What leaders and board members don't know and why

 

If you are in a leadership position, or a board member I have a question for you. How much do you really know about what is happening in your organization?

Studies show that leaders know far less than they think they do about what is really happening in their organization and that ignorance poses a danger to their leadership. It has been suggested that executives see 4% of the problems, Team Managers see 9% of the problems, Team Leaders see 74% of the problems and staff see 100%of the problems.

Anyone who consults, as I do, understands that this dynamic creates all kinds of issues that are dangerous to the organization. These include disgruntled staff, strategies that are no longer working, leaders who are creating more harm than good, and broken systems that eat up time and energy, and cost. 

Why does this "iceberg of ignorance" exist? Here are some reasons.

First, senior leaders (and board members) don't ask people in the organization the kinds of questions that would provide them with real knowledge. In fact, many in leadership don't ask questions at all. Rather, they assume that because they are in leadership that they understand and know the facts. That is a very dangerous and erroneous assumption. Leaders are often the last to know the actual state of affairs because unless asked, staff will not take the risk of being the bearer of bad news. 

Second, many leaders want to hear what makes them comfortable, not the real issues. Thus, they not only don't ask hard questions but they resist information that they find inconvenient. Staff quickly discern what it is that leaders want to hear and tailor their messages accordingly. It is simple self-preservation.

Peter Drucker is considered a management guru. He knew a ton about what was going on in industry and business. How did he know what he knew? Every morning for many years he would call "line operators" in various businesses and ask probing questions. He didn't call the presidents, vice presidents, or leadership team but those who actually did the work. And then he listened and asked follow up questions. 

One of the most strategic things any leader can do is to invest time, real time, in talking to staff at all levels. And in those conversations, ask good questions, listen carefully, and follow the trails that appear.

Here are some basic questions that will create meaningful dialogue and provide the leader with real information.

• On a scale of one to ten, what is your happiness factor in your work?
• What would make it higher?
• Do you have the necessary tools to do your work well?
• Are you being used to your fullest potential?
• What issues do you see from your vantage point that keep our organization from being as successful as it could be?
• Are there any people you work with who you think is in the wrong position?
• If you could change three things about our culture what would they be and why?
• If you were the president, what would you do differently in our organization?
• How can I and our management support you better?

The only way to truly understand what is going on outside of the rooms and meetings of power is to engage and listen to those who work at different levels of the organization. Never assume that you are getting the straight scoop from senior management. They often don't know because they don't ask the questions. But if you want to lead well, you will!

Ask the questions, listen carefully, and follow the trails and you will learn a great deal about the organization you lead. Ignore that discipline and you will be leading from ignorance. Many leaders do! Don't be one of them!

Questions to ask your staff - and yourself

 

There is a wealth of information at the fingertips of leaders if they would take the time to ask their staff key questions. They know things you don't know and they can help your organization get better - much better if you and your leaders will take the time to ask key questions - and listen to the answers. Those questions can lead into rich dialogue, suggestions, ideas and insights that can literally change your organization. Here are some of the questions that I ask.

What is your happiness faction on a scale of 1-10 in your job. Follow up and pay close attention: What would make it higher?

If you could change three things about this organization, what would they be?

Are their things that you could be doing that you are not?

Are their any individuals in the organization who you believe are not positioned properly or who create significant issues for others?

What are the things that bring you joy and fill you?

What are the things the deplete you?

Tell me what a perfect day looks like for you?

If you were a consultant to this organization, what suggestions would you make and why?

How would you define the culture of our organization? Follow up: What would you like to change about our culture? Follow up: What are the best pieces of our culture? What are the worst pieces of our culture? Are their any pieces of our culture that you would define as toxic and unhealthy?

Is there something that you have always wanted to talk to a leader about but never had a chance? 

What would be the perfect role for you? How does that role compare to what you do currently? 

If a ministry: What do you think the spiritual temperature of our organization is? What would you recommend to see the spiritual temperature higher? 

What is your greatest joy in working here?

What is your greatest frustration in working here?

If you were advising me, what would you want me to know?

Do you believe that we are a highly empowered organization where people have the freedom to act without permission, or highly controlled where you need to ask permission before acting?

Do we have a culture where we can have honest and gracious conversation or are their issues that we cannot broach?

How innovative and entrepreneurial so you think this organization is? Give examples.

Everyone has a story and to understand another individual you need to know their story

I am a great believer in ways that we can understand ourselves and others. Our wiring is unique and tests such as Strength Finders, Disc and other means of evaluating ourselves and others help us understand who we are and why we react and respond the way we do. 

One of the most powerful ways to understand others, however, is not found in a test but in taking the time to listen to and understand their personal story. Our story defines much of who we have become and a great deal regarding our world view. 

Let me illustrate with a synopsis of my own story. I am the second of ten children, raised in Hong Kong as my parents were missionaries (my father a medical missionary), went to an international school with kids of 22 different nationalities and my first 15 years were defined by an international world view. My parents were strict and fairly legalistic in their faith - and expectations of me. As a child I had the run of Hong Kong, a port city and we regularly had people from all over the world at our dinner table. For several years I assisted my father in surgery as they did not have enough trained assistants. 

There have been many more years of story since them but you can imagine how much of who I am today was formed in the years I lived in Hong Kong. It explains my love of foreigners, my love of the world, a global world view and an innate need to travel. I am one of those folks called a "third culture kid." Our family of origin stories leave a stamp on our lives that is long lasting.

Beyond our childhoods which leave an indelible imprint on our lives for good or ill there are the seminal moments of life that change us and mold us. Deaths of those we love, marriage or divorce, children, jobs and job losses, personal illness. No serious event in our lives leaves us untouched in some way or our life perspectives the same.

Furthermore, the events that have molded me give me the ability to empathize with others, even though their particular story lines are not mine. That common bond of empathy and understanding shapes a deeper relationship between two individuals. And, if you think deeply about their story lines you gain valuable insight into those things that have molded them, their attitudes and reactions to situations they face. 

Because people usually love to tell their story, questions about their lives, sensitively asked in an informal setting is rarely a problem. People like to be understood and hearing their story gives them value and mutual insight. Perhaps the greatest impediment is our own busyness which keeps us from interacting over deep things. 

Take the time to share stories and listen deeply. It will help you to understand and appreciate those around you.

This simple practice will boost the morale of your staff significantly

It is not unusual for me to conduct staff audits in churches, non-profits or businesses. One of the most common complaints is also one of the easiest to solve: Leadership does not listen to us! Now think about that. It takes no money or resources to listen and dialogue. It does not affect your bottom line or your budget. But it does have a huge impact on morale.

Both listening or not listening to staff has a magnifying effect on morale. When leaders do not make this a regular practice, even small things become magnified because that small irritation is compounded by the perception that leaders don't care. What might be a minor issue becomes a larger issue when leaders don't listen. That is further compounded by the fact that in the absence of listening, staff talk to one another and the gossip circuit further magnifies whatever it is that created an issue in the first place.

The magnifying impact of listening or not listening works the other way as well. What staff want to know is that their leaders are aware of issues that exist, that leadership cares about their opinion and that they are willing to ask for feedback on a regular basis. Listening means I care. It also means I value your input and I respect you. It means that I have time for you. Even if you cannot solve the issues that are shared with you (some are easier than others) the fact that you cared enough to listen changes the attitude of staff. They know that you care! Often, leaders can resolve an issue which creates a great deal of good will. Not only did you listen but you did something about it.

There is one cost to listening - but it is a wise investment: Your time as a leader. A common complaint about leaders is that they live in a bubble, spending their time with other leaders and oblivious to what is happening at lower staff levels. I know this to be true from interviewing hundreds of staff members over the years. This is often a valid complaint. It is often the case that leadership teams are in fact oblivious to issues because they are not talking to people that they would not normally encounter in their leadership suites.

What does listening look like? First it means that leaders do management by walking around. Don't stay in the leadership suites. Go where your staff are and ask them what their concerns are. Ask what their happiness factor is and what would make it higher. Ask what they would change in your culture if they had the chance. As you listen, follow up with questions of clarification. Because you are a leader you will be treated with some deference. So you will have to work harder at pulling candid answers out of those you talk to.

Do the same thing in small groups. Let them know that you want candid feedback and ask questions that are designed to elicit thoughtful responses. Take a small group to lunch without their supervisors so they don't feel constrained in their responses. Take notes and dialogue. Thank them for their input and let them know that you will be thinking about their comments and suggestions. If there is low hanging fruit that you can respond to in the short term, do so and they will know that you heard them. And remember, you are listening, not talking!

Most leaders overestimate how much time they spend listening to staff. Keep a record and become disciplined regarding this discipline and you will be amazed at the benefits to the organization. And, you will learn a whole lot that you didn't know before.

I am listening - or am I?

Listening is an interesting thing. We can do it without doing it! How many times has my wife said, "I told you that already," and it's like, "Really? I didn't hear it." 

One of the jobs of a leader is to listen to those who they supervise regarding concerns that staff or constituents have. It is not uncommon for me to hear from the same that their leader does not listen to them. Or, to put it another way, he or she did listen, but they did not feel heard. This does not mean that they didn't get their way. It means that a conversation took place, and they didn't feel their leader actually understood their concern. It was a kind of listening but not the kind that elicits appreciation.

Active listening is one where we are fully engaged and are able to articulate the concern that the other individual has. It is genuine hearing rather than passive listening. Further, it is a hearing that seeks to come to a common understanding and, hopefully, a solution that can work for both. When there is not a win/win, at least there is a mutual understanding of why! 

Why does this matter? For one, it gives regard to the concerns of others. Hearing is not the same as listening, as my wife would like to point out on a regular basis. Second, it matters that we are able to address the concerns of our staff or constituents in a way that hopefully allows us to move toward common solutions. As a leader, I should care about those concerns. If I don't, I will find myself leading fewer people. Or unhappier people. Third, those sharing concerns might just be right, and I might be wrong. But I won't know that if I don't care enough to actively engage in the conversation.

Here is what I desire people to say when they have shared concerns with me. I want them to know that I heard their concerns and can articulate them. I want them to know that if there is a way to address those concerns, I will. If I cannot move toward their solution, I want them to know the reason why. Finally, I want to preserve the relationship if at all possible. And I want them to know that I will consider what they have said - seriously.

I don't want to be a leader who "listens" but doesn't "hear." Oh, the same with my wife as well.

At Addington Consulting,

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Leaders who lose credibility by listening to their constituency

This is going to sound counter intuitive since we are all told to listen to those we lead. However, there are scenarios where listening actually hurts the credibility of a leader. Let me explain.

Most leaders know they have to listen to those they lead. So most do. However there are leaders who listen (because they have to) but have no intention of actually addressing the concerns of those they are listening to, even when it is a deafening roar. They can therefore say they listened but nothing was ever done to address legitimate concerns expressed leaving those who shared with even greater frustration than before they shared. It is a disingenuous listening because the leader has no intention of actually doing anything about what he/she heard but they can say, "I have heard all of you." The truth is that it was a disingenuous hearing.

Take a leader who introduces significant change without running process or building a consensus among those who will be impacted by the change. They can expect some push-back as change is not easy for people to deal with. But suppose they receive very significant push-back from people who are not known to be difficult or contentious. A wise leader would pay attention to that. 

When reasonable people - and many of them - are saying "this is not wise" good leaders listen. Dysfunctional leaders on the other hand will often say "talk to me," listen to the concerns and then ignore the concerns (after all they are not concerns to them) while saying "I have heard you." Now the offense is not only bad leadership in not running process and unwise change tactics but they have now minimized people who actually have valid concerns. The offence is now significantly greater than it was originally because those who shared their concerns to no avail now know that their leader frankly does not care. He/she plays the game but has an agenda they are intent on regardless of what others think.

Let's take this one step further. Because the leader has encouraged people to share their concerns with him/her (while not intending to do anything with them), they now know who is not supportive of their decisions. Often, those who share their concerns are seen by insecure leaders like this as "malcontents," "difficult," or "problem people." Never mind these same people have been long time supporters and participants in the ministry. It is in these cases that one starts to hear a great deal about church unity and in extreme cases, church discipline (the Mars Hill story). Dysfunctional leaders are unable to deal with those who disagree with them and get in the way of "their way."

If one is going to listen to their constituency (which they always should), leaders must be willing to hear them and respond to legitimate issues where they can or should. To listen and ignore good advice - especially when it comes from reputable people and a large group of people is usually indicative of an insecure or even narcissistic leader who must have his/her own way. It is sad but happens all too often in the Christian community.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Leaders who are too busy to listen

There is often a conflict for leaders between their schedules, the maintenance of key relationships and having enough time to stop and carefully listen to those they interact with. The ability to listen and evaluate what is being shared is very different from listening on the run and not having the time to consider what was heard. And it is a common problem for leaders with out of control schedules.

Many individuals who talk to leaders feel that they were not heard and many are right. They were heard on the fly and what was shared was not truly considered because their leader was preoccupied with other issues and already moving on to the next thing as the conversation took place. 

The problem with this is twofold. First, good ideas and counsel can easily be missed or marginalized because a leader does not have the time to stop, listen and evaluate. Second, leadership depends on influence and influence comes from relationship. Leaders who do not listen well usually also don't keep key relationships and eventually lose influence. 

The question is not whether I "hear" those who talk to me but whether I have the time and energy to truly be present in the conversation and then the time to evaluate what was shared. Many leaders miss key information and commit significant blunders because they did not take the time to truly listen and evaluate. Their busyness comes back to bite them.

We will interact with many people today. Will we truly be present with them in those interactions and will we take the ideas, suggestions and concerns seriously because we stopped to think about it? It is both good leadership and respect for those we interact with.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

I just wish someone would listen

I am currently staying at a hotel in Kinshasa, Congo, a sprawling city of some 12 million people. My hotel stay has been both a blessing (running water, electricity, a toilet and air conditioning) and a lesson in patience (worst internet service ever, marginal food and terrible service).

The service thing! What is that? It seems to be non-existent in my hotel. That I am paying to stay here seems to staff a privilege rather than the right to expect service. 

The other day I needed TP which had not been restocked by the maid cleaning the room. I made three calls to the front desk with them telling me each time it was on the way. When it never arrived I went down the front desk in person, told them I was not leaving until the TP arrived and just waited. The front desk guy calls the general manager of the hotel (I guess it takes his OK for everything) who OK'd the TP. Three hours of frustration and no one cared. Time after time I have been told that something cannot be done.

Another thing. The guy who runs the hotel is Chinese (like many enterprises in Congo, the hotel is owned by a firm in China) who doesn't speak French and the folks who work in the hotel don't speak Chinese so communication is a constant issue. And of course almost no-one speaks English notwithstanding the fact that they have contracts with the US Embassy and the UN. All of which means that getting a problem explained from English to French to Chinese back to French and back to English is well - a recipe for major frustration. The guy who actually runs security for the hotel (a big deal in Kinshasa) has to speak to the General Manager through an interpreter which seems just a mite bit scary. I'm thinking the US Embassy would not like that scenario.

So I could go on but will forgo my other issues like the day it took all afternoon and conversations with eight people to get a room change. (Yes it came down to the GM in the end. He must be a really busy guy because it is a big hotel.) But I found myself really wanting to just talk to someone who would listen about the frustrations I had. I tried numerous times but everyone seemed to shrug their shoulders and say sorry and do nothing about it.

Then riding up the elevator last evening I met a guy from France who runs the hotel's restaurants and told him my list of woes about the service in the hotel. This guy (Angel) stayed on the elevator until he got to my floor, listened carefully, apologized profusely and told me the inside story. Evidently I was not the only one who experienced frustration and the GM who had to be called to give me TP was just yesterday dispatched home and a new GM has arrived to whip the place into shape.

The fact that I found someone who would genuinely listen to me, respond non-defensively and really care - and told me to call him if I encountered any more issues evaporated most of my frustration.

Which got me to thinking about a principle. When people are frustrated for whatever reason, if there is no one to listen and dialogue that frustration can turn into anger, bitterness and untrue assumptions. I see it in churches all the time. But when a leader will sit down and genuinely listen, be non-defensive and genuinely want to understand it makes all the difference in the world. You may or may not be able to solve the problem but listening and understanding is half the battle.

Until Angel came along, no one listened or seemed to care which caused frustration. His listening and and non-defensive attitude made all the difference. A lesson for all of us. Next time I have a problem Angle is my phone call rather than the front desk. And he does speak English. 

Oh, now I know why I should have paid attention to my French classes in Junior high. But I guess it is too late.

The discipline of listening

Listening - and actually hearing - is a discipline and practice that can help you grow and develop like few other practices. It is a sign of good emotional intelligence and of a secure, non-threatened individual. It also sends a strong message that those around us are important and that their voice counts. It is a posture of humility and valuing the worth of others.

Many people do not listen to others. They hear but they don't actually listen to what others are saying. Not listening is a sign of immaturity at the least and arrogance at the worst. We can be too busy, think we have the answers, don't want to hear what is being said or are perhaps threatened by what someone is saying.

Those who do not listen often pay a steep price. They do not hear personal feedback that would enable them to grow, advice that would keep them out of the ditch, feedback that could act as an early warning system that something is not right, counsel that can help them do what they do better or just information that would allow them to make better decisions.

The book of proverbs has a word for those who don't listen: fool. I don't like that word. Ironically, those who don't listen see themselves as wise - they have the answers. But the reality is that they are foolish and eventually pay the price for their foolishness!

Wise individuals do listen. They listen to those who agree with them and those who do not. They listen to good news and bad news. They actively seek counsel, opinion, feedback, and want to know what others are thinking. They are secure enough to know that even negative feedback is often really positive feedback because it allows them to grow.

Insecure individuals - the fool in Proverbs - would rather not know, or hear, or face the reality of what others might think. It is a trajectory that will eventually end up in the ditch, with a whole lot of pain.

The discipline of listening - and really hearing others - is a posture of humility that understands and communicates:

-I don't have all the answers
-I want to hear your opinion
-I am open to your feedback
-I need your counsel
-It is not about me but about us
-I want to be more effective
-I would rather know about bad news than not know - even if it is painful to  me
-I want to keep learning and growing
-I do not need to be right
-I have nothing to prove and nothing to lose
-There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors

One last thought. In order to listen we need to take the time. Those who don't take the time to listen to those around them are as foolish as those who don't want to listen to others. Both have the same effect.

How well are you doing in the discipline, practice, art, humility, of listening?

What leaders need to know

Have you ever sat down with a friend or colleague or leader to gently try to tell them something that they really needed to hear but the moment they realized you were addressing something they perceived as critical, the defenses went up, the body language told you that the conversation was not going to be easy and instead of a dialogue there was only a defensive response?

This is all too common, especially among ministry types (I am one) who seem to be more defensive than the general population because their ministry (what they do) is so wrapped up with themselves (who they are) that it is hard for them to take a step back, listen to counsel, advice or honest feedback without feeling that they and their ministry are being attacked.

The result for ministry leaders is that they often do not hear what people are really thinking because they have trained them that they are not responsive to honest feedback that they might construe as criticism.

I was once tasked to solve a difficult financial issue and when I presented my findings and solutions to my ministry leader he became angry, defensive and called me arrogant. Why? Because he did not want to hear "bad news" that challenged his paradigm of how things should be. With a response like that, he was training his people not to give him honest feedback because we knew that he didn't want to hear it and that it would not be a pleasant conversation.

This raises two questions for leaders. The first is, "Can I overcome my fear of hearing something that I may not want to hear and do so in a way that invites honest feedback rather than pushing it away?"

The reason we would resist honest feedback is that we are fearful that it reflects poorly on us. That is the source of our defensiveness. It is also an indication of poor emotional intelligence (EQ) because people with healthy EQ are open, non-defensive, and exhibit a "nothing to prove, nothing to lose" attitude. Indeed they not only invite feedback but when they get it they engage in non-defensive conversation to draw out the issues and seek to understand what the individual is saying.

In Proverbs, it is the classic "fool" who resists counsel and feedback, while the "wise" invites it and listens to it.

This raises a second important question: "Why would I risk the danger of not knowing what people really think by resisting honest feedback?" The end result of defensiveness in the face of feedback is that people often stop telling us what they really think and only what they think we want to hear.

There are two predictable outcomes of this scenario. One is that we don't know what is going on within our own team or organization and the second is that our defensiveness creates cynicism by people who do not feel like they can be honest. Both are dangerous for a leader.

I once suggested to a Christian leader whom I consulted with that he did not know what his people really thought about him because of his defensive attitude. He just looked at me with a blank face that said, "I don't care." He is in for a rude awakening when his leadership comes apart and he discovers that he has alienated many of his staff. His fear of knowing their true feelings was greater than the danger of not knowing but he will discover that in the end the danger of not knowing is higher than the fear of knowing.

Healthy leaders want honest feedback for the sake of their ability to lead well and for the health of the organization. Their healthy EQ invites honest conversation and they keep their anxiety and fear under control so that they are open to suggestions, critique and feedback. They listen carefully and then evaluate the information for its truth or relevancy. They do not need to agree with the feedback but they want to know what people are thinking.