13 lessons I have learned about mentoring young leaders

Mentoring young leaders is a passion of mine. At sixty two, the more young leaders I can help grow, the more ripples I can make - and keep on making after I have left the leadership stage. I believe that mentoring is a stewardship responsibility of all leaders and it is one of the most unselfish investments we can make.

Mentoring young leaders is all about taking people with significant potential and helping expedite their growth through your sponsorship, attention and leadership example. A proven leader can open critical doors of opportunity, understanding and growth to a young leader which can dramatically accelerate the leadership trajectory of young leaders.

I recently reflected on some of the lessons I have learned in this process:

Look for potential not experience. Almost all job applications have an experience clause. Sometimes that is what you need. But often, what you really want is the "right stuff" in potential that can be shaped and grown. It is a thrill to hire someone who is "too young" by others standards and watch them flourish.

Look for good EQ. Good emotional intelligence is critical for a mentee because there will be plenty of opportunities when they will need to receive honest feedback on their performance. Poor EQ - defensiveness, inability to accept honest feedback, poor relational skills - will prevent them from growing like the should. Get good EQ, combined with potential and you have a powerful combination.

Help them understand their wiring and strengths. Mentoring is not about growing another "you" but about helping a young leader understand how God designed them, how they are wired and where their strengths lie - and don't lie. Young people often don't have the life experience to figure that out well but a good mentor can dramatically speed up the process by helping them discover their strengths.

Dialogue a lot. Mentor's use Socratic dialogue to help those they mentor think through issues, solve problems, discover solutions and evaluate performance. By its very nature, mentoring takes time and only those who are willing to make the investment will make good mentors. People learn the best when they are challenged to think critically and evaluate well so mentors think out loud with their mentees on a regular basis.

Ask lots of questions. The more questions one asks, the more you will help your young leader think and evaluate. Engage their perspective on people, situations, problems and solutions. Don't tell, ask - and then dialogue.

Give honest feedback. Good mentors give feedback but they do it in appropriate ways and appropriate settings. No, the Trump method "You're Fired," does not fit that paradigm! Mentors never embarrass by calling out a failure or misstep in public. They do it behind closed doors and in a way that causes growth, not discouragement (again, good EQ is very helpful).

Allow young leaders to figure it out and even fail. We learn more from our failures than our successes so allowing young leaders to figure out how do get something done (consistent with their strengths) and even to get it wrong on occasion is a powerful growth strategy. We practice "autopsy without blame" after a failure. We want to know why it happened and what went wrong and why but it is not about blame, but about learning.

Give assignments that stretch. Often, young leaders do not see in themselves what others see in them. Giving assignments that are out of their comfort zone - but within their ability helps them test their skills and critical thinking. Again, Socratic dialogue along the way is helpful, but not solving the problems they encounter.

Keep their plate full. Bright young leaders get bored quickly. Keep their plate full so that they continue to grow and stretch and increase their capacity. If they are really good - do whatever it takes to keep them engaged with you so that they don't look for greener pastures elsewhere.

Let them shadow you. Young leaders need models of what good leadership looks like. Because mentors are all about developing others, find ways to expose them to your world even if it is not in their job description. Exposure to meetings, problems, problem solving and other key people will give them context that they would not otherwise have and exposure that helps them leverage growth.

Ensure a relationship of high trust. Mentors often share information with a young leader they would not share with others - precisely because by introducing them to one's world and the real challenges one faces, young leaders learn how to deal with real life situations. This means, however that young leaders must be trustworthy (EQ again) to keep information that is private private and the maturity to handle sometimes difficult information. Clear guidelines should be discussed up front and reminders made along the way regarding confidential information.

Don't push them to be like you. You are you, not them. Encourage leaders to lead from their strengths, think of their own solutions and find their own way. We are there to share wisdom, principles and help them shorten their learning curve. They will do things differently than you and you should encourage and celebrate this. 

Be tansparent. Sharing one's life honestly is an important element in growing leaders. Understanding how to balance life, deal with life when it comes undone and persevering in Godly character is the inner core that will sustain young leaders over the long haul. Wherever appropriate, be transparent so that they are challenged by your heart and character as well as your leadership expertise.

Mentoring is a challenge and a great privilege. And it allows you to expand your influence far beyond what you could ever do yourself.

Five barriers to unleashing people into meaningful ministry

We want our people involved in meaningful ministry and to embrace ministry for Christ as a lifestyle. Too often it does not happen. Why? I want to suggest that we inadvertently create barriers to seeing this happen. Our motives are right but nevertheless, we create barriers by our own actions.

Barrier One

We have professionalized ministry rather than equipping His people. We hire professionals in the church who usually have advanced theological education. But, rather than equipping people we tend to expect those staff members to carry their particular ministry out. This has two consequences. One, it sends a message that we need professionals to do "real" ministry and two that "formal" training is necessary to be successful in ministry.

Barrier two

We convey the message that "ministry" is all about what happens in church "programming." Our programming is important but it is only a small piece of what God intends for his people to be involved in. His intention is to penetrate and influence a sinful and broken world and to bring small bits of His perfect will to dark and needy places. Ministry is about God's people being God's people wherever they are and with whoever they have influence.

Barrier three

We have so stressed "being at church" that we have not left people the time they need to develop relationships where they live, work and play and with the very people who need the love of Christ.

Barrier four

We have complicated spiritual gifts. God created us to do "good works" (Ephesians 2:10). If we encourage people to do "good works" with the people they have influence with and in the places God put them they will do those good works in ways that are consistent with their wiring. They will do things that they are comfortable doing - which will be in sync with how God wired and gifted them.

Barrier five

We have sought to get people involved in ministry by creating programs rather than encouraging them to figure out how they can make a difference for God where they live and work. Programmatic ministry trains people to let the church create ministry opportunities for them rather than looking for those opportunities themselves. Organic ministry wins out over programmatic ministry each time

God has an amazing and unique call on every single life. The best thing we can do on His behalf is to unleash God's people on a sinful and needy world rather than to corral them for our programs inside the church. The latter makes us look good. The former makes God look good. Which is better?

The key to accountability is an open organizational culture

Every leader says they desire a culture of accountability. The proof of their commitment is whether or not they create an open organizational culture. Closed cultures where leaders control information, what can be discussed or are defensive when challenged destroy accountability. Open cultures by definition encourage accountability. 

There is a direct correlation between leaders who create closed cultures and their own ability to violate staff, make questionable decisions, become impervious to input, shut down honest discussion and become domineering in their leadership style. Dysfunctional leaders intuitively or by design can create closed cultures because open cultures allow others to challenge their views or practices. 

Signs of a closed culture:

• There are issues that you know you cannot raise because your leader will become defensive. What this does is shield the leader from criticism or challenge because they keep the discussion from taking place.
• Robust dialogue is discouraged.
• Leadership cannot be challenged.
• Leaders withhold information or share it selectively so that staff never have the full picture of what is going on. The information hub is the leader.
• Often, in a closed culture, those who raise questions or challenge leadership are labeled as dissidents or as uncooperative.
• Financial information is often kept secretive.
• Staff are not empowered to act but need the permission of leadership. 
• There is a high degree of pressure on staff to conform to the party line.

You can see how cultures with the above characteristics shield leaders from accountability. Whenever you limit discussion and dialogue you limit accountability. Closed cultures are unhealthy cultures and usually reflect an unhealthy leader. In contrast to this, consider the signs of an open culture:

• Information is available to all unless by nature it is confidential.
• Finances are transparent.
• Robust dialogue is encouraged: Any issue can be put on the table with the exception of a hidden agenda or a personal attack.
• Leaders are not threatened by questions, ideas, dialogue or differing opinions.
• Key decisions are vetted with stakeholders.
• All staff are treated with dignity and respect. No one gets a pass on treatment of staff that is unprofessional, unkind or disrespectful.
• Staff are encouraged to "think outside the box" in order to better fulfill the mission of the organization.
• Standards of behavior are the same for leaders and staff. 

Open cultures create accountability because questions can be asked, dialogue engaged in and people cannot hide behind a veil of secrecy, control or pressure to keep the party line. The more open the culture the more accountability there is for everyone, not just leaders. Healthy cultures encourage healthy accountability. 

Healthy and accountable cultures are created intentionally. They don't happen by accident.

Five contrasts between healthy and unhealthy leaders

There are significant contracts between healthy and unhealthy leaders. If you lead, take a moment and consider the following contrasts. The reality is that in each case, every leader struggles with some of these and growing in personal health is a lifelong pursuit. Any leader who claims that they are fully healthy in all five is fooling themselves. So....as you read these, consider honestly where you are in each contrasted character trait.

Contrast one: Pride versus humility
Pride sees life as being about us while humility sees life as about others. Pride believes that others should serve us while humility believes that we are here to serve others. People with significant pride focus most of life on themselves while those with true humility focus most of life on others. Prideful individuals like and need the spotlight while humble leaders focus the light on others. For a Christ follower, life is a journey from pride to humility and Jesus is our model of humility.

Contrast two: Personal gain versus a life of stewardship
Leaders have perks. They have more flexibility than others, get paid better, have more power in the organization and have more control over their destiny. Some leaders love it and use their leadership status and power for personal gain whether in salary, power or other opportunities that benefit them. there is a direct connection between an attitude of pride and a desire for personal gain.

Contrast that outlook on life with one that sees leadership as a trust to be stewarded. It is not about personal gain but about stewarding a mission and a staff. Stewards have a humble persona that is not self seeking but is other centric. Leadership as a stewardship sees authority and power as tools to serve the staff and mission and not for personal gain.

Contrast three: Intentionally accountable versus intentionally unaccountable
Unhealthy and self seeking leaders will intentionally foster systems that protect themselves from close accountability or scrutiny. Sometimes the strategy is to surround themselves with people whom they can manipulate. At other times unhealthy leaders use personal intimidation to prevent questions from being raised. Interestingly enough, in the Christian world you can add another strategy: allowing people to place themselves on a pedestal of spiritual leadership which keeps many people from challenging that leader. Make no mistake: These are intentional strategies to screen themselves from close accountability.

Healthy leaders are equally intentional but their intention is to keep themselves accountable so that there are no questions about their integrity, practices and activities. They create cultures that are open and which allow for contrary opinions, allows and encourages questions and is not threatened by debate. In creating this kind of culture healthy leaders create a culture of accountability because nothing is off limits and the open ethos creates natural accountability. While unhealthy leaders try to shield themselves from scrutiny, healthy leaders create a culture of accountability.

Contrast four: Control versus empowerment and freedom
A major indicator of unhealthy leaders is a need to control. That control can be manifested in control of people, of money and resources, of information through its withholding, of debate questions that disagree with the leader and finally, the need to regularly get their way. The greater the culture of control, the more dysfunctional the system. This is not about legitimate controls necessary to accomplish one's mission but a culture of control that seeks to limit the conversation, questions and ideas.

Healthy leaders understand that unless they can pull out the very best from those around them, the organization will not move forward. They encourage discussion around the allocation of resources, they share information liberally in order to foster a flat organization, give people the freedom to share their opinions and challenge the status quo, and people the freedom to use their gifts and abilities to accomplish their responsibilities. It is a culture of empowerment, not control.

Contrast five: Image control versus mission accomplishment
When you encounter leaders who have a high need to practice image control be wary. Image control is about the leader. It is about the leader looking good which is about pride, ego and narcissism. Healthy leaders are not focused on their image but on helping the organization accomplish its mission. Image control is inward looking whereas accomplishing the mission is outward looking.

For those who lead it is worthwhile to think through these five contrasts and where they fit on the continuum with each. Also, don't be fooled by impressive looking leaders who exhibit the unhealthy characteristics on the left of the continuums above. Where you find symptoms of dishealth above, it will harm the organization.

When a pastor resigns but doesn't leave

I recently received a call from a staff member of a large church that I know well. Their long-time pastor has resigned. Not only is he still on the payroll, but he remains in town and meets with several dozen key church leaders regularly, including several elders.

This leader has been the impetus for many staff members leaving the church over the years due to his domineering manner, bully tactics, and desire to get his own way. He has a terrible reputation among the staff he worked with but is loved by the congregation, who are unaware of the internal dysfunction. He gets his own way, and the board does not constrain him. He is a force of nature, and they will not go head-to-head with him.

The elders are well-meaning but naïve. They allowed a dysfunctional situation to exist for years longer than they should have. They had the information they needed to deal with the situation but did not. And now, when they have secured a resignation, their former leader is inexorably linked to the congregation through the leaders he meets with weekly, including several elders. After all, it is only a bible study!

Why do intelligent people often check their intellect at the door of a church board meeting? As if the pastor has all wisdom and they none? In my years of consulting with congregations, I have seen this repeatedly. Often, after due diligence, I tell the board what I have found, and what amazes me is that they are not unaware. But they have not done anything about the matter. In the meantime, people have been hurt.

These same elders plan to have a new pastor by the end of the year. Even though the most recent pastor has been there for several decades. I told the staff member who spoke with me that no wise pastor would touch this church, given the history above and the ongoing relationship of the past senior pastor with the church. Oh, there will be plenty of pastors willing to come because it is a well-known church. But they will never be their own leader, and they are likely to be a short-term casualty of the prior pastor who, while "gone," is still "there." He got his way for years, and he will continue to get his way if he stays. He will also most likely end up destroying the ministry of the new leader.

As I listened, I had two reactions. One was amazement at the lack of discernment on the part of the leaders. The other was, "I have seen this kind of situation too many times," where board members are simply not thinking wisely about the situations they face. This is not leadership. This is not being innocent as a dove but wise as a serpent. I am sad but not surprised. Their actions or inaction are setting up the next leader to fail and, in doing so, to hurt the congregation they are responsible for.

Leaders: Lead with wisdom and don't be naïve about the intentions and actions of others. Please! Don't be foolish in the name of "nice." 

The Imposter Syndrome and Pastoral Ministry - an article from Christianity Today

The Imposter Syndrome and Pastoral Ministry

An article from Christianity Today

Index and links to all blogs on world missions

Disturbing trends for Christianity in China

Missions and China's current political climate

The curtailing of freedoms in China will impact business, missions and the free flow of information

Putin crosses a line - Bans Russians from preaching the Gospel outside churches

Terrorism and missions

Check out this map of the world's largest languages

What missionaries aren't telling you (and what they need from you). From a veteran missionary

A must read for all those interested in Latin American Christianity

God is alive and well in Cuba

The future of world religions with growth projections from the Pew Research Center

7 encouraging trends in global Christianity

Great article: A plea for Gospel sanity in missions

Check out this map and article on Islam in Europe from the Economist

If we saw ministry in the United States through missionary eyes we would do things differently

Does missions separate families?

The top 50 countries where it's most difficult to be a Christian

Cracks in the atheist edifice in China - a very encouraging update from the Economist magazine

The insider movement and Islamic ministry

One map says a great deal about the growth rate of evangelical Christianity globally

Why mission agencies do not pay ransom for staff who are kidnapped

A surprising map on the world's most and least religiously diverse countries

Understanding one of the most important countries in Africa

World conflict, the Gospel and our personal response

Five current dangers to world missions

14 things missionaries might want to tell you but probably won't

Avoiding paternalism in missions through a round table approach with ministry partnerships

A real time picture of globalization: Most commonly spoken language (other than English) in each London borough

Christianity is alive and well in Cuba

Can the gospel impact whole cities?

Looking away from the lamppost

The 20 countries where Christianity is growing the fastest

The amazing, surprising, Africa-driven demographic future of the earth in 9 charts

The single greatest deficit in missions today

Change blindness and missions today

Missions and Europe: Should we be sending missionaries to a place that has been evangelized in the past?

Partnerships in missions: Five principles

Berlin - A city of destiny

Looking and praying for open ministry doors

This story will rock your world! From India

It is time to stop the blame game in missions

Can the cities of Europe be re-evangelized?

Accountability for missionaries - rethinking the paradigm

The both/and of missions: Gospel and Compassion

What is missions? Be careful how you define your missions efforts

Short Term Missions - Doing it Right

What are you and your church doing to raise up workers for the harvest?

Mission agencies: Choose wisely

The nine critical shifts that must take place in missions today

Helpful and wise words from a veteran missionary to the US church

What I wish my supporters understood about my work as a missionary

We will not support you as a missionary because...

A wake up call for missions: The world is moving to the city

Moving from fear to friendships with Muslims

Sticker shock in missions

Holistic missions: Cautions and Opportunities

Bride over Brand

Best practices for training overseas

Strategic missions strategy: Leveraging your investment

Its about the Bride not the Brand

Generosity by ministry personnel and missionaries

Missionary support team building: Very tough work

Safety is not our highest value

Missions and child protection

Parents: A major inhibitor to sending new missionaries

The world hits 7 Billion

TED talk at the Mission Exchange on critical shifts that need to take place in the mission world

It really is a very bad idea

Changing antiquated local church mission strategies

Definitions of poverty and wealth in the majority world

Muslims are not the problem

Straight talk about results in missions

Disappointment in missions

Leadership in missions

Persecution: How God turns the tables

Syncretism and false altars

Missions in the 21st Century: Two circles, one goal

When money hurts mission efforts

From leader to partner in global missions

What kind of churches should we be planting around the world?

Western vs. indigenous missionaries

Missions and the Holy Spirit

Determining what missionaries to support?

What is the Gospel worth?

Do it alone or do it together

Missions and the incarnation

It's too dangerous

Trends in missions today

Game changers in missions

Emotional Intelligence in missions

Understanding Sharia law

Missions nice and missions strategic

Missions and risk

Real missions

The changing face of world missions

What missionaries should your church support?

Best practices that can help you leverage your missions strategy

By the numbers: A snapshot of our globe

Ordinary people

Ripples in global ministry

Time as a unit of measurement (but not the way you think)

A recent comment from a CEO client of mine caught my attention and I have been thinking about it since. He said to me, "Your help has saved me 18 to 24 months that it would have taken me to get to this place without you. I had never heard anyone express time as a unit of measurement quite like that. But the more I thought about it the more it made sense.

I have often challenged organizations not just to tweak what they do but to actively look for the game changers that would allow them to take a giant step forward. Game changers are strategic decisions, ways of doing things and paradigm shifts that allow you to take a quantum leap in the direction you want to go. Essentially they are helping you get to your destination far faster than you would otherwise. You are, as my CEO client said, shaving off months or years that it would have taken you to get to your destination otherwise.

In a world where time is our most precious commodity that makes perfect sense. Why twiddle and tweak when we might be able to find solutions that propel us forward quickly. Not because we are that much better but because we are thinking that much smarter. Ordinary organizations seeing far greater results simply because we are doing what we do in a smarter way. This is not about peddling faster with the same methodology. It is about changing the methodology in order to get further faster.

This is why we hire consultants! They are not smarter than we are. But looking at your processes and methodologies from the outside give them a perspective that you don't have. Their solutions are not revolutionary except they may shave months or years off of the time to reach your desired outcome. That is revolutionary - not the methodology itself.

I tell the story of how this happened in the organization I led in the past in the blog Looking away from the lamppost.  We didn't get smarter but we did change the paradigm which changed everything.

What holds us back? The methodologies that we are used to and which hold our minds hostage. What we are used to keeps us from discovering innovation - the game changers. Try this exercise. Ask yourself the question: "Where do I want my organization to be in five years?" Then ask, "If I were designing it today, how would I organize to get there on time or earlier?" "What could I change to speed up the process?" Don't twiddle and tweak but look at changing your methodology to achieve a faster and perhaps even a better result. Think of time saved as your unit of measurement. How much time can you save in the journey so you get further faster?

The sad legacy of Sex abuse in MK boarding schools: New Tribes Mission - Ethnos 360

First they were abused by pedophiles masquerading as missionaries. Then they were abused by their mission agencies who denied, covered up and didn't admit!

One of the sad legacies of the mission enterprise were boarding schools for mission kids that harbored pedophiles who were responsible for the abuse of numerous children. While this may not have been a widespread phenomena it was widespread enough that it touched the lives of many MK's (Missionary Kids) who then found that their mission agency did everything they could to cover up the shameful abuse. When the MK's confronted the agencies, they were met with executives who said "I don't believe you," "Keep it quiet for the sake of the gospel" or outright denial - all the while as they transferred the offenders out of the area and often reassigned them to another.

The abuse was not reported to American authorities as it took place overseas which means that many of these abusers, even when discovered, live today in communities across the United States and are not labeled as sex offenders. Meanwhile, MK's must live with the scars of the past, some have left their faith and many are deeply cynical of the Gospel enterprise that their parents served. In many cases, parents were told to send their kids to boarding schools because they would be too busy with "the Lord's work" to school them at home.

In the case of New Tribes Mission, now Ethnos 360, it was a blog of abuse survivors that forced the mission agency to deal with the issue. This after ignoring it for many years. You can access the MK's blog here.

The story of the New Tribes Mission and their handling of the sex abuse of children has taken on new meaning in the post #MeToo world. Below is the latest story from NBC News as well as my original posts from 2010.

From NBC News

Ungodly abuse: The lasting torment of the New Tribes Missionary kids

Former New Tribes mission members speak out on alleged abuse

Ex child mission members speak out on alleged sex abuse

From this blog

The questions raised by the New Tribes Missions scandal 

New Tribes Mission faces the consequences of their past

AddingtonConsulting.org