Thursday, May 7, 2015
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
How much narcissism do we live with?
We would probably be surprised if we understood God's perspective on our narcissistic tendencies. All of us have them even though we would never want to be labeled a narcissist in the clinical sense of the term. Synonyms include vanity, self-love, self-admiration, self-absorption, self-obsession, conceit, self-centeredness, self-regard, egotism and egoism. The common theme is that it is all about "me" and "self." In its extreme form this presents itself as a clinical dysfunction. You probably know someone who displays these characteristics in an extreme form.
At a more subtle level, however, narcissism is something that dogs many of us and we might never notice it. Is my drive to succeed in ministry really about me (self-absorption) or about God? Is our tendency to hold on to material things with a tight hand (often being stingy with God and others about self-centeredness and fear of not having enough or about generosity and an open hand? Does our desire or need for the applause of others, fancy titles, or authority reflect Jesus or our own egotism? Even overconfidence in our decisions can reflect a significant level of narcissism which is why supremely confident leaders rarely listen to the advice or push back of others.
On the part of leaders, here are some of the behaviors that reflect a level of narcissism.
Posted from Grand Rapids, MI
At a more subtle level, however, narcissism is something that dogs many of us and we might never notice it. Is my drive to succeed in ministry really about me (self-absorption) or about God? Is our tendency to hold on to material things with a tight hand (often being stingy with God and others about self-centeredness and fear of not having enough or about generosity and an open hand? Does our desire or need for the applause of others, fancy titles, or authority reflect Jesus or our own egotism? Even overconfidence in our decisions can reflect a significant level of narcissism which is why supremely confident leaders rarely listen to the advice or push back of others.
On the part of leaders, here are some of the behaviors that reflect a level of narcissism.
- Taking credit for work performed by others
- Needing the limelight
- Not listening to the input of others
- Needing to get one's way
- Supreme confidence in all decisions
- A need to be at the center of attention
- Being stingy on thank you's and platforming others
- Insecurity with staff who are better at something than themselves
- Poor treatment of others
- A critical spirit
- Using others for our own agendas
- Defensiveness
- Focus on ourselves and our issues to the exclusion of the needs of others.
- Quick anger when things don't go our own way
- Being jealous of the success of others
- Needing to be in charge
- Not apologizing for failures
Posted from Grand Rapids, MI
Monday, May 4, 2015
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Encouragement and leadership lessons from Winston Churchill for pastors
I am a huge fan of Winston Churchill and have read dozens of books on him. There a great number of leadership lessons that can be learned from his life, good and bad so I was captivated by the following article on the lessons of his life for ministry leaders. If you are a pastor (or any leader) this article will encourage you. From ChurchPastor.com.
5 Lessons Pastors Should Learn from Winston Churchill
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Ten ways pastors and congregations irritate one another in serious ways
Pastors and congregations always have issues with one another, at least among certain individuals. Having worked extensively with both sets (including church leaders as congregants) I would suggest that the following set of five irritants for each party are worth thinking through. It might also make for a robust board/pastor discussion. These irritants may be real or perceptions but either way they are real to those who experience them.
Five ways pastors irritate congregants:
One: Defensiveness. Many congregants or church leaders feel that when they address concerns with their pastor that the response is not a healthy open dialogue but defensiveness as the pastor may take the concern as an attack or criticism of him rather than a suggestion or observation for the ministry. I have seen long term members leave their church (with sadness) because they did not feel as if their senior pastor took their concerns seriously, or even cared they were there. We all know that not all concerns can be addressed but defensiveness or lack of concern causes great irritation on the part of congregants.
Two: Personal agendas. Congregants and church leaders all have a vested stake in what happens in the ministry of the church. When they sense that their senior leader has his own agenda which they feel he is imposing on the congregation without process, feedback or buy in it is deeply discouraging. Yet it is not an uncommon issue, especially as new pastors come in with their dreams and hopes and philosophy without taking into account the dreams, hopes and history of the congregation.
Three: Dismissiveness of the past. New pastors (especially) often talk and act as if all things good started with their tenure and ignore or dismiss the prior history of the congregation. All of us who lead stand on the shoulders of others and it is irritating and discouraging for congregations to hear from their senior leader all of the faults of the church and how he is going to make the church what it needs to be. Of course churches need to change and sometimes it is radical change that is needed but wisdom places diplomacy and graciousness at the top of the list rather than criticizing the past. Ignoring history is always disempowering because it ignores the very individuals who made the church what it is today.
Four: The inability to disagree with people and still stay connected to them. Way too many senior leaders see people as either "for them" or "against them" based on whether they agree or disagree with one another. This reflects bad Emotional Intelligence and poor relational skills. Once this happens, many good people find that they are no longer listened to or even appreciated. It is painful for a faithful leader to be marginalized simply because he/she has disagreed with the senior leader who cannot live with that disagreement and stay connected relationally.
Five: Introducing changes too quickly and without proper process. Most people are change resistant which means that if change is needed (and it often is) a process must be run with those impacted by the change to bring them along, answer their questions and calm their concerns. Many senior leaders are highly deficient at the change process and the lack of process produces anger and disenchantment in the congregation. Pastors often then demonize those who they feel are resistant when the resistance was actually a result of their own lack of process in the changes they brought.
Five ways congregations irritate pastors
One: Pettiness. When working with churches in conflict I am always amazed at how petty many of the issues people want to talk about are. Choices a pastor and their spouse make in their lifestyles or the fact that they don't do what the last pastor or spouse did or something said in the pulpit - there is no end to the pettiness that some parishioners can have and are willing to make their opinions known, sometimes widely.
Two: Unwillingness to change in the face of evidence that it is deeply needed. Admittedly, this is often a matter of the skill of a senior leader to negotiate needed changes but there are plenty of congregations who have resisted change leading to three or four pastors facing the same issues in the church and leaving in discouragement. Congregations that resist needed changes will eventually die and it can be deeply frustrating to healthy leaders who are doing their best to bring health to the congregation.
Three: An inward focus rather than an outward focus. Healthy leaders will never settle for an internal focus when the community around them is absent a relationship with Jesus. Yet many churches are inward focused and see few people coming to faith in Christ. There may well be growth but in many instances it is simply transfer growth. Healthy leaders want both new life in Christ and life transformation. When they are kept from moving in this direction it is disempowering and frustrating and I have to believe to God as well.
Four: A divided board that is unwilling to police its own members. Hardly a week goes by that I don't get a call or an email from a pastor (or board member) about a dysfunctional board that will not police its members. What is left is often a divided board that literally accomplishes nothing of significance. It's mission has been hijacked by its ongoing dysfunctionality and the pastor is often a hostage to that stagnant leadership group. Pastors are dependent on a healthy board for healthy leadership and ministry. When boards won't police their own there is little a pastor can do.
Five: A stingy congregation or board. Pastoring a local church is one of the most difficult jobs on the planet. You have as many bosses as you have congregants, you have people who feel free to say the most inappropriate things, you must accept all who come, there are constant crises in the lives of people and you get to preach each or almost every Sunday. No pastor goes into ministry for the material benefits but congregations show their appreciation by being generous and their lack of appreciation by being stingy. I have seen many examples of both but the latter sends a powerful message of a lack of appreciation to their pastor.
A great response to this blog would be a candid conversation between a board and their pastor. Both might learn something of significance.
Posted from Phoenix, AZ
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Five ways pastors irritate congregants:
One: Defensiveness. Many congregants or church leaders feel that when they address concerns with their pastor that the response is not a healthy open dialogue but defensiveness as the pastor may take the concern as an attack or criticism of him rather than a suggestion or observation for the ministry. I have seen long term members leave their church (with sadness) because they did not feel as if their senior pastor took their concerns seriously, or even cared they were there. We all know that not all concerns can be addressed but defensiveness or lack of concern causes great irritation on the part of congregants.
Two: Personal agendas. Congregants and church leaders all have a vested stake in what happens in the ministry of the church. When they sense that their senior leader has his own agenda which they feel he is imposing on the congregation without process, feedback or buy in it is deeply discouraging. Yet it is not an uncommon issue, especially as new pastors come in with their dreams and hopes and philosophy without taking into account the dreams, hopes and history of the congregation.
Three: Dismissiveness of the past. New pastors (especially) often talk and act as if all things good started with their tenure and ignore or dismiss the prior history of the congregation. All of us who lead stand on the shoulders of others and it is irritating and discouraging for congregations to hear from their senior leader all of the faults of the church and how he is going to make the church what it needs to be. Of course churches need to change and sometimes it is radical change that is needed but wisdom places diplomacy and graciousness at the top of the list rather than criticizing the past. Ignoring history is always disempowering because it ignores the very individuals who made the church what it is today.
Four: The inability to disagree with people and still stay connected to them. Way too many senior leaders see people as either "for them" or "against them" based on whether they agree or disagree with one another. This reflects bad Emotional Intelligence and poor relational skills. Once this happens, many good people find that they are no longer listened to or even appreciated. It is painful for a faithful leader to be marginalized simply because he/she has disagreed with the senior leader who cannot live with that disagreement and stay connected relationally.
Five: Introducing changes too quickly and without proper process. Most people are change resistant which means that if change is needed (and it often is) a process must be run with those impacted by the change to bring them along, answer their questions and calm their concerns. Many senior leaders are highly deficient at the change process and the lack of process produces anger and disenchantment in the congregation. Pastors often then demonize those who they feel are resistant when the resistance was actually a result of their own lack of process in the changes they brought.
Five ways congregations irritate pastors
One: Pettiness. When working with churches in conflict I am always amazed at how petty many of the issues people want to talk about are. Choices a pastor and their spouse make in their lifestyles or the fact that they don't do what the last pastor or spouse did or something said in the pulpit - there is no end to the pettiness that some parishioners can have and are willing to make their opinions known, sometimes widely.
Two: Unwillingness to change in the face of evidence that it is deeply needed. Admittedly, this is often a matter of the skill of a senior leader to negotiate needed changes but there are plenty of congregations who have resisted change leading to three or four pastors facing the same issues in the church and leaving in discouragement. Congregations that resist needed changes will eventually die and it can be deeply frustrating to healthy leaders who are doing their best to bring health to the congregation.
Three: An inward focus rather than an outward focus. Healthy leaders will never settle for an internal focus when the community around them is absent a relationship with Jesus. Yet many churches are inward focused and see few people coming to faith in Christ. There may well be growth but in many instances it is simply transfer growth. Healthy leaders want both new life in Christ and life transformation. When they are kept from moving in this direction it is disempowering and frustrating and I have to believe to God as well.
Four: A divided board that is unwilling to police its own members. Hardly a week goes by that I don't get a call or an email from a pastor (or board member) about a dysfunctional board that will not police its members. What is left is often a divided board that literally accomplishes nothing of significance. It's mission has been hijacked by its ongoing dysfunctionality and the pastor is often a hostage to that stagnant leadership group. Pastors are dependent on a healthy board for healthy leadership and ministry. When boards won't police their own there is little a pastor can do.
Five: A stingy congregation or board. Pastoring a local church is one of the most difficult jobs on the planet. You have as many bosses as you have congregants, you have people who feel free to say the most inappropriate things, you must accept all who come, there are constant crises in the lives of people and you get to preach each or almost every Sunday. No pastor goes into ministry for the material benefits but congregations show their appreciation by being generous and their lack of appreciation by being stingy. I have seen many examples of both but the latter sends a powerful message of a lack of appreciation to their pastor.
A great response to this blog would be a candid conversation between a board and their pastor. Both might learn something of significance.
Posted from Phoenix, AZ
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Friday, May 1, 2015
Why our response to Nepal's earthquake matters
From a human perspective the needs of the people of Nepal are currently massive. The pictures tell the story. Homes gone, possessions lost, water hard to get, sanitation and basic infrastructure and all those things we take for granted damaged or non-existent. Basic human compassion should compel us to pray, and care and give so that people's lives can be rebuilt. It could have been us!
There is also a divine perspective on events like we are witnessing in Nepal. I put it this way: "Nothing happens in our world, good or bad which does not first pass by the hands of God and which He does not use to build His church."
There is always a story behind the stories in the news and it is God's story. Many do not know, for instance that Nepal has one of the fastest growing Christian populations. Many do not know that it is crises like these that give the Gospel a huge opportunity to take a quantum leap as the international and local church mobilizes to help deeply hurting people. After the Asian tsunami, for instance, Ache, Indonesia, one of the most closed places to Christians was by necessity opened up and the Christian's response to the humanitarian needs changed forever the area's view of Jesus and Christians and many came (and are still coming) to Christ.
Paul, speaking in Athens made the point that God has a hand in the events of a people's lives for a Gospel purpose:
Acts 17:26-27New American Standard Bible (NASB)
26" and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation, 27 that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us."
The events of our world are not as random as they appear, for God, in His sovereignty and in His desire to see people reach out for Him and find Him uses events such as this earthquake to cause otherwise complacent individuals to look for spiritual answers in the right places. Nothing happens in our world, good or bad which does not first pass by the hands of God and which He does not use to build His church.
You and I are His agents in this Gospel opportunity. We are His hands, His feet, His voice and those who can tangibly show His love to a hurting people. The large NGO's will come and go. Many ministries such as ReachGlobal will be rebuilding and helping communities and individuals for the next five to ten years. Our response to this disaster has eternal consequences for the Gospel. It is a huge opportunity to meet both basic human needs as well as eternal heart needs. We ought to see these situations in light of God's perspective rather than simply a human perspective - compelling as that is.
For the latest update from ReachGlobal you can see ongoing reports from the Crisis Response Blog as well as ways to help.
Posted from Tucson, AZ
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Posted from Tucson, AZ
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
The ONE thing I look forward to the moment I die and it will be my greatest moment of freedom and joy
Death stirs all kinds of emotions for us. Even as believers the unknown causes us anxiety. I say that with some experience as I have faced death several times and looked it the face with realism and all the emotions that accompany that experience. In two instances I was pretty sure my earthly existence was over. In another I knew it could be. What I say I don't say lightly. It has come with great pain and struggle physically and emotionally!
So it is something I have thought about a lot. And in many ways it has been a gift. The question is, how can we welcome something we don't look forward to? I hope to live a long time but I look forward to one moment that will be the best moment of my existence.
It is not death.
It is the moment I look for the first time into the eyes of Jesus who I will meet the instant I leave this life and enter the next.
Think for a moment of what eyes tell you. You look into the eyes of another and you see a piece of their soul. That is why lovers look into the eyes of the one they love. Eyes show love, amazement, anger, mercy, cynicism and whatever is in the mind of the one whose eyes you are looking at.
I believe there will be no more amazing and life changing moment than that instant when I look into the eyes of my Savior for the first time. He is described in the book of Revelation this way: "And among the lampstands was someone 'like a son of man dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, and out of his mouth came a sharp double edged sword.. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance'" (Revelation 1:13-16)
It is One like no other! This is the One who created me. This is the One who loved me when I didn't deserve love. This is the One who rescued me and paid for my sin. This is the One who sustained me through ever moment of my life. This is the One who adopted me and gave me all the amazing gifts listed in Ephesians 1 and 2. This is the One who gave me mercy, grace, forgiveness, redemption, sanctification and His Spirit through no merit of my own. None!
What will I see? It cannot be described but I will do my best. I will see in His eternal eyes the most amazing love, forgiveness, truth, compassion, understanding, grace, mercy, loving kindness, holiness and acceptance that I have ever longed for. I will know that I am home. I will know that I am eternally loved. I will know that for the first time in my life all is truly well and always will be. I will know that I am home with the One I was made for.
At that moment the struggles which have plagued me will be forever gone. The sins that beset me will be forever forgotten. The pain I have experienced will be fully released. The fears I have lived with will be forever gone. All I will have left is the freedom that we were originally made for. I will also know that everything I have endured for His sake will be worth it. His eyes will say it all. Any words of His will strike my heart like lightning as they will be words of complete love for He made me for Himself.
I cannot know how I will respond. How does one respond in the presence of God? I know it will not be fear for fear will be banished along with tears and sorrow and pain and heartache. As the song asks, will I dance for him, fall on my face for him, or have any words to say to Him? All I know is that in that moment I will fully understand what I have tried to understand this side of life - fully. He will be everything I need, my heart will be fully at peace and every struggle completed, every desire fulfilled, every yearning completed. For the first time in my existence ALL will be well and I will be complete.
What do I look forward to when He brings me home? I just want to look into the eyes of Jesus. Everything else will be extra including eternity with Him and with His family. I know that the moment His eyes meet mine, all will be different. At that moment He will wipe the tears from my eyes - regrets, sin, pain, disappointment, unfulfilled dreams, the love I didn't give or receive and it will be well with my soul - forever. Freedom and joy forever.
Posted from Oakdale, MN
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
So it is something I have thought about a lot. And in many ways it has been a gift. The question is, how can we welcome something we don't look forward to? I hope to live a long time but I look forward to one moment that will be the best moment of my existence.
It is not death.
It is the moment I look for the first time into the eyes of Jesus who I will meet the instant I leave this life and enter the next.
Think for a moment of what eyes tell you. You look into the eyes of another and you see a piece of their soul. That is why lovers look into the eyes of the one they love. Eyes show love, amazement, anger, mercy, cynicism and whatever is in the mind of the one whose eyes you are looking at.
I believe there will be no more amazing and life changing moment than that instant when I look into the eyes of my Savior for the first time. He is described in the book of Revelation this way: "And among the lampstands was someone 'like a son of man dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, and out of his mouth came a sharp double edged sword.. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance'" (Revelation 1:13-16)
It is One like no other! This is the One who created me. This is the One who loved me when I didn't deserve love. This is the One who rescued me and paid for my sin. This is the One who sustained me through ever moment of my life. This is the One who adopted me and gave me all the amazing gifts listed in Ephesians 1 and 2. This is the One who gave me mercy, grace, forgiveness, redemption, sanctification and His Spirit through no merit of my own. None!
What will I see? It cannot be described but I will do my best. I will see in His eternal eyes the most amazing love, forgiveness, truth, compassion, understanding, grace, mercy, loving kindness, holiness and acceptance that I have ever longed for. I will know that I am home. I will know that I am eternally loved. I will know that for the first time in my life all is truly well and always will be. I will know that I am home with the One I was made for.
At that moment the struggles which have plagued me will be forever gone. The sins that beset me will be forever forgotten. The pain I have experienced will be fully released. The fears I have lived with will be forever gone. All I will have left is the freedom that we were originally made for. I will also know that everything I have endured for His sake will be worth it. His eyes will say it all. Any words of His will strike my heart like lightning as they will be words of complete love for He made me for Himself.
I cannot know how I will respond. How does one respond in the presence of God? I know it will not be fear for fear will be banished along with tears and sorrow and pain and heartache. As the song asks, will I dance for him, fall on my face for him, or have any words to say to Him? All I know is that in that moment I will fully understand what I have tried to understand this side of life - fully. He will be everything I need, my heart will be fully at peace and every struggle completed, every desire fulfilled, every yearning completed. For the first time in my existence ALL will be well and I will be complete.
What do I look forward to when He brings me home? I just want to look into the eyes of Jesus. Everything else will be extra including eternity with Him and with His family. I know that the moment His eyes meet mine, all will be different. At that moment He will wipe the tears from my eyes - regrets, sin, pain, disappointment, unfulfilled dreams, the love I didn't give or receive and it will be well with my soul - forever. Freedom and joy forever.
Posted from Oakdale, MN
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
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