Those who lead inherit expectations from their team or organization. Some of those expectations are critical: Building healthy teams; serving one's staff; removing barriers; clarifying what is important and so on. As I wrote recently all supervisors and leaders have an unwritten contract with those they lead around these key issues.
Then there are what I call false or unrealistic expectations that simply come from history (what the previous leader did), personal preferences (this is what my leader should do) or my personal version of what a leader is and does. This is one of the primary issues pastors face because there are as many expectations of what a pastor should be and do as their are members of the congregation. It is these unrealistic or false expectations that cause issues for leaders unless they are personally clear as to what is important to them.
The expectations of others are a trap because no leader can ever fulfill all the expectations that others have, nor should they. There are simply too many. Leaders must be clear about what is important to them in leading well rather than trying to fulfill the expectations of others. Furthermore those expectations (other than the critical obligations every leader has) are often distractions to good leadership rather than contributors to the mission.
If we are driven to please others by meeting their expectations we are more concerned that people like us than that we lead well and people respect us. There is a big difference between the two. The best leaders have great conviction as to what their priorities are and it does not include meeting all the expectations of others.
There is another issue at play. The expectations of others usually come from how they would live or lead. But they are not us. "But our last pastor...." is not an uncommon phrase. Bless them for how they did what they did but we are not them. It is why in our organization while there are some non negotiable expectations of leaders, how they do what they do is highly flexible. Leaders are individuals with their unique gifting, personalities and even quirks (yes we all have them). This is why I write in Deep Influence that we must lead from who God made us to be.
When we get caught in trying to meet the unrealistic or false expectations of others we inevitably get out of our best lane and it hurts our leadership. Ironically in trying to meet the expectations of others we often end up hurting our staff because we are no longer leading out of who we are or focused on the clarity that we ought to have.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
Sunday, March 8, 2015
How a life of grace makes humility possible and pride less likely
Pride is ubiquitous among leaders in the Christian world. The interesting thing about pride is that it is often rooted in insecurity. If I am insecure I don't want to be wrong and if I don't want to be wrong I will insist that I am right which leads directly away from humility and straight toward pride.
But why do we live with needing to hide our insecurities and weaknesses and mask them with certainty and a need to be right? May I suggest that it is because we are trying to prove something about ourselves? That we are good enough? That we are not failures? That we are worthy people? That God will be happy with us? That we are successful?
Is it possible that at the heart of our pride and fear of failure and therefore a need to be right and in charge is that we do not understand grace? What is grace about other than that God accepts us with all of our sin, weaknesses, dysfunctions, dark sides, and all the rest we can name. And if He accepts us and loves us and if we live in His grace, why do we need to pretend we are something we are not or fear our insecurities? After all, God knows everything about us fully and yet loves us fully. He loved us when we didn't know Him and even then extended grace.
Understanding God's grace is necessary to give ourselves grace. And if I am living in grace I don't need to pretend, I don't need to be right, I don't need to prove myself to others and I can admit my insecurities, failures and other areas of struggle. And that is the key to a life of humility. Pride is all about a facade to protect ourselves. Understanding grace removes me from the necessity of the facade and allows me to be real - the real me - warts and all. And it allows me to be OK with the journey I am on toward greater likeness to Jesus but knowing it will remain imperfect until I see Him.
I suspect that humility and grace are deeply intertwined and that understanding, living in and extending to ourselves God's grace is a key to the ability to live humbly. Humility is a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude where we don't need pretense. It is an honest life. Honest about who we are, the gifts God has given us, the brokenness we have and the journey we are on. I am not sure that true humility is possible without a good understanding of God's grace.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
But why do we live with needing to hide our insecurities and weaknesses and mask them with certainty and a need to be right? May I suggest that it is because we are trying to prove something about ourselves? That we are good enough? That we are not failures? That we are worthy people? That God will be happy with us? That we are successful?
Is it possible that at the heart of our pride and fear of failure and therefore a need to be right and in charge is that we do not understand grace? What is grace about other than that God accepts us with all of our sin, weaknesses, dysfunctions, dark sides, and all the rest we can name. And if He accepts us and loves us and if we live in His grace, why do we need to pretend we are something we are not or fear our insecurities? After all, God knows everything about us fully and yet loves us fully. He loved us when we didn't know Him and even then extended grace.
Understanding God's grace is necessary to give ourselves grace. And if I am living in grace I don't need to pretend, I don't need to be right, I don't need to prove myself to others and I can admit my insecurities, failures and other areas of struggle. And that is the key to a life of humility. Pride is all about a facade to protect ourselves. Understanding grace removes me from the necessity of the facade and allows me to be real - the real me - warts and all. And it allows me to be OK with the journey I am on toward greater likeness to Jesus but knowing it will remain imperfect until I see Him.
I suspect that humility and grace are deeply intertwined and that understanding, living in and extending to ourselves God's grace is a key to the ability to live humbly. Humility is a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude where we don't need pretense. It is an honest life. Honest about who we are, the gifts God has given us, the brokenness we have and the journey we are on. I am not sure that true humility is possible without a good understanding of God's grace.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Friday, March 6, 2015
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Negative voices are empowered because they talk with one another
Why can a few negative voices make such a difference in an organization? It is really quite simple. People with negativity find each other, talk to one another and create bonds with each other around their unhappiness. Of course others are left out of the conversation but the negative voices reinforce themselves and it feels like they represent the majority. Usually they do not.
These alliances often create significant dysfunction. For instance, a negative staff member of an organization finds a receptive ear with a board member (going around the leader) and they start back channel discussions around their concerns. All of a sudden this board member has "information" (tainted as it may be) but none of the other board members are in on the conversation or can bring balance. The leader is also in an unfair place as he/she does not know where the negativity is coming from.
These alliances reflect poor EQ. We should be able to disagree with one another and stay connected rather than needing to connect over what we don't like. Relationships built on common enemies or "concerns" are not true relationships. They are simply alliances built around an issue. And when the issue is a negative one, the relationship gets it fuel from the negativity, never a healthy fuel.
What is interesting is that those involved often lose their ability to truly see reality. They assume that there are far more people who are in agreement with them than is actually the case. That is because negativity is reinforced by talking to others who agree with their position. Often in church conflicts this is the case. People will tell me that the vast majority of folks agree with them when in reality it is actually a few. But negativity feeds their reality until they don't see accurately.
When I hear common negative language or mistrust I assume that there are folks allied around a common issue. I do not assume that it reflects the majority opinion even though it is loud. These are times when it is important that those who don't agree speak up and not stay silent. Silence contributes to the negativity. Being self defined can change the equation. Don't get caught up with others where the relationship or common interest is a negative one. It is rarely healthy or productive.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
These alliances often create significant dysfunction. For instance, a negative staff member of an organization finds a receptive ear with a board member (going around the leader) and they start back channel discussions around their concerns. All of a sudden this board member has "information" (tainted as it may be) but none of the other board members are in on the conversation or can bring balance. The leader is also in an unfair place as he/she does not know where the negativity is coming from.
These alliances reflect poor EQ. We should be able to disagree with one another and stay connected rather than needing to connect over what we don't like. Relationships built on common enemies or "concerns" are not true relationships. They are simply alliances built around an issue. And when the issue is a negative one, the relationship gets it fuel from the negativity, never a healthy fuel.
What is interesting is that those involved often lose their ability to truly see reality. They assume that there are far more people who are in agreement with them than is actually the case. That is because negativity is reinforced by talking to others who agree with their position. Often in church conflicts this is the case. People will tell me that the vast majority of folks agree with them when in reality it is actually a few. But negativity feeds their reality until they don't see accurately.
When I hear common negative language or mistrust I assume that there are folks allied around a common issue. I do not assume that it reflects the majority opinion even though it is loud. These are times when it is important that those who don't agree speak up and not stay silent. Silence contributes to the negativity. Being self defined can change the equation. Don't get caught up with others where the relationship or common interest is a negative one. It is rarely healthy or productive.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Our commitment to speaking truth as leaders and Christ followers
One of the attributes of God is that He is truth incarnate. If you do a search of words like "truth," or "lies" you realize that God's character demands truthfulness from His people. But even more significant are Jesus' statements in the Gospels that Satan is the father of lies. Thus, when we speak truth we emulate the character of God and when we knowingly speak untruth or spin the truth (so that it is no longer truth) we emulate the Evil One. There is no other conclusion.
The lack of truthfulness in our lives or organizations is designed to make us look better than we are or to cover up our own mistakes. It is what Washington does, it is what corporations do it is what happens daily all around us. It is an acceptable practice in many circles. But it should not be acceptable in the lives or organizations that represent Jesus. If we represent Him we must emulate His character and truth is at the heart of who He is.
Spinning the facts to make ourselves look good is so ubiquitous in our society that it pervades many of God's people. I often work with churches where leaders have not only not told the truth to the congregation about issues they were dealing with but actually lied. They would say to protect people. Silence is far better than lying and while one does not have to share all truth, whatever is shared must be true.
Often we add some truth to falsehoods to make our statements plausible. But as CS Lewis points out in The Last Battle, The Chronicles of Narnia, "By mixing a little truth with it they had made their lies far stronger."
We have had instances in our own organization where someone was not truthful in their communications. I take these instances very seriously as the leader of ReachGlobal because our integrity is at stake. When we become aware of such issues (thankfully rare) there is literally a "come to Jesus meeting" since such violations go to the core of who He is and who we represent. We either emulate the Father of truth or the father of lies. It is that simple.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
The lack of truthfulness in our lives or organizations is designed to make us look better than we are or to cover up our own mistakes. It is what Washington does, it is what corporations do it is what happens daily all around us. It is an acceptable practice in many circles. But it should not be acceptable in the lives or organizations that represent Jesus. If we represent Him we must emulate His character and truth is at the heart of who He is.
Spinning the facts to make ourselves look good is so ubiquitous in our society that it pervades many of God's people. I often work with churches where leaders have not only not told the truth to the congregation about issues they were dealing with but actually lied. They would say to protect people. Silence is far better than lying and while one does not have to share all truth, whatever is shared must be true.
Often we add some truth to falsehoods to make our statements plausible. But as CS Lewis points out in The Last Battle, The Chronicles of Narnia, "By mixing a little truth with it they had made their lies far stronger."
We have had instances in our own organization where someone was not truthful in their communications. I take these instances very seriously as the leader of ReachGlobal because our integrity is at stake. When we become aware of such issues (thankfully rare) there is literally a "come to Jesus meeting" since such violations go to the core of who He is and who we represent. We either emulate the Father of truth or the father of lies. It is that simple.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
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