Indicators that a leader is leading from a place of insecurity and even fear

We often do not realize it when our leader is leading from a posture of fear, but some symptoms give it away. It is dysfunctional, and it feels bad, but we often do not understand what is going on. Here are some common symptoms of a leader leading from fear. 

They demand loyalty to themselves rather than to the mission of the organization. Leaders who lack self-confidence require their staff to be loyal to them—usually meaning that their staff agree with their views—rather than loyal to the organization and its mission. They are intimidated by independent voices who speak their minds, and if they perceive that loyalty as they define it is not present, they often marginalize those voices. Loyalty means you cannot disagree with the leader or challenge their thinking.

Those loyal to them are perceived as "their people," while those they don't perceive to be loyal are not. The irony is that loyal people tell their leader the truth as they see it. Those who only tell a leader what they know the leader wants to hear are not, in fact, loyal but sycophants. 

They try to keep people from talking to others about issues they feel strongly about. When pastors, for instance, tell staff that they cannot talk to board members or board members to staff or staff to congregants, it is a sign of fear rather than confidence. Whenever leaders seek to limit the conversation of others (beyond appropriate channels) they are operating out of fear rather than health. 

Prohibiting or discouraging open conversation is usually a precursor to an unraveling of leadership. When I see this trait I know that the leadership will unravel. It is only a matter of time. 

They display an underlying anger that erupts in inappropriate language, statements, requirements, or rules. People who live with fear or insecurity often try to control the environment around them with threats, anger, strong statements that intimidate them, or rules that are meant to keep their staff in line. When it does not feel good, it probably is not good. When it feels intimidating or coming from a place of fear, it probably is. When it does not feel healthy it probably is not healthy.

I have seen staff torn apart by the amygdala hijacks of an insecure leader where the leader goes into angry rants against the staff member who they perceive to have crossed a line with irrational words and anger that are meant to force the staff member back into line through intimidation, fear and the belittling of their character. Because this usually happens in private and because others know they cannot challenge the leader there is often no recourse for the staff member who has been violated.

Those who disagree are let go or marginalized, and the reasons for departures, voluntary or involuntary, are disguised. Truth is usually a victim of insecurity and fear. There is an inordinate desire to control the message and spin the reasons for departures to protect the insecure leader responsible for the staff member's departure. How is the truth disguised? by an alternative narrative determined by the leader—spin, if you will—rather than the truth of the situation. 

This is often the reason departing staff members are pressured into signing NDAs. The goal is to prevent the individual from speaking the truth from their point of view. NDAs are a sign of leadership insecurity and fear and usually mean that something leaders do not want disclosed does not reflect well on them. Ironically, the organization letting the staff member go often does not feel an equal responsibility to speak truthfully.

There is a culture of fear among staff. Anytime fear becomes the culture and people are not allowed to talk with one another or others, it is a sign of an insecure leader. No secure leader creates an environment of fear or intimidation. None. Where there is fear among the staff in general, there is a dysfunctional and usually fearful leader. 

Candid feedback to the leader is not allowed or appreciated. Only insecure or fearful leaders create an environment where candid and honest feedback is limited, controlled, or not allowed/appreciated. It says more about the leader than it does about the staff. It comes from fear and insecurity rather than security and freedom. 

I have been with executive teams who speak candidly together about issues when the leader is not present. When the leader is present, there is not a peep about those same issues. Why? They know that the leader does not appreciate or invite candid feedback, so the issues become elephants in the room that cannot be discussed in his/her presence. This is a classic sign of insecurity and fear.

A leader's board and senior staff must toe the line of the leader. Some years ago, our organization made a decision that irritated a senior pastor within the denomination. He forced his board (through intimidation) to agree with him and to withhold all support for our organization in the face of irrefutable evidence that we had reasons for our decision. But no pushback was allowed, and he forced his board to go along with him. When a board or senior staff must toe the line of the leader, it is usually a sign of control, fear and insecurity.

Boards are often caught up in leaders' insecurity and fear, so they don't ask hard questions or seek clarification about situations that should be clarified. 

My question is why such behaviors are not seen for what they are in the ministry arena and why staff and boards allow this behavior? It demonstrates naivete on the part of boards and usually fear on the part of staff who are put in an impossible situation. Don't be fooled, and don't get sucked into a dysfunctional leader's stuff. It is poison, and it is foolishness. Too many board members get sucked into the dysfunction.

Moving from places of anxiety to places of peace

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

Anxiety and worry are a part of the human condition. It is easy for someone to say, you shouldn’t worry, but I don’t know anyone who can go through the situations of life without anxiety and worry. We are finite human beings, and the fact that we cannot know the end from the beginning makes worry a part of life.

That being said, moving from worry to faith, from anxiety to dependence on God, is one of the journeys that Jesus invites us on. He does not want us to live with worry and anxiety but to live with faith and trust and allow our concerns to be carried by Him and not by us. 

I find it interesting that the words “do not be afraid” are repeated 365 times in the Bible, once for every day of the year. We need to hear these words every day because we need them daily. Scripture reminds us not to worry about having enough money for tomorrow because God looks after His own. We are told not to worry about the future because each day has enough worries of its own, and He carries them for us. We are told not to be anxious but to give our cares to Him.

There is an antidote for worry, and that is prayer. As Paul says in Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” 

We are invited in all situations, in all circumstances to bring our anxieties to Jesus in prayer and petition, and present our requests to God. Interestingly, Paul says that we should do this with thanksgiving. Why Thanksgiving? Because He is capable and able to intercede in our situation and carry our worries for us. And the exchange is this: We give him our anxieties, and he gives to us the peace of God which transcends all understanding. And that peace will guard our hearts and our minds - where anxiety and worries live - in Christ Jesus. I’ll take that exchange any day.

Some years ago, I was on a flight from Bangkok to the United States, and just as the plane was ready to take off at the end of the runway, the flight attendant saw that I was sick and had lapsed into unconsciousness. I woke up with my 20-year-old son kneeling beside me, and I heard the pilot announce that we were returning to the gate for a medical emergency. I asked my son if that was me, and he said, “yes, dad.” A few minutes later, we arrived at an unknown hospital to figure out what was wrong. 

They thought I had suffered a seizure, but there was no evidence of this with a brain scan. But over the course of the day, I went from sick to very sick to needing to be intubated in the ICU. A year earlier, I was intubated for a month in a coma in the United States for multiple organ failure and MRSA pneumonia and never should have survived. It was a 45-day hospital stay that took me years to recover from. Now a year later, still in recovery, I found myself in the same situation in a foreign country: organs shutting down, massive pneumonia, and knowing that my odds were not good.

I asked the doctor if they were going to put me into a coma like the year before, and he said no. “We will put you under to intubate you, and then you will be awake.” So, an hour later, I found myself awake, with a garden hose contraption down my throat, hooked up to some 15 pumps of various kinds and a breathing machine, and massive, unbelievable pain.

That first night I contemplated my odds. They were not good. I asked God to remove my pain, but that didn’t work. And then, as I reflected, my mind kept going back to a message I had preached about Peter getting out of the boat and walking toward Jesus and Jesus saying to him. Do not be afraid. And I asked God to take away my fear of death and the fear of the unknown. It was a gigantic struggle that first night, and it was repeated again and again as it would be 14 days before I was off the ventilator. But amazingly, God did exactly what He promised, and I traded my fear and anxiety for a supernatural peace that only God can give. 

The pain did not lessen. In Thailand, they didn’t provide pain medication, and with massive pneumonia, you feel like you are breathing through mud. Every hour they would disconnect the breathing machine, bag me to breathe, and vacuum out my lungs so that I could breathe again freely. That experience was like having a heart attack, and every hour felt like twenty-four hours of terrible pain for fourteen days. But, I traded fear for peace because of God’s promise. I realized that the greatest gift is when we come to the end of all of our resources, and all we have left is Him. Then we realize that He is all that we need.

Jesus is inviting you today to trade your worries and anxieties for His peace. That takes place as we bring our concerns to him daily in prayer and petition - with thanksgiving. And He can take those anxieties on Himself and leave us with supernatural peace. So whatever your anxieties are today, He invites you to give them to Him.

Father, I freely admit that I need more of your peace and less of my worry and anxiety. I give you my deepest fears and anxieties today and ask that you fill me with your peace that passes all understanding. Thank you for your goodness to me and your desire to carry my burdens yourself. Amen.

The question for today: What worries and anxieties do I need to give to Jesus in exchange for His supernatural peace.

Letting go of fear and ego to empower our staff

Truly empowering staff is a difficult thing for many leaders to do and many organizations are far more controlling than they are empowering. While this is often driven by good motives - make sure that things don't go wrong, it is highly demotivating to staff and actually keeps staff from growing and developing. After all, without having to take responsibility and risks one does not grow. Simply following the instructions of another is not a recipe for development.

The root of unempowered cultures is often fear that someone may make a mistake which reflects poorly on the leader - which is about the insecurities of a leader. Or, it is hubris on the leader's part that no one can do it as well as they can. Thus the need to control rather than empower. The point is that lack of empowerment is not about the staff but about the leader. When leaders recognize that this is about them, they are more likely to pay attention to the issue.

In unempowered cultures:

• People feel controlled
• Permission is always needed
• The ideas of staff are often ignored
• The best staff generally leave
• The leader is seen as fearful or indecisive
• Staff don't grow
• The organization suffers

Leaders who resist empowering staff end up hurting their staff, their organization and themselves. Their fear or ego gets in the way of forward progress. If you want to develop a healthy organization, however, you will overcome both fear and ego and allow your staff appropriate freedom. 

Here are some things to remember as you do so.

1. Recognize that empowering others may well mean that some things will fail. Failure is a good thing because if nothing fails, little is being tried! Breakthroughs come through trying new things or doing things in new ways. The best leaders allow failure and practice autopsy without blame. The best lessons are often learned when something does not work as we wanted it to.

2. Realize that others will do things different than you. We are all wired and gifted differently. The issue is not usually how something gets done but that it gets done. Be OK with different approaches knowing that yours is only one of many.

3. Give freedom within boundaries. If there are specific boundaries you don't want crossed, be clear about them so staff know where they have freedom and where they have limits. All freedom comes with boundaries after all.

4. Be specific about the outcomes you desire rather than the strategy to get there. Strategies can vary but the outcomes need to be clear.

5. Stay connected and guide the process not through telling or micromanagement but through ongoing dialogue that allows the best ideas to emerge. Ask questions rather than telling someone what to do. Sometimes that will mean stepping back and allowing something not to work and allow the staff member to figure it out.

6. Give appropriate feedback in a way that continues to empower and not control. Share your observations and thoughts but resist telling them what to do.

7. Celebrate success and help staff learn from their experience. It may not be perfect but with time and coaching it will get better and better. The more experience your staff have in figuring things out the happier they will be and the better off you and the organization will be. 

Don't allow your fear or ego to get in the way of empowering your staff!

Helping individuals and organizations go to the next level of effectiveness. TJ Addington can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com

It is not the knowing but the doing that is most difficult

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity." -Amelia Earhart
What is it that keeps us from acting on issues that we know we should act on? They may be in our personal or professional lives. It is the gap between what we know we ought to do and the resolve to do it. It is not the knowing but the doing. And then when we finally act, if we do, we wonder why we didn't do it a long time ago. There are three common reasons for avoiding action on things we know we ought to act on. Inertia It is easier to live with the status quo than it is to rock the boat and cause disruption. So, we keep an unproductive staff member, don't deal with conflict between two work teams or ignore the need to clarify what we are all about. Inertia is about living in our comfort zone. Not stirring up things that don't need to be stirred up (but actually do). It is about our not wanting to wade into things that will be hard or inconvenient but that we know in our heart of hearts are important to deal with. Maybe if we wait long enough the problem will resolve itself - usually it gets worse not better. Fear The other side of the inertia coin is fear. Inertia is often a result of fear. What will happen if I take a bold step and deal with this issue? Will I get pushback (probably)? Will someone be upset with me (probably)? Will I have to confront a person or issue (probably)? If our fear is greater than our resolve we ought not be in leadership. All leaders have fear but good leaders learn to not allow fear to keep them from acting on known issues. They do the right thing in spite of their fear and don't allow their fear to drive their inaction. Leaders can use their fear to define how they do something but should never use their fear to keep them from doing what needs to be done. Acknowledge you fear, use your fears to alleviate unintended consequences but take the needed action. Resolve Lack of resolve is the reason that many issues are partially addressed but then left hanging. Why? There was pushback, someone got upset or we had to confront something that was inconvenient. It is worse to address an issue and then drop it than it is to not address it in the first place. "Do not underestimate my resolve" ought to be the mantra of a leader. If I need to deal with something I will deal with it completely rather than partially. My resolve keeps me from backing down simply because there is pushback which there almost always will be given people's preference for inertial over action. Leaders not only must know but they must do. That is leadership.

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Living with courage rather than with fear

It is interesting that in Scripture the most often repeated command is that we should not be afraid. In fact fear is the antithesis of a life of faith which regularly requires us to move from our place of comfort and take risks in our followership of Christ. The courage to step out in faith comes from our confidence that God will not lead us to places where he will not provide.

Think of the powerful role that fear can play in our lives. Fear keeps us from leaving a job even when we know it is time for a new challenge. Fear keeps church boards from dealing with issues in the church. Fear keeps most believers from being generous financially with God. Fear often causes us to live cautiously rather than with courage. Faith is about confidence in God and courage to follow Him. Fear is about doubt in the ability of God to meet our needs.

We like to have all the pieces nailed down before we step out of our comfort zone. It is usually not possible. When God called Abraham from his homeland he could not google Canaan to find out what kind of place it was. He could not use a GPS to plan his route. He went on faith with the courage to believe that the God who called Him would care for Him. Courage comes from faith while caution comes from fear.

It is true that some people are naturally more risk adverse than others. But it is also true that a life of faith is a life of courage - consider the constellation of people in Hebrews 11 who took great risks to do what God called to do. Faith in God was their GPS. Faith and courage was their life currency.

Ask yourself this question: "Is God asking me to step out in faith in some way at this stage of my life where I am resisting out of fear?" If so it is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a natural response to stepping into the unknown. The real issue is whether I am able to face that fear and do what God is prompting me to do with a courage that comes from faith in Him. Faith is the currency of the Kingdom while fear is the currency of the world in which we live.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

A world filled with fear and a heart filled with peace

The acceleration of fear in our world has been rapid: Ebola, ISIS, shootings, terrorism, beheadings, conflict, chemical weapons, have all become the stuff of 24 hour news cycles and indeed are cause for major concern. Many are feeling that there is an increased level of chaos in our world and it is hard to dispute that. And it is magnified by the ability to report from any corner of the world so the accumulated fear factor has a magnified affect. 

Contrast this with the words of Jesus in John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” And then as Jesus was getting ready to leave and return to heaven he told the disciples, "Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you John 20:23).” One of the great benedictions of Paul is found in Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

There is no question that we live in an uncertain and chaotic world. But as Jesus followers we are called to live with peaceful rather than fearful hearts because - we have the peace of Christ - and the person of Christ in every place and circumstance of our lives. Watch the news and the fear grows. Spend time with Jesus and His peace grows. 

There is no need to fear the world or live in fear - none - if we understand that Jesus brings peace to our hearts. It is the peace that comes with His promises and His presence. Yes, said Jesus you will have trouble in this world but take heart, I have overcome the world. Peace I leave with you. Live in His peace today.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Church boards and fear

All too often church boards are unwilling to make strategic directional and ministry decisions because of fear. Fear that someone will not be happy with the decision. Fear that conflict or controversy might erupt. As a result many church boards provide a terribly low level of leadership. It is as if, not doing anything that would ruffle the waters is their true job when nothing could be further from the truth.

One of the realities of life is that most people do not like change. It takes them out of their comfort zone and they like the predictability and comfort of the status quo. Studies on change show that within the general population, 2.5 percent are innovators; 13.5 percent are early adopters; 34 percent are early majority; 34 percent are late majority; and 16 percent are laggards (Rogers, The Diffusion of Innovation).

Most people don't like change. Yet the mission of the church is a distinctly missional one - to take territory for Christ and that means there is a constant need to get people out of their comfort zones and engaged in strategic efforts to introduce people to Jesus and help them grow.

What do leaders need to know when they propose bold initiatives of ministry?

• Many people will react with skepticism or negatively at first - this is normal
• Some loud voices will be heard in opposition - this is normal
• Some might threaten to leave the church - this is normal
• Some may well leave the church - this is normal
• Some will take shots at the leaders - this is normal

The question is not whether some or all of these normal events will happen. The question is whether leaders will be intimidated and run for cover. 

Unfortunately that is also too often normal but it is cowardice, not leadership. It is to abandon their leadership role to help the church be as effective in carrying out the commission Christ left it as they can be.

Here is an interesting thought. In an evangelical church, most if not all of those who push back on new ministry initiatives will be in heaven one day. But, most of the community around us will not be, unless we boldly lead. Thus, to be held hostage by those who know Jesus but don't like change is to abandon those who will not be reached unless we move forward. Which is the greater value?

I have watched once vital churches decline significantly in attendance and effectiveness because leaders would not lead in the face of those who resisted change. I am sad for those churches. I understand the resistance to change. But I do not understand the lack of courage, will, fortitude, resolve and commitment of the leaders. That to me is the truly sad thing.

If you are a leader, do not be intimidated by those who resist change. That is normal. Rather be motivated by the responsibility God has given you to lead His church into the most effective ministry possible. That is a divine mandate.