Key lessons I have learned about leadership along the way

 

Learning to lead well is learned the hard way over time. I took time recently to consider what I know today that I needed to understand better as a young leader. It is a long list that simply says how little I knew about good leadership as a young leader. The raw stuff was there, but there was and is much to learn. If you fit that young leader category, these may be things to consider.

• Many issues are not as urgent as I think they are. Relax, and don't equate all issues to having the same urgency. 

• Flexibility is critical for good leadership. Most of life is not black and white; compromise is essential to getting things done. 

• Necessary or desired changes do not need to take place immediately. As a leader, I can only move as fast as those I lead can follow. I need to be patient and sensitive in leading through change.

• I don't need to take differences personally. It is about the mission, not about me. Pushback and disagreements are healthy if we can come to healthy solutions.

• The key to everything is relationships. It pays to develop relationships even with those who disagree with me. Mutual respect and understanding come through relationships.

• Anxiety is wasted energy. Don't worry about things that one cannot control. The worst is unlikely to happen anyway.

• I can be wrong, and it does not hurt my leadership. Develop a "nothing to prove and nothing to lose attitude," and one gains freedom.

• Just be me. I cannot lead like anyone else. God made me who He made me; I need to lead from who He created me to be. Learn to be comfortable in one's own skin.

• Don't die on anthills! It is painful and unnecessary. There are some hills to die on, but only a few. Be wary of which one you take your stand on.

• Don't judge motives. We usually don't know what they are, and almost always, when we attribute poor motives to others, we are wrong.

• Relationships are everything. Influence comes through relationships, so press into those hard with those one needs to work with, even if they seem to be detractors. 

• I should never measure myself against others. That is a false measurement. I should measure my progress and whether I am better today than yesterday. 

• My own inner life must take precedence over all other things. The healthier I am emotionally, spiritually, and relationally, the better my leadership. The inner life always comes first.

• I don't need to change the world - and I cannot. What God does want me to do is influence my small corner of the world.

• God is sovereign. When I carry around great anxiety and worry, I try to do His job. I can relax knowing that He is always ultimately in control.

• Not all things get fixed on this side of heaven. God is always sovereign, but He does not force people, and there are situations and people issues that I will not be able to fix.

• Humility is at the core of all good leadership. Arrogance and thinking more of myself than I should get me into trouble. We all overestimate our gifts and importance and underestimate our faults and shadow side.

• Emotional intelligence matters a lot. The more I grow my EQ, my relationships, leadership, and personal health improve.

• God died for the Bride and not the brand. God wants me to focus on His kingdom, not my evangelical brand. I should appreciate all of his players and not just a few.

• I don't need to compete but to be faithful. I am not in competition with others but instead called to be faithful to what He wants me to do. 

• It is OK that not everyone likes me. In fact, if everyone likes me, I am probably not leading well. Popularity is not the end goal of leadership.

• I am only good at a few things. It is how God created me (Ephesians 2:10) and is why I need others around me. Their gifts make up for my many deficits.

• I can never give enough credit away. As a leader, I give credit to the team and take responsibility for the failures. It is what leaders do.

• God can guard my reputation. This means I don't need to - even when people are obnoxious or hurtful.

• If I am threatened by others, that is my problem, not theirs. The question is, "Why do they threaten me, and what does that say about my inner health?" To the extent that I lack personal security, I must press into those EQ issues.

• Perceived failures are usually just growth opportunities. What we define as a failure, God is simply using to grow us into who He wants us to be.

• God can superintend my ministry path. He knows where I will be most valuable and influential. I don't need to seek success but be faithful to where He has called me.

• Position does not equal influence. I can have as much influence as He wants me to have from whatever position or platform God' gives.

• Success must be measured from His rather than the world's perspective. God does not measure success the way the world does. My job is to use the gifts and opportunities He puts in front of me for maximum Kingdom advantage. 

Moving from places of anxiety to places of peace

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

Anxiety and worry are a part of the human condition. It is easy for someone to say, you shouldn’t worry, but I don’t know anyone who can go through the situations of life without anxiety and worry. We are finite human beings, and the fact that we cannot know the end from the beginning makes worry a part of life.

That being said, moving from worry to faith, from anxiety to dependence on God, is one of the journeys that Jesus invites us on. He does not want us to live with worry and anxiety but to live with faith and trust and allow our concerns to be carried by Him and not by us. 

I find it interesting that the words “do not be afraid” are repeated 365 times in the Bible, once for every day of the year. We need to hear these words every day because we need them daily. Scripture reminds us not to worry about having enough money for tomorrow because God looks after His own. We are told not to worry about the future because each day has enough worries of its own, and He carries them for us. We are told not to be anxious but to give our cares to Him.

There is an antidote for worry, and that is prayer. As Paul says in Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” 

We are invited in all situations, in all circumstances to bring our anxieties to Jesus in prayer and petition, and present our requests to God. Interestingly, Paul says that we should do this with thanksgiving. Why Thanksgiving? Because He is capable and able to intercede in our situation and carry our worries for us. And the exchange is this: We give him our anxieties, and he gives to us the peace of God which transcends all understanding. And that peace will guard our hearts and our minds - where anxiety and worries live - in Christ Jesus. I’ll take that exchange any day.

Some years ago, I was on a flight from Bangkok to the United States, and just as the plane was ready to take off at the end of the runway, the flight attendant saw that I was sick and had lapsed into unconsciousness. I woke up with my 20-year-old son kneeling beside me, and I heard the pilot announce that we were returning to the gate for a medical emergency. I asked my son if that was me, and he said, “yes, dad.” A few minutes later, we arrived at an unknown hospital to figure out what was wrong. 

They thought I had suffered a seizure, but there was no evidence of this with a brain scan. But over the course of the day, I went from sick to very sick to needing to be intubated in the ICU. A year earlier, I was intubated for a month in a coma in the United States for multiple organ failure and MRSA pneumonia and never should have survived. It was a 45-day hospital stay that took me years to recover from. Now a year later, still in recovery, I found myself in the same situation in a foreign country: organs shutting down, massive pneumonia, and knowing that my odds were not good.

I asked the doctor if they were going to put me into a coma like the year before, and he said no. “We will put you under to intubate you, and then you will be awake.” So, an hour later, I found myself awake, with a garden hose contraption down my throat, hooked up to some 15 pumps of various kinds and a breathing machine, and massive, unbelievable pain.

That first night I contemplated my odds. They were not good. I asked God to remove my pain, but that didn’t work. And then, as I reflected, my mind kept going back to a message I had preached about Peter getting out of the boat and walking toward Jesus and Jesus saying to him. Do not be afraid. And I asked God to take away my fear of death and the fear of the unknown. It was a gigantic struggle that first night, and it was repeated again and again as it would be 14 days before I was off the ventilator. But amazingly, God did exactly what He promised, and I traded my fear and anxiety for a supernatural peace that only God can give. 

The pain did not lessen. In Thailand, they didn’t provide pain medication, and with massive pneumonia, you feel like you are breathing through mud. Every hour they would disconnect the breathing machine, bag me to breathe, and vacuum out my lungs so that I could breathe again freely. That experience was like having a heart attack, and every hour felt like twenty-four hours of terrible pain for fourteen days. But, I traded fear for peace because of God’s promise. I realized that the greatest gift is when we come to the end of all of our resources, and all we have left is Him. Then we realize that He is all that we need.

Jesus is inviting you today to trade your worries and anxieties for His peace. That takes place as we bring our concerns to him daily in prayer and petition - with thanksgiving. And He can take those anxieties on Himself and leave us with supernatural peace. So whatever your anxieties are today, He invites you to give them to Him.

Father, I freely admit that I need more of your peace and less of my worry and anxiety. I give you my deepest fears and anxieties today and ask that you fill me with your peace that passes all understanding. Thank you for your goodness to me and your desire to carry my burdens yourself. Amen.

The question for today: What worries and anxieties do I need to give to Jesus in exchange for His supernatural peace.

Managing anxiety in our leadership roles and saving us from ourselves

On a regular basis, leaders are confronted with situations that cause anxiety. How we learn (and it is learned) to handle that anxiety is one of the key factors in how well we will lead over the long haul. Those who don't handle anxiety well will sabotage their leadership either through emotional responses that are inappropriate or through inner turmoil that eats at their gut - and often both. It is one of the reasons some very bright people choose not to lead. When someone says, "It's not worth the hassle," what they are often saying is that "I don't have the tools to manage the anxiety that comes with leadership."

Anxiety is the uncertainty that comes from any number of situations leaders face. It can be conflict within the team that needs to be resolved, actions or words of a team member that we assume are disloyal to us, seemingly dumb things that someone may have done or situations we just don't know how to confront. I can think of a long list of people and situations that caused me anxiety as a leader, especially as a young leader. That anxiety, however, must be managed if we are to act with discernment and wisdom rather than with an emotional, angry or knee-jerk response.

How do we manage our emotions in these situations and save ourselves from ourselves? Here are some suggestions:

One: Don't act precipitously. Acting out of our initial response will usually exacerbate the situation rather than resolve it.

Two: Manage your anxiety - it is wasted energy. I often simply visualize a drawer in my mind where I place those things causing me anxiety and lock it until it is time to deal with the issue.

Three: Don't assume you have all the facts. This is why time is on your side. Often when acting out of emotion we are also acting out of factual ignorance. Getting the whole story often puts things into perspective.

Four: Don't assume ill motives. When we get all the facts we often discover that the motives of others were not poor whether what they did was wise or not.

Five: Consult with a trusted colleague to get a different perspective on the issue and ensure that you are taking a wise course to address it.

Six: Think through how you want to approach the issue with the individual(s) involved for the most positive outcome. This takes time. Don't address it until you have a plan for your approach.

Seven: Have a conversation with the individual(s) involved. A conversation is different than an attack. Often in talking the situation out we come to understanding and mutually agreeable solutions.

Eight: Consider what everyone can learn from the situation. In other words, assigning blame is often not as healthy as just seeing what lessons can be learned moving forward.

Nine: It goes without saying for Christian leaders that asking for God's wisdom in the situation is critical. 

Posted from Oakdale, MN

For more help in understanding emotions in leadership, my new book Deep Influence deals with this in greater depth.

Managing the anxiety trap

How we deal with those situations that make us anxious is both a sign of our EQ (Emotional Intelligence) and our faith in a sovereign God. 

Here is how Wikipedia defines anxiety: "Anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry and uneasiness, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing. It is often accompanied by restlessness, fatigue, problems in concentration and muscular tension. Anxiety is not considered to be a normal reaction to a perceived stressor although many feel it occasionally."

What makes anxiety interesting is that it is an emotion caused by a perceived threat or issue, not one that has actually emerged. In other words it is stress caused by what might happen, not what is happening. What it can do is trigger words, actions, decisions and responses that get us in trouble - all because of what might happen.

Anxiety robs of time, energy, focus and joy. But like any emotion it can be managed and if one is in leadership must be managed since our anxiety spills over to those who are around us. From a practical standpoint anxiety is wasted energy because perceived threats are not real threats. Yes they might become real and at that time one needs to deal with them but until they do it is a waste of time to worry about them. There are innumerable bad things that can happen but they rarely do.

Anxiety is also a test of our trust in a sovereign God. If He is in control of our lives we should not focus on what might happen but on a good and loving and sovereign Father. We ought to take the advice of God through Isaiah more often: Be still and know that I am God." Only He knows if our perceived threats are real threats and we can leave any of them with Him. They are not threats to Him.

Finally anxiety is a matter of our EQ. Healthy individuals manage their emotions and this includes anxiety. They choose not to focus on what might happen but on what does happen and even then seek to control and manage their emotions so that they don't respond impulsively.

Anxiety is a trap. Don't allow yourself to get caught in it.

Facing our insecurities and overcoming them

Much personal dysfunction stems from personal insecurities that have not been addressed. For leaders this is particularly important because whatever behaviors stem from those insecurities will impact their staff and even the culture of their organization. Our insecurities certainly impact us as individuals. 

Since no one has perfect Emotional Intelligence, we all struggle at some level with insecurities. Healthy people understand those areas where they tend to be insecure and seek to manage or overcome them. 

How does one recognize insecurities? Since they stem from areas where we feel personally vulnerable, whenever we feel unease or our ego challenged we are probably dealing with an insecurity. If I, for instance, become defensive when challenged, I am most likely dealing with insecurity - the need to be right and the fear of being wrong! So the question I would need to ask is "why do I fear being wrong?" Why does it matter? Because the dysfunction if not addressed shuts down robust dialogue with others, keeps one from receiving input, creates defensiveness and inner turmoil when challenged. 

Think of some of these common dysfunctions:

• Fear of being wrong and a need to be right
• Fear of failure so I am driven to succeed
• Fear of people knowing the real us so we hide our areas of weakness and don't develop deep relationships
• Fear of not having the answer so we don't ask others for help
• Fear of not getting the credit so we downplay the contributions of others and find ways to platform ourselves
• Fear of people rejecting us so we tell people what they want to hear, don't differentiate ourselves or resolve conflict
• Fear of conflict so we gloss over issues rather than resolve them
• Fear of someone doing better than us so we put them down
• Fear of disappointing others so we never say no
• Fear of looking weak so we pretend to be something we are not

There are many more insecurities but the common word is fear! Whenever we have fears we are likely dealing with some kind of insecurity. While fear can be a positive emotion (the house is on fire and I run for my life) fears connected to insecurities are not and bring us pain and cause behaviors that hurt us and hurt others.

There are three questions related to insecurities worth pondering.

1. Where are my areas of fear and what are my insecurities?
2. What lies behind my personal insecurities? What causes them?
3. What can I do to either manage or overcome my insecurities? What behaviors do I need to change or manage? 

Don't underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit and a right understanding of our completeness in Jesus in this equation. He made us the way we are wired. We don't need to fear or prove anything to Him. If that is true, why do we live with fears or need to somehow prove ourselves to others. When we are complete in Jesus we have far less need to live with our insecurities and fears.

Anxiety is wasted energy: Faith is the currency of the Kingdom

What is anxiety? It is nothing less than fear: fear of what might happen, could happen, is happening. Ultimately it is fear about what we fear will happen. The common word is clearly fear - an energy draining exercise which feeds on itself thought by thought until we are consumed by our anxious fears. In juxtaposition, Jesus says simply: "Do not be anxious about anything." Why? because He is able to supply everything that we need.

The most common repeated command is scripture is not a moral command. It is simply "Fear not." "Do not be afraid." "Do not let your minds be anxious." Rather, thank God in all circumstances because He is the One who can and does and will provide all that we need. If He is truly sovereign over the affairs of men and nations, He is also sovereign over the affairs of our daily lives.

In the Lord's prayer we are encouraged to pray daily that He would give us our "daily bread" that which we need today. It is instructive that he does not tell us to pray for our annual bread or retirement account but our daily bread: What is needed today. 

If "fear not" is the most often repeated biblical command, a close follow up is "give thanks" and "be thankful in all things." Thankfulness is one of the key antidotes to fear and anxiety. It is the constant reminder of the goodness of God, the promises of God, the provision of God and a thankful heart cannot be an anxious heart. Thanksgiving drives out fear and anxiety.

Our world is driven by fear but we live by faith. The whole economic system of our society is based on fear - all the things we need in order to have real security. Even our election was fear based! In the Kingdom, however, we live by faith. A daily faith. A simple faith in a sovereign God who loves us and cares for us and provides for us. 

Anxiety 

• cannot change anything and so is wasted energy.
• is fear based and therefore anti-Christian.
• is about me while faith is about Him.
• is disobedience in God's command to trust.
• is debilitating and tiring.
• is a ploy of the evil one to take our eyes off of Him.
• and trust are a daily choice