It is clear that some individuals have more influence than others. It is not a matter of education or place in life. Rather it is a matter of certain skills that increase our influence with others. These skills are available to everyone and they are essential for believers who want to make a difference for Jesus in their corner of the world.
1. The ability to treat all people with the grace of Jesus. It is the skill of love, acceptance and grace which overlooks flaws, sin and dysfunction and just accepts people for who they are. And then graciously points them to Jesus, the One who is the paradigm of grace.
2. The ability to speak words of encouragement and grace rather than words of condemnation. There is a place for speaking truth but we are too quick to condemn rather than to love, to criticize rather than to encourage and to take the role of the Holy Spirit to fix people rather than to let the Lord work in their lives.
3. The ability to see the potential in people rather then their flaws. We all have flaws. Often we are most critical about the flaws in others that are similar to our own, All of us gravitate to those who accept us as we are and see our potential rather than our fractures.
4. The ability to forgive easily and handle conflict biblically. If we desire influence we need to forgive quickly and resolve differences quickly and with humility. The ability to stay in relationship is one of the most important skills we could develop. It is OK to disagree and still be in relationship. Jesus did it quite well.
5. The willingness to step into tough situations with the love of Jesus and the help that we can give. If we flee from messy situations we lose out on our greatest influence. Being willing to enter into the mess and bring the love or help of Jesus yields great influence.
6. The ability to not get enmeshed with other people's issues which often creates distance from those others are distant from. We control our friendships and need not divide from those others divide from.
7. The ability to hold our own counsel in tough situations. Sometimes we need to speak truth in love. Often we are better off keeping our thoughts to ourselves and not creating conflict where it is not needed - from us. Wisdom and discernment in what we say and write (email) is a huge part of our influence.
8. The ability to be flexible when things don't go our own way. Drawing unnecessary lines in the sand divides rather than unites. Influence requires flexibility and adaptability.
9. The ability to be patient with our personal agendas or goals when they don't go as we desire. Life is like that.
10. The ability to see others and love others as Jesus sees them and loves them. Might be the hardest skill to learn but it is why we can live in God's grace as he does it with us. People are quirky - even you and I. Jesus sees beyond our quirks and so should we.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Transformational ministries with toxic staff cultures
There is a disconnect in many ministries that claim to be about transformation. That disconnect is that their own internal staff cultures are often toxic, dysfunctional and highly untransformed. It is a sickness that pervades even high profile ministries that purport to be on the forefront of leadership and transformational ministries.
If our staff cultures are not healthy we do not have the moral ground to claim that our ministry is about transformation. There are too many places where fear and intimidation and lack of care for staff is the norm. It usually reflects the senior leader's lack of EQ or concern for those on their staff. It is often fueled by a leader's drive to succeed or their own insecurities. Whatever the cause it is inexcusable and sad. And not consistent with the kind of cultures that reflect the culture of Jesus.
Healthy staff cultures are marked by these kind of characteristics.
If our staff cultures are not healthy we do not have the moral ground to claim that our ministry is about transformation. There are too many places where fear and intimidation and lack of care for staff is the norm. It usually reflects the senior leader's lack of EQ or concern for those on their staff. It is often fueled by a leader's drive to succeed or their own insecurities. Whatever the cause it is inexcusable and sad. And not consistent with the kind of cultures that reflect the culture of Jesus.
Healthy staff cultures are marked by these kind of characteristics.
- All are treated with dignity
- Grace is extended in all situations - even when tough issues are being dealt with
- Truth is spoken in grace
- People are developed, empowered and valued
- Candid discussion is valued
- People are in their "lane" or sweet spot
- Men and women are treated equally
- There is a high value in helping people become all they can be
- Leaders serve their staff to help them be successful
- There is clarity of roles and people are given the tools to do their jobs
- Teamwork is highly valued
- Relationships are collegial
- Opinions are valued
- Staff find their roles fulfilling because they understand the mission they are contributing to
- There is high trust
- Fairness is practiced in all situations
- Appreciation is regularly expressed
How does your staff culture measure up and where could you do better? Transformation starts at home, in our own ministries. As ministry leaders our commitment to transformation starts with our own staff.
See also:
Signs you work in a toxic workplace
Signs you work in a healthy workplace
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
See also:
Signs you work in a toxic workplace
Signs you work in a healthy workplace
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Can we disagree with one another and still speak kindly to one another?
It bemuses me when Christians in the name of Jesus disagree with one another in highly disagreeable ways. It is as if disagreements give license to speak to one another in the name of Jesus without the love and grace of Jesus. It is our "truth" without God's "grace." When our truth cannot be spoken in grace it should not be spoken at all. It is not a Jesus truth when communicated in ways that Jesus would not have communicated.
When we are angry we ought to filter our response through the Fruit of the Spirit. If our response does not meet that grid we are better off waiting until it does. If our words and attitudes do not match the truth we espouse we negate the spirit of Jesus in whose name we purport to speak. Too much conflict and disagreement in Christian circles does not live up to the spirit of Jesus or for that matter the Holy Spirit who lives within us.
In the prophets it says that the Servant, (Jesus) would not break the bruised reed. Think of how easy it is to break a reed, let alone a bruised one. Yet, Jesus is so gracious that even when he needs to get our attention He does it with amazing love and gentleness. Yet we find it easy to wield a sledgehammer in His name. I suspect it makes Him deeply sad when we do.
I discount opinions and words spoken in Jesus' name without Jesus' love. Why should I trust such words when their delivery violates everything Jesus taught and modeled? And I am deeply sorry when I do the same. The older I get the more I understand that truth without the spirit of grace is hard and so unlike Jesus. I like you am susceptible to violating His loving spirit but I am determined to see alignment between the truth I share and the spirit in which I share it.
If we disagree with one another - and we will! Let's do it in a spirit that looks like Jesus. It would change the equation in many relationships and conflicts.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
When we are angry we ought to filter our response through the Fruit of the Spirit. If our response does not meet that grid we are better off waiting until it does. If our words and attitudes do not match the truth we espouse we negate the spirit of Jesus in whose name we purport to speak. Too much conflict and disagreement in Christian circles does not live up to the spirit of Jesus or for that matter the Holy Spirit who lives within us.
In the prophets it says that the Servant, (Jesus) would not break the bruised reed. Think of how easy it is to break a reed, let alone a bruised one. Yet, Jesus is so gracious that even when he needs to get our attention He does it with amazing love and gentleness. Yet we find it easy to wield a sledgehammer in His name. I suspect it makes Him deeply sad when we do.
I discount opinions and words spoken in Jesus' name without Jesus' love. Why should I trust such words when their delivery violates everything Jesus taught and modeled? And I am deeply sorry when I do the same. The older I get the more I understand that truth without the spirit of grace is hard and so unlike Jesus. I like you am susceptible to violating His loving spirit but I am determined to see alignment between the truth I share and the spirit in which I share it.
If we disagree with one another - and we will! Let's do it in a spirit that looks like Jesus. It would change the equation in many relationships and conflicts.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Christian crusaders
Christian crusaders are not hard to find. They populate the internet with all kinds of dubious information, find a home in our churches and are the prophets that will keep the "true faith" and bring equally zealous people around them to fight the righteous fight. What is interesting about these crusaders who fight for truth is that they almost always lack grace. And when asked about that they justify their behaviors by quoting Jesus words to the Pharisees. In other words they are like Jesus and those they crusade against are Pharisees.
Which is really interesting because those they usually fight against are fellow believers and often church leaders. I have learned that engaging such crusaders is usually not very productive as they are highly inflexible and unteachable. Here are some of the signs of Christian Crusaders.
First, they are usually incredibly harsh with their vocabulary using words like sin, evil, heresy, need for repentance, God's judgement, arrogance, narcissism, and the list could go on. And, their communications are also full of Scriptural references to prove their case. In fact, the more people quote scripture in such communications the more concerned I am as those Scriptures are usually used as a hammer of "righteousness" against perceived "unrighteousness."
Second, Christian crusaders become deeply enmeshed with other crusaders against a common "cause" or "enemy" and these enmeshed relationships fuel their sense of righteousness - as there is no one who challenges the party line - and there is no glue for dysfunctional individuals like the fuel of an evil enemy. If one speaks out against the behaviors or challenges the party line they often become one of the unrighteous.
Third, Christian crusaders are usually highly inflexible. This is why conversations about the veracity of their claims and beliefs rarely have any impact. To compromise on any point is for them to compromise truth rather than to realize that the real issue may simply be that they disagree with the views of those they have demonized. I will rarely waste my time trying to convince those who will never be convinced.
Fourth, Christian crusaders take second and third hand information that is "helpful to them" and use it without regard to whether it is actually accurate. Sine it fits their skewed view of the universe it must be true. Fact verification is not high on their agenda.
Then, they view all events with those being demonized through their skewed view of reality. I have seen simple, straightforward statements interpreted in a malicious way when any reasonable individual would take the statement at face value. The lens through which crusaders see their opponents is so skewed that they cannot see any intentions as deviating from their interpretation.
Finally, crusaders don't let go. It is, after all a crusade, and until they win, there is no let up. And those caught in their sights cannot do much about it except leave it to God. In the church, this behavior should not be allowed and elected leaders ought to deal with crusaders in their midst who create problems and division. That last word is very important. Crusaders create unhealthy division and destroy the unity of the church. After all, it is a righteous struggle - which is often directly from the pit!
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Which is really interesting because those they usually fight against are fellow believers and often church leaders. I have learned that engaging such crusaders is usually not very productive as they are highly inflexible and unteachable. Here are some of the signs of Christian Crusaders.
First, they are usually incredibly harsh with their vocabulary using words like sin, evil, heresy, need for repentance, God's judgement, arrogance, narcissism, and the list could go on. And, their communications are also full of Scriptural references to prove their case. In fact, the more people quote scripture in such communications the more concerned I am as those Scriptures are usually used as a hammer of "righteousness" against perceived "unrighteousness."
Second, Christian crusaders become deeply enmeshed with other crusaders against a common "cause" or "enemy" and these enmeshed relationships fuel their sense of righteousness - as there is no one who challenges the party line - and there is no glue for dysfunctional individuals like the fuel of an evil enemy. If one speaks out against the behaviors or challenges the party line they often become one of the unrighteous.
Third, Christian crusaders are usually highly inflexible. This is why conversations about the veracity of their claims and beliefs rarely have any impact. To compromise on any point is for them to compromise truth rather than to realize that the real issue may simply be that they disagree with the views of those they have demonized. I will rarely waste my time trying to convince those who will never be convinced.
Fourth, Christian crusaders take second and third hand information that is "helpful to them" and use it without regard to whether it is actually accurate. Sine it fits their skewed view of the universe it must be true. Fact verification is not high on their agenda.
Then, they view all events with those being demonized through their skewed view of reality. I have seen simple, straightforward statements interpreted in a malicious way when any reasonable individual would take the statement at face value. The lens through which crusaders see their opponents is so skewed that they cannot see any intentions as deviating from their interpretation.
Finally, crusaders don't let go. It is, after all a crusade, and until they win, there is no let up. And those caught in their sights cannot do much about it except leave it to God. In the church, this behavior should not be allowed and elected leaders ought to deal with crusaders in their midst who create problems and division. That last word is very important. Crusaders create unhealthy division and destroy the unity of the church. After all, it is a righteous struggle - which is often directly from the pit!
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Kingdom Entrepreneurs
What would happen if we helped Christ followers think of themselves as kingdom entrepreneurs? That is like entrepreneurs in the market place who are always looking for new opportunities. Like them we should be training those entrusted to us in the church to always be looking for new opportunities to bring Jesus into the picture with those around us.
In many ways, our emphasis on programming in the church and then the need to staff that programming has trained people to be passive in the ministry department, waiting to be invited or told about the role they should play. Not only are these opportunities often not in the sweet spot of those asked but it also centers much of the ministry inside the church rather than in the world where we are called to have major influence.
The church is the most viral organization on the face of the earth. There are believers in every corner of the world, in every social strata, in every profession (well almost on that one). If each of us, scattered across the landscape were to see ourselves as a kingdom entrepreneur placed there directly by Jesus in order to make his reputation great and his name well known who knows how much influence the church would once again have!
It also places the responsibility on those who have been given it: Each of us (Ephesians 2:10). And it challenges us to live out our calling in unique and creative ways always consistent with how God uniquely, handcrafted us for that very purpose. And there is no age limit here, young or mature. All of us can be kingdom entrepreneurs. It is also deeply consistent with the parable of the talents where each one given a sum of money by the master going on a trip was expected to find ways to multiply that sum in a creative way.
What is the church missing today? In many cases it is people who think and act like kingdom entrepreneurs where everyone is in the game with and for Jesus.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
In many ways, our emphasis on programming in the church and then the need to staff that programming has trained people to be passive in the ministry department, waiting to be invited or told about the role they should play. Not only are these opportunities often not in the sweet spot of those asked but it also centers much of the ministry inside the church rather than in the world where we are called to have major influence.
The church is the most viral organization on the face of the earth. There are believers in every corner of the world, in every social strata, in every profession (well almost on that one). If each of us, scattered across the landscape were to see ourselves as a kingdom entrepreneur placed there directly by Jesus in order to make his reputation great and his name well known who knows how much influence the church would once again have!
It also places the responsibility on those who have been given it: Each of us (Ephesians 2:10). And it challenges us to live out our calling in unique and creative ways always consistent with how God uniquely, handcrafted us for that very purpose. And there is no age limit here, young or mature. All of us can be kingdom entrepreneurs. It is also deeply consistent with the parable of the talents where each one given a sum of money by the master going on a trip was expected to find ways to multiply that sum in a creative way.
What is the church missing today? In many cases it is people who think and act like kingdom entrepreneurs where everyone is in the game with and for Jesus.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Ten ways to create unnecessary chaos in relationships
In recent days I have had my share of brushing up against chaotic and conflictual relationships between individuals or groups. What I have seen is messy, probably unnecessary and certainly painful but it got me thinking of the many ways that we can create unnecessary and painful chaos in relationships.
One. Triangulate with others instead of going to the source. When I share my issues about another person with anyone other than that person, I have brought them into my issue and often into an alliance with me against others. When you think about that, how crazy is that! It does not solve the problem but rather enlarges the circle of those who now have problems but who cannot solve them because their problem is a problem by proxy (actually our problem) but not theirs.
Two: Copy emails about conflictual situations to those who are not involved. Of course once you do that they are now involved and often others get inadvertently roped in. Why do we copy emails to people who have not business getting them? It is usually a power play or a way to bring in others to "our side" and it certainly enlarges the circle of mistrust, doubt and information.
Three: Sharing second or third hand information. Second hand information is not usually real information. At least it is often highly suspect because no matter what if it is second hand we don't know all the facts but just some of the facts. We ought not share what we don't know about another person's experience.
Four: Going on a crusade against another individual or group. There are people who believe that they need to solve problems that they are not in a position to solve but they go on a crusade to do so anyway. I am not talking about a "whistle blower" situation but especially in Christian circles, taking matters into our own hands to take care of situations that are more likely the purview of a church or ministry board to deal with. There are many dysfunctional situations I may know about but do nothing about because they are not my purview to solve.
Five: Planting seeds of distrust against another by sharing gossip or even "facts" that they can do nothing about. If people need to know, the right people need to know, not the wrong people. Too often we don't discriminate on that score.
Six; Ignoring issues that we are in a place to deal with and the responsible person. Often, leaders who are conflict adverse don't deal with issues they know are problematic and therefore allow the dysfunctions to spill over among others. This is the source of much pain in the local church when leaders choose not to confront behaviors that are problematic.
Seven: Not telling people the truth. Truth should be shared graciously and only with the right people but if we have issues we need to share those issues in the right way and at the right time. Then we need to leave those issues with those who are in a position and who have the responsibility to do something about it. What they do is not my responsibility. Being honest with them is.
Eight: Demonize those who disagree with you or who are the objects of your unhappiness. It happens all the time in Christian circles. We divide the world into good people and bad people, righteous and unrighteous. Is life that easy? and which group would we be in? In this world view we are in whatever group someone else puts us in. Life is not that easy. Good and Godly people can do and say unfortunate things but it does not make them worthy of demonization. We ought to be happy that Jesus does not see us that way.
Nine: Taking up someone else's issue as ours. Another form of triangulation. Your issues are yours and mine are mine. I can give you counsel or take your counsel but the issues are still either yours or mine. When I take up your issue, I get involve in conflict that is not my own. I am always ready to mediate conflict but I do not want to get involved in the issues of others that I cannot solve.
Ten: Being unwilling to be a third party to solve relational difficulties. "Blessed are the peacemakers" says Jesus. What would happen if every time we heard there was conflict we offered our services to seek to resolve the conflict rather than get involved in the conflict itself. The world would be a different place.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
One. Triangulate with others instead of going to the source. When I share my issues about another person with anyone other than that person, I have brought them into my issue and often into an alliance with me against others. When you think about that, how crazy is that! It does not solve the problem but rather enlarges the circle of those who now have problems but who cannot solve them because their problem is a problem by proxy (actually our problem) but not theirs.
Two: Copy emails about conflictual situations to those who are not involved. Of course once you do that they are now involved and often others get inadvertently roped in. Why do we copy emails to people who have not business getting them? It is usually a power play or a way to bring in others to "our side" and it certainly enlarges the circle of mistrust, doubt and information.
Three: Sharing second or third hand information. Second hand information is not usually real information. At least it is often highly suspect because no matter what if it is second hand we don't know all the facts but just some of the facts. We ought not share what we don't know about another person's experience.
Four: Going on a crusade against another individual or group. There are people who believe that they need to solve problems that they are not in a position to solve but they go on a crusade to do so anyway. I am not talking about a "whistle blower" situation but especially in Christian circles, taking matters into our own hands to take care of situations that are more likely the purview of a church or ministry board to deal with. There are many dysfunctional situations I may know about but do nothing about because they are not my purview to solve.
Five: Planting seeds of distrust against another by sharing gossip or even "facts" that they can do nothing about. If people need to know, the right people need to know, not the wrong people. Too often we don't discriminate on that score.
Six; Ignoring issues that we are in a place to deal with and the responsible person. Often, leaders who are conflict adverse don't deal with issues they know are problematic and therefore allow the dysfunctions to spill over among others. This is the source of much pain in the local church when leaders choose not to confront behaviors that are problematic.
Seven: Not telling people the truth. Truth should be shared graciously and only with the right people but if we have issues we need to share those issues in the right way and at the right time. Then we need to leave those issues with those who are in a position and who have the responsibility to do something about it. What they do is not my responsibility. Being honest with them is.
Eight: Demonize those who disagree with you or who are the objects of your unhappiness. It happens all the time in Christian circles. We divide the world into good people and bad people, righteous and unrighteous. Is life that easy? and which group would we be in? In this world view we are in whatever group someone else puts us in. Life is not that easy. Good and Godly people can do and say unfortunate things but it does not make them worthy of demonization. We ought to be happy that Jesus does not see us that way.
Nine: Taking up someone else's issue as ours. Another form of triangulation. Your issues are yours and mine are mine. I can give you counsel or take your counsel but the issues are still either yours or mine. When I take up your issue, I get involve in conflict that is not my own. I am always ready to mediate conflict but I do not want to get involved in the issues of others that I cannot solve.
Ten: Being unwilling to be a third party to solve relational difficulties. "Blessed are the peacemakers" says Jesus. What would happen if every time we heard there was conflict we offered our services to seek to resolve the conflict rather than get involved in the conflict itself. The world would be a different place.
All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence, are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.
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