Lessons Learned in Mentoring Young Leaders

Mentoring young leaders is a passion of mine. At fifty three, the more young leaders I can help grow, the more ripples I can make - and keep on making after I have left the leadership stage. I believe that mentoring is a stewardship responsibility of all leaders and it is one of the most unselfish investments we can make.

Mentoring young leaders is all about taking people with significant potential and helping expedite their growth through your sponsorship, attention and leadership example. A proven leader can open critical doors of opportunity, understanding and growth to a young leader which can dramatically accelerate the leadership trajectory of young leaders.

I recently reflected on some of the lessons I have learned in this process:

Look for potential not experience. Almost all job applications have an experience clause. Sometimes that is what you need. But often, what you really want is the "right stuff" in potential that can be shaped and grown. It is a thrill to hire someone who is "too young" by others standards and watch them flourish.

Look for good EQ. Good emotional intelligence is critical for a mentee because there will be plenty of opportunities when they will need to receive honest feedback on their performance. Poor EQ - defensiveness, inability to accept honest feedback, poor relational skills - will prevent them from growing like the should. Get good EQ, combined with potential and you have a powerful combination.

Help them understand their wiring and strengths. Mentoring is not about growing another "you" but about helping a young leader understand how God designed them, how they are wired and where their strengths lie - and don't lie. Young people often don't have the life experience to figure that out well but a good mentor can dramatically speed up the process by helping them discover their strengths.

Dialogue a lot. Mentor's use Socratic dialogue to help those they mentor think through issues, solve problems, discover solutions and evaluate performance. By its very nature, mentoring takes time and only those who are willing to make the investment will make good mentors. People learn the best when they are challenged to think critically and evaluate well so mentors think out loud with their mentees on a regular basis.

Ask lots of questions. The more questions one asks, the more you will help your young leader think and evaluate. Engage their perspective on people, situations, problems and solutions. Don't tell, ask - and then dialogue.

Give honest feedback. Good mentors give feedback but they do it in appropriate ways and appropriate settings. No, the Trump method "You're Fired," does not fit that paradigm! Mentors never embarrass by calling out a failure or misstep in public. They do it behind closed doors and in a way that causes growth, not discouragement (again, good EQ is very helpful).

Allow young leaders to figure it out and even fail. We learn more from our failures than our successes so allowing young leaders to figure out how do get something done (consistent with their strengths) and even to get it wrong on occasion is a powerful growth strategy. We practice "autopsy without blame" after a failure. We want to know why it happened and what went wrong and why but it is not about blame, but about learning.

Give assignments that stretch. Often, young leaders do not see in themselves what others see in them. Giving assignments that are out of their comfort zone - but within their ability helps them test their skills and critical thinking. Again, Socratic dialogue along the way is helpful, but not solving the problems they encounter.

Keep their plate full. Bright young leaders get bored quickly. Keep their plate full so that they continue to grow and stretch and increase their capacity. If they are really good - do whatever it takes to keep them engaged with you so that they don't look for greener pastures elsewhere.

Let them shadow you. Young leaders need models of what good leadership looks like. Because mentors are all about developing others, find ways to expose them to your world even if it is not in their job description. Exposure to meetings, problems, problem solving and other key people will give them context that they would not otherwise have and exposure that helps them leverage growth.

Ensure a relationship of high trust. Mentors often share information with a young leader they would not share with others - precisely because by introducing them to one's world and the real challenges one faces, young leaders learn how to deal with real life situations. This means, however that young leaders must be trustworthy (EQ again) to keep information that is private private and the maturity to handle sometimes difficult information. Clear guidelines should be discussed up front and reminders made along the way regarding confidential information.

Be tansparent. Sharing one's life honestly is an important element in growing leaders. Understanding how to balance life, deal with life when it comes undone and persevering in Godly character is the inner core that will sustain young leaders over the long haul. Wherever appropriate, be transparent so that they are challenged by your heart and character as well as your leadership expertise.

Mentoring is a challenge and a great privilege. And it allows you to expand your influence far beyond what you could ever do yourself.

It's all about the Gospel

Those of us who are deeply involved in ministry, as leaders, team members or volunteers constantly need to be reminded of one very important truth: It is all about the Gospel!

Paul put it this way in his summation and introduction to the book of Romans. These two verses (Romans 1:16-17) sum up the message of Romans and the gospel.

"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes; first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: 'The righteous will live by faith.'"

Paul's first statement is interesting: He is not ashamed of the gospel. Why would he say that? I believe because many in his day were indeed ashamed as in our day. It was too simplistic (simply by faith), it was politically incorrect (there is only one way), it was intellectually stupid (God on a cross) and it was flawed in its premise (you can do nothing to earn salvation - it is simply by grace).

Paul was no intellectual slouch! But he understood the premise, power, truth, and plan of God in the gospel to do what no other religion could do - transform sinful men and women from all walks of life into walking billboards of God's grace through simple faith and he refused to be ashamed of this gospel, or to try to make it more palatable. It is what it is: The one and only way to Jesus and a life of relationship and significance.

It is easy to forget in our strategies, programs, events, plans and ministry that everything we are and everything we do is ultimately focused on the simple gospel of Jesus Christ. That gospel has the power to change any individual who will simply trust, intervene in any situation that we will give to God and transform corners of society that are infected by its truth.

John McArthur writes this about Paul. "Paul was imprisoned in Philippi, chased out of Thessalonica, smuggled out of Damascus and Berea, laughed at in Athens, considered a fool in Corinth, and declared a blasphemer and lawbreaker in Jerusalem. He was stoned and left for dead at Lystra. Some Pagans of Paul’s day branded Christianity as atheism because it believed in only one God and as being cannibalistic because of a misunderstanding of the Lord’s Supper.

But the Jewish religious leaders of Jerusalem did not intimidate Paul, nor did the learned and influential pagans at Ephesus, Athens, and Corinth. The apostle was eager now to preach and teach the gospel in Rome, the capital of the pagan empire that ruled virtually all the known world. He was never deterred by opposition, never disheartened by criticism, and never ashamed, for any reason, of the gospel of Jesus Christ."

I ask myself and I ask you: Do we have that kind of drive and that kind of passion to see the gospel spread across the regions where we work? The work of spreading the gospel is not a job: it is the greatest privilege anyone could ever have and the greatest responsibility given to man by God. There is hope and power and forgiveness and grace and eternal favor wrapped up in that message.

Do we believe that much in the power of the gospel? Do we believe that God wants to transform hundreds of thousands of lives through the work we do and the movement leaders we support? Do we believe that the gospel has that kind of compelling magnetism and spiritual power? The kind of power the raised Christ from the dead and set him above every rule, authority, power and dominion and title that can be given, not only in the present age but in the one to come?

In the end, it all comes back to the gospel. That is why I am not ashamed! And I never want to lose the sense of awe, majesty and amazing grace encapsulated in that gospel. It has the power, the only power, to change lives for eternity.

Avoiding Pain

Contributing Writer

Ellen Conserva

ReachGlobal Thailand

My friend recently told me about his recovery after shoulder surgery and how long and painful it was. He was finally at a place where he could function, but found that he still needed to make a few adjustments.

“So, I went back to my old comfortable chair the other day. I have been using a temporary chair without arms so I could get close enough to my keyboard without lifting my arm. Well my old chair has big arms that don’t fit under the desk, so I lowered the chair and then my shoulder was up too high. I finally decided to order a good ergonomic chair.”

What struck me about this story is how we react to discomfort. It seems that, like my friend Matt, I also adjust things in my life to avoid pain.

I don’t make that phone call I should, because I know that I will be in tears by the time I hang up.

I don’t start conversations that will eventually give me a stomachache.

I don’t look up as I drive past the temple where a dear boy at the orphanage was cremated, because that memory is just too raw for me to deal with.

I haven’t sent any of my stories in to a publisher yet because I am afraid that my fears will come true…I’m just not good enough.

I don’t look in the mirror sometimes, either! Just too painful at certain times in the day!

I wonder if this whole “avoidance” thing is right though…aren’t we meant to face our fears? Aren’t I supposed to look into the eye of the monster and take him by the throat and tell him that he doesn’t scare me?

The Bible says “Fear not.” It also says that we will all suffer. So what gives? Are we meant to suffer but not be afraid? Does God want us to grin and bear it? Or are we all just destined to quietly cower in the corner, flinching and twitching when something scary comes to call?

The Bible says something else, too….”for everyone born of God overcomes the world…this is the victory.” (1 John 5:4) So that means that we are already victorious over the things that scare us, that cause us pain. This is a promise that God gives, even before the scary thing freaks us out. We are already standing in a place of victory. We are already on the Victor’s Stand…the place where there are kisses and medals and trophies and champagne poured over our heads and down our necks.

So, before I ever face a particular battle or fear in my life, I already know that I am victorious; that I have won. That I have defeated the scary monster before I even open my mouth to yell at him to leave me alone.

Jesus had a scary monster, too. It was the cross. And He knew that He would be victorious, before He pointed one toe in that direction. Maybe that is why He didn’t try and avoid the pain that He knew He would face. He looked up at it. He looked right through it, too , I imagine, right to the other side. Right to the empty tomb. He saw it all before Him, right to the very end. He saw the Victor’s Stand and the kisses and the trophy and the “well done, You!”. He saw and felt His Father’s embrace. He heard the angels singing praises and shouting, “Worthy is the Lamb that was Slain!”

So, I must draw this conclusion then….that my fears and pains are taken care of already. That I do not need to avoid them. I need to let Jesus grab the scary monster by the throat and yell at him for me.

I need to surrender. And I need to remember that surrendering doesn’t mean that I lose. Surrender means I don’t have to fight anymore.

How extensive is your root system?

Healthy people have extensive root systems that keep them solidly grounded, well nourished and always fruitful. But it does not happen by mistake. Roots we grow are grown intentionally not accidentally.

The most important roots we grow are in our relationship with Jesus and keeping it fresh by regular time in His word and time with him in meditation and prayer. These roots provide the "living water" of our lives as it is infused with the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. The deeper these roots, the stronger we will be.

For Mary Ann and I there is another set of roots that are like anchors to our lives - those of close, intimate, deep, friendships with a set of "friends for life." These are friendships with amazing friends where there is mutual support, shared spiritual journeys and a desire to be all that God made us to be. When life throws a curve, council is needed or disappointments come our way it is these friendships that become the voice, hands and personal love of Jesus to each other. We cultivate these friendship roots with great care.

Deep roots grow when we are in a good church fellowship. Anyone who has been surrounded by the love of a congregation in a time of need - prayer - meals - visits - concern - knows how those roots produce amazing stability in times of amazing needs. In fact, having been the recipient of that kind of love we often wonder how those who don't have a church family face those kinds of times.

I have several thousand roots that line my bookshelves - the wisdom, faith, and commitments of those who have gone before me - or are contemporaries whose books provide nourishment to my soul and challenge my thinking on a daily basis. These roots give me perspective as they have grappled with the issues of faith going back some two thousand years.

Some people seem to go from one crisis to another with a weak root system that cannot stand the test of storms in their lives. Others withstand the worst hurricanes because their root system is extensive and deep. How deep our roots and how extensive is up to us. My goal is for deep, extensive and strong.

Ministry and team calibration

Calibration is the process by which instruments are compared to known "norms" to ensure that there is as little deviation as possible between the norm and the instrument being tested. The better the calibration, the better the instrument will perform and with the highest degree of accuracy.

The concept of calibration is important in ministry as well. The question is understanding what the norm is and how I can calibrate my actions against a proper understanding of the stated mission and guiding principles of the organization.

For instance, as a mission organization, we have a Central Ministry Focus to develop, empower and release healthy indigenous leaders. This is what we must do every day, all the time, wherever we work. As the senior leader, I championed this ministry focus and it was quickly adopted by our senior leadership and now by nearly everyone in our organization.

But, how do staff calibrate their ministries so that they are actually carrying out this mandate? While the concept seems fairly clear, how do I know when I am actually doing what the concept means?

This is where calibration comes in and it is important. It is coming to the best understanding of the central ministry focus as possible so that there is a high level of alignment across the organization because there is a common understanding.

This happens most directly when there is regular dialogue between myself and my senior leaders and then between my senior leaders and those in their areas of responsibility. It is ongoing dialogue, discussion and Socratic dialogue that helps to clarify meaning, intent, acceptable practices, focus and bring the organization into a common understanding (calibration).

Memo's and speeches do not get to calibration. They may be part of the process but the best calibration comes between a leader and those they lead in personal interaction, time together and lots of dialogue on key issues. There is no substitute for that time and discussion. That is one reason it is so important in team meetings to pick a topic that is central to the ministry they perform for discussion and dialogue - it helps calibrate the team.

Now in order to calibrate well, a leader must be clear on what the "norm" is. He or she must have great clarity on where they need to go and how they will get there. It is against that clarity that the discussion is focused and calibration is sought. Wise leaders provide maximum clarity to those they lead and then seek to calibrate the thinking and actions of their team or organization to be as close to the stated norm as possible. It happens through time and dialogue. It clarifies and focuses the team on the important things.

Barriers to unleashing our people in meaningful ministry

We want our people involved in meaningful ministry and to embrace ministry for Christ as a lifestyle. Too often it does not happen. Why? I want to suggest that we inadvertently create barriers to seeing this happen. Our motives are right but nevertheless, we create barriers by our own actions.

Barrier One

We have professionalized ministry rather than equipping His people. We hire professionals in the church who usually have advanced theological education. But, rather than equipping people we tend to expect those staff members to carry their particular ministry out. This has two consequences. One, it sends a message that we need professionals to do "real" ministry and two that "formal" training is necessary to be successful in ministry.

Barrier two

We convey the message that "ministry" is all about what happens in church "programming." Our programming is important but it is only a small piece of what God intends for his people to be involved in. His intention is to penetrate and influence a sinful and broken world and to bring small bits of His perfect will to dark and needy places. Ministry is about God's people being God's people wherever they are and with whoever they have influence.

Barrier three

We have so stressed "being at church" that we have not left people the time they need to develop relationships where they live, work and play and with the very people who need the love of Christ.

Barrier four

We have complicated spiritual gifts. God created us to do "good works" (Ephesians 2:10). If we encourage people to do "good works" with the people they have influence with and in the places God put them they will do those good works in ways that are consistent with their wiring. They will do things that they are comfortable doing - which will be in sync with how God wired and gifted them.

Barrier five

We have sought to get people involved in ministry by creating programs rather than encouraging them to figure out how they can make a difference for God where they live and work. Programmatic ministry trains people to let the church create ministry opportunities for them rather than looking for those opportunities themselves. Organic ministry wins out over programmatic ministry each time

God has an amazing and unique call on every single life. The best thing we can do on His behalf is to unleash God's people on a sinful and needy world rather than to corral them for our programs inside the church. The latter makes us look good. The former makes God look good. Which is better?

On being a father to those who need one

Father's Day!

For those of us who are fathers it is a wonderful day with many great memories. I am the proud father of two wonderful boys, Jon and Chip. But I am also a father to a couple in Myanmar, in the Philippines, in Minnesota and a few other places. Not a biological father but a spiritual father to some folks who didn't have a believing father, or one that affirmed them, or was an example to them.

Older men, especially have a wonderful opportunity to be the father that individuals never had. One who loves them, mentors them, is there for them, prays for them, comes alongside to meet needs that can be met. All of us have a heavenly father but there is a deep yearning in the heart for a human father and many in our world today do not celebrate a human father. Human fathers can be a blessing or a curse.

For those whose father was a curse, or simply non involved and disengaged, we can become a father to the fatherless. Young men, especially long for a role model, a godly example, someone they can look to as a father figure. We can be that for them. Interestingly, I never asked for the job with these wonderful friends, but they let me know, I was the father they were looking for. They gave me the name and I willingly accepted the honor.

For many today, father's day is a day of blessing. For many it is a day of pain, hurt and terrible memories. That is the reality of a fallen world. Whether you know it or not, you may be looked up to as the dad someone else never had when you take the time to befriend, pray for and come alongside younger men or couples.

It is a wonderful honor. For I actually have more kids than just my two. I accept the job with thanksgiving.