What I have learned as a leader about my assumptions and evaluation of staff

 

Leaders evaluate their staff regularly to themselves and in conversation with others. Our ability to do this fairly and with grace matters because our evaluations impact their jobs, sometimes their future, and the opportunities that we give to them. In addition, when there are discussions about staff (in appropriate settings), we must exhibit a generosity of spirit and be fair and balanced in our attitudes and comments.

As a younger leader, I was more critical and less understanding and made faster judgments that were only sometimes fair or balanced. From the perspective of many years of managing others, I have several principles that I try to live by when it comes to my judgments of staff.

One: Be circumspect about what you assume and hear from others about staff members. We all have biases, and often, what is shared about someone else may not be entirely accurate or based on second-hand rather than first-hand information. When I hear something negative and don't know all the facts, I will "think grey" rather than make a judgment that I don't have enough information to make. Thinking grey means that I suspend judgment until I have all the information. This has kept me from making what would have been a poor decision on many occasions.

This means that we should give people the benefit of the doubt. When something does not go right, or there is a conflict, it is easy to judge character, motives, or competency. Often, explanations for what has transpired give us a greater perspective if we wait to see what the facts are. Things are only sometimes what they seem!

Two: I have learned that I should not judge motives because when I do, I am almost always wrong. When we judge motives, we make assumptions about the intent behind some action. Ironically, we never judge our motives as being suspect because we know ourselves, but we often judge the motives of others. 

90 plus percent of the time, when I have judged the motives of others, I have been wrong. I try hard to think grey and assume the best rather than assuming anything negative. With time and dialogue, clarity can be achieved.

Three: Remember that people can change, and they do. Just because someone has deficits does not mean that they will necessarily stay that way. Most people want to grow and develop. The problem I have observed in ministries is that in the name of "grace," we don't level with people on issues they have, so they have no way of growing and developing. This is particularly true in relational disconnects or EQ issues where some truth-telling and coaching could change the picture. All of us have areas where we need to grow. I assume that people will grow and develop unless experience tells me differently.

Four: Be careful of allowing "in" and "out" groups to develop because of our evaluations. In a healthy organization, everyone should be in the "in" group. If someone cannot do their job or have some sort of fatal flaw, they need to be graciously moved on. But, leaders should not create "in" and "out" groups based on staff evaluation.

Five: We should want everyone to succeed. This means that when there are developmental issues, whether relational, emotional, or necessary skills, we ought to have ways to help staff members grow. As leaders, we are here to help people succeed, so we invest our time and energy in doing so. If there are issues, let's figure them out if they can be figured out. Let's develop our staff if they can be developed. We need to value people and treat people with dignity and respect.

Six: We should display generosity of spirit. Leaders who are generous in spirit want the very best for their staff, believe the very best in their staff, and will invest themselves to help their staff succeed. The generosity of spirit includes building cultures where people are most likely to succeed and where we can draw the best out of our people. 

If you are a leader, be generous in your attitudes and assessments of staff and their development and success.

Dangerous and hurtful assumptions

"If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don't tell us something we make assumptions to fill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don't understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions.  We make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions."

Miguel Ruiz

"And if you insist on continuing to make assumptions about my character, I'll advise you only this: assume you will always be wrong."

Tahereh Mafi

Every one of us has been the unwelcome recipient of assumptions made by others that were false. Yet ironically we do it to others as well. Unfortunately, assumptions are usually wrong, especially when it comes to motives behind actions that we find objectionable or things others have told us about another individual. And because they are often wrong, our view of others is often misguided and also wrong. I would suggest the following practices when it comes to assumptions made about others.

First, before we assume, we ought to ask the individual involved. It is enlightening to have a first hand conversation rather than to make assumptions (that are usually wrong to some degree or another). There is nothing wrong with asking and it might save us a relationship if we do.

Second, be wary of second hand information. All of us have a grid through which we see others and if the grid is wrong we will pass along untrue information or perceptions. And, where there is rancor involved, others have a vested interest in painting the worst possible picture rather than objective information. It is also true that the one passing it along does not have all the information themselves. It is amazing how much more quickly we grab onto negative information about another individual than we do positive information. It is our fallen nature.

Third. if you don't have all the information think grey. Understand that there is usually more than one side to a story and knowing that you don't have all the facts resist drawing rigid conclusions. Things are not always what we think they are. We ought to be circumspect in our thinking and comments.

Fourth, if you don't need to, don't share negative information about others. Scripture calls this gossip. Bad news spreads quickly and to the extent that we fan the flame we are guilty of gossip. And, if we don't have all the facts we may be guilty of worse - reputation assassination.

My assumption is that we would want others to practice these principles with us. Let's therefore practice it with others.

Getting the facts before we make assumptions

I am constantly amazed and saddened at how often believers rupture relationships with other believers because they have made assumptions - often deeply faulty - about motives or actions. In the process, people are hurt, God's reputation is compromised, His mission is thwarted and ultimately the evil one wins which is just what he wants to do. If the evil one can sow seeds of doubt and destruction between fellow believers he will - and he does. How we respond to those seeds of doubt and relational destruction is our choice and it often has eternal consequences.

Before relationships are irretrievably disrupted there are some questions we need to ask.

One, do I have my facts right? How often do we hear something about someone else that is derogatory. Wise individuals know that second hand information is often faulty information. They also know that there are two or more sides to every story. Before we draw our own conclusions we ought to consider the real possibility that there is more to the situation than what we know and either hold our own counsel or if necessary verify the information we have received before drawing conclusions. 

In many cases we don't even rely on second hand information but our own assumptions regarding an action or situation and have never simply picked up the phone for a conversation with the one we are making assumptions about. Not only is it foolish to do so but it is deeply unfair to the one who is the target of our negative perceptions who may be and often is fully innocent of the assumptions we have made.

Two, is there another explanation for what I have heard, seen or observed? Over the years I have discovered that most of the time when I have chosen to draw negative conclusions about a person or situation I discover that my assumptions about motives or actions were not correct and that there was a reasonable explanation for what had taken place that made sense - when I asked. Each time I am stung by the realization of how quickly it is for us to jump to the wrong conclusion - perhaps the result of our own sinful nature and our tendency to see the worst in others rather than the best.

Three, have I talked with the individual myself to discover whether there is a way to resolve the issue at hand? It is amazing what honest conversation, dialogue and questions can resolve that otherwise would have been left on the scrapheap of severed relationships. It is often helpful to involve a neutral third party who can help those who have taken sides hear one another and to clarify issues, assumptions, actions and possible solutions. A simple conversation can quickly solve many badly made assumptions.

I recently heard of a situation where a group was talking about an individual who they seemed unanimously unhappy with. Not one of them, however, had made the effort to talk to the one they were talking about. Thus they were left with their own assumptions which may or may not have been correct but one conversation could have given them some good information.

Four, have I contributed in any way to the relationship that has gone south? Often, we choose not to resolve issues because it means that we ourselves must admit that we bear responsibility. It is far easier to save face and paint the picture that we have been aggrieved than to admit to ourselves and others that we also have been wrong. That takes Godly humility and honesty.

Paul makes it clear that there is a battle being fought out of our sight: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12). 

I am convinced that one of the foremost strategies of the evil one is to cause relational ruptures between His people in order to hurt Kingdom advancement. There may be times when such ruptures are unavoidable (we live in a fallen world) but I don't want to be an unwitting pawn in Satan's hands because I have not been shrewd about his tactics and asked the right questions.