Unfinished Business

On December 4, 2007 I went to the emergency room because of severe breathing difficulties. What followed was a 43 day hospital stay, 35 of them in the ICU hovering between life and death. It is only by God’s grace and mercy that I survived against impossible medical odds. I was fifty one years old at the time. It is sobering to me that I never should have woken up from my drug induced coma or seen my 52nd birthday.



None of us know how many days are allotted to us except God who wrote each one of them in his book long before we were born. What we do know is that God gives us the time we need to fulfill His assignment for us on this earth just as He did Jesus. This is why intentional living is so important. We want to live at the intersection of His call and His gifting for His purposes.


Living with clarity is living with the recognition that life is a gift, each day is a day of grace and life’s duration is uncertain. Therefore we want to live with as little unfinished business in our lives as possible. There is great freedom in that because unfinished business is like weights in our backpacks that we carry around – burdens that weigh on our conscience or hearts. That weight can be areas of our lives that we have not completely given to God, relationships that are broken and need reconciliation, things that God has been nudging us about but we have not responded, or other areas of life where we have unresolved issues.


People of deep influence live with great freedom because they are intentional about living with as little unfinished business as possible. To the extent that it depends on them they do what they can to live in the freedom of a clear conscience before God and others. Paul lived this way and wrote to the Corinthians….


Periodically I ask myself what unfinished business there is in my life. Usually there is some since God continually reveals to me new areas where I need to press into Him or pursue a higher level of obedience. We will never be free from all unfinished business until we see Him face to face but continually closing that gap rather than living with the burden is freedom.


This is also why I live with an annual plan (Key Result Areas and my Annual Ministry Plan). In living intentionally rather than accidentally I ensure that I do not forget what God’s big rocks for my life are and that I have a plan for living them out. Each month, on my retreat day I revisit that annual plan and realign my life and priorities around it. At the end of each year I craft my plan for the coming year. This applies to both my professional and personal life.


A critical area for unfinished business is in the area of relationships. This side of heaven we will never be free from conflict in relationships. The Apostle Paul had people who intentionally hurt his ministry. In addition, there were relational breakdowns with Barnabas who had mentored and encouraged him over another relational breakdown with John Mark. Jesus had his detractors in the Pharisees. And in leadership, there will always be people who disagree with a leader’s direction or simply don’t like him or her. It is one of the inevitable burdens of leadership.


People of deep influence understand this. But they are also men and women of peace who are always willing – to the extent that they can – to bring relational peace and understanding. They will go the second and third mile to resolve what can be resolved and then live at peace with what cannot be resolved.


This is not an easy discipline. It means that when others fight dirty with us we don’t respond with their tactics (innocent as doves but wary as serpents). Sometimes, living at peace means that we live with the pain that others inflict and leave our reputations to God. Sometimes it means that we agree to disagree but refuse to fight, slander or impugn those who may do that to us. Sometimes it means sitting down and listening carefully, trying to understand another’s point of view even if we do not agree with is.


This is not about accepting unbiblical behavior – which so often occurs in the church or Christian organizations behind a masquerade of spiritual rhetoric. It does mean that we do not respond in the spirit that others may display toward us and that to the extent that we can we will live at peace with all people. Where we need to confront we will do so with honesty but also the desire for understanding and reconciliation. When that is not possible we may have to take action as leaders but we remain committed to displaying Godly character and not sinning ourselves in our anger or pain.


The test of our character is not when all is going well but when we are under attack. That is when what God has built into our core being, the recesses of our lives becomes evident. People of deep influence are slow to anger, willing to confront in love, always desire understanding and reconciliation, are wise and measured in their response to attack and refuse to adopt the tactics of revenge but leave their reputations in the hands of God.


This last issue of our reputation is perhaps one of the hardest lessons to learn. I have had periods of life where my reputation was dragged through the mud by those who despised me. I don’t know of any good leader who has no had this happen to them. Everything in me wanted to fight back, set the record straight and get even with those who had inflicted deep pain.


One of the most valuable lessons I learned from David in Psalm 73 and 37 is that at the end of the day, God is able to defend my reputation far better than I ever can – and when I try I end up adopting the very tactics that I found repugnant. What God wanted of me is to live with His character, in the power of His spirit and let Him deal with those who hurt me in His (usually) gentle way and allow Him to deal with my reputation. It is in these times when I learned the most valuable lessons of character and leadership.


There is great freedom in keeping unfinished business to a minimum. It is the freedom that comes from living out the clarity of what God has called us to without the burden of heavy emotional loads or unclear consciences to weigh us down.

Saying No and feeling good about it

Living with clarity is all about understanding what God has called us too personally and the team or organization we lead. A test of our clarity is our ability to say no – often – and feel good about it afterwards!



This may sound strange as most of us are wired to say yes – or more accurately, wired to please others. We have been trained that yes is a positive word and no is a negative word. The truth is that for people who live with great clarity of God’s call on their lives, yes is often a negative word and no is often a positive word.


Clarity is understanding who we are and what God has called us to do. By definition that means clarity also defines who we are not and what God has not called us to do. Yet, the activity of our lives, the expectations of others and the opportunities that come to people of influence all conspire to take clarity and turn it into functional ambiguity.


Yes and no are two of the most powerful words in any language. They define what is important to us, what we are called to and how we will invest our time. The test of personal clarity is our ability to use both words and feel good about it because in doing so – even saying no often – we are actually protecting the calling God has on our lives and refusing to be diverted by good but not essential activities.


As a young leader I was more driven by yes than no, both because I wanted to please those I led and because I did not have the focused clarity I have today. The years have been a progression of greater clarity and self-definition driven by better understanding of what God has called me to uniquely do.


This is equally true on an organizational level. Every organization has a mission that defines it and hopefully guiding principles, a central ministry focus and a culture that it is intentionally creating. That clarity of focus can easily be subverted by trying to be everything to everyone, whether in a church or other ministry. Leaders spend a great amount of time and attention to bringing maximum clarity to the organization they lead and then keeping that clarity in front of everyone all the time.


This requires the discipline and the courage to say no to many good things that are not congruent with the main things God has called that ministry to. I lead an international mission whose mission is to see Gospel centered churches multiplied worldwide. While we are holistic in our approach we do not engage in holistic ministry that is unrelated to the multiplication of Gospel centered churches. We are not called primarily to be an aid organization but to see Gospel centered churches multiplied. This means that we must say no to many good opportunities in order to say yes to the call of God on our international mission.


This is the central point either personally or organizationally. A no is really a yes. In saying no to many things we say yes to the specific call of God on our lives or our ministry. Following the call of God is an ongoing series of yes and no choices that keep us in the lane He has called us to be in. Seen in that light, both yes and no are positive words and they represent intentional choices that allow us to fulfill God’s unique call on our lives.


People of deep influence are highly focused individuals who understand, embrace and live out God’s call on their lives. That clarity allows them to maximize their influence in line with their gifting. They understand that diffuse focus yields diffuse results while a laser focus yields powerful results and their choices reflect that intentional focus.


In my role I do a great deal of international travel. While in the past I might do a variety of things internationally, today my focus is very specific: training and mentoring ReachGlobal or national leaders, helping leaders think strategically about their ministries and teaching leadership principles. There are many other qualified individuals who can do other things but this is what I am best at and therefore where I will have the most impact. If these elements are not present I will usually say no to a request for my international presence.


It is the clarity of understanding God’s call on my life and His gifting that allows me to determine what I say yes or no to - and to feel good about the decision. And with that clarity comes great freedom to be the person God created me to be.

Knowing what God has called us to do

Earlier this week I received an updated life plan from a friend which he updates on a periodic basis. It is his best read on what God is calling him to do with his life based on his passion and gifting. Once a month on his personal retreat day he will review that plan knowing that while the specifics of where he might work or the position he might have are unknowns, that the major roles he desires to play are roles that he believes were made for him.



As we mature we come to realize that there are roles in life that we do not want to play and are not gifted for. Knowing what we don’t want to do narrows the field. The next area of helpful clarity is understanding the roles that we believe God created us for and it comes from a deep understanding of our strengths, our God given passions and the formative streams that make up our life story.


This is what I know about myself:


 I love to write and I believe God desires that it be a major part of what I do


 I am a third culture kid to the core who needs international involvement


 I am passionate about the spread of the church globally


 I love to lead and I need an organization to lead


 I care deeply about intentional living


 I love to develop new leaders at a high level


Consider taking a moment and making the short list of what you know about yourself. My own current role would be seen as convergence between what I know about myself and the role I play. Along my career path I had pieces of these but it was not until I was in my late forties that I had all of them. Of course, I did not know myself as well in the earlier years either as self knowledge takes time and experimentation along the way. The good thing is that it is often in our fifties and sixties that we have the most significant influence and a good part of that is being clear about what God has called us to do.


Assuming you took some moments to make the short list, how much convergence is there between what you know about yourself and God’s call on your life and where you are in your current role. My friend who has a life plan has come to the conclusion that he must change roles – and quickly – because he is not in a place of convergence – his sweet spot – and the lack of convergence is causing him significant unhappiness. He is not in a place where he can significantly play to his strengths.


Knowing what God has called us to do is a very freeing thing. That clarity allows us to say no to all kinds of opportunities and the freedom to focus in on those opportunities that best fit us and God’s macro call on our lives. The specifics may change but the macro themes should become clearer and more focused as we move into our fifties and sixties.

Being Comfortable in our own Skin

The self assurance that comes with being comfortable in our own skin is a huge gift when we achieve it. For me it took many years. This is a combination of understanding ourselves, knowing our strengths and shadow sides, and the lane we were made to run in. It is living with a divine OK that we are who we are and that we are not what we are not – and never will be and that too is OK. It is the place where we no longer have anything to prove or lose so there is the freedom to just be who God made us to be.



As a child I was painfully shy. Pictures of our family at the beach always had me holding a book. I had a book everywhere I went and while I had a few close friends, my friendships were not wide. When we arrived back from Hong Kong in 1971 I attended a high school where the idea of travelling was going deer hunting in Wisconsin! My world had been huge, and now I was with people whose world was very small. I fit in but I didn’t.


At the same time I was thrust into leadership positions – youth group, Inter-Varsity, Senior Pastor – an interesting juxtaposition for someone as reserved as I was. And, like many young leaders, I had both confidence in my leadership and suffered at times from insecurity – hidden from others of course. The truth was that I was not yet comfortable in my own skin and lived at times with significant anxiety, especially when I was taking shots from others in the pastorate.


Getting to comfort in our own skin is essential to a leader. It takes time and intentionality. For me it took time to learn to enjoy being an introvert in an extrovert job and today it fits me well. It took time to learn that I didn’t have to have the answer to all problems, or live with anxiety when crisis hit. It took time to learn to trust my instincts when I needed to make a call.


Intentionality is part of the equation too. Learning to live with a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude lifts all kinds of weight from our shoulders. Choosing to be transparent rather than holding our cards close to our vest allows others to understand us. Learning how to be self defining, honest and upfront while still staying connected to those who might disagree with us keeps us in relationship rather than cutting relationships off.


Being OK with who God made me to be is a component of being comfortable in our own skin. I can become a better me but I will always be me and not someone else, no matter how hard I try. I will always be a slightly reserved, analytical leader with a few deep relationships who loves to lead through team, conquer territory for Jesus, enjoys work more than play (fly fishing and time with close friends excepted), is the product of an international upbringing and needs to explore the world and has an irrational optimism for the church of Christ. That is me and I am comfortable with me because God chose to make me who I am. I figure He knew something I didn’t and He is God and I am not! Fortunately for the world there is only one me.


Now here comes the rub for all of us. There will be those who don’t like the me that God made us to be. They want us to be a different version of me that better fits their concept of a leader. I have had my share of those who were convinced either that God made a mistake in the me He crafted or that I was unqualified to be their leader. If you lead, you know what I am talking about. In my early years as a leader, I was tempted to try to be who they wanted me to be but it never worked. God made me the way He made me and I will never be someone else. Today, I am not threatened by those who think I should be a different version of me. Not only will it not happen but it is not what God intended.


This is where leading through team is so important. I have many deficits but the better the team that I have, the fewer those deficits impact the organization as a whole. If someone in the organization does not like my leadership style there is certainly someone on the team that they resonate with.


Understanding ourselves and how we are wired is crucial to becoming comfortable in our own skin. In addition, growing our EQ health is equally important. Those who are comfortable in their own skin either are so because of deep arrogance (I am right so I don’t have to worry about what others think) or are deeply cognizant of who they are (strengths and weaknesses) and are sensitive to the needs and issues of others. The former “comfortableness” is damaging to those around them. The latter is a comfortableness of understanding, wiring, calling, and deep humility that allows one to lead from who God made them to be and with great sensitivity to those around them.


Humility is central to this equation. Pride is concerned about how others see us, being right, managing our reputation and image. Humility is knowing that we have nothing to prove and nothing to lose, that we don’t need to manage our reputation or image and that we are simply broken vessels (the Apostle Paul’s words) whom God uses for His purposes. In fact, I thank God for every fissure and crack in the pottery that makes me who I am because those divine scars made me comfortable in my own skin.

Pursuing Wisdom

Conventional wisdom is always conventional and rarely wisdom. All one needs to do is to look at the life choices so many make to know that true wisdom is in short supply today. The book of Proverbs says that there is no greater gift than that of wisdom which starts with the Fear of the Lord and then cascades down into our lives, relationships, priorities, and ministries. All of life is to be soaked in the wisdom from above (James).



From a Biblical perspective, wisdom is the ability to look at life, situations and relationships from God’s viewpoint and to respond in ways that are consistent with His character but which are also smart and prudent. Wisdom takes into account potential solutions and unintended consequences. It then charts a course of action that is most likely to be productive and minimize the unintended consequences.


From time to time as an organizational leader I have had to intentionally move someone out of the organization because of disruptive behavior. As a leader I have the responsibility to guard the ministry. As a Christ follower, I want to do so in as redemptive a way possible. How I proceed is a matter of wisdom, taking into account all the relevant factors, including the knowledge that the individual in question has a constituency and that if my actions are perceived as being harsh or unfair, they will respond negatively and cause additional issues for the organization.


Wisdom requires the pursuit of God, the pursuit of an understanding of ourselves, the counsel of others and a willingness to go against the tide of conventional thinking. For men and women of deep influence, the pursuit of wisdom and the translation of wisdom into the everyday situations they face is a top priority. A life of wisdom creates a powerful influence because it is a living out of the very wisdom of God.


Wise individuals think deeper, act slower and with more prudence and forethought than those who lack wisdom. Because of their measured responses they are more likely to act with both grace and truth and minimize unintended consequences. They can both think grey and be decisive when they need to be. They are unthreatened by other strong opinions and invite those opinions to the table. They are also wise enough to know what they don’t know and to listen carefully to others. They are genuine pursuers of wisdom.


As I have matured in my own life I have learned that knee jerk reactions to situations are usually more harmful than productive. I have learned to curb my tendency to becoming anxious over situations that produce the need to act “now.” Rather I have learned that time is usually on my side, that trustworthy counselors will keep me from making foolish decisions and that measured responses are far better than quick responses. In essence, I have grown in wisdom and that growth has helped me lead better and has resulted in deeper influence.


I am a fan of the wisdom literature in Scripture. I am challenged by what is classified as “foolish” and drawn to the life of the “wise.” I see where I have been the fool and where I have grown in my wisdom. I am reminded that truly wise individuals are contrarian thinkers in the eyes of the world. They go against the stream of common wisdom. I am also reminded that it is as I think deeply and Biblically and heed the counsel of other wise individuals that I am at my best and avoid my worst. And finally, I am reminded of how far I have to go!

Thinking Leverage in our Lives

One of the reasons that some develop deep influence is that they are always looking for ways to leverage their lives, opportunities and ministries. It is a way of thinking. My writing is about leverage. I can reach far more people by writing than I can otherwise. I was so committed to that leverage that I self published my first two books when publishers said there was no market – and the books were later picked up by NavPress.



In our discussion on intentional living I wrote about the importance of thinking through how we use our most valuable resource – our time. Wise individuals leverage their time whenever possible in order to leverage that resource. When I travel, I often bring others with me which exposes them to the world of missions and gives me time to develop a relationship. When I speak, I will use that material for blogs or writing when I can. Instead of traveling to many different locations when international I will instead invite people to come to where I am. It is all about maximizing opportunity for kingdom purposes.


In my fifties, I know that what I leave behind in others is more powerful than what I can accomplish myself. Thus, a great part of my time and energy today goes into mentoring and coaching others. My investment in their lives and ministries is leverage for me because their contribution multiplies my contribution.


Life should not be seen as a series of random “one off” events but rather one of interconnected ministry activities that if thought through and wisely planned can provide a critical mass of opportunity that allow us to leverage our time, gifting and activity. Jesus was a master of this: by living life with his disciples, every event, conversation or situation became an opportunity to grow them and of course, in the power of the Holy Spirit, they launched the church on his ascension.


The example of Christ, where he involved his disciples (both the twelve and a larger group of followers) in His life and ministry is a powerful one because we have the same opportunity. Why do something by ourselves if we can involve others? Recently I was involved in a situation where ministry relationships were strained and needed to be sorted out. Rather than deal with it by myself – even though I was the primary player to do so – I brought two other leaders with me. In the process they learned some lessons in conflict resolution.


Wise leaders also think leverage when it comes to spending ministry dollars. I have some ministry friends who have a propensity to think very big when it comes to budgets for various initiatives. One of them asks my advice from time to time and I tell him that I always divide his monetary needs by ten and that is what he ought to be spending. Perhaps it is because many ministry folks have never been in business where the bottom line actually matters. They just think God will provide and rather than thinking leverage they try to raise far more than is actually needed.


Leaders of deep influence do not waste time, resources, opportunities, relationships, or strategy: they always look for ways to leverage these God given resources for maximum ministry impact. It is a way of thinking – and a contrarian way of thinking at that.

Personal Development

One of the key distinctions of people of deep influence is that they have a lifelong passion for personal and professional development. They are deeply intentional about their growth because they are driven by the desire to have influence for God. That desire motivates them to become the best me they can be. They are as intentional in this area of life as in the others we have examined.




As a young leader I thought I knew quite a lot. Today I know how much I don’t know and the number of things I am sure of are fewer – but my convictions on those things stronger.


The main enemy of ongoing development is often laziness, or choosing to settle for what is rather than what could be. When Paul talks about forgetting the past and pressing into the future, running the race as one who wants to win the prize, he is speaking the language of one who is always reaching for a way to accomplish more and is never satisfied with where they are. This is not about being driven but about being intentional for the sake of our personal and ministry influence on behalf of Christ.


Our mentors


All of us need mentors and the wisest of us have multiple mentors since no one person is capable of providing everything we need. Personally I have set of people I consider informal mentors in my life, each of whom speaks from a different but wise perspective and all of whom are people of deep influence to me.


For me, these are people who I deeply respect and trust and who I learn something from each time I am with them. They are relationships based on friendship and it is a two way relationship where iron sharpens iron. In am convinced that the quality of our friendships – and their depth – has a significant influence on who we become so I choose those friendships carefully and nurture them often.


In some cases I have a monthly phone call with another leader whom I respect and know and simply talk through mutual issues that we face. In the give and take of those conversations both of us usually leave with something new to consider. Again, it is informal and based on mutual respect and a desire to sharpen one another.


In our association of churches (the EFCA) we seek to connect leaders and pastors with one another through a list serve. It could be a list serve for pastors who lead churches of one thousand plus, or another affinity group of churches within a certain size limit. We also have a list serve for executive pastors. When one of the members of the list serve has a question or is looking for a solution to a specific problem they will put it out on the list serve and they have dozens of fellow mentors sharing their perspective or experience. Through the group process of affinity, experience is shared, solutions proposed and relationships established. Many times a good idea will simply go viral within the group because of the affinity groups list serve.


There are many ways to connect with people who deal with the kinds of issues you deal with. The key is to be intentional in making those connections.


Mentors can also be people we engage for a specific issue we are facing in our leadership, or they can be ongoing coaches for a period of time to help us through a transition or simply to help us grow in a specific area. I serve as a mentor to a number of people on a monthly or as desired basis. It is mainly about helping people think through options and to ask the right questions.


Even if it means hiring a mentor to help you grow in a specific area, if that mentor has expertise it is well worth the financial investment if it can launch one to the next level of effectiveness. We often underestimate the value of making financial investments in areas that can help us grow in a quantum rather than incremental way. People of deep influence are always thinking leverage and a coach or consultant can provide significant leverage in a short amount of time. The financial investment is small compared to the expertise and help gained.


Discerning areas of specific growth


Leaders usually have an intuitive sense about areas where they need to grow. And each of us have individual needs. Intentional development means that we don’t ignore those areas and have a plan for how we will press into them. All of us should be able to identify a handful of areas where our growth could make a significant difference in our effectiveness. Once we know what they are, we can look for ways that we can grow in one or two of those areas over the next year.


Consider asking your team from time to time what areas of growth they see for you. They know you well and asking them for feedback honors your relationship and models an open and nothing to prove/nothing to lose attitude. By your very vulnerability you will gain the respect of your team. And it gives you added credibility when you suggest to them potential areas of development. In our organization, personal development is the first and a required Key Result Area annually.