All of us have boundaries in our personal lives, our work and our relationships. Those boundaries are designed to keep us in moral, ethical, legal and healthy places. When we start to violate those boundaries and play with the boundary lines we are in dangerous territory.
How well we keep our boundaries is a matter of our humility. Pride says, "those boundaries don't matter for me." Humility says, "Those boundaries apply to me just like they apply to others and they are there for my own good." The human heart has endless ability to move the boundary markers in our own lives and to rationalize the decision. It is the nature of sin to think that the rules don't apply to us. It is actually narcissism - the rules don't apply to me, I am above them.
In ancient times, boundaries were marked by stones and it was a major offence to move a boundary stone: they were sacred and immovable. So it should be in our lives. The ethical and moral lines laid down in Scripture are there for our protection and represent the immovable boundary stones of a righteous God. We have other boundary stones in our workplaces that are equally immovable. The moment we start to move the stones, our hearts are in jeopardy and the deceit of pride has reared its dangerous head. God says the markers matter. The evil one says they don't - at least for us.
We ought to ask ourselves periodically if we are playing with any boundary markers in our lives. Have we moved any? Are we skating across any? Are we thinking that any of them don't apply to us? None of us is exempt from moving the markers. All of us are tempted to do so. But it never turns out well and once we have moved one it is easier to move another and another and another. The boundaries in our lives matter and the wise humbly acknowledge that they apply to them not just to others.
If any markers have been moved the smartest thing we can do is repent and put them back where they originally belonged. Boundaries matter.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
The River of Marriage
When I think about marriage, my metaphor is that of the Mississippi river which runs through my city of St. Paul. Its source is Lake Itasca in Minnesota where you can literally walk across it as a small stream, stepping on a few stones. From that humble and small beginning it meanders slowly southward for 2,320 miles to the Mississippi River delta.
On its long journey, it is a watershed for nearly 40% of the United States as rivlets run into streams and streams run into rivers and those rivers run into the mighty Mississippi. By the time it reaches its termination, it is discharging between 200 and 700 thousand cubic feet of water per second into the gulf. Its start is inconspicuous to the massive force of its end where its width spans as far as the eye can see and its strength pushes fresh water far out into the gulf with enough force that for miles its contents don’t even mix with the salt water of the ocean.
While marriage is exciting and exhilarating at its start, it is but a small trickle of what it can become if its partners are willing to share the long journey of a life together. The width and depth of a marriage well lived can be seen in the relationships and influence of those who have withstood the numerous bends in the journey, some joyful, some hard and some where they simply had to hang on together in faith - not knowing what was around the next bend. Marriages that have withstood the journey carry with them the weight of thousands of accumulated streams and rivers that have added to their strength widening and deepening a relationship that seemed so strong but was but a tiny stream in comparison at its inception.
And what are those streams and rivers that flow into the marriage over the years that add to its depth and width? Every time a partner serves the other, a stream flows into their relationship. Every time forgiveness is extended a stream flows into their relationship. When they walk through tough times in faith and commitment, rivers flow into their relationship. Every act of love, service, forgiveness, and commitment adds to the flow of their marriage which over the years and around bends too numerous to count cause it to flow with strength, depth and amazing power – having influenced many along the way.
Any captain will tell you that the Mississippi is a challenging river to navigate with its constantly changing sandbars and shifting channels. Marriage is no different. What did Mary Ann and I really know when we made vows at twenty about “in sickness and in health” and for “richer or for poorer?” It is in facing those unknowns that will unexpectedly appear together and with faith in a loving God that adds strength to our marriages.
When you see a couple in their eighties with wizened faces, unsteady legs and holding arthritic hands, don’t be fooled. They may look frail but if they have taken this journey called marriage together, they have depth and wisdom and a kind of commitment that nothing can break. Like the mighty Mississippi that flows into the gulf with great strength and force, their marriage has grown exponentially from that initial trickle of a stream so many years before. And they will tell you if you ask that it was worth the effort and that their love and commitment is great and there is a deep satisfaction that they weathered the challenges that marriage inevitably brings. Their small stream of love has turned into a river, wide and deep.
On its long journey, it is a watershed for nearly 40% of the United States as rivlets run into streams and streams run into rivers and those rivers run into the mighty Mississippi. By the time it reaches its termination, it is discharging between 200 and 700 thousand cubic feet of water per second into the gulf. Its start is inconspicuous to the massive force of its end where its width spans as far as the eye can see and its strength pushes fresh water far out into the gulf with enough force that for miles its contents don’t even mix with the salt water of the ocean.
While marriage is exciting and exhilarating at its start, it is but a small trickle of what it can become if its partners are willing to share the long journey of a life together. The width and depth of a marriage well lived can be seen in the relationships and influence of those who have withstood the numerous bends in the journey, some joyful, some hard and some where they simply had to hang on together in faith - not knowing what was around the next bend. Marriages that have withstood the journey carry with them the weight of thousands of accumulated streams and rivers that have added to their strength widening and deepening a relationship that seemed so strong but was but a tiny stream in comparison at its inception.
And what are those streams and rivers that flow into the marriage over the years that add to its depth and width? Every time a partner serves the other, a stream flows into their relationship. Every time forgiveness is extended a stream flows into their relationship. When they walk through tough times in faith and commitment, rivers flow into their relationship. Every act of love, service, forgiveness, and commitment adds to the flow of their marriage which over the years and around bends too numerous to count cause it to flow with strength, depth and amazing power – having influenced many along the way.
Any captain will tell you that the Mississippi is a challenging river to navigate with its constantly changing sandbars and shifting channels. Marriage is no different. What did Mary Ann and I really know when we made vows at twenty about “in sickness and in health” and for “richer or for poorer?” It is in facing those unknowns that will unexpectedly appear together and with faith in a loving God that adds strength to our marriages.
When you see a couple in their eighties with wizened faces, unsteady legs and holding arthritic hands, don’t be fooled. They may look frail but if they have taken this journey called marriage together, they have depth and wisdom and a kind of commitment that nothing can break. Like the mighty Mississippi that flows into the gulf with great strength and force, their marriage has grown exponentially from that initial trickle of a stream so many years before. And they will tell you if you ask that it was worth the effort and that their love and commitment is great and there is a deep satisfaction that they weathered the challenges that marriage inevitably brings. Their small stream of love has turned into a river, wide and deep.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Definitions of poverty and wealth in the majority world
When it comes to how we spend money in missions it is critical to ensure that we are not hurting more than we are helping. Some of this comes down to our definitions of what poverty and wealth are and how our definitions skew our view of others. Because the west has so much in the way of financial resources and the majority world so little we tend to think that we need to solve their issues with money. And while money is key to mission efforts, how we spend that money and what we give it for can either help or damage our cause. Many well intentioned mission projects actually do more damage then good.
Take a moment and read this insightful article by Steve Saint on this important topic.
Take a moment and read this insightful article by Steve Saint on this important topic.
An excellent book on this topic is When Helping Hurts which should be a must read for all mission committees. In addition, I have a blog post titled When Money Hurts Mission Efforts.
Not all that looks like poverty is truly poverty. Sometimes it is our own definitions, not reality. One can be rich in many ways without being wealthy and much of what passes as wealth in the west is truly poverty of life and spirit.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Seven questions for every leader
Christian ministries have a special responsibility to live out the convictions they espouse within their own organizations and with their staff and constituents. The actions of leaders speak volumes about the true integrity of their ministry. Here are some questions ministry leaders should ask themselves and one another on a regular basis.
One: is there any stated ministry conviction, value or commitment which we proclaim that is not practiced internally? For instance, many ministries talk about dependence on God in all they do. Is that dependence practiced within the ministry itself in a tangible and significant way? We should not ask of others what we ourselves do not practice.
Two: is our treatment of our staff consistent with how Christian relationships are described in Scripture? This includes fairness, compassion, kindness, patience, consideration, forgiveness, redemptive spirits, a commitment to grow them and help them become all they can be. Does our internal persona with staff match our outward persona with the public or our constituency? How we relate to and treat those who work for us is the test of our relationships.
Three: are we truthful and candid with both our staff and constituents about issues related to the ministry? Truth and honesty is one of the highest values of a holy God. Skirting the truth for spin purposes or withholding truth when it is inconvenient is a violation of God's character. This includes what we communicate to our constituents about the results of our ministries. Falsehoods are lies and do not reflect the character of God.
Fourth: do we handle conflict in our ministries in a God honoring way? Do we invite honest feedback and dialogue even when it challenges us? Do we keep short accounts when relationships have been breached? Do we forgive and extend grace when needed?
Fifth: would our staff describe us as humble, non-defensive, open to and inviting dialogue, teachable and committed to ministry success above our own success? Our staff read us well over time and their answers to these questions may be more accurate than our own. Ministry humility and openness starts with ministry leaders and is caught by staff - if we are modeling them.
Sixth: would our staff describe us as servant leaders committed to their success? Servant leadership does not start with our constituents but with our own staff. We are either deeply committed to helping them succeed or we are not. Ours is either a generous or selfish leadership.
Seventh: are we focused on the mission of the organization or are we distracted by our own agendas? Many leaders become more enamored by their personal agendas then staying focused on the mission of the organization they lead. The temptation is natural as leaders are given many opportunities outside their immediate responsibilities. When those opportunities get in the way of their primary mission, however, they lose leadership capital internally.
This is really about authenticity: being who we say we are with our own staff who know us best and never allowing ourselves to be something different internally than we are to the public. It is having the integrity of living the convictions we espouse.
One: is there any stated ministry conviction, value or commitment which we proclaim that is not practiced internally? For instance, many ministries talk about dependence on God in all they do. Is that dependence practiced within the ministry itself in a tangible and significant way? We should not ask of others what we ourselves do not practice.
Two: is our treatment of our staff consistent with how Christian relationships are described in Scripture? This includes fairness, compassion, kindness, patience, consideration, forgiveness, redemptive spirits, a commitment to grow them and help them become all they can be. Does our internal persona with staff match our outward persona with the public or our constituency? How we relate to and treat those who work for us is the test of our relationships.
Three: are we truthful and candid with both our staff and constituents about issues related to the ministry? Truth and honesty is one of the highest values of a holy God. Skirting the truth for spin purposes or withholding truth when it is inconvenient is a violation of God's character. This includes what we communicate to our constituents about the results of our ministries. Falsehoods are lies and do not reflect the character of God.
Fourth: do we handle conflict in our ministries in a God honoring way? Do we invite honest feedback and dialogue even when it challenges us? Do we keep short accounts when relationships have been breached? Do we forgive and extend grace when needed?
Fifth: would our staff describe us as humble, non-defensive, open to and inviting dialogue, teachable and committed to ministry success above our own success? Our staff read us well over time and their answers to these questions may be more accurate than our own. Ministry humility and openness starts with ministry leaders and is caught by staff - if we are modeling them.
Sixth: would our staff describe us as servant leaders committed to their success? Servant leadership does not start with our constituents but with our own staff. We are either deeply committed to helping them succeed or we are not. Ours is either a generous or selfish leadership.
Seventh: are we focused on the mission of the organization or are we distracted by our own agendas? Many leaders become more enamored by their personal agendas then staying focused on the mission of the organization they lead. The temptation is natural as leaders are given many opportunities outside their immediate responsibilities. When those opportunities get in the way of their primary mission, however, they lose leadership capital internally.
This is really about authenticity: being who we say we are with our own staff who know us best and never allowing ourselves to be something different internally than we are to the public. It is having the integrity of living the convictions we espouse.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Redemptive responses to problematic staff
In spite of our best efforts to hire well, there are times when a staff member's behavior or interactions with others cause problems on a team. Often it is not a matter of competency but of not being aware of how their words, attitudes or actions negatively impact those around them. Or, they may have a personal ministry agenda that is dear to them but which does not fit with the rest of the team or the overall ministry. Sometimes it is an issue of a wonderful staff member who fit the ministry when the ministry was smaller but as the ministry grew their ability to keep up has lagged and their competency in a small ministry has become a liability in a larger ministry. This is not only an issue for the leader who may be frustrated but it can also become an issue for other members of the team who are also impacted.
Being redemptive wherever we can be is consistent with the character and example of Christ. Healthy ministries will do all they can to resolve the disconnects before they simply fire someone or let them go. A redemptive response can take several routes.
First, honest dialogue with the staff member in question is key. Often in ministries, we are not upfront with issues that are present because we want to be graceful. But in not engaging in honest, candid dialogue the staff member is left with a frustrated leader and team without necessarily knowing how their behavior or work is negatively impacting others. Speaking the truth in love in a dialogue form where there is give and take and the opportunity to clarify gives the staff member valuable information on the issues. This should include bottom line concerns of their supervisor along with behaviors or issues that need to change.
If the issue is one of competency in their present role there should be exploration of other posssible roles that are in "the lane" and "gifting" of the staff member. When staff are in the wrong lane they are frustrated and frustrate others. Often the issue can be resolved by getting them into a lane more in line with God's gifting and their wiring.
Where the issue revolves around EQ (emotional intelligence) it sometimes takes an outside executive coach who can help the staff member understand how their behaviors negatively impact those around them. Lack of EQ is one of the most common causes of problematic behavior and if it can be resolved the issues will dissapear. This means that we are willing to make a financial and time investment to help a staff member get to greater health but that is a far cheaper (and more redemptive) proposition than simply firing them and starting over. I will do all I can to resolve issues with staff before letting them go. But if the issues cannot be resolved I will not prolong the pain for the organization.
Where issues of competency or EQ cannot be resolved, it is clear that a transition needs to be made and even then redemptive thinking asks the question, "How do we make a transition that honors the staff member and the organization?" Of course, that requires the active cooperation of the staff member to transition well and in ways that do not do harm to the ministry. I have always believed that how we leave a ministry is the real test of our character. If we honor it on the way out, God will bless. If we try to hurt it because of our anger, God will not. As a leader I cannot control the response of the staff member but I can seek a redemptive and smooth transition.
Any time we can bring health to an unhealthy staff situation we have a win. When we cannot, the win is transition. But in all cases we seek to do it as redemptively as possible.
Being redemptive wherever we can be is consistent with the character and example of Christ. Healthy ministries will do all they can to resolve the disconnects before they simply fire someone or let them go. A redemptive response can take several routes.
First, honest dialogue with the staff member in question is key. Often in ministries, we are not upfront with issues that are present because we want to be graceful. But in not engaging in honest, candid dialogue the staff member is left with a frustrated leader and team without necessarily knowing how their behavior or work is negatively impacting others. Speaking the truth in love in a dialogue form where there is give and take and the opportunity to clarify gives the staff member valuable information on the issues. This should include bottom line concerns of their supervisor along with behaviors or issues that need to change.
If the issue is one of competency in their present role there should be exploration of other posssible roles that are in "the lane" and "gifting" of the staff member. When staff are in the wrong lane they are frustrated and frustrate others. Often the issue can be resolved by getting them into a lane more in line with God's gifting and their wiring.
Where the issue revolves around EQ (emotional intelligence) it sometimes takes an outside executive coach who can help the staff member understand how their behaviors negatively impact those around them. Lack of EQ is one of the most common causes of problematic behavior and if it can be resolved the issues will dissapear. This means that we are willing to make a financial and time investment to help a staff member get to greater health but that is a far cheaper (and more redemptive) proposition than simply firing them and starting over. I will do all I can to resolve issues with staff before letting them go. But if the issues cannot be resolved I will not prolong the pain for the organization.
Where issues of competency or EQ cannot be resolved, it is clear that a transition needs to be made and even then redemptive thinking asks the question, "How do we make a transition that honors the staff member and the organization?" Of course, that requires the active cooperation of the staff member to transition well and in ways that do not do harm to the ministry. I have always believed that how we leave a ministry is the real test of our character. If we honor it on the way out, God will bless. If we try to hurt it because of our anger, God will not. As a leader I cannot control the response of the staff member but I can seek a redemptive and smooth transition.
Any time we can bring health to an unhealthy staff situation we have a win. When we cannot, the win is transition. But in all cases we seek to do it as redemptively as possible.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Free Download available for Leading From the Sandbox: How to develop, Empower and Release High Impact Ministry Teams
I am pleased that Leading From the Sandbox is currently being offered as a free Kindle download for a limited period of time. The Mission Exchange named this book its Leadership Book of the Year in 2010.
Written out of a passion to help ministry teams, this book is a paradigm that brings clarity to what your organization is about, and what you must focus on as a leader or a team member to be successful. Leading From the Sandbox can revolutionize your leadership and teams through the clarity and alignment it creates.
The book will help you bring clarity to your ministry, understand what good leadership looks like, how to build healthy, effective, united, and missional teams. How to grow your staff and deal with staff who are not productive. It is designed for a staff to read together and develop a common lanuage that can help them go to the next level.
A friendship lost
I lost a friend on Friday of 23 years. Few people have prayed for me more often over the past two decades than my friend Naomi. When I heard of her home going I immediately felt the hole of a deep friendship gone and a prayer partner who has prayed for me every day as I traveled over two million miles to fifty plus countries, faithfully following my daily schedule.
What was remarkable about this friendship is that I met Naomi when I was 32 and she was 80. She was single as she had been all her life. Yes, she celebrated her 103rd birthday days before she died. For years we met for breakfast twice a month until my travel schedule slowed us down to a monthly visit. We talked God, theology, world events, and for years Naomi devoured the best of my books until her eyes made reading too difficult. Her one fear was that all of her friends would desert her as she aged. I promised I never would and kept that promise.
I was not the only one she prayed for. She had a long list of friends, family and missionaries who have lost a prayer warrior. At ninety I gave her an email machine so she could keep up with all those friends and thousands of emails came and went over a decade until her fingers would no longer cooperate. I know those hands well because she love to just sit and hold my hands in hers as her world became smaller with the loss of mobility and her confinement to a wheelchair. When she wondered why the Lord kept her alive so long I would remind her of how many people she prayed for and was a dear friend too.
To my boys, she was grandma Naomi - an adopted grandma who they have known virtually all their lives. To the end their pictures were a part of her now small world in a nursing home. I don't think they ever really noticed her age until we saw her as a family last Christmas and she was in a wheel chair. Even then it was as if the years peeled back and life was like it always was at Christmas when the family would visit her apartment for an evening of cookies and games.
Friendships are precious. Prayer partners are priceless. Never take them for granted. I will be forever blessed and enriched by this unlikely friendship that lasted for so many years.
What was remarkable about this friendship is that I met Naomi when I was 32 and she was 80. She was single as she had been all her life. Yes, she celebrated her 103rd birthday days before she died. For years we met for breakfast twice a month until my travel schedule slowed us down to a monthly visit. We talked God, theology, world events, and for years Naomi devoured the best of my books until her eyes made reading too difficult. Her one fear was that all of her friends would desert her as she aged. I promised I never would and kept that promise.
I was not the only one she prayed for. She had a long list of friends, family and missionaries who have lost a prayer warrior. At ninety I gave her an email machine so she could keep up with all those friends and thousands of emails came and went over a decade until her fingers would no longer cooperate. I know those hands well because she love to just sit and hold my hands in hers as her world became smaller with the loss of mobility and her confinement to a wheelchair. When she wondered why the Lord kept her alive so long I would remind her of how many people she prayed for and was a dear friend too.
To my boys, she was grandma Naomi - an adopted grandma who they have known virtually all their lives. To the end their pictures were a part of her now small world in a nursing home. I don't think they ever really noticed her age until we saw her as a family last Christmas and she was in a wheel chair. Even then it was as if the years peeled back and life was like it always was at Christmas when the family would visit her apartment for an evening of cookies and games.
Friendships are precious. Prayer partners are priceless. Never take them for granted. I will be forever blessed and enriched by this unlikely friendship that lasted for so many years.
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