My love hate relationship with the Christmas season

I admit to having a love hate relationship with the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Don't get me wrong - I love Christmas. It evokes in me memories that go back as far as my mind can remember, all pleasant. And the gift, miracle, and incomprehensible nature of the incarnation is so amazing that just thinking about it in all its dimensions puts an overload on the neurons in the brain. It is truly a wonderful time of the year. And then there is family time: I look forward to having my new grandson in my home for a few days, his parents and my younger son and girlfriend. The tiny house will ring with laughter and rich conversation.

Nor am I a scrooge about giving gifts although in recent years Mary Ann and I have no longer given gifts to one another but simply enjoyed the season. What do we really need at this stage of life? But I do enjoy giving gifts to friends and family. Generally however, you will not find me anywhere near a mall at this time of the year because  my tolerance for crowds is limited and the meaning of Christmas has so little to do with the commercial holiday it has come to be where retailers bet their whole year on making money in the period between Thanksgiving midnight and December 31st (ah the post Christmas mark downs).

This is where the love/hate thing kicks in. I love Christmas, as I love Easter morning. But I keep thinking of Jesus' words that a mans happiness does not exist in the abundance of his possessions and it seems to me that in large part that is what Christmas has become: more possessions, more debt, moving merchandise. 

It all seems so incongruent with the God of he universe coming as a peasant baby to rescue a world in darkness and sin. He did not come bearing gifts but the gift of himself, undeserved, unexpected ( by most) and the whole scenario incomprehensible to many. When God gave His greatest gift to us, he gave Himself; His Son. Perhaps the greatest gift we can give in this Christmas season is ourselves to others who are in need. God made it personal, we can make it personal. God did not send a card, He sent a Son. His gift didn't help the economy of Bethlehem as he was delivered in a stable. 

We get upset when Christ is taken out of Christmas (Xmas). But perhaps this advent season we ought to think more deeply than that   at the amazing gift that was given by an amazing God and make that our focus rather than the commercial holiday it has come to be. Rather it is the event that changed everything for all time from that moment until eternity future.

For to us a child is born

to us a son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of his government and peace

there will be no end.

He will reign on David's throne

and over his kingdom

establishing and upholding it

with justice and righteousness

from that time on and forever.

The zeal of the Lord Almighty

will accomplish this.

(Isaiah 9:6-7)

Don't leave home without it!

No, it is not a credit card! It is a set of personal values that we have thought deeply about and are committed to and which inform all that we do - everyday. 


Either we determine a set of non-negotiables or guiding principles for our lives or we allow the prevailing values of our world to set them for us. Those values are the messages that we hear constantly from the media and from our fellow pilgrims, some good and some deeply flawed. The best values come from a deep understanding of God and His call on our lives. Defining them for ourselves gives us an internal compass that lived out daily keeps us focused, molds our character and commitments and influences those around us. They set the tone for our lives.


Recently one of my fellow ministry leaders shared his personal and leadership values with me that reflect the kind of thinking all of us should do. These are so ingrained in his life and thinking that they are the grid through which he does life and leadership. They are his true north!

Four Key Personal Values

I value total devotion to God; my chief aim is "to love God and enjoy Him forever."

(Phil. 1:21: Paul)

I value the truth; facing the truth about myself and, by God's grace, intercepting potential fatal flaws that might destroy my integrity.

(Psalm 51: David)

I value right priorities; being a godly husband, father, and friend.

(Proverbs 5:18-22, 18:22)

I value learning; maintaining a learning posture in all of life.

(Exodus 33:13: Moses)

Six Key Leadership Values

I value humility; being led by God before attempting to lead others.

(John 21:15-19: Peter)

I value mentoring; having men and women in my life to help shape my vision, values, and lifestyle as a leader. (Acts 9:27-28, 11:25-26: Barnabas)

I value leadership selection; that leaders are both born and made.

(I Ti 1:18-19, 4:7-8, 11-12, II Ti 2:2-3, 3:14-15: Timothy)

I value leadership development; the development of emerging leaders having great importance in my life and in the extension of the Kingdom.

(Exodus 17:9-14, Numbers 13, Deut. 1:38, 31:1-18: Joshua)

I value authenticity; pursuing honest and transparent relationships with the people I lead and who lead me.

(I Samuel 18:1-4, 20:1-42, 23:16-18: Jonathan)

I value perseverance; pressing on to finish well as a leader.

(Hebrews 12:2, II Ti 4:1-8: Paul)

"Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it.  Because he never lost sight of where he was headed - that exhilarating finish in and with God - he could put up with anything along the way:  cross, shame, whatever."

(Hebrews 12:2, The Message)

The more deeply we think about who God has called us to be and what is important to us the closer we will get to that goal. Leaders will also find that those they lead will take their cues about what matters from them. Thus their commitments, well defined and well lived out influence not only their lives but the lives of those they lead. All of us influence others but first we need to clarify our own values! As you think about the new year coming up, consider clarifying your values or guiding principles if you have not done so.

Unfriend it and End it: Progressive Relationships

Guest Writer
Michael Johnson

After almost 35 years of marriage, I am amazed that my wife has not unfriended me yet.   I have given her plenty of reason to do so.  She could just unfriend it and end it.

The electronic age has radically changed the ease of ignoring others, including an ever increasing rapidity of meltdown in relationships.  We are now able to completely dissolve relationships without even meeting people face to face.   We just delete them from our computer screens, our minds, and hearts.  That is efficiency!  That is progress.

I thank God that He does not work that way.  After 59 years of life, I have given Him plenty of reasons to unfriend it and end it.  But He does not work that way.  There is no body on God’s ‘I am not speaking to you’ list.  In fact, God just keeps on talking to me, even when I completely ignore Him.  

One way He makes sure to do this is He keeps waking me up in the morning, showering me with health and all of the necessities of life, including many of the gravy items.  This is where the wife comes in.  God has chosen to take up residence in my wife and use her to show His love for me in the many ways she forgives and forgets.  She refuses to unfriend and end.  So does God. 

Even though they both have good reason to unfriend me, they  refuse to do so, I  have given them even better ammunition moment by moment from the past to the present and even future.  But they don’t.   God does call me friend, and He refuses to end it.

John 15:15

Henceforth I CALL YOU not servants; for the servant knows not what his lord does: but I have called YOU friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

Fear and Faith

Fear and faith are two sides of the same coin, the first driven by Satan and the second driven by the Holy Spirit. Our world is driven by fear: fear that we will not have enough, of illness, of losing our job, of people who intimidate us and the list could go on and on. Each of us has our vulnerabilities where we carry our own personal fears. Fear can keep us from stepping into all that God made us to be, can keep us from pressing into areas of our lives that need attention, and can cause us to to lie and bend the truth. Fear is the currency of our world and is the driving force behind much advertising (consider the ads for gold and silver).


In a twist of irony, much of our drive for more and more is driven by our fears that we will not have enough. However, the more we have the more we have to worry about losing. I am always sad when those who have plenty cannot let go of it out of fear that they won't have enough. They often live with more fear than those who have little.


In a radically different sense, faith is the currency of God's kingdom. Faith in God's ability to redeem, to provide, to deal with the fears we have and to provide for us our basic needs. The writer of Hebrews says that "without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that the exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6)." All of the heroes of Hebrews 11 did what they did by faith. Faith that they could trust God, faith that they could follow God and faith in the sovereignty of God.


Think of a typical week. How many times during a week do we make unconscious choices between fear and worry (another word for fear) and faith? Our lives are full of those choices. In fact, think about this: Every worry or fear is a potential faith builder if we choose to simply pray and trust God in that situation. When we get to heaven we are going to be astonished when we think back about our petty worries in the face of the almighty God whose power is unlimited, love unrivaled and storehouse of provision so massive. 


Because faith is the currency of God's kingdom, our faith brings God's favor. Hebrews 11:6 above says that "he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Jesus said, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear...who by worrying can add a single hour to his life...So do not worry saying, what shall we eat? or what shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well (Matthew 6:25-34)."


The command "fear not," is the most often repeated command in Scripture. Faith is the currency of the kingdom. The almighty, sovereign God who owns the entire universe says to us, "Trust Me." I know your needs. "Trust Me." Try that with your current worries and remember that every fear and worry is an opportunity to grow your faith and trust. It is that faith and trust that gives us the peace of mind that God promises. It is a direct result of living in  faith rather than in fear. We make the choice. God calls us to faith.

Convincing the unconvincible

Frequently when working with church boards or wider ministry leadership groups there will be one gentleman sitting in the back of the room with his arms crossed, a hostile glare and no matter how much laughter there is in the room, never cracking a smile. He is saying loudly and non verbally, "You cannot convince me to change my mind." He is usually correct and I don't try.

What he illustrates is that there are people in every church or organization who will never be convinced to go where you desire to go. And, since leadership requires us to initiate change to respond to the environment and opportunities around us, you will always have people who don't want to respond if it means change. In fact, there is no conversation with them: their mind has been made up and that is that!

We have various names for people like this. On the change scale, they are called laggards. The scale moves from innovators who initiate change to early adapters who respond to change quickly to middle adapters who take some time to process the change to late adapters who take even longer and finally laggards who are change adverse. Another name for laggards is "squeaky wheels" because not only are they change adverse but they can be loud and obnoxious about it (ever met one in a congregational meeting?).

This is not a judge of character, a mistake we often make. People are wired to respond to change differently and that in itself is neither right or wrong although attitudes like the one noted above are not always very gracious or helpful.

What do you do with the unconvincible? Love them but don't try to convince them.  Rather you appeal to the people who will respond to change if given a valid reason and a value that is higher then their resistance to change. The unconvincible are unconvincible. It is the convincible who are your audience. Appeal to them and they will go with you if you make a reasonable case for the proposed change. 

In any change process, remember that the loud voices do not necessarily reflect the majority of the group. Often they represent a small minority of laggards but their voices can be intimidating. Don't be intimidated. Run a good process of dialogue and communication and if you will likely gain the majority of folks. In the process don't marginalize the laggards but recognize that their resistance to change usually comes from how they are wired, not bad character. In fact, if you love them, they will often be your most loyal supporters even when resistant to change. Listen to them, love them and stay connected to them relationally and they will usually love you back.

Our unlimited capacity for self-deception

Humans have an unlimited capacity to deceive themselves about themselves and others. Often that self deception is our personal spin control not only to make ourselves look better to others but even to ourselves. It can be conscious or unconscious.


Robert Trivers writes this in his new book, The Folly of Fools: The Logic of Deceit and Self-Deception in Human life. "We deny the truth to ourselves. We project onto others traits that are in fact true of ourselves - and then attack them. We repress painful memories, create completely false ones, rationalize immoral behavior, act repeatedly to boost positive self-opinion, and show a suite of ego-defensive mechanisms (p. 2)."


In other words, we have an amazing capacity to subvert truth to fit our preferred version of reality. It is directly tied to the sinful human condition and reflective of the truth Paul made in Romans 3:10ff where he says "There is no one righteous, not even one;" and goes on to describe the fallen human condition.


Consider instances where you are trying to get to the bottom of a conflict. Explanations of individuals on both sides make logical sense at first blush. Both sides blame the other and exonerate themselves. Of course, both cannot be true and upon further examination it becomes clear that both parties have constructed a view of reality - and of the other party - that makes them look innocent and the other look guilty. Clearly there is spin, reconstruction of reality and self deception going on. All of us are capable and all of us deceive ourselves in some areas of our lives.


We have all met people who were self deceived and particularly in conflict situations I have a healthy skepticism of what I hear until I have heard all sides. It is easy to listen to one party whose explanation makes all the sense in the world and come to conclusions that are erroneous because of their ability to spin their version of truth. In conflict situations, always keep an open mind until you have heard from all sides. 


There are also people who literally live in an "alternative universe" and have such a skewed version of reality that they are disconnected from seeing how their own actions, attitudes and conclusions hurt other people. They may divide people into camps, those who are for them and those who are against them and fully believe that they are right in spite of any rational attempts to convince or show them otherwise. 


This is pathological in nature but it is also an extreme version of self deception. Attempts to help them see an alternative reality are often fruitless because their personal defense mechanisms of self-deception are so strong. Often it is hiding deep insecurities and the self-deception is a way of coping with and covering those insecurities or unresolved issues. Unfortunately, that self-deception is projected onto others who are often hurt in the equation.


The most important questions we can ask, however, is about where we deceive ourselves. Where do we construct personal rationalisms for behaviors, habits or sin in order to allow us to continue those unhealthy practices and still feel good about ourselves? Where do we stretch the truth, accomplishments, or righteousness in order to try to look better to other people? 


Why is this important? First, because truth matters and the more truth we understand about ourselves the healthier we are. Second, because self-deception unchecked leads to a life of untruth or lies which can become second nature if we allow it. Third, because our own self-deception is harmful to us and often harmful to others. 


God is a God of truth and we are easily deceived. It is why David prayed, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24). It is God who helps us understand the inclinations and deceptions of our own hearts as we develop the discipline of introspection and evaluation on our part. 

The otherness of God

God is our Father, abba. He is our friend. He is the One who is with us at all times (Emmanuel). He is our comforter, our counselor, and provider. He is personal as we learned in Jesus, approachable, and our help in times of trouble. Nothing can separate us from His presence and love. No situation is beyond His ability to intervene.

God's character is amazingly complex and beyond our ability to even start to comprehend. And one of the most challenging aspects of who He is is His holiness, His absolute otherness, His incomprehensible righteousness and goodness. So holy and righteous that Moses could not gaze on His face and after Moses spent time with God, his face glowed! 

We rightly focus on the personal nature of our relationship with God as He made Himself approachable and understandable in Jesus. But we would do well to reflect regularly on His Holiness, greatness and otherness because it puts in perspective our own desperate need for Him and the greatness of our God compared to us.


The book of Job is instructive. Job and his friends wax eloquent on God, his character and purposes - some of it true, some of it badly flawed - sure that they understood Him and could speak on His behalf. But all of that "wisdom" is put into its proper perspective when God chooses to speak. His first words put in perspective the difference between God and man: "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words of knowledge?" (Job 38:1-2) and proceeds to ask a series of questions that leave Job mute until the Lord is finished. All Job can say in return is "I know that you can do all things; no plans of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge? Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things to wonderful for me to know' (Job 42:2-3)." 


What Job is humbly and abjectly acknowledging is that he knows so little compared to God. Our understanding and wisdom is so massively finite while His is so majestically infinite! As someone has rightly said, "There is a God and He is not us!"


The chapter I often visit to remind me of God's greatness is Isaiah 40. "To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal? says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing (Isaiah 40:25-26)."


Why does the greatness of God matter? The better I understand His greatness and holiness the more profound my humble worship. The more I understand His sovereignty over the affairs of history the more I can trust Him in my journey. The greater my understanding of Him, the more I understand the smallness of me. The greater I understand the smallness of me, the more I understand my need for Him. The more I comprehend his holiness the more I understand my sinfulness and the amazing grace He has given me. 


Understanding God's greatness changes everything! And that is when the fact that He has made us family becomes so amazingly profound.