Evangelical deconstruction: not of faith but of the church.

I spoke this week to a close friend struggling deeply with the church. He is discouraged, disillusioned, and tired from his years of church leadership: Trying to see issues addressed that needed to be addressed, trying to move the church toward TOV (Goodness), trying to deal with massive dysfunction at the leadership and staff level, and getting nowhere. 

The result is that while he does not question his faith, he is asking much about the church scene and whether he wants to have any part in it. I would describe him as tired, disillusioned, and cynical about his church experiences. 

We have all read a great deal about Christians who are deconstructing their faith. For some time, I have been convinced that there is another, more significant issue: The deconstruction not of faith but of what the church is and should be. If I were to identify the kinds of issues involved, I would look at the following common problems:

• Senior church leaders who are narcissistic to the core create a toxic atmosphere on staff while proclaiming the love of Jesus from the stage. 

• The end result of narcissistic leaders is that many people get hurt: run over, marginalized, and, if they disagree with something, run out. No one cares. 

• Church boards do not hold such leaders accountable, allowing the toxicity to continue and hurting people. It is easier not to rock the boat, especially if the numbers are growing! 

• On Sunday mornings, the church presents a "face" by what happens on the stage. It is happy, optimistic, faith-filled, and Spirit-led. Behind the facade is a toxic staff and a board that facilitates the toxicity to continue. In other words, there is no alignment between the stage, the staff, and the board regarding health or spirituality.

• Rather than focusing on the two cardinal commands for the church to love God and love people, the staff creates programs that give people the illusion that these things are happening. Still, it is about the program, not about individual practice.

• There is little to no disciplemaking strategy in the church, even though the mandate to create disciples is central to the mandate Jesus gave the church.

• While the church is always looking for volunteers for their programs, there is not a culture where people are invited to find their gifts and use them for the Kingdom in meaningful ways. Instead, come to the welcome center, and we will tell you where you can fit. All ministry is tightly controlled. 

• The prayer and spiritual commitment of staff and board are virtually nonexistent. There is no time for such things or that great an interest. There is too much time on programming to spend extraneous time on spiritual issues. 

• The stage is performance rather than worship. The difference between a rock concert and worship has become blurred. Teaching is a TED Talk of self-help rather than an exposition of the Scriptures. 

• First impressions give the impression that we are one happy family, while the reality behind the scenes is much different. In fact, if you choose to challenge the system, you quickly find that you are no longer a part of the family, and you are discarded. Over time, the bodies pile up on the side of the road. 

None of this fits with the picture of the church in the New Testament. Sure, the church had its problems, which is why we have many of the New Testament epistles. Still, the biblical image is far from what it often looks like in many corners of American Evangelicalism.

Where does this leave the church? It leaves untaught congregations, discouraged leaders who long for something different, a spiritual drought where there ought to be spiritual life, people controlled rather than released into their faith and gifting, and the loss of some of the best who leave in discouragement after realizing that things will not change. 

In fact, one of the most discouraging indictments of the church today is the number of church boards that have no clue about their responsibilities as church leaders or any sense of ecclesiology (what the church is all about from the New Testament). Many have not read anything on either topic, yet they are ultimately responsible for the church's health. No wonder the church is in trouble. In growing numbers, senior pastors have little theological training. They are pragmatic but not theologically astute. And too often, cannot lead healthy teams. 

I personally know many individuals who no longer attend church after being deeply hurt. Many were church leaders who simply gave up over time. They have not given up on their faith, but they have given up on the church as it exists in American Evangelicalism. To be sure, many churches don't fit the description above, and to be equally clear, leaving the church altogether is not what God desires. However, these factors contribute to a significant deconstruction of faith—or its practice.  

We have lost the Biblical vision for the church in our search to find "success." However, the success we have seen is often a failure if measured against the New Testament teaching of the church.

Ten ways that leaders can sabotage organizational culture

 

Leaders can inadvertently sabotage the culture they desire to create in their team or organization with behaviors that may seem insignificant to them but are very significant to those they lead. They are careless behaviors that leaders that demotivate those they lead because they send a message that their team is not valued or important.

One: Blowing off meetings, showing up late, or coming unprepared for scheduled meetings. I once worked with a colleague who regularly did not show up for scheduled meetings or, if he did, would come in 15 to 30 minutes late. This message was that I was not valued and my time was unimportant. I am sure my colleague thought nothing of it, after all, he valued flexibility but it became so common that the staff just expected that he may not show up. It was aggravating, to say the least. 

Healthy leaders value others' time, show up on time, and are fully present for the meeting at hand. 

Two: Telling people what to do rather than engaging in dialogue to understand the perspectives and ideas of staff. Leaders who simply tell staff what to do create a culture where staff are devalued and their wisdom left on the table. In these cultures, the only voice that really counts is the leader. Eventually, the best people leave the organization rather than work in an environment where their expertise is not valued.

Healthy leaders don't assume they have the answers; rather than telling, they dialogue to understand staff thinking and perspectives and devise better solutions.  

Three: When things go wrong, blame people rather than ask if some processes or systems could be fixed to prevent such failures. Blame is a terrible motivator. It assumes the worst motives when poor motives are rarely the reason for failure. In most cases, underlying issues explain why things go wrong, and failure can be a learning opportunity rather than a blaming opportunity.

Healthy leaders know that things will not always go well. Rather than blaming others, they seek to fix the underlying issue so that the "disconnect" does not happen again.

Four: Not taking the time to listen and ask good questions. Leaders often lack valuable information because they don't ask questions or take the time to listen, which means they assume they know what they need to know. This is not only a faulty notion, but it is also disempowering to staff who have insight that a leader does not have and desire that their voice be heard for the betterment of the organization.

Healthy leaders know many things they don't know, so they intentionally ask many questions and listen well. 

Five: Being quick to criticize and slow to encourage and lift up. Critical leaders create cultures that are fear-based rather than grace-based. Fear-based cultures do not breed healthy dialogue and the necessary give-and-take of ideas. There are often reasons that people have done something that a leader is unaware of unless he/she first asks questions and enters into a conversation. Leaders who criticize carefully and lift up regularly create a healthier culture than those who do the opposite.

Healthy leaders are slow to criticize and quick to encourage and enter into constructive conversation.

Six: Changing one's mind after the work has been completed by staff. I have watched senior leaders give an assignment to staff to work on a particular program, and then when they present the plan, the leader dismisses it because he/she now has a better idea. In one case, the work had taken the better part of a year. This was not because their work was not good but because the leader simply had a new and better idea. This kind of behavior is very demotivating to staff and indicates that the leader did not give good direction on the front end, did not stay engaged along the way, and was willing to dismiss the work out of hand at the end. Leaders who change direction frequently create chaos rather than stability.

Healthy leaders give good direction, stay engaged, and don't quickly change their minds for the "flavor of the month."

Seven: Micromanaging. Micromanagement is the failure to delegate responsibility and authority around a task or project and instead inserting oneself to check up, change, modify, or redo work that is in progress or that has been done. It screams, "I don't trust you to do this right," and often, "I want you to do this my way." So, it is about a lack of trust and needing to do things the leader's way. It is profoundly disempowering behavior.

Healthy leaders set boundaries and empower good people to do their work without undue interference. They don't insist that the work be done the way they might and are very careful about interfering in the process. 

Eight: Lack of appreciation. Leaders have a gift that many others don't have. They have staff available to help them do what needs to be done. They can delegate and get all the help they need. However, the key to healthy staff is to treat them with respect, dignity, and appreciation. When staff feel used, leaders lose coinage—a lot of it. Lack of appreciation creates a feeling among staff that they are being used, which creates cynicism toward leadership.

Healthy leaders never take staff for granted. They show their appreciation in their words, attitudes, and acts of kindness toward those on their teams. Their staff know that their leader is deeply appreciative of their efforts.

Nine: Narcissistic tendencies. To put this one in perspective, each of the behaviors listed above are, in fact, narcissistic behaviors. They are about me: What I want and choose to do rather than how I can best serve the mission and the staff of the organization I lead. Narcissism is the antithesis of servant leadership. Our leadership is not about me but about those we lead and the mission we steward. All leaders have narcissistic tendencies. That is part of the human condition. The question is whether we recognize those tendencies, work to counter them, and manage our shadow side. Narcissistic behaviors include wanting our own way, lack of collaboration and listening to others, treating others poorly, lack of accountability, believing too highly in ourselves, taking credit for success and blaming others for failure and the list could go on. 

Healthy leaders recognize and counterbalance their narcissistic tendencies with a servant-like attitude toward their staff. They also allow trusted colleagues to talk with them when those tendencies show themselves.

Ten: Lack of genuine relationships. A key ingredient to a healthy culture is getting to know those who report to us. Without an authentic relationship, staff will likely not be candid with us. Relationships mean that we take the time to get to know our staff. We ask them questions, learn about their situations, and relate to them as fellow human beings rather than simply staff.

Healthy leaders get to know their staff and create trust and understanding.

A healthy organizational culture is fostered in the little and the big things. The culture will rarely rise above the practices of the head of the organization or the head of the team you lead. Take your assignment seriously, and don't sabotage the culture by unhealthy practices. As a Master Certified Coach in Intelligent Leadership I can help you improve the culture in your organization. You can contact me at tjaddington@gmail.com.

11 Keys to leading organizational change

All leaders must lead their constituency through change at one time or another. And, those of us who have done so have often learned some hard lessons along the way. Here are some of the lessons I have learned in effective change management.

1. Don't surprise people with big changes. Surprise brings with it fear, anxiety and the feeling that our security has been upended. If there is going to be major change, develop a process to bring people into discussion rather than simply dumping it on them and then trying to explain after. Once surprised, people are unlikely to hear your explanation. Lead into change over time and prepare people for what needs to come rather than surprising them.

2. Don't get so far ahead of people that they balk at following. Change need not be and often should not be all at once. Start with those things that you believe your constituency can understand and will follow you on. Some changes will take time and should be set aside for a day when you feel you will have greater support. This may mean talking to people of influence ahead of time to ascertain whether the changes you are proposing have a likelihood of meeting strong resistance. Go where you can go with the support of people rather than where it is going to face fierce resistance.

3. Determine what coinage you have before you propose major change. All leaders have a bank of good will. You need relationship and trust in order to convince people to go places that are uncomfortable. Moving too quickly may overspend your account which can take a long time to redeposit. Be smart about how much trust and relationship you have as the greater the change the more trust and relationship it requires. Don't overspend your account!

4. In explaining change, don't announce, dialogue. People don't like announcements that rock their world. Most, however will enter into a dialogue with you around strongly held values that if understood can help them move toward doing things differently. A conversation is very different than a pronouncement. The former invites understanding and discussion while the latter says "this is the way it is" and sound very much like an ultimatum - which are rarely helpful.

5. Be willing to be flexible on issues that are not essential. You don't want to die on a sand-hill but on a mountain. If you get major push-back on a non essential element of your preferred future, back off and show people that you are reasonable and can listen. Even leaders don't always get their way and probably shouldn't.

6. Talk to wise people. Don't ignore those who have been around for a while in leading through change. If they are resistant, take note. If you cannot get the key influencers on board with you to help you they will likely hurt you. I am not talking about laggards on the change scale but wise individuals of influence whom one needs to navigate successful change. If they balk, you may want to think about what you are proposing or the timing. 

7. Don't lose people you don't need to lose. It is a truism that some people will get off the bus when there is major change but one can minimize the fallout by paying attention to the principles above. Yes, some may leave but don't give people a good reason to leave - which us usually by not leading change wisely, pushing too fast, not running process, or not identifying one's coinage properly. They more you lose the more potential fallout you have on your hands to deal with.

8.  If you are a church leader, never start to think this is my ministry and therefore I can get my agenda. No ministry is ever "my" ministry. It is "our" ministry together under the Lordship of Jesus. Just because I lead it does not mean I always get my way. If I expect others to be flexible and teachable so must I be. When leaders don't show the same flexibility they expect of those they lead, they are bound to get themselves into trouble. I have seen it happen many times.

9. Make sure your key leaders are with you. If your key leaders are not in sync with you as you move into a change process you either have the wrong leaders, have not done enough work with them on the proposed changes or you are moving too fast. If your key leaders balk, those they lead may well do so as well. 

10. Tie your proposed changes to values that are shared. Many people will resist change because they are change resistant to a greater or lesser degree. However, if you can demonstrate that the proposed changes will allow the organization to best meet its mission and better align itself with its values, this knowledge may well help good people move forward in embracing the proposed changes.

11. Remember that change is a process rather than an event. Significant change means a change in the way we think and in our practices. It is rarely a "one and done" type scenario. Therefore you will need to continue to champion the change and dialogue with your staff on how it is going. Continue to focus on the change process until it is complete rather than prematurely moving on and allowing the change to falter. An incomplete change process creates cynicism when further changes are proposed. 

Taking full advantage of the Advent season

One of the unfortunate byproducts of the age in which we live is the commercialization and busyness of the Advent Season, robbing it of the opportunity to deeply impact our own souls as we consider the amazing story of God becoming man so that man could become more like God. In what other religious tradition does God become a creature so that His creatures could know his creator? 

And how does one explain how the King of the Universe was willing to be born into the world He had created. The infinite becoming finite so that the finite could be transformed by the infinite God. 

This is a story so absurd that it could only have been scripted by a Divine hand. No other writer would have attempted such a script. If they had they would not have claimed it to be true: fiction maybe, but not reality. This is not how the One whose voice had echoed off of a billion galaxies would make His entrance. Without CNN and Fox News, into a hovel known affectionately today as Bethlehem but then nothing more than a tiny village on the path to Jerusalem. 

His entrance was marked not by a proclamation to kings but to astonished herdsmen sleeping with sheep. The heavens opened with ten thousand voices – not over Jerusalem the ancient capital – but over a tiny grazing field for a handful of insignificant shepherds. They would be the only witnesses of the grand entrance of a King. No other writer would have written such a script. 

No other author would have taken such a chance. For behind this story, there are echoes of another story - equally incredulous. Centuries before in the vastness of eternity past – when infinity kissed infinity, The Master of Infinity spoke into being the universe in which we live - 3,000 of whose stars are visible to the careful eye, 30 billion visible from a large telescope, - the other 90% of the universe still hidden from our eyes. Its splendor is an eternal testimony to the Author of the story.

The Author’s heart had love that could not be contained. A heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longed to give away infinite love. Again the Author spoke: A planet was expertly crafted. One among billions. A people wonderfully created – in the image of the Author. Free to love, free to experience the infinite goodness of the Author. Free to revel in His infinite Love. But above all free. Love cannot be forced and remain love.

We are not the sole owners of broken hearts. No heart suffered such sorrow as Infinite Love rejected. Image bearers rejected the Image Maker. The story’s characters fired the Author to write their own script. Unmatched, searing pain pierced the Author’s heart as the loved one jilted the Lover.

Chaos infiltrated beauty. A planet was hijacked and spun out of control. Poverty of spirit supplanted endless joy. Unfulfilled hearts realized the pain of lost love. Without the Author, individual storylines faltered – and failed. Sadness reigned. Darkness descended in seeming endless gloom.

Truth can be stranger than fiction. For in the pained heavens the grieving Author plotted love’s revenge. An awesome revenge that only Divinity could contrive – that only Divinity would contrive. Having lost His loved, the Lover would send His most loved to reclaim His heart’s desire. The rejected Creator would kiss the unfaithful created. Tender mercy in place of deserved destruction. An astonished heaven broke into unbelieving applause. Image bearers would be reclaimed by the Image Maker. Light would once again prevail over darkness. Brokenness would be made whole. Peace would triumph over chaos.

All was silent in the heavens on the chosen night. Angels held their corporate breath. For nine months the Son had been absent, resident in a young girl's womb, coming to us, not as a king but incognito, just one of the thousands of children that would be born on a lonely planet that night – into the darkness that our word had become. Placenta covered the Son of the universe arriving to claim back His beloved: this time, one by one, heart by heart. Tender mercy arriving in disguise: one of us, one like us. On that night, the Author personally entered our story. 

Such humility our world has never known. A stunning reversal for a world gone astray. A Heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longing to give away infinite love, arriving under cover of night in order to “shine on those living in darkness…to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:27).

When an author writes, each character is unique; each has his or her own story-line. We, each have a story – unique, unrepeated, singular. Each story has its own joy, its own pain, its own pathos and unmatched quality. But each shares one singular, astonishing feature. We are made in the Author’s image, and He will not rest until we have invited Him to join in our story. 

More astonishing than the script He has authored, the story we celebrate today is that He also wants to enter into your story. This is the most ancient of stories but it is also the most contemporary of stories. The Christmas story is but one chapter in the Author’s divine script. The Author is still writing. And every person who invites Him into their story becomes a separate and unique chapter in His unfinished book. And into each story, He brings His light and peace. 

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17.)

Take time this month to ponder the gift that God gave our world - and more importantly gave you. Spend time with the One who became part of your story so that you could become part of His story. Allow the message of peace on earth and goodwill toward men to bring you peace and give you the motivation to share His goodwill with others. 

This is what will make the Advent season meaningful. 

What time wasters do you want to rethink for the coming year?

Time is perhaps the most precious commodity any of us have. Money comes and goes but time just goes. For those of us who are "mission driven" in our lives and desire to maximize our impact with the gifts God has given, how we invest our time takes on eternal meaning. 

It is worth remembering that every engagement we agree to requires us to write a "time check." We may think it doesn't cost us anything but actually it does because that time cannot be regained. So it is worth asking the question, "Are there activities, people or habits that wasted my time this year and which I can reclaim for better purposes in the coming year?"

I have realized, for instance that it is very easy to get caught up scrolling through X, instagram, facebook videos and the like. While my technology can save me time and give me access to a great deal of information quickly, that same technology can easily rob me of time if I am not careful. We easily get into habits that are frankly time wasters rather than quality time investments. 

There are also people in our lives who on reflection, are not great investments as well. Kacey Muscgraves recently wrote a song called Deeper Well. She sings...

"Took a long time, but I learned

There's two kinds of people, one is a giver

And one's always tryin' to take

All they can take

So I'm sayin' goodbye to the people

That I feel are real good at wastin' my time

No regrets, baby, I just think that maybe

You go your way and I'll go mine

It's been a real good time

But you got dark energy, somethin' I can't unsee

And I've got to take care of myself

I found a deeper well"

Kacey got it right. There are often people in our lives who carry more negative energy than positive, who rob us of our time, our joy and our purpose and whom it would be better to let go of. We have choices about friendships and who we spend time with. Since time is so precious we ought to choose well. Our time with any individual is an investment. 

Years ago, I listened to a colleague talk about the diminishing time he had left. I was a lot younger, in my forties and he was in his seventies. His comment made me think as he talked about things he would like to do but "the runway is getting a lot shorter." At 68 I also realize that the runway is getting shorter. But at any age, we should never take time for granted. 

This is the time of the year that I ask myself the question, "What should I do differently next year?" Evaluating how I spend my time is one of those important considerations. Some things are just more important than others including God, my marriage, family, close friends, and in my case, writing and coaching others. If I can be smarter about how I invest my limited time, I can accomplish more of greater value!

So here is my challenge. What changes do you want to make in the coming year to redeem the time you have? I will reflect futher on this but this is a good place to start. Think through your habits, the people you spend time with, the things you are involved in and the dreams you have. Are you making the right time investments and could you make better investments? Write down what you discover and think about how you can redeem your time in the best way possible.

The greatest waste in any organization

The greatest waste in any organization is waste that no organization needs to pay but does regularly and the cost is high! What is it? It is wasted time, talent and energy of staff who are underutilized and whose time is wasted by supervisors. Let me explain!

I often do culture audits in organizations. One of my standard questions is this: Are you being used to your maximum potential, given your abilities and gifts? In almost every case, the answer is "No!" My follow up question is this: "Has your supervisor ever asked you that question?" Again, the answer is almost always no.

So here you have employees who want to use their gifts to the fullest and know they are not and employers who are choosing to leave that unused talent on the table. Who loses? The organization for sure which could see greater return on their investment along with staff who are unfulfilled. 

When I was in organizational leadership I would regularly ask my own assistant, "Is there anything I am doing that you could do for me?" And, "If you were running this office, what would you encourage me to do differently?" Those two simple questions allowed me to offload tremendous amounts of work over the years to competent and top flight administrators who could often accomplish tasks far faster than I could. This freed up precious time that I could use for other purposes. A win win for me and for the organization.

A second prodigious waste of time are ill prepared meetings where people come in late, where the facilitator is unprepared and as a result the staff are unengaged, paying more attention to their phones than to the object of the meeting. It is estimated that half of all meeting time in the United States is wasted. 

I once worked for an organizational leader who was habitually late to his meeting, came unprepared or simply did not show up. Repeatedly! I remember one time after my schedule was eradicated by his behavior, I left the building, went to the local Panera Bread and contemplated quitting right then. It was not too long after that I did resign. Aside from the total lack of respect shown, the wasted time and therefor opportunity was huge. And this was a large organization. 

No meeting should be held that does not start and end on time, has a clear agenda, agreements on how the meeting will be conducted and the attention of those present. If leaders give opportunity for the meeting to wander it will. If they model discipline and good planning they send a message to others about these values. We cannot ask of others what we ourselves do not model.

These examples show a lack of respect for staff, as well as the organization as a whole. But they also illustrate the waste that we can allow to rob our organizations of time, talent and job satisfaction. 

If you are a leader, regularly ask staff members if they are being utilized to the fullest and if you get a "no" work with them and their supervisor to change that equation. And on meetings, set a new standard if it needs to be set for disciplined and time effective meetings. These are important culture statements in any organization.

Leadership malpractice

Leaders face many temptations, which, if not guarded against, will hurt their leadership. Here are ten that I often think of and that are often not given adequate attention.

One: Starting to coast on past development in the middle and later years. When leaders don't stay sharp and don't have an intentional development plan, they hurt themselves and the team they lead. Intentionality must be ramped up in the middle and later years if we stay in the game. Not having a growth plan is leadership malpractice, especially for those in senior positions. Their lack of growth and development harms everyone under them. Leaders should only be allowed to operate with an annual development plan.

Two: We become set in our paradigms and lose the necessary flexibility all leaders need. The world changes quickly, and we need to continue to understand those changes and stay flexible in our approaches to maintain our ability to remain relevant. We should become more flexible as the years go by and realize the limitations of our knowledge, wisdom, and contributions to others. 

Three: Becoming less receptive to the ideas and feedback from others because we feel we have the knowledge base we need. When we stop listening to others, asking questions, and inviting input, we become less and less effective. No one has the complete knowledge base they need. Instead, we are deeply dependent on the expertise and skill of others as our leadership platform grows. When we become unwilling to hear candid feedback or ideas that are not ours, we are in a danger zone, and it is only a matter of time until our behaviors find us out.

Four: Getting into a rut by staying too long in our role. This does not necessarily mean we need to change jobs, but it does mean that we constantly need to look for new challenges that cause us to think, grow, and learn new things. This is why number one is so significant. One way to stay out of the inevitable rut is to develop intentionally. Those who wait too long in a single role experience a diminishment of thinking skills, strategy, and creativity as they stop using these necessary leadership functions. 

Five: Allowing our time with Jesus to become professional (related only to our work) rather than personal and intimate (related to our heart and life). It is an easy trap to fall into and one that we must constantly fight if we are going to allow Jesus to continuously transform our lives. This is a dangerous place for those who profess faith in Christ or work in ministry. Our relationship with God is only as current as the last time we spent with Him. Neglect of the spiritual is dangerous for those in any leadership position, especially those in professional ministry.

Six: Taking too little time for reflection and thinking. Leadership means responsibility, and it is easy for our activities to crowd out the reflection we need. When we are young, we run on energy to a great extent. As we mature, we need a lot of wisdom, but wisdom comes from having the time to think and reflect. The best leaders allocate more rather than less time to reflection and feeling as the years pass. This is the most challenging work a leader does because the pressure is always to be doing something when we should be doing a more excellent reflection and thinking that can lead to significant leadership breakthroughs. No one will do a leader's thinking for them.

Seven: Taking our staff for granted rather than realizing they are one of our highest priorities. No matter how good our team is, unless we are building into them, encouraging them, and helping them grow, we lose critical influence with them and the organization. Leaders either grow their subordinates or stagnate the organization by not doing so. The development and encouragement of staff are the quickest ways to significantly increase the organization's impact. It is literally a multiplication metric.

Eight: Allowing ourselves to become disengaged from the leadership work we do. This may reflect deficits in some of the issues above, but disengagement and autopilot always threaten good leadership. When we stop paying attention to our leadership tasks, it is usually because we are paying attention to lesser things and priorities in our lives. We have lost our way as leaders when we allow the less important to get in the way of the truly important. You cannot coast and lead well at the same time.

Nine: Not developing outside interests that can feed our lives. All of us need things that refresh us and delight us. Leadership is hard. Having other interests actually refreshes us for better leadership. Outside interests add richness to our lives and are indispensable to healthy leaders. For me, this is often reading one of the books stacked on my desk, photography, cooking, and, more recently, time in the gym. Doing less to achieve more and balancing life with multiple interests are keys to leadership success.

Ten: We should not allow our identity to be defined by our role in leadership rather than by our identity as healthy individuals. Leadership is a role we play, but it should not define who we are personally. We are people like everyone else and need to be comfortable outside our leadership role. It also helps us not take ourselves too seriously. Life is more than the role we play in our work. 

Organizational culture is often a matter of the small decisions we make not just the large ones

Too often, we overlook the fact that every decision we make that affects others in an organization says something about our culture. Here are two recent examples.

My wife and I were recently in a local TJ Maxx in Manchnessy Park, where my wife loves to hunt for bargains. We found a few but then stood in the checkout line for an interminable amount of time, waiting to pay. Ten people were in the line when I got to the sole cashier. The crazy thing was that the store manager was up in the front, fiddling with cleaning up some items and ignoring the growing line. 

What did this say about the store culture? It clearly said that regardless of the company's value statement, the customer did not come first at this store. The fact that the manager could ignore the customers sent a strong message to those of us who were in the line and the rest of the staff that there was no need to be customer-centric. After all, the leader of this store certainly was not. It was all I could do not to say something as I watched the manager ignore his customers.

My wife works for one of the upscale care facilities here in Rockford, IL. I often get a glimpse at their culture through the stories she brings home. The dining facility has been practicing making food available to the staff, who help the residents eat at no charge or a nominal charge. Every day, the leftovers are thrown away (yes, you heard that right), so if there is food left, the restaurant staff will gift it to the staff who have been helping. 

No longer. Now, it is forbidden to give or receive free food, and the price of food has gone up for staff. And they continue to throw the leftovers away. 

The residents who eat there are aware of the new rules and wonder why the administration would do this when the uneaten food is discarded. The staff are all wondering the same thing. But here is the thing. This decision sends a clear message to the staff that they are not valued by the management. The management obviously wants additional income - by charging the staff more - and the net result is that staff no longer buy the food and cannot receive leftovers at no charge. One staff member was reprimanded for accepting food in front of the diners (residents) and staff who were there. And, of course, the leftovers are thrown away daily!

Every organization should ask this question when making decisions that impact their constituency: "How does this decision or my action reflect the culture we want to build here?" Or, "What message are we sending when we make this decision?"

When the store manager ignores the growing line of customers who want to purchase his products, he sends a message about the store's culture. I don't intend to go back! It was such a blatant statement that I was not valued there that I took note and said I would take my business elsewhere. 

When my wife's employer forbade staff from giving food destined for the trash to employees and then hiked the official price they were to pay, what did that communicate to staff and residents? Both groups walked away with a message about the culture that I don't think the management intended to send, but they sent it because they did not think through the implications of their decision. Those implications were lost on the decision-makers rather than on their constituents. 

Every day, leaders in organizations make decisions that impact their constituents. Unfortunately, they often don't consider those decisions in terms of culture and the message they are sending. Our well-written statements are frequently not reflected in our decisions, and our constituents read our actions far more than they read our finely-tuned value statements. In fact, our written statements about culture and values are meaningless when our actions contradict what those statements actually say.

Traits to look for in a leader

Leaders have many different kinds of wiring and lead with varied styles. I celebrate those differences. When hiring or promoting, I care much about how a person leads, but I care even more about what lies behind their leadership. There are certain traits that I look for in leaders, which are, for the most part, personal traits that spill over into how they lead.

A Missional heart
Our leadership is not about ourselves but about Jesus and what He wants to accomplish on this earth. A kingdom heart understands that we are not building something for ourselves but for Him. Whether our assignment is in a ministry, a non-profit, or a business enterprise, this is true. What we do needs to contribute to the good of society and the welfare of others so the focus is not on us but on those we exist to serve. Jim Collins called these kinds of leaders Level Five Leaders. They are other-focused rather than on themselves.

Humble
Humble leaders can focus on others and the mission because they are not building a kingdom for themselves. Humble leaders can live and lead with personal transparency and have a "nothing to prove and nothing to lose" attitude. They are open and non-defensive when challenged. Humility is critical because it allows us to focus on others and a mission rather than on ourselves.

Intentional
There are two ways to live: intentionally or accidentally. The best leaders understand how they are wired and what they have been called to do and not do. They organize their lives around the most important rather than simply responding to life. Everything about their priorities and time management is intentional and focused. They understand that the most essential checks they write are not financial but "time checks," and that time is the one thing they cannot get back or replace. Thus, they choose carefully and use their time wisely. They understand that saying "no" often allows them to say "yes" to the right things. 

Clarity
Clarity is required for intentional living. Clarity about how God has gifted and wired us, our leadership priorities, and organizational clarity all contribute to the ability to be deeply intentional. With clarity, we can understand what is essential and what is a distraction. With clarity, we can say no, so we can say a larger yes. With clarity, we can live in our strengths rather than run in lanes we were not designed for.

Accountable
Those who lead others and expect them to be accountable must be accountable themselves. To lead, one must be willing to follow! Lack of accountability is about hubris, while accountability is about humility and a healthy commitment to health. This includes responsibility for results. They live with a great deal of self-awareness and self-accountability. 

Reflective
The best leaders are deeply reflective people about themselves, others, the organization, methodology, and life. They are thinkers rather than simply doers. Their actions result from thinking and reflection rather than merely responding to events around them. They are thinking, reflective practitioners. This means that they build into their day and week periods of reflection, perhaps journaling but certainly deep thought, where they constantly align their activities with their purpose and life mission. 

Inquisitive
The best leaders are deeply inquisitive, always asking questions, probing people in their organization and others, and desirous of learning and growing. They ask "why" often and don't assume that conventional wisdom is always wisdom. They assume that conventional wisdom is conventional but frequently not wisdom. They ask questions that others don't ask, even when it makes them or others uncomfortable. They intentionally seek feedback from those who only sometimes agree with them in their desire for the best answers. 

Team focused
Healthy organizations are formed around teams that work synergistically under good leadership and are accountable for results. Thus, leaders must be willing to work with and through teams rather than independently. As they lift up team members, they delegate opportunity and authority for team members to excel and flourish. 

Generous
Leaders give themselves away to help others succeed and ensure the organization achieves its objectives. They are servants to those they lead and understand that they succeed as others succeed. Thus, they mentor, coach, and help others grow with a generous spirit. They see those they lead as a trust rather than an irritant. They are generous in giving opportunities away, encouragement, time with staff, and praise for work well done.

Healthy EQ
Unhealthy EQ is the greatest killer of leadership, creating relational chaos in its wake. No matter how brilliant an individual is, they should not end up in a leadership role if they have EQ issues.  Healthy EQ, on the other hand, builds healthy relationships, which leads to healthy collaboration and the building of healthy teams.

Leadership coaching, governance/board training, staff/culture audits, change management, conflict management, establishing clarity, creating healthy cultures, leadership, and organizational consulting. tjaddington@gmail.com

Dysfunctional church systems: Beware of closed rather than open cultures

I spoke recently with a ministry leader who resigned from his church staff position (a large church) because of the dysfunctional culture he sensed. Having left the "system," he now realizes that it was a great deal more dysfunctional than he thought, and he is so glad to be out of it. 

When we are in a dysfunctional or toxic "closed" system, we may sense that not all is right, but it is when we get out that we realize how dysfunctional it was. This applies to staff systems as well as whole congregations where there is significant dishealth. Such dysfunction can be part of the historic DNA of the church, a dysfunctional board, a dysfunctional leader, or a "church boss" who wields unhealthy power and has a personal agenda.

What are some of the signs of a closed and dysfunctional ministry system?

One: There is tremendous pressure for people to think similarly and not to have independent voices. In closed systems, independent opinions that go against the "group think" are a threat and are not valued. Independent thinkers in ministries are often labeled as troublemakers or spiritually immature. Indeed, it is not safe to disagree significantly.

The truth is that breakthroughs occur when independent thinking, asking good questions and suggesting new ways of doing things are present. These are the building blocks of growth and vibrancy; holding them in check will bring decay and decline.

Two: Questions about the status quo are seen as disloyalty. This is especially true for senior leaders who are insecure and do not like their paradigms or opinions to be questioned. As long as one keeps the party line, one is "in." If you ask hard questions, you are marginalized.

Breakthroughs in ministry occur when hard questions are asked. The status quo will not lead you to the future; it will tether you to the present and the past. 

Three: Candid dialogue is not allowed. Usually, the senior leader sets the tone here. In closed systems, candid dialogue is a threat rather than a valued part of the culture. Such dialogue will inevitably challenge the standard line.

A measure of an organization's health or dishealth is how candid the dialogue can be. In closed systems, people know that there are subjects they cannot touch and places they cannot go. There are elephants in the room that everyone knows are there, but you cannot name them—often even in the board room. There is quiet intimidation to leave specific topics alone, and those crossing the line quickly realize they have entered the forbidden territory. 

Four: Senior leaders often protect themselves from accountability or questions in closed systems. They hide behind a spiritual veil that sounds good but keeps people from getting too close. They surround themselves with people who will agree with them, and those who don't usually don't stay, either because they know how dysfunctional it is or because they are marginalized or let go. 

It always amazes me that dysfunctional senior leaders are not asked more penetrating questions by the people around them or the boards to which they are accountable. Why is this? They are masters at making themselves look good, and others take the blame. They spin and posture, and because of the first three descriptors above, they are not held accountable, and tough questions are asked. The board and leader are both caught in a cycle of codependency.

Five: When independent voices appear, or someone steps out of the prevailing culture, tremendous pressure is put on them to get in line and conform to standard opinions. It is a family system thing, and any threat to the prevailing culture brings pressure for conformity. This is why independent thinkers often live in dysfunctional staff situations and congregations. They see the system for what it is and know it is unhealthy.

Those who think for themselves and speak candidly are usually pressured to get in line or marginalized if they don't. Often these individuals will simply leave because they see how unhealthy the system is and choose not to participate. 

Six: The most telling moment for those who leave such systems is how free they feel once they are out of it. Even though they knew it was not healthy, they realized how unhealthy it was once they were out. Those who leave are also a threat to those who stay, who, at some level, feel that those leaving are not loyal. They have violated the family system. 

What keeps people in systems like this? The irony is that while we may be uncomfortable and know something is off, to step out of such a system is to be labeled as disloyal or no longer "faithful." Those are hard things to live with, especially when they come from long-time friends or acquaintances. It feels ugly and unsafe, and you start to question whether it is true or not. 

In reality, these systems are simply large codependency environments where people get trapped in dysfunctional relationships and a dysfunctional system. Often you don't see that clearly until you are outside the system. If there were one descriptor of these systems it is the word control. Each of the descriptors above is about control. Freedom it is not! If you feel controlled or if any of these characteristics are true of your staff or your ministry, consider the possibility that you are caught in a closed, codependent, and dysfunctional system.

Indicators that a leader is leading from a place of insecurity and even fear

We often do not realize it when our leader is leading from a posture of fear, but some symptoms give it away. It is dysfunctional, and it feels bad, but we often do not understand what is going on. Here are some common symptoms of a leader leading from fear. 

They demand loyalty to themselves rather than to the mission of the organization. Leaders who lack self-confidence require their staff to be loyal to them—usually meaning that their staff agree with their views—rather than loyal to the organization and its mission. They are intimidated by independent voices who speak their minds, and if they perceive that loyalty as they define it is not present, they often marginalize those voices. Loyalty means you cannot disagree with the leader or challenge their thinking.

Those loyal to them are perceived as "their people," while those they don't perceive to be loyal are not. The irony is that loyal people tell their leader the truth as they see it. Those who only tell a leader what they know the leader wants to hear are not, in fact, loyal but sycophants. 

They try to keep people from talking to others about issues they feel strongly about. When pastors, for instance, tell staff that they cannot talk to board members or board members to staff or staff to congregants, it is a sign of fear rather than confidence. Whenever leaders seek to limit the conversation of others (beyond appropriate channels) they are operating out of fear rather than health. 

Prohibiting or discouraging open conversation is usually a precursor to an unraveling of leadership. When I see this trait I know that the leadership will unravel. It is only a matter of time. 

They display an underlying anger that erupts in inappropriate language, statements, requirements, or rules. People who live with fear or insecurity often try to control the environment around them with threats, anger, strong statements that intimidate them, or rules that are meant to keep their staff in line. When it does not feel good, it probably is not good. When it feels intimidating or coming from a place of fear, it probably is. When it does not feel healthy it probably is not healthy.

I have seen staff torn apart by the amygdala hijacks of an insecure leader where the leader goes into angry rants against the staff member who they perceive to have crossed a line with irrational words and anger that are meant to force the staff member back into line through intimidation, fear and the belittling of their character. Because this usually happens in private and because others know they cannot challenge the leader there is often no recourse for the staff member who has been violated.

Those who disagree are let go or marginalized, and the reasons for departures, voluntary or involuntary, are disguised. Truth is usually a victim of insecurity and fear. There is an inordinate desire to control the message and spin the reasons for departures to protect the insecure leader responsible for the staff member's departure. How is the truth disguised? by an alternative narrative determined by the leader—spin, if you will—rather than the truth of the situation. 

This is often the reason departing staff members are pressured into signing NDAs. The goal is to prevent the individual from speaking the truth from their point of view. NDAs are a sign of leadership insecurity and fear and usually mean that something leaders do not want disclosed does not reflect well on them. Ironically, the organization letting the staff member go often does not feel an equal responsibility to speak truthfully.

There is a culture of fear among staff. Anytime fear becomes the culture and people are not allowed to talk with one another or others, it is a sign of an insecure leader. No secure leader creates an environment of fear or intimidation. None. Where there is fear among the staff in general, there is a dysfunctional and usually fearful leader. 

Candid feedback to the leader is not allowed or appreciated. Only insecure or fearful leaders create an environment where candid and honest feedback is limited, controlled, or not allowed/appreciated. It says more about the leader than it does about the staff. It comes from fear and insecurity rather than security and freedom. 

I have been with executive teams who speak candidly together about issues when the leader is not present. When the leader is present, there is not a peep about those same issues. Why? They know that the leader does not appreciate or invite candid feedback, so the issues become elephants in the room that cannot be discussed in his/her presence. This is a classic sign of insecurity and fear.

A leader's board and senior staff must toe the line of the leader. Some years ago, our organization made a decision that irritated a senior pastor within the denomination. He forced his board (through intimidation) to agree with him and to withhold all support for our organization in the face of irrefutable evidence that we had reasons for our decision. But no pushback was allowed, and he forced his board to go along with him. When a board or senior staff must toe the line of the leader, it is usually a sign of control, fear and insecurity.

Boards are often caught up in leaders' insecurity and fear, so they don't ask hard questions or seek clarification about situations that should be clarified. 

My question is why such behaviors are not seen for what they are in the ministry arena and why staff and boards allow this behavior? It demonstrates naivete on the part of boards and usually fear on the part of staff who are put in an impossible situation. Don't be fooled, and don't get sucked into a dysfunctional leader's stuff. It is poison, and it is foolishness. Too many board members get sucked into the dysfunction.

When you should not write new policies

In my experience, organizations often have too many policies and policies that reflect a general distrust of staff. It is always interesting to read the policies of organizations I am helping because they usually give me insight into their past problems (solved, of course, by a new policy) and the general level of trust and empowerment in the organization, which is often low.

Here is something to remember. Policies reflect an organization's culture but do not necessarily create culture. People create culture, and policies reflect whatever culture is created. While policies are obligatory for any organization, how and why they are written sends a message to staff.

Policies should keep your organization legal, fair, safe, and clear on important issues. They are the non-negotiables that keep your organization in safe waters. They reflect the principles by which a healthy organization operates to keep it legal and fair with clarity. Policies are necessary to clarify expectations for everyone. However, not all policies are helpful, and they tend to proliferate if one is not careful. 

Here are some reasons not to write new policies.

One: Someone has done something dumb (It happens)! The answer is not to write a new policy but to deal with the individual who has crossed a line. It is unfair to other staff to establish policies based on one individual's bad choices. No policy can keep people from doing dumb things. Deal with the individual rather than write a new policy. The reason we often write policies when someone crosses a line is that we are not willing to have a difficult conversation with the one involved. And rather than a difficult conversation, we end up disempowering all staff. 

Two: You want to deal with an issue of organizational culture. Organizational culture is usually a matter of leadership rather than of policy. I can create a culture that avoids gossip, but I cannot write a policy to do the same. Some issues are issues of leadership and modeling rather than of policy. 

Three: You need to control what people do and do not do. If we need to control people, we are either poor leaders or have hired the wrong staff. Mostly, it is the former rather than the latter. The longer a policy manual, the more there is usually a desire to control rather than empower. And, in general, the longer a policy manual, the less empowerment an organization gives its staff. 

How do you clarify issues with staff other than writing new policies? Create a dialogue on the issues so they filter down through the organization. This honors your staff. Only write a new policy when necessary. 

Always remember that policies reflect how leaders see their staff. They reflect the culture of leadership within the organization.  It might be instructive for all of us who lead to have an outsider read our policies and give us feedback as to what they see. In one church I consulted with, I suggested that their policies reflected a great distrust of support staff. Reading them through that lens, they agreed with me. They had used policies to do all three of the above-named issues rather than simply spell out their non-negotiables and commitments. 

Policies can reflect a high degree of empowerment and trust of staff. More often, they reflect mistrust and the need to control. Leaders expect staff to trust them but often do not reciprocate with trust to their staff. 

Secretive leaders and the psychology behind a lack of transparency

When working with organizations in crisis, I sometimes encounter what I call the "secretive leader syndrome." This is a leader who is reluctant to tell others, often including staff and boards, what they are thinking. Or, they let on some of their thinking but not enough for others to fully understand them or their plans.

This creates a great deal of uncertainty on the part of staff, who need to mesh their own plans and thinking with that of their leader. For those who work for a secretive leader it is a most frustrating experience. In fact, it usually ends badly for the leader or their staff because a lack of transparency leads to conflict. If I don't know what is in the mind of my leader, I will either have to beg for forgiveness when I get it wrong or lead with caution in case I cross an invisible line I cannot see. It is one of the most discourteous behaviors a supervisor can exhibit.

What is the psychology behind a lack of transparency in a leader's thinking? First, consider that information is power! If I have information others don't have I  have power that they don't have and frankly some leaders want that power. It also allows a leader to share information selectively with those they deem worthy of having it and withhold it from those they don't. If it sounds like a mind game, it pretty much is.

I once worked with a leader like this, and even though we were supposedly co-leaders, I would wake up to all kinds of surprises on a daily basis. In addition, he was not transparent with me and would tell one individual one thing and another a different thing. It was crazy making.

Second, if I as the leader have all access to information and others don't I can play people or departments against one another. FDR famously did this in his leadership style, and while he achieved great things, it was at the expense of the relationships of his senior leaders who were told what he wanted them to know (and different leaders were told different things). Only he had access to all the information and, therefore, the keys to the kingdom. Others had to figure it out themselves, often at the expense of conflict with others. There is certainly an element of manipulation here.

Third, secrecy allows a leader to keep staff on edge as they present "surprises" in terms of decisions that staff have no context for. Again, this smacks of selfish and problematic behavior. Never would they want their staff to surprise them—ever—but they have no compulsion to surprise their staff. They are the leaders, after all. This also means that they have different standards for themselves than for others. 

This behavior is unfair, deeply dysfunctional, unempowering, and foolish. It usually masks a leader's deep insecurity. It is a form of control that allows the leader to keep the initiative and ensure that others don't have it. What is amazing to me is that boards allow this kind of behavior to take place.

This is a leader who does not want candid conversation regarding their ideas or thinking. That is why they keep it close to the vest and dole it out to those they choose, leaving others in the dark. In doing so, they limit any pushback they might receive, which is a manipulative means of getting their way.

There are things a leader does not share for valid reasons, but secretive leaders create problems for those around them - whatever their motivation. No healthy leader withholds critical information from their staff and/or board. If they do, it eventually comes back to bite them or the organization.

Non-transparent leaders create dysfunctional and often chaotic organizations. Eventually good people figure it out and move on. You cannot participate in real decision-making or strategy with a secretive leader, and that eventually leaves the organization vulnerable because other voices and minds are no longer at the table. Even if they are still in the organization.