Key lessons I have learned about leadership along the way

 

Learning to lead well is learned the hard way over time. I took time recently to consider what I know today that I needed to understand better as a young leader. It is a long list that simply says how little I knew about good leadership as a young leader. The raw stuff was there, but there was and is much to learn. If you fit that young leader category, these may be things to consider.

• Many issues are not as urgent as I think they are. Relax, and don't equate all issues to having the same urgency. 

• Flexibility is critical for good leadership. Most of life is not black and white; compromise is essential to getting things done. 

• Necessary or desired changes do not need to take place immediately. As a leader, I can only move as fast as those I lead can follow. I need to be patient and sensitive in leading through change.

• I don't need to take differences personally. It is about the mission, not about me. Pushback and disagreements are healthy if we can come to healthy solutions.

• The key to everything is relationships. It pays to develop relationships even with those who disagree with me. Mutual respect and understanding come through relationships.

• Anxiety is wasted energy. Don't worry about things that one cannot control. The worst is unlikely to happen anyway.

• I can be wrong, and it does not hurt my leadership. Develop a "nothing to prove and nothing to lose attitude," and one gains freedom.

• Just be me. I cannot lead like anyone else. God made me who He made me; I need to lead from who He created me to be. Learn to be comfortable in one's own skin.

• Don't die on anthills! It is painful and unnecessary. There are some hills to die on, but only a few. Be wary of which one you take your stand on.

• Don't judge motives. We usually don't know what they are, and almost always, when we attribute poor motives to others, we are wrong.

• Relationships are everything. Influence comes through relationships, so press into those hard with those one needs to work with, even if they seem to be detractors. 

• I should never measure myself against others. That is a false measurement. I should measure my progress and whether I am better today than yesterday. 

• My own inner life must take precedence over all other things. The healthier I am emotionally, spiritually, and relationally, the better my leadership. The inner life always comes first.

• I don't need to change the world - and I cannot. What God does want me to do is influence my small corner of the world.

• God is sovereign. When I carry around great anxiety and worry, I try to do His job. I can relax knowing that He is always ultimately in control.

• Not all things get fixed on this side of heaven. God is always sovereign, but He does not force people, and there are situations and people issues that I will not be able to fix.

• Humility is at the core of all good leadership. Arrogance and thinking more of myself than I should get me into trouble. We all overestimate our gifts and importance and underestimate our faults and shadow side.

• Emotional intelligence matters a lot. The more I grow my EQ, my relationships, leadership, and personal health improve.

• God died for the Bride and not the brand. God wants me to focus on His kingdom, not my evangelical brand. I should appreciate all of his players and not just a few.

• I don't need to compete but to be faithful. I am not in competition with others but instead called to be faithful to what He wants me to do. 

• It is OK that not everyone likes me. In fact, if everyone likes me, I am probably not leading well. Popularity is not the end goal of leadership.

• I am only good at a few things. It is how God created me (Ephesians 2:10) and is why I need others around me. Their gifts make up for my many deficits.

• I can never give enough credit away. As a leader, I give credit to the team and take responsibility for the failures. It is what leaders do.

• God can guard my reputation. This means I don't need to - even when people are obnoxious or hurtful.

• If I am threatened by others, that is my problem, not theirs. The question is, "Why do they threaten me, and what does that say about my inner health?" To the extent that I lack personal security, I must press into those EQ issues.

• Perceived failures are usually just growth opportunities. What we define as a failure, God is simply using to grow us into who He wants us to be.

• God can superintend my ministry path. He knows where I will be most valuable and influential. I don't need to seek success but be faithful to where He has called me.

• Position does not equal influence. I can have as much influence as He wants me to have from whatever position or platform God' gives.

• Success must be measured from His rather than the world's perspective. God does not measure success the way the world does. My job is to use the gifts and opportunities He puts in front of me for maximum Kingdom advantage. 

What I have learned as a leader about my assumptions and evaluation of staff

 

Leaders evaluate their staff regularly to themselves and in conversation with others. Our ability to do this fairly and with grace matters because our evaluations impact their jobs, sometimes their future, and the opportunities that we give to them. In addition, when there are discussions about staff (in appropriate settings), we must exhibit a generosity of spirit and be fair and balanced in our attitudes and comments.

As a younger leader, I was more critical and less understanding and made faster judgments that were only sometimes fair or balanced. From the perspective of many years of managing others, I have several principles that I try to live by when it comes to my judgments of staff.

One: Be circumspect about what you assume and hear from others about staff members. We all have biases, and often, what is shared about someone else may not be entirely accurate or based on second-hand rather than first-hand information. When I hear something negative and don't know all the facts, I will "think grey" rather than make a judgment that I don't have enough information to make. Thinking grey means that I suspend judgment until I have all the information. This has kept me from making what would have been a poor decision on many occasions.

This means that we should give people the benefit of the doubt. When something does not go right, or there is a conflict, it is easy to judge character, motives, or competency. Often, explanations for what has transpired give us a greater perspective if we wait to see what the facts are. Things are only sometimes what they seem!

Two: I have learned that I should not judge motives because when I do, I am almost always wrong. When we judge motives, we make assumptions about the intent behind some action. Ironically, we never judge our motives as being suspect because we know ourselves, but we often judge the motives of others. 

90 plus percent of the time, when I have judged the motives of others, I have been wrong. I try hard to think grey and assume the best rather than assuming anything negative. With time and dialogue, clarity can be achieved.

Three: Remember that people can change, and they do. Just because someone has deficits does not mean that they will necessarily stay that way. Most people want to grow and develop. The problem I have observed in ministries is that in the name of "grace," we don't level with people on issues they have, so they have no way of growing and developing. This is particularly true in relational disconnects or EQ issues where some truth-telling and coaching could change the picture. All of us have areas where we need to grow. I assume that people will grow and develop unless experience tells me differently.

Four: Be careful of allowing "in" and "out" groups to develop because of our evaluations. In a healthy organization, everyone should be in the "in" group. If someone cannot do their job or have some sort of fatal flaw, they need to be graciously moved on. But, leaders should not create "in" and "out" groups based on staff evaluation.

Five: We should want everyone to succeed. This means that when there are developmental issues, whether relational, emotional, or necessary skills, we ought to have ways to help staff members grow. As leaders, we are here to help people succeed, so we invest our time and energy in doing so. If there are issues, let's figure them out if they can be figured out. Let's develop our staff if they can be developed. We need to value people and treat people with dignity and respect.

Six: We should display generosity of spirit. Leaders who are generous in spirit want the very best for their staff, believe the very best in their staff, and will invest themselves to help their staff succeed. The generosity of spirit includes building cultures where people are most likely to succeed and where we can draw the best out of our people. 

If you are a leader, be generous in your attitudes and assessments of staff and their development and success.

The practice of thinking the best of others

This is a discipline because our first instinct when evaluating the behavior of others is often to suspect ulterior motives. In most cases we are working from ignorance since we cannot see into the mind of others. 

The problem with assuming the worst about the actions of others is not only that we are almost wrong, but that it causes us to respond in ways that are not helpful to a good relationship. After all, if I suspect that an individual has poor motives, I will respond with suspicion, distance and possibly even anger. My distancing from that individual in turn causes others to distance themselves as they watch our attitude. We influence others when we assume the worst rather than the best. Sometimes it is not possible to undo the impressions we share with others. 

Buckingham has it right: Find the most generous explanation for each other's behavior and believe it. Doing so allows us to operate from a position of trust and regard rather than mistrust. We don't have to like all the behaviors of others but the reality is that they probably don't like all of ours either. But we always hope that they will assume the best because we intend the best. 

In evaluating the actions of others it is worth considering that we can quickly jump to negative conclusions about them that we would never want them to have toward us. It is a superior attitude rather than one of humility, recognizing our shared humanity. 

Jesus had it right when he told us to "Do to others as you would have them do to you (Luke 6:31)." That includes our assumptions about others and our generosity toward their motives. Jesus said in the same conversation, "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful (Luke 6:36)." Both are keys to good relationships and to a less judgmental attitude toward others.

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Overcoming the fundamental attribution error

Wikipedia defines the fundamental attribution error this way. "The fundamental attribution error, also known as the correspondence bias or attribution effect, is the tendency for people to place an  undue emphasis on internal characteristics (personality) to explain someone else's behavior in a given situation rather than considering the situations external factors" The effect has been described as "the tendency to believe that what people do reflects who they are."

Have you ever been accused of doing something for reasons that are untrue? How did it feel? Especially when your motives were honorable but seen as dishonorable by others. Those who characterize your actions or behavior as bad and, therefore, see you as a problem are guilty of the fundamental attribution error. You probably had good reasons for doing what you did.

It is a funny thing that we tend to see our motives as good and responsible but often see the motives of others as suspect and reflective of character flaws. This creates conflict, ill will, and a lack of cooperation since we have translated their actions into false ill motives. If we assumed that the motives of others were as honorable as ours, we would avoid a biased reaction against them.

What we really ought to do is give one another a break. Assume the best until you have evidence of the contrary. It would solve a lot of relational problems all around.

See also: Dangerous and hurtful assumptions

15 minutes of fame or 45 years of faithful ministry

The ministry world is deeply impacted by its culture when it comes to who we pay attention to, admire and even follow. Our church makes the top 100 growing churches in a certain year, a book hits the big time on the latest and greatest ministry idea or sudden success in an arena engenders attention. Even in ministry 15 minutes of fame can trump 45 years of faithful ministry. And that is an indictment on how we think. 

Why do we chase the spotlight or those who are in the spotlight? Why do we assume that their few minutes in the sun means that they are worth emulating or their new idea worth trying? In fact, what does it say about us?

I am always interested in new ideas or good books or new strategies. But I am more impressed with those who have a long track record of faithful ministry, who have gone the distance and who see long term results. Chasing fads or the newest and greatest idea is not a value to me. Chasing those who are enjoying the spotlight is not a value to me or to God - I suspect. It is also not good for the one in the spotlight in many instances who start to believe their own press.

Jesus wants us to chase after Him.

(Written today from Berlin, Germany)

How our motives in ministry impact how we lead in very specific ways

We often don't think about this but the motivation of leaders directly impacts how they lead, how they treat their staff and how they deal with difficulties. Motives are powerful in their implications.

Consider how we lead. If my underlying motivation is to build something for myself I will lead selfishly. What I do will serve my purposes, my goals, my vision and my kingdom. If, on the other hand my underlying motivation is to contribute to the Kingdom of God, I will lead unselfishly because it is not about me but about God and His purposes. Unselfish leadership always takes the spotlight off of us and shines it on Jesus alone. It is all about Him, not us. If you want to know the motivation of a church or ministry just look at how much attention is focused on the leader and how much is focused on Jesus.

Consider how we treat our staff. If my underlying motivation is to build something for myself I will use people, control people and manipulate people to achieve my ends. If on the other hand, my motivation is to build God's kingdom, I will empower people, release people, seek to help people get in their lane, use their gifts and see people flourish. Selfish leaders use people for their purposes. Unselfish leaders release people to become all that God designed them to be. If you want to understand if a leader's motivation is more about them or more about God, simply watch how they treat people!

Or consider how we deal with difficulties we face. When our underlying motivation is to build something for ourselves we become angry and frustrated because our efforts have been thwarted. Those problems become personal because our plans are threatened. If on the other hand, our goal is to build the kingdom of Jesus, we will trust Him, believe in faith that He will intervene and leave our frustrations with Jesus. How leaders respond to difficulties is a pretty good indication of whether their agenda is theirs of God's.

It is clear that our leadership motivation makes all the difference in our leadership. Unfortunately, too much leadership in the Christian arena is more about us than about Him.

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

What I wish more leaders did differently

Someone asked me recently what I wish organizational leaders did differently after all the consultations I have done. I have been mulling on that so here goes:

I wish more leaders cared about the health and vitality of their staff. There is frankly no good excuse for an unhealthy workplace or unappreciated staff. If we cannot create a healthy work environment we don't deserve to have staff working for us. If we are going to lead we must make the health of our staff one of our highest priorities.

I wish more leaders understood how important it is to clarify who the organization is, where it is going and how it is going to get there. The truth is that our staff deserve this clarity. The other truth is that without that clarity we don't know where we are going. And if that clarity simply resides in the head of the leader it is not understood by those who need to understand. If we are going to lead we need to be clear about what is important.

I wish more leaders were willing to empower others rather than to control others. Leaders who control, micromanage or make decisions others should be making are unempowering leaders who are treating their staff poorly. It is usually a sign of threatened and insecure leaders! Those who cannot empower should not lead and don't deserve to have staff working for them.

I wish more leaders paid greater attention to their own Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It's health or dishealth directly impacts their staff. Too many leaders are defensive, don't allow candid dialogue, marginalize those who disagree with them, don't listen, don't ask questions and cannot handle push-back. What they get in return are people who don't tell them when the emperor has no clothes because staff know they won't hear or don't want to hear. They are poorer leaders and people because of it.

I wish more leaders paid attention to their personal and professional growth. The quality of leadership depends on the quality of our spiritual, emotional, relational and skill health yet so many leaders have no development plan. They are too busy leading to become better leaders! Eventually those who don't pay attention to growth hit a wall and can no longer lead well. That could have been avoided if they had paid attention to the right things along the way.

I wish more leaders would ask their key reports how they could lead better and what their reports wish were different. Because most leaders don't ask they simply remain ignorant to issues that they should be aware of. It takes courage to ask but if we really care about the health of our staff or team we will. If we are not courageous enough to ask we are really saying that it is not important to us and that is a sad statement. Unfortunately many will never ask.

What is interesting about this wish list is that the burden of poor leadership falls to one group - our staff. The blessing of good leadership falls also to staff. How we lead directly impacts all those who work in our organization. I meet too many staff who live with the burden rather than the blessing.

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

Convictions or cookies: Which drives you?

Cookies are nice! They are the comments or affirmations we get in ministry because of what we do - preaching a good sermon, visiting someone in the hospital, helping those in need. In fact, it is easy to become driven by the cookies because they satisfy our ego and make us feel good about ourselves. I must be doing something important for Jesus is people give me all those cookies!

But: cookies can be dangerous as well. Cookies can motivate us to please others so that we get more cookies. And a drive to please others for our ego needs can cause us to play to people rather than to be driven to please God and to push into places that God wants us to push but people don't.

Hence my question: Are we driven more by cookies than by conviction?  Christian leaders must lead out of a deep place of inner conviction irregardless of whether we get cookies for our leadership. I remember rolling out some new paradigms in the mission I lead ten years ago to the consternation of many who saw it as the flavor of the month and me as out to lunch. If I were looking for cookies they were few and hard to find. And that lasted for quite a while. But what I did have was a deep abiding conviction that where we were going was where God wanted us to go and I said often, "Do not question my resolve!"

Sometimes cookies come and sometimes they don't. We are not called to chase cookies but to move in directions that God wants us to move with conviction and resolve. If I am chasing cookies I will not press into areas that are uncomfortable with either an individual or a congregation. If I am chasing cookies I will become a servant of men rather than of God. I may even compromise my convictions in the process.

I like cookies. But I recognize that cookies don't always serve me well. Convictions serve me much better. Especially those that come from God and are shared by my key colleagues as the direction God wants us to travel. Our best cookies will come from the words of our Lord one day. "Well done my good and faithful servant."

Is my leadership about me or about Him?

One of the fundamental differences between Saul’s leadership and David’s leadership in the Old Testament was its focus. For Saul, it was about him. He was king, he had the power and he believed that he could make the critical calls without heeding Godly advice or even God’s advice. Essentially leadership was about him. It was a self centered leadership and a selfish leadership.

Leaders who believe that it is about them become arrogant leaders who believe their own press and believe that since they got into the position it must mean that they are pretty good and have the wisdom to make the calls. One sees this in political leaders on a regular basis – and among many business leaders.

leaders in the God’s arena, however, know that we play by a different set of rules. For us, leadership is a trust. Peter makes this clear when he says to elders of the church, “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers – not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away” (1 Peter 5:2-4).

What is intriguing in this passage is that Paul eliminates the motives for leadership that drive leaders – money, power and personal agendas. In fact, he makes it clear that our leadership is simply a “trust” given to us by the true leader of the church – Christ. And, he says that the core of our leadership comes from who we are and the depth that has been developed within us when he tells us to lead by being examples to the flock. He is saying that the most powerful influence, the deepest influence that we will have as leaders comes from our lives, and our lives are simply the outward expression of our inner core.

This frankly is the missing element in many who give leadership to the church. They may be good leaders but their lives do not reflect a deep inner core of spiritual maturity, wisdom, understanding and attitudes that come from a deep place within themselves. Often it is not a leadership of deep influence but rather a shallow leadership that is more about their agenda for the congregation than God’s agenda. Not necessarily out of lack of desire to serve well but because the spiritual depth has not been developed that naturally spills out in their thinking, actions and attitudes. It is a leadership that has not been marinated in the things of God.

The reason the distinction between leadership about me or Him is so central to our leadership role is that as leaders of ministries, God has an agenda for how our church or organization can specifically contribute to His work in this world. Understanding that agenda and how we can serve His plan can only come out of relationship, dependence and an understanding of what God wants to do in our world. It is not primarily about our wisdom but about His presence and our understanding of Him informing all that we do as leaders under his Lordship.

Deep influence is about influence that has been deeply informed by our relationship with God, our understanding of his character through scripture, the wisdom that comes from above rather than simply from ourselves, and the personal character, wisdom, and dependence that spills out of our lives because of the deep waters within. The deeper our leadership is informed by God and His agenda and His character within us, the deeper our influence. Our influence is actually His influence lived through us!

This last truth is the greatest reason that we ought to do all we can to go deep with God. Our influence is connected to His influence. We become His agents of influence when our lives are deeply connected and informed by Him. Our leadership is an extension of His leadership which is precisely why Peter calls elders in the church shepherds who work for the Chief Shepherd (1 Peter 5:2-4).

Our leadership is an extension of His leadership. Any eternal influence we have is an extension of His influence. Our effectiveness as leaders is directly connected to the depth of our connection and relationship with Him. Clearly, our leadership is therefore about Him and not about us. The question is whether our leadership reflects that truth.