A leadership fable

"Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God which he bought with his own blood. I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. So be on your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears."
-Paul in his farewell address to the elders of Ephesus, Acts 20

'Pastor Bill' moved to Pennsylvania as the first pastor in a church plant. Soon after, staff members from the larger 'mother' church stopped by for a visit. Before they left, they said, "We're really praying for you."

At first Bill assumed that they were simply praying for ministry success. Soon, though, he began to realize that they knew something he didn't.

Bill noticed that at the leadership board level in the new church, an individual who was one of the founding members seemed to have veto power. He also noted that when decisions were made that "Chris" didn't like, Bill started to hear the board's confidential discussions become common knowledge among Chris' friends in the congregation, a violation of board policy. These friends would then lobby Bill and others to move in a different direction.

Over several years, Bill watched the elder-board meetings become increasingly difficult and sometimes downright ugly, with language and attitudes from several of the members that shocked him. As well, some on the board who had been close supporters began becoming distant and critical as Chris moved in on those relationships Bill could only conclude that his leadership was being undermined behind the scenes, slowly but surely. He came to deeply dread board meetings after becoming a target on numerous issues.

Pastor Bill was in a conundrum. The church was growing rapidly from a group of about 60 to well over 300. Most members had little idea of the pain behind the scenes, but Bill was increasingly discouraged. He began to see Chris as an arsonist who lit fires all over the church but was never around when the firemen came to extinguish them.

At one congregational meeting, after a vote to overwhelmingly support Bill against a group of dissidents headed by Chris, one of those who wanted Bill to leave loudly stated he was going to withdraw all financial support from the church because of its decision. He then stalked out of the auditorium.

Bill started to ask questions of pastors at the mother church and found that Chris had a problematic history there as well. In fact, the pastor had vowed that Chris would never serve in leadership there again. Chris and his friends were no longer even attending Bill's church but continued sowing seeds of discord and dissension among friends and acquaintances still there.

Eventually, Bill and his wife made the painful decision to leave. His board was not ready to place the two main dissidents under discipline, although board members had been strongly encouraged to do so by many from whom they sought counsel. Bill left, discouraged and clinically depressed.

The congregation was increasingly becoming aware of the underlying power issues. In response to Bill's leaving and the lack of resolution to those power plays, more than half of the congregation left after a series of congregational meetings even as Chris returned to the church and reclaimed a leadership role.

A new pastor was called, and he was out of the ministry within a short number of years. A third pastor was called, and he, too, left amid power issues within a short number of years.

Finally, the local bishop intervened on the same issue where the church board had not acted, insisting that Chris could no longer serve in any leadership position in the church. The church had churned up three pastors and left numerous wounded members it its wake. One individual who had watched the destruction observed that this church had hurt more people than it had helped.

How many of us have watched similar situations where leaders have not had the courage to confront toxic, divisive individuals who wound the sheep and divide the bride of Christ? Even those who hide behind a mask of 'spirituality' and 'concern' for the church. One of the primary roles of a shepherd is to protect the flock from harm. David actually fought lions to protect his flock, but we are often unwilling to confront divisive individuals who do as much damage as a lion loose among the sheep!

Those leaders' reluctance to confront was an egregious but common failure. Amazingly, church leaders often allow behavior to flourish that would not be permitted in the secular business workplace.

Conflict will occur in the church, even those with attentive shepherds. So how we handle conflict is important. The scriptural principle (see Matthew 18, 1 Corinthians 5, 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 and Galatians 6:1-2) is to start gently and with prayer in the hope that we can persuade those causing harm to move away from their sin. If this is not successful, we are to apply successive steps of pressure, always seeking resolution and a restoration to fellowship. When all else fails, Scripture calls for the individual to be put out of the body - again, with the hope that this action will cause him or her to turn back to God. All confrontation is to be done in love, accompanied by firmness.

Most people do not like conflict and confrontation (beware of those who do). We live in a day of political correctness, where it is not popular to label behavior as "wrong." We are told that it not right "to judge" others. None of us sign up for leadership to deal with sinful people and ugly situations.

The question is: Do we love God's flock as much as He loves His flock? When we confront false teaching, sinful behavior or division in the body, we are simply acting on His behalf as shepherds of His flock and in obedience to His command in order to protect His sheep for whom He gave His life. Are we willing to put up with momentary discomfort in order to protect people for whom Jesus was willing to die? This is an unwelcome but necessary part of the leadership calling.

SDR: For mature audiences only

OK, I acknowledge up front that a few who read this blog will possibly be distressed by the language. That being said, I will write it anyway.

Every organization should have a rule about bad stuff that happens - and it will. The bad stuff might be an employee who gets into trouble, a stupid decision that leads to unintended consequences or some other "bad news."

The rule is that leaders and supervisors and boards do not like surprises so when bad stuff happens - and it will, they need to be told immediately, no matter how bad the situation is.

In our organization we call it SDR. It is the Sh*t Disclosure Rule. I use SDR intentionally among our staff because it is something they will not forget - since that is not language we normally use.

What I tell them is that I recognize that bad stuff happens. When it does I want to know immediately, not later, not after they have tried to contain it but immediately. I will be more unhappy if I don't hear about it or if it comes later as a surprise. Likewise, if anything bad happens in my division of our organization, I send my boss an SDR email or make a phone call. 

Why do I want to know? Because I don't want a surprise and because I want the option of either myself or another leader helping to manage whatever situation it might be. SDR goes with another embedded rule, "No surprises." No leader likes surprises or wants to hear from others what he or she should have heard firsthand from someone in the chain of supervision.

When the church hurts people

A friend asked recently, do you have a book on Christ's love for the church? She is a pastor's spouse who is feeling deep ambivalence about her husband's ministry having experienced deep pain - inflicted by - yes - churches they have served.

She was looking for some reinforcement that Christ does in fact love His bride because her experience with the bride has been very painful and there are days that her love for the bride borders on something less than love.

It is deeply ironic that all to often the church which is here only because of the pure, unrelenting, grace filled and mercy bathed love of Jesus is a place of pain, hurt, dysfunction and sometimes actual abuse of those who are a part of it. Explaining this away with a casual "we live in a fallen world," while true, is a poor excuse since the body of Christ is a redeemed people who are supposed to look like Christ - exuding like him that pure, unrelenting, grace filled and mercy bathed love toward one another.

In his high priestly prayer of John 17, Jesus prays that those who believe in Him "may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me." "May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me, and have loved them even as you have love me."

Our love and unity, according to Christ is the proof of His divinity. That is what He says. If that is true, then the corollary is also true: our disunity and our lack of love communicates that He is not indeed God. Love and unity in the church breeds faith in those who see it. Lack of love and disunity in the church breed atheism in those who see it. One is proof of His divinity, the other effectively denies his divinity. One reflects Christ and the other denies Christ.

How many churches reflect Christ? How many deny Him?

I have the privilege and opportunity to visit many churches. When I walk into some of them the welcoming, grace filled and loving culture is evident from the time I enter till the time I leave. There is a transparency among people, a felt unity and a highly engaged worship service - which happens when there is unity.

Others are cold, sterile, formal, non-transparent, filled with politics and congregations that are unresponsive when I speak (OK, maybe it is my preaching). Which of these kinds of churches is likely to attract people? Which is likely to be on that causes people pain? It is not hard to figure out.

I am not down on the church. Those that act like the Bride that they are are wonderful communities to be a part of because they reflect the grace, love and relationships of the who died for her. Those that don't act like the bride - they hurt people and they hurt Christ and they give His Bride a bad name.

I wish my friend did not need to find a book on Christ's love for the church. I wish the church so demonstrated His love, mercy, grace and character that it would be enough proof of His divine presence and power.

When it may be time to leave a church

Some would say that church loyalty is one of the greatest values and certainly jumping from church to church is unhealthy. However, there are legitimate reasons to leave a church and look for another. Just remember that there are no perfect churches.

Consider these reasons:

• The church is inward focused and having little or no influence outside of its walls
• There is a legalistic spirit which is anathema to what grace is all about
• You don't feel comfortable bringing unbelieving friends
• The congregation is controlled by one or more church bosses and politics is prevalent
• You have been marginalized by a leader or leaders and don't feel that you can make a positive contribution
• There is a high control factor to keep church members "in line" with the prevailing group think
• The church board is highly dysfunctional and cannot lead the congregation into healthy and productive ministry
• Independent voices are quickly stifled
• You are not hearing the Scriptures lifted up in the messages but rather psychology and self help

There are no perfect churches but there are churches that see far more Gospel fruit and changed lives than others. With the short time we have we want to make the most impact for Jesus that we can. If that means changing churches it is an OK thing. I have done it for some of these very reasons. 

Congregations, especially dysfunctional ones make it hard for one to leave. They may use guilt and pressure of various kinds to keep one connected. Many take it personally when someone leaves a church. Remember, though that the church we attend is a choice we make and when the choice is taken from us we are no longer in a healthy place. Friendships do not need to go away because we don't attend the same church. If they do, they were superficial friendships in the first place. We will spend eternity together. Sometimes we need to change our location on this side of eternity!

Character: The hidden self

What people see of us is a small portion of who we really are. Our thoughts, motives, intentions, intimacy with Christ, or lack of it, the habits that we practice, or don’t, the practices we cultivate in our hidden lives are the powerful but hidden core of who we are and they form the character that flows out of us. Too often we focus on ensuring that what people see ‘looks good’ rather than focusing on the hidden character that ensures instead that what people see is ‘genuine.’

What would happen if we concentrated on cultivating the deepest part of who we are rather than cultivating the ‘image’ we want others to see?

Proverbs 4:23 puts this into perspective: “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.” Everything we truly are flows from our heart – that hidden part of us – so if we want to be everything God wants us to be and made us to be the first focus of our lives will be in protecting our hearts and growing into the likeness of Christ.

Who we really are comes out when we are under pressure or in pain. What will flow from our minds, lips and actions will be what we have cultivated in our hearts. Nothing more, nothing less.

What is success? Certainly we value accomplishing the job we have set out to do, being intentional in our lives, fulfilling our Key Result Areas and Annual Ministry Plans (see previous posts) and being productive. But none of these rises to the level of importance of guarding our hearts and growing into the likeness of Christ.

Solitude, time alone and without distraction where we can quiet our hearts, spend time in the presence of our Father, listen to his voice, be nourished with is word and think deeply about our hidden selves is the most important thing we do. For out of the heart will flow what we really are. Nourishing our heart is the key to real success for without the nourishment we are nothing more than spiritual anorexics.

Why do we find this so difficult when we know it is so important? Because it is hidden! Others do not see what is in our hearts, and the demands of life and work are so pressing. But we ignore our hearts to our peril. The public ‘us’ is only an extension of the private ‘us.’ Just as the iceberg we see is only an extension of the greater part of the iceberg we don’t see. Character is what we are when no one is looking – and character is formed in the dark, before we need to exhibit it.

Jesus regularly withdrew to “a private place to pray” and spend time with the Father. How often do we follow his example? Is there room in our busy lives to do ‘soul work,’ allowing Him to mold our thinking, our priorities, our passions and our innermost hearts? Is our private life ‘robust and healthy’ or ‘anorexic and stale?’ The answer to that question will contribute to our success or failure more than any other issue.

Take some time – alone – and think about it.

Relational resets

There are times when relationships have gone sideways and have become dysfunctional enough that it takes an intentional reset to get them back on track. I have been involved helping a number of individuals recently reset critical relationships.

A reset is not pretending that the issues that caused the dysfunction or conflict is ignored. In fact, it is only when both parties are willing to acknowledge the damage and the reasons for the dysfunction that one can realistically reset the relationship. Without truly honest dialogue parties can sometimes agree to live in peace but a relational reset requires truly honest and candid conversation.

It starts with the ability of both parties to tell one another the truth about how they truly feel and why. In most cases this conversation will need to be brokered by a skilled facilitator who can draw out the issues and ensure that they all get put on the table. In that conversation it is critical that all issues that have become problematic are put on the table so there are no elephants that remain. Getting it all on the table is the first step toward a relational reset.

The second step is to talk through the issues that have been identified without defensiveness on either side. Non defensiveness invites dialogue and without dialogue, parties do not have a chance to understand one another. When we can listen to one another and seek to understand one another it allow us to ask probing questions in order to understand one another and to push into attitudes or practices that have hurt the other party or ourselves.

The third step is to discuss what kind of relationship the two parties desire. Write it down and clearly define the preferred relationship.

Step four is to ask the question, "If we are going to reset the relationship in the way we have defined it, what changes are necessary for each of us?" This may involve, communication issues, keeping short accounts, changing attitudes, not questioning motives and any number of other changes. These identified changes need to be written down as well.

This may not be a short conversation. It could take a day or longer depending on how deep the divisions are. I can tell you from personal experience that it can make a great difference for us, for relationships and for the Kingdom.

Is your organization a ministry or a collection of different ministries?

That may sound like a funny question but my observation is that many organizations are not one organization but many different organizations doing different things with different values and independent leaders. In other words, each team or division is doing its own thing in its own way. That is not an organization! It is a collection of organizations with a common name.

It happens with churches, mission agencies and other ministries. Usually it happens because:

• There is not clarity so leaders and people do their own thing
• There is not a leader at the top who is committed to alignment
• There is not adequate time and effort put into choosing leaders who are committed to a common cause and know how to lead their team in that direction
• There is not accountability for common results allowing leaders and teams to do their own thing

Of course the cost to the organization is high. It is like a boat race crew where every crew member is rowing at their own pace rather than in a synchronized way. When members of an organization pull the oars together there is amazing speed. When members don't pull the oars at the same time the water splashes, the oars clash and the boat languishes.

Which boat characterizes your ministry?