Leaders who live in a fantasy world!

Leaders run a significant risk of living in a fantasy world that all is well when it is actually not. It is a risk because we want to believe that we lead well and we want to justify our leadership. Those on the outside often see what we cannot see on the inside. All leaders are susceptible to believing we are doing better than we actually are.

Some leaders want to live in their world where all is well - whether it is or not. But for those who want to live in reality, who want to lead from health and continue to grow their leadership there are a number of critical choices they can make to help them lead well.

First, the best leaders create cultures within their organizations where people can openly and candidly share their opinions, observations and opinions. People will not go where they know their leader does not want them to go. Thus leaders either encourage or discourage the very feedback they need from their sharpest people. All leaders make a choice on how much they want candid feedback from within their organization.

Second, the best leaders seek feedback from knowledgeable people outside of their organization as to how they are doing. Bringing in outside facilitators from time to time helps us to think more clearly and to see things we may not see. We need questions that help us sharpen our focus and which challenge our assumptions. One ministry recently asked me for my perception from the outside looking in. They didn't necessarily like what I said but it caused them to think and dialogue.

Third, the best leaders have clearly defined "ends" as to what they are going after in their ministry. The lack of objective results we are after allow us to believe we are doing well when in fact we don't know because we have not defined success. Charlie Brown used to practice archery without a target. When Lucy asked why, he said "because that way I hit it every time." Not knowing what we are after allows us to believe we are hitting the target when we may or may not be.

Fourth, the best leaders create strong boards of thoughtful, healthy members who ask the right questions, question the right things, help us think clearly and never let the missional agenda move away from our central focus. Great boards are not a hassle. They help us lead better by the dialogue, questions, and group wisdom. Good leaders want to know what their boards think and willingly make them accountable to their board. 

Fifth, the best leaders spend a great amount of time thinking about what they are doing and how they are doing and whether we are accomplishing the mission of the organization. Great leaders are honest with themselves about the real results of their leadership and the real results of the missional agenda. They don't gloss or ignore reality. In fact, they are frank with their staff on what is reality in order to keep the organization focused on areas of weakness in order to become stronger. 

Sixth, the best leaders look at all their practices and processes to evaluate them for effectiveness. We actually use a simple tool to improve our practices and processes. We identify them all and then rate them with a red, green or yellow. Green means all is well, yellow means that we could do better and red means that we have a lot of opportunity to improve. Yellows and reds are good colors because they indicate that we can improve. If we have nothing to improve we cannot get better. It is actually a way to do continuous improvement.

I know a group of leaders who will never practice these six suggestions because the truth is that they don't want to be challenged and are threatened by truth. I also know that truly good leaders are willing to go there because they are not threatened by reality. Rather, they want to know areas of weakness so that they can improve and grow!

Does your ministry budget reflect your ministry priorities?

Budgets tell a story. They reflect our true ministry priorities whether in a local church or other ministries. We can say what we will but how we allocate resources is the real story of what is important to us.

Often budgets simply reflect what we have always done rather than what we say we intend to do. Politics and inertia can keep us from budgeting our priorities. How we have traditionally allocated resources should not be the test of how we allocate them in the future. 

Here is an interesting exercise. Identify the top three priorities for your ministry and then ask the question as to whether you are allocating resources in a way that will help you achieve those priorities. If not, what is keeping you from budgeting your real priorities?

Budgeting should not start with the past but with what you intend to accomplish in the future. The starting point is where we want to go, not where we have been. Budgets should help us drive our ministry agendas.

Paying attention to the hidden inner terrain of our lives

It is the inner terrain of our lives that determines who we are and who we become. Hidden, it is known to us alone although it's residual spills out in ways good or bad, depending on what is there. We often seek to ignore it, sometimes depress it but wise individuals develop a deeply sensitive barometer to their inner terrain - knowing its importance from a spiritual and personal perspective.

Let me suggest that there are seven rooms in our inner terrain that need to be understood and which we need to pay close attention to. These seven rooms are the source of much of who we are. When neglected they hurt us. When attention is paid to them and the Holy Spirit is allowed to inhabit them, they change us and help us. Seven rooms for seven drivers of our lives, hidden deep in the recesses of our hearts.

Conscience
Our creator endowed sense of what is right and wrong. It is a delicate gift because when we ignore it we harden its impact and to the extent that we set it aside it becomes increasingly less reliable which is why sinful tendencies can become normal in our lives when we neglect it. 

Motivations
We can be motivated by Godly motivations or the motivations of our lower nature. Knowing the difference makes all the difference! Even those in full time ministry can be fooled that their motivations are spiritual when in fact they are base: success, fame, personal gratification, power or some other drive of our lower nature.

Thoughts
Hidden from others, we choose whether we take all "thoughts captive" in the words of Paul or whether we entertain baser instincts. Thoughts of envy, pride, anger, lust, impurity or those thoughts that lift self and suppress Jesus can be hidden from others until they spill over in our words, attitudes or actions. 

Desires
What we desire is what truly defines our lives. Others may not know but we know. And Jesus knows. Paul described his desires this way: "I want to know Christ - yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead (Philippians 3:10-11)" but also acknowledged that he too fought the fight between desires of the higher and lower nature on a daily basis (Romans 7). Every day we define our lives by the desires we entertain and pursue.

Convictions
Our convictions are a direct result of the terrain of our inner lives. Those with strong and righteous convictions have cultivated their inner compass to align with God's Word and truth. Those who lack conviction do so because they have not. What we hold convictions on is a direct indicator of the place we derive those convictions.

Passions
Passions drive us toward good or toward evil. They are that inner force that compel us in ways that we don't always understand but they are the result of what constitutes the inner terrain of our lives. Those who have a passion for justice, or God, or righteousness have  this because of what they have cultivated. Those whose passions reflect those of the world have them because they have allowed the priorities of the world to crowd out those things that God counts important. 

Temptations
They are common to all of us. We either nurture them or starve them. There is no in-between. While temptation may not diminish until we see Jesus, our ability to deal with them can be strengthened depending on how we treat the inner terrain of our hearts and lives. The Holy Spirit is the difference maker along with whatever disciplines we nurture to keep Jesus central. 

The inner terrain of our lives matters - a lot. Jesus says that what comes out of a man comes from the inside. Nurture the inside and we directly impact our attitudes and behaviors. To the extent that we neglect our inner lives, we pay the price both internally and externally.

Doing the grownup thing

Even as adults we act like children at times. Complaints, petty arguments, tit for tat, easily irritated, shifting responsibility, taking our ball and going home and the list could go on. When we were young we looked at grown ups as being wise and mature. As grownups we realize that we're not always wise or mature but sometimes behave like adolescents. 

So I've been pondering the difference between children and grownups and suggest the following about living as a grownup.

Grownups deal with their stuff. We all have stuff to deal with - lots of it from our childhoods. Maybe we were not raised by perfect parents (who is?), or suffered some sort of trauma early in life or have some sort of failure in our past (It happens). Kids often hang on to baggage because they don't know how to handle it but grownups deal with it. You can only live with excuses for one's stuff for so long. Then it is time to deal with it and put it behind! Whatever it is, grownups deal with their stuff. 

Grownups take personal responsibility. Kids easily play the blame game. Some adults have been known to as well (think Eve, and Adam). Real grownups take responsibility when they blow it and work to make things right. All of us make choices and some of them are wrong. Adults admit, make right and change course when it happens. 

Grownups control their emotions. Sure grownups cry and get sad and experience great joy. What they don't do is fly off the handle, live with anger problems, say things that they cannot take back or treat others with less than honor. They have learned to control their negative emotions - those that hurt others and accentuate positive emotions - those that build others up. 

Grownups use their money responsibly. Kids often love to spend money. Grownups love to save money and they have the discipline to put off purchases until they have the funds rather than living off of credit card debt. Instant gratification is a kid thing. Delayed gratification is doing the adult thing. Sorry for meddling on that one.

Grownups live in reality. We don't always like the realities with which we live but mature adults accept those realities and deal with them - whatever they are. We have all met people who try to ignore reality and responsibility. Grownups don't! We may try to change our reality (getting out of debt or dealing with other issues) but we don't ignore reality. Walter Mitty fantasies are for children, not grownups.

Grownups foster personal discipline. As children, a disciplined life was not a high value for most of us. For adults, it is the grownup thing to do. Disciplines with God, with work, with family, with ministry and even rest and recreation. There is no maturity without ongoing personal discipline. 

My conclusion is that some grownups are not really grownups. But I want to be one. And there are always areas where we as grownups need to continue to grow up - with the help and empowerment of God's Spirit.

Four skill sets every good team and board can profit from

The best teams and boards (boards are teams) are deliberately created and they can profit from having a mix of wiring and skills. There are four key roles that people can play, depending on how they are wired that can bring strength to a team.

Initiators. These are the people who come up with new ideas and initiate needed action. They are creative, action oriented, and suffer from very little fear. They see what can be and want to push the boundaries for productive results. 

Supporters. These are individuals who come along to support ideas and initiatives. While they are not often the initiators, they help make thing happen and become agents of support with others. No good ideas get put into play without supporters.

Challengers. The gift of a challenger is to turn over the rocks of ideas and initiatives and look underneath and ask the hard questions. They are often misunderstood because they are willing to ask the hard questions. Not because they want to be cantankerous but because they want to probe, look for unintended consequences and in the process help get to a better solution.

Processors. These folks can irritate initiators because they want to process everything. The truth is that without processors, the ideas and initiatives often don't proceed well. Processors think process: A to B to C to D as well as how people will respond to ideas proposed. They are key people to bring an idea to reality.

Think about which role you normally play - and the other members of your team or board. When working well together these four skill sets make a great combination.

Can we talk? Three key questions in relational disconnect

It is amazing what a conversation can do - especially when there is conflict, disagreement or a relationship gone wrong. Conflict and misunderstanding thrive on silence and assumptions. Conversation makes even those we demonize human and at least understanding is possible when two parties are talking. None, when they are not.

Now there are times when further discussion is counter-productive, especially when dealing with passive aggressive individuals or those you cannot trust to not use the conversation against you. So there are times when we choose silence over conversation - strategically.

But in most cases the way to resolution between parties is a conversation with some good clarifying questions, a lot of non defensive listening, and a candid statement of where we are coming from. Several questions are key:

How did we get here?
Do we both want to find a way forward?
What will it take to resolve this?

The first question clarifies the facts or the perception of the facts. It is not about blame but about the facts as we can understand them.

The second question is critical because it calls the question on whether both parties actually want to find a common solution. If no, then further discussion is fruitless. If yes, there is hope for a common solution. Asking the question has the potential to change the conversation from blame and acrimony to "OK this is where we are, legs figure out how to move forward because we both desire that. 

The third question is a collaborative one. It requires both parties to think together as to how they can resolve the issue at hand.

There is not always a way forward. There is not always a will for both parties to find a way forward. But without conversation you will never know.

14 questions if you want to manage others

Are you willing to make those you supervise a high priority?

Are you willing to lead collaboratively rather than by command?

Are you willing to give up other things so that you can put in the time and attention to lead others?

Are you willing to learn a new set of skills?

Are you willing to model a non-defensive, open, flexible, patient attitude?

Are you willing to say you are sorry when you blow it?

Are you willing to give up control and not micromanage?

Are you willing to let people do things their way instead of yours?

Are you willing to listen more than you talk?

Are you willing to let people blow it and fail and still support them?

Are you willing to take responsibility when things go wrong and give credit away when there is success?

Are you willing to model humility?

Are you willing to follow your supervisor as you desire your staff to follow you?

Are you willing to support the mission and the values of the organization as a whole and represent them well with your staff?

If yes, you have a shot. If no, you will get yourself into trouble.