we then believe other should abide by our theology.

Convictions are those issues where the Holy Spirit speaks to us about our lives as to how we apply Scripture in our context. For instance, I have a conviction regarding certain lifestyle issues that Scripture does not directly speak to. It is my understanding of what God want's for my life based on the application of His truth to my life. But that does not mean that I can insist that others live by those same convictions for they are mine and not Scripture's. My convictions do not equate to theology. Thus we cannot impose them on others.

One of the great freedom's about following Jesus is that He gives us freedom in those areas where Scripture does not speak to follow our own consciences. The good news is a Gospel of freedom rather than a system of legalism. We can choose to freely follow certain practices and we can choose to allow other to do the same - as Jesus gives all of us freedom to make those choices. I do make certain lifestyle choices were God gives freedom but I will not impose those choices on others because they are my choices and are not theology. I will also resist any attempts by others to impose on me their choices or convictions that are not theology.

Freedom is a wonderful thing. Lets use it carefully and joyfully and not allow convictions to become theology.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Leaders who lose credibility by listening to their constituency

This is going to sound counter intuitive since we are all told to listen to those we lead. However, there are scenarios where listening actually hurts the credibility of a leader. Let me explain.

Most leaders know they have to listen to those they lead. So most do. However there are leaders who listen (because they have to) but have no intention of actually addressing the concerns of those they are listening to, even when it is a deafening roar. They can therefore say they listened but nothing was ever done to address legitimate concerns expressed leaving those who shared with even greater frustration than before they shared. It is a disingenuous listening because the leader has no intention of actually doing anything about what he/she heard but they can say, "I have heard all of you." The truth is that it was a disingenuous hearing.

Take a leader who introduces significant change without running process or building a consensus among those who will be impacted by the change. They can expect some push-back as change is not easy for people to deal with. But suppose they receive very significant push-back from people who are not known to be difficult or contentious. A wise leader would pay attention to that. 

When reasonable people - and many of them - are saying "this is not wise" good leaders listen. Dysfunctional leaders on the other hand will often say "talk to me," listen to the concerns and then ignore the concerns (after all they are not concerns to them) while saying "I have heard you." Now the offense is not only bad leadership in not running process and unwise change tactics but they have now minimized people who actually have valid concerns. The offence is now significantly greater than it was originally because those who shared their concerns to no avail now know that their leader frankly does not care. He/she plays the game but has an agenda they are intent on regardless of what others think.

Let's take this one step further. Because the leader has encouraged people to share their concerns with him/her (while not intending to do anything with them), they now know who is not supportive of their decisions. Often, those who share their concerns are seen by insecure leaders like this as "malcontents," "difficult," or "problem people." Never mind these same people have been long time supporters and participants in the ministry. It is in these cases that one starts to hear a great deal about church unity and in extreme cases, church discipline (the Mars Hill story). Dysfunctional leaders are unable to deal with those who disagree with them and get in the way of "their way."

If one is going to listen to their constituency (which they always should), leaders must be willing to hear them and respond to legitimate issues where they can or should. To listen and ignore good advice - especially when it comes from reputable people and a large group of people is usually indicative of an insecure or even narcissistic leader who must have his/her own way. It is sad but happens all too often in the Christian community.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

What is our shadow side and how do we deal with it?

Shadow sides of our lives are terribly important to acknowledge, understand and manage. I would suggest that there are three kinds of shadow sides to be aware of.

First, there is the shadow side that is the flip side of our strengths. Every strength has a shadow side. The "harmony" strength is a wonderful example. Those with Harmony (Strengthfinders) like there to be understanding and peaceful relationships. A potential shadow side,  however would be that those with harmony might be tempted to avoid dealing with conflict. Just because I don't like to deal with conflict does not mean that that I should avoid it. Those with harmony often must "manage" their tendency to run from conflict management. Every strength has a shadow side and it is worth thinking through one's own strengths and the potential downside that needs to be managed.

Second, there is the shadow side of our families of origin or early experiences of life. Our early experiences and upbringing in life can be both positive and negative. If I received conditional love and acceptance as a child I may well do the same with others, or assume that God does the same with me (He does not). If I lived with a parent who said I would not amount to anything I might spend the rest of my life trying to prove them wrong even when they are long gone. Understanding and coming to grips with the shadow side of our families of origin allows us to respond to the dysfunctional pieces and manage them when they pop up their ugly heads on our thinking or relationships.

Third, there is the shadow side of our own sinful nature. Those besetting sins, or our personal vulnerabilities that we are aware of. Being aware of our sinful tendencies allows us to intentionally ask the Holy Spirit for help and victory over those areas. Sin cannot be managed but needs to be forgiven and we need to learn to live in grace. We can, however, develop strategies for dealing with our temptations and vulnerabilities starting with an awareness of when we are most vulnerable. Understanding our sinful tendencies, living in God's daily grace and forgiveness, asking the Holy Spirit to make us sensitive to our relationship with Jesus and being deeply aware of situations where we are most vulnerable can all help us grow in grace and lesson our sinful tendencies.

Shadow sides are a fact of our human existence. Growth in how we deal with them is one of the key issues in our own maturity.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

You can now purchase T.J.'s books from him for the best price and significant discounts on bulk orders of ten or more

It is now possible to order books from T.J. Addington at the best price as well as a $2.00 discount per book for bulk discounts of ten or more. Simply click on the book covers on the left hand side of the blog to go to the author's store.