The heart of humility

The heart of humility is understanding the two fold truth that God has given us strengths as a trust and that the rest of our portfolio is made up of weaknesses where we very much need others.

Much of my work revolves around writing whether my almost daily blog, books, or material for the organization I lead. Writing for me is relatively easy: it energizes and fills me. For most people, writing is a chore and a hassle. I thank God almost daily for His gift of writing which He gave me as a trust to use on His behalf. What I know is that it is His gift so any credit I take is stolen credit. In fact, the stronger our gifting the more credit we owe our creator who created us in Christ Jesus for good works which He prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).

Humble individuals are very aware of their gifting. I know that God gave me several strong gifts. I also know that the source of those gifts is Christ. I am deeply thankful for how God gifted and wired me but for me to take credit for those gifts when they came from Him is to delude myself into believing I am the source. It would be like a wealthy father sharing his wealth with a son and the son taking credit for creating the wealth. Our gifting is simply those talents that Jesus talked about in his parable of the talents, given to be used for Him while He is away (Matthew 25).

False humility downplays strengths rather than recognizing them. Genuine humility recognizes those strengths as well as the source of the strengths.

Humble individuals are equally aware of their deficits and weaknesses. Each of us has a few strengths and a multitude of weaknesses. That is why we need others around us who in playing to their strengths can make up for our deficits and we theirs. The best leaders intentionally build leadership teams so that they can play to their strengths and ensure that their areas of weakness are managed by others.

One of my key partners is Gary. While I can envision the future and develop organizational strategy I am not great at working the process to get there. Gary is a master at that. Without Gary my leadership would be much less effective. The same goes for each of the ten individuals on my senior leadership team who have huge strengths in areas where I have little or none. Without them, ReachGlobal would not be what it is.

Leaders who try to go it alone delude themselves into thinking that they are good enough by themselves to accomplish the mission God has given them. I have met some of those leaders. Usually they could be called arrogant. Mostly people don’t like to work directly for them. They may have authority but they do not lead out of deep influence and they often garner more fear than respect.

The heart of humility is that whatever strengths we have were entrusted to us by our creator to use on His behalf. And the realization that in our leadership role we deeply need others and it is “us together” rather than "me" alone. In other words it is not about us! It is about a trust we have been given and a team that we need. When Paul tells us not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought but to think of ourselves with sober judgement he is getting at this truth. It is not a denial of our abilities but recognition that those abilities are a trust and that we need one another.

We often make far too much a distinction between leaders and those they lead - as if the leader is a more valuable player than the individual who works in the trenches. Here is the truth: the only difference between the leader and the line individual is a matter of gifting. Without the person in the trenches the leader would have nothing to lead and without the leader the person in the trenches would not have the leadership that makes the organization as healthy or effective as it could be. Both parties deeply need one another, both are equally critical players and both have been divinely gifted by the creator with different gifts.

This is why I believe it is sinful when leaders do not treat all of those in the organization they lead with great honor. It is equally sinful when those in the organization are carelessly cynical about their leaders – some people are cynical toward all leadership and gladly admit it. In both cases there is a devaluing of individuals and the gifting God has granted to them.

Humble leaders freely give away the credit for success that comes their way and take responsibility for failures when they come. Prideful leaders do just the opposite: they take the praise for success and blame others for failures. Healthy leaders recognize that success is not about them but about the team together. As for failure, they are the leader and while they may quietly hold others accountable there is never public blame or embarrassment.

It is the heart of humility.

The dual nature of leadership

Good leadership always has two sides that must be nurtured: Heart and skill. Neither one is sufficient without the other and wise leaders pay equal attention to both. 

The author of Psalm 78 puts it in perspective when he says this about one of the greatest leaders in the Old Testament - David. "He chose David his servant and took him from the sheep pens; from tending the sheep be brought him to be the shepherd of his people Jacob, of Israel his inheritance. And David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands he led them. (Psalm 78:72)."

When the author says that God chose David and took him from the sheep pens he is making the point that when God looks for leaders He is looking for a certain kind of leader. He is not looking for impressive looking resumes or great academic credentials. He is looking for people who have hearts of integrity - an inner life that is healthy and people who can lead others with skillful hands. The sheep pen is not where most people would look for a leader but God is not a respecter of persons.

Hearts of integrity are critical for leadership because it is out of our inner life that our leadership ultimately overflows. What is inside is what flows into our leadership. What most leaders don't understand is that before everything else, the healthier they are as people in spiritual, relational and emotional health the better leaders they will be. Those who do understand that pay close attention to the development of each of those three areas because it is health in all three that give us integrity of heart - wholeness of heart.

The other side of the coin is the ability to lead with skillful hands. There is an art to leading people. It is a unique combination of having a vision that others want to participate in, the ability to align them around a common mission, to encourage, help envision, organize and empower. Ironically one cannot do any of those well without attention to the inner life.

Because leadership is always about people one of the most important skills of a leader is to understand and relate to those they lead in a healthy and positive way. Unskilled leaders negatively impact those around them (poor EQ) while skilled leaders positively impact those around them. Healthy leaders create environments where people love to work and where the common mission is the glue that holds the team together. People skills are a huge part of the equation in leadership but leaders who don't understand and manage themselves will not understand and manage others. It always goes back to the inner life.

When we think leadership we think of the public activities of a leader. Most of what leaders do, however is behind the scenes or underneath the waterline - invisible to others. It is the stuff of self knowledge and inner health coupled with the skill of dealing with people and calling them to a cause worth giving their energy too. It is integrity of heart and skillful hands together. 

Which world are you living in: The world of mindset or the world of methods?

There is a major difference between the world of "mindset" and the world of "methodology." Think for instance of the last decades of the church where successful churches would market their methodology and other congregations would rush to put that methodology into place in their own church. Whether preaching style, music, small groups or some other ministry facet, many are quick to chase methodology that they think will get them to the next level.

Methodology matters but a whole lot less than we think. What matters much more is the mindset that we bring to our ministry leadership. Mindset trumps methodology every time. Let me explain.

In our rapidly changing world where we minister in different contexts (just think of the differing generations and needs of those generations in the local church or the different situations we face in missions depending where in the world we are) methodologies will need to be exceedingly flexible. Even methods that may be powerful drivers of our ministry today will most likely not be in ten years. 

When I talk to ministry leaders I am far more interested in their mindset than I am in their methods. In fact it is their mindset - the underlying philosophy of their ministry that tells me the most about who they are. Mindset determines ministry methodology, not the other way around.

I will often ask ministry leaders what the central focus of their ministry is: What do they do all the time as staff? One answer is to say, "We provide the very best programming possible and believe in excellence in all we do." Another might say, "We are always encouraging our people to develop relationships with non-believers and to have influence in their circle of relationships." 

Think about those two mindsets: The first is primarily about a methodology to bring people into the church while the second is about a mindset to get their people outside the church and into meaningful relationships. How they do it will vary but the mindset is a very different mindset than the first. Methodology should serve the mindset, rather than the other way around.

Your mindset sets the stage for the results you want in ministry. Strategies follow from mindset rather than the other way around.We often confuse the two but the distinction is critical.

The Jenga Syndrome

Jenga: (It is a fun game) how many pieces of wood can you take out of the stack before it collapses? Ironically it is often ministry success that causes us to slowly remove critical infrastructure from our lives until like the tower above, it falls into a bunch of pieces.


Ministry success brings added obligations and added obligations must crowd something else out. There is limited space in any life. We may start to crowd out key friendships, margin for rest, time with God, opportunity to think and read, time for community and any number of the very things that give our lives satisfaction, meaning and more importantly grounding. This does not happen quickly: like the frog in the kettle it sneaks up on us slowly until we wake up one day and find ourselves in trouble.

Here are the calls I get. "T.J. I can't do this any longer. I am tired, wiped out, empty and confused about what I should do next. Maybe I should leave my church and do something else." There is a weariness in the voice, and a loss of ministry passion and direction. 
And ironically it comes to very successful ministry leaders.

How do we avoid the Jenga syndrome as our ministries grow and we experience success?

First we need to be clear about what practices keep us healthy and grounded, personally, emotionally and spiritually and refuse to allow these practices or the space needed for them to go away. I have ten such practices that I intentionally make space for. What are yours and how are you doing with them?

Second, and this is a big principle. Never take on new responsibility without getting rid of another responsibility. The Jenga syndrome is largely a failure to understand that you cannot add responsibilities and obligations without jettisoning some other obligation. When we don't, a Jenga piece gets pulled out of our lives and often it is one of those practices that keep us emotionally, physically or spiritually healthy. We have limited time and space in our lives so something must give.

In fact, I believe that we ought to be able to identify a few critical responsibilities in our lives (four to five major ones) and that if something else is going to be added, one of the existing ones needs to be changed.

Third, resist the temptation to develop a co-dependent relationship with your ministry. We know what co-dependent relationships do to other relationships: they do the same thing when we allow this to happen with our ministry.

In a co-dependent relationship with our ministry, we think we are indispensable and whenever there is a crisis or a need, we are in the middle of it. We have not learned how to separate ourselves or our emotions or our person hood from the ministry we are a part of. The result of co-dependent relationships with our ministry is that we get hooked into too many situations and obligations.

Co-dependent relationships with our ministry start to suck us dry and the Jenga syndrome kicks in because something in our lives must give.

It is a rare individual who can see ministry success on a regular basis and stay grounded and healthy. I hope you are one of them. If you feel like you are suffering from the Jenga Syndrome, start backing up, get some help or counsel because the alternative is, well, the pieces coming apart and that is something you don't want.

The weight of a leaders words

The two boys God gave me were highly sensitive growing up to the words and reactions of their parents. I remember one time giving one of them my "look" and he responded "Don't yell at me!" Actually I had not said anything but I had communicated with my body language and he had felt the message! 

Leaders are not parents to those they lead but like parents, their words have extra weight than the words of others.

Leaders often do not appreciate how their words can hurt, wound, lift up or encourage those in their organization. Because they are leaders their words have extra weight which means that what they say and how they say it impacts people deeply, positively or negatively in significant ways. Their words carry more weight because people don't want to let them down and staff feel it deeply when words spoken carelessly come their way.

This means that leaders have a higher responsibility than others to filter and control their words (yes emails) and reactions so that they do not negatively impact others or send messages they don't want to send. 

Leaders should remember:

• Words of affirmation are huge.
• Careless passing words that construe disappointment or cynical can hurt.
• You can say a lot with body language. Be aware and careful.
• Measure your responses to control your emotions so that your emotions don't get in the way of the message.
• Think before one speaks: both about the message and the way it is delivered.
• If you are going to say hard things because you must, think carefully about how you do it and focus on behaviors rather than on motives. 
• Your words carry extra weight so use them carefully!

When God breaks our heart

I spoke recently to an individual whose heart was turned inside out by a trip he had taken to a really tough place in our world. Knowing that I travel a lot and have seen a lot he asked me, why do you think I feel this way. My answer was this: "Because your heart just became more like the heart of Jesus and His heart breaks every day for the pain, violence, sin and hopelessness of so much of our world."

Here is a principle: We don't get to choose what breaks our heart. God chooses. We simply are asked to respond to that brokenness and choose to show up and do something about it. 

I know of people whose heart was broken by the loss of a child and chose to minister to others who suffered that pain. I know of many who have become involved in matters of justice or mercy or poverty or orphans or widows or the disabled as God broke their heart. When God breaks our hearts over something He is often asking us to respond to issues that break His heart as well.

The question is whether our hearts are open to be broken or whether we have steeled ourselves from the pain and brokenness of our world. Tender hearts are like God's. Hard hearts are not.  Such is the challenge to us from Micah 6:8: "He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

What breaks your heart and what are you doing about it?

In praise of small churches and their leaders

The vast majority of churches in the United States - and around the world are relatively small - and often undervalued. Because numbers are seen as the sign of success in the United States it is the mega church that gets the praise. However, the majority of believers worship in relatively small congregations and they are led by pastors as committed as those who lead large churches.

There are many advantages to a smaller congregation. It is more like family, relationships are stronger, and it is harder to get lost in the crowd. Pastors of small churches are closer to their people and often more intimately acquainted with those they lead.

Nor is there any less creativity in smaller churches. One church I know in North Dakota is providing the preaching for three tiny congregations in rural areas that are losing population via video. They have kept the doors open in communities that would otherwise lose their church because they cannot afford a pastor. They also have a staff member who travels to those communities each week to be hands on as a pastor.

I admire those pastors who are called and faithfully serve smaller congregations. They do not get the spotlight and no one flocks to their conferences. But they pastor faithfully in circumstances often more difficult than larger congregations with their resources and staff. They join the vast majority of pastors down through the centuries who have served small congregations.

Never equate success with size! It is interesting to me that the vast majority of missionaries in our organization come from smaller churches. The larger the church the fewer people they send into full time ministry. Many smaller churches are far more missional than their larger counterparts who focus on programs and attractional ministry. It is very possible that smaller churches are better able to focus on life transformation because they are more relationally based. One can hide in a large church but not in a small or mid size church.