Facts, gossip, innuendo and assumptions

There is a big difference between facts, gossip, innuendo and assumptions. The facts can be verified. The other three are hearsay and often if not usually wrong. Yet it is very easy to assume that the latter three are "facts" and many do.

I have seen a number of situations recently where there was circulation of information that was heavy on gossip, innuendo and assumptions but the facts were in short supply. Why? Because those circulating the information did not have first hand information - only what they had heard or assumptions they had made. Or, they had taken what they heard and made assumptions about motives and what the "truth" was. 

Such is the destruction of many relationships and the root of much conflict in organizations and churches. Not truth that we are sure of but rather gossip, innuendo and assumptions that "we are sure of" and feel free to share with others. Who wins? Not Jesus who is full of grace and truth but the Evil One who is the father of all lies.

Even facts can be interpreted wrongly if we assume wrong motives. All facts are suspect if we assume there is a bad agenda behind them. Again, we must be careful as to what motivation we attribute because it is very hard to judge motivations. We can make statements about behaviors but rarely about the motivations behind the behaviors.

All of us ought to be wary of information that we don't know to be true. And even then we ought to  be wary of judging the motivations behind the "facts." If we get either wrong we may well be playing into the hand of the Evil One.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Does Missions separate families?

Check out this great article on whether missions separates families and the implications of  letting our family member go for the sake of the gospel.

When board members don't get their way

One of the reasons that I believe humility is so important for those serving on a church board (and other ministry boards) is that we must be willing to allow the board to make decisions and then set aside our personal preferences and accept that decision. It is the way boards are supposed to operate but unfortunately there are often board members who refuse to give up their pet issues or put issues to rest that the board has decided. It causes frustration for other board members and can often lead to dysfunction on the board.

There are some individuals who cannot give up their issues no matter how often the board decides differently. The issues just keep coming up and the board member just keeps pushing. Such an individual does not belong on the board because they do not have the humility or flexibility to allow the board to make corporate decisions - decide issues - and move on. It is what boards do.

What drives such frustrating behavior? It can be a lack of humility. It can be a personal agenda. It can be that they are just inflexible individuals and they elevate their preferences to the only solution even when the majority disagrees. I often get push-back when I suggest one must guard the gate to church leadership. Some believe that all that matters is that someone loves Jesus. That is just foolishness! When individuals do not allow the board to operate as it should they hurt the board, the leadership and the church. I often tell congregations that they get what they deserve when they don't guard the gate.

Boards need to learn how to clarify expectations of board behavior and they need to learn how to police renegade board members. If you have someone who will not let an issue go in the face of board action, ask them to step off. They simply don't understand how boards work.

See also
Rethinking leadership selection in the church

Eight dysfunctions of church governance boards

Dumb things church boards do

Board members and their intellectual capacity

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Loud voices are not necessarily majority voices

We make a major mistake in the church when we simply assume that loud dissenting voices reflect the will of the congregation. Often they don't. In fact, in many cases, they reflect the voices of themselves and a few friend but not the congregation at large. It may seem like they do because of the noise but be very careful in your assumptions. Often it is just noise.

I have worked in a significant number of situations where churches were in crisis. That crisis was sometimes caused by the pastor or congregants. What I have learned is that what is presented at the outset is often not what I discover upon due diligence. And that the analysis given to me by strong figures in the church (pastor or lay) is often not representative of the church at large.

I am not discounting the perspective of those loud voices. Often, their perspective makes sense even when it does not reflect the will of the majority. What I am saying is that one needs to be careful not to make assumptions as to the legitimacy of the claims until one has done due diligence and can substantiate claims one way or another. That is why I think "grey" in conflictual situations until I have run my process. Grey thinking means that I am listening and observing without drawing concrete solutions until I have all the facts, not some of the facts.

One needs to listen carefully to both loud and quiet voices in any conflict situation. Often the quite voices are more prescient and accurate that the loud voices who get the most attention. What it appears on the surface is not always what is true in the end. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

If I could do it over as a young leader I would have...

If I could do it over as a young leader..

I would have been less defensive when people pushed back at me

I would have had fewer hills to die on

I would have been more flexible

I would have worked harder to stay connected to people who didn't like me

I would have lived with less anxiety

I would have been more patient in achieving our goals

I would have trusted God more and me less

I would have said "I don't know" more often

I would have cared a bit less as to what people thought of me

I would have been more comfortable just being me

I would not have tied my identity to my ministry job

I would have been more gracious and diplomatic

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The important role of wisdom and discernment in leadership

I have met leaders in the Christian arena who are deeply political and find ways to negotiate their agenda by alliances and tactics that would make Washington proud. At the other end of the spectrum are leaders who have rejected that approach and simply believe that if they do the right thing (sans politics) that they are leading well, no matter what the consequences. 

I would like to propose a third alternative: Leading in wisdom and discernment. As was said about David in Psalm 78, "David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands he led them." Skillful hands refers to a leadership that was rich in wisdom and discernment. 

Political leadership is maneuvering, manipulating and plotting to get one's agenda. Wisdom is about discerning how to move forward in a way that is productive while understanding the dynamics of organizational leadership and people but without manipulation or coercion. 

Wisdom and discernment does take into account potential individuals or groups who may not want to play ball or cooperate with a leader's decision or direction because that is wise. The difference is in how we seek to achieve our agenda. By manipulation and outsmarting or through discernment and wisdom as how best to proceed? It is being in the words of Jesus as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." This can mean understanding the political agendas of others and responding appropriately without being political or manipulative ourselves.

Too many Christian leaders get outsmarted by people who have ill motives and personal agendas because we cannot believe that someone would play dirty: they are naive. That is where shrewdness comes in - understanding where others are coming from and what their agenda may be. Innocence comes in when we don't respond with the same tactics. While I don't want to stoop to unhealthy tactics I also want to be highly discerning about the actions and motives of others who can and sometimes do hurt ministry.

Wisdom and discernment require time to think and ponder key decisions that we are thinking about making. Is the timing right? How will they be received? Who is going to push back and why? What are the potential unintended consequences? Whose agreement would it be wise to have on the front end? How do we communicate the decision? And so on. In fact, as a leader I want to be one step ahead of others rather than one step back. That is discernment! And wisdom.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

What does it take to preserve congregational unity?

Congregational unity is a very precious commodity. In Ephesians 4:1-6, Paul pleads with the Ephesians to "make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." The phrase "make every effort" is from a Greek word that is hard to translate into English because it has a strong sense of urgency to it. It is vital, important, urgent and critical in Paul's words. 

Who is responsible for church unity? Everyone: Church leaders, senior pastors and the congregation as a whole. No one is exempt and no one can expect others to make the effort if they do not. For pastors it means that we don't move too quickly and cause division in the body and that we listen carefully and respond as we can. For church leaders it means that we ensure that we are all moving in the same direction together and for everyone it means that we are willing to work together and care about one another.

In fact, Paul gives us four relational and character non-negotiables to living in unity and again it applies to pastors, congregations and leaders in Ephesians 4:1-6.

One: Humility. Pride wants our way and it splits congregations. Humility is willing to subjugate our personal preferences for the common good and the mission of the church. Whenever there is conflict in a church you can bet that there is a lack of humility and an excess of pride. I am always bemused when I say to a congregation in conflict that they have a problem with pride. The push-back is immediate and it says a lot. We don't like to hear it but when we protest too much it is probably true. 

Two: Gentleness. Harshness leads to wounds, hurt, conflict and division. It may be harsh words, harsh attitudes, harsh actions or harsh spirits - all of them contribute to division and none of them contribute to peace and unity. And harshness never expresses the way of Jesus who does not break the bruised reed and who exercises such great tenderness toward us. Is it not ironic that the Jesus we worship and follow is never harsh with us while we find it easy to be harsh toward others? Gentleness leads to peace and unity while harshness leads to conflict and disunity.

Three: Patience. Think of how patient Jesus is with us and how impatient we are with others. Critical spirits, complaints and bad attitudes are often symptoms of impatience. Grace is all about patience. Do others deserve it? We often think not. Do we deserve it? Not at all but God graciously gives it. Patience is the character of Jesus and it must become ours. Without patience with one another there cannot be unity and peace in our relationships.

Four: Bearing with one another in love. This is about being willing to look beyond the faults and deficiencies of others and see what can be and should be in their lives. It is substituting love for judgement and seeing people as those made in the image of God regardless of their faults, issues or idiosyncrasies. It is giving grace to others and loving them unconditionally.

Unity does not come easily just as the cross of Jesus that is the reason we can be united with him and with one another did not come easily. But if he was willing to give his life for us, why are we not willing to seek the unity of the Spirit with one another?  In fact, Paul starts this section with the words, "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." Paul was in jail for his calling. He exhorts the Ephesians and us to pay the price for the unity of the body just as he is paying the price for his calling as an apostle. 

Guard the unity of the church: As pastors; as leaders; and as congregants.