Failures and disappointments are often God's redirection

Our ability to see the full scope of our lives and God's plan is amazingly limited. As Paul says, we see through a glass darkly but will one day see Him face to face. Because of our limited view, we often do not see that the failures and disappointments we face are nothing other than God's redirection of our lives to those places where He can use us the most.

Consider Moses who failed at being an Egyptian prince so God could use him to lead the people out of bondage. Or, Joseph who failed at being a brother so that he could save his whole family from famine. My greatest perceived failure brought me to where I am today, and right where I believe God wants me to be. As the book of Proverbs says, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps (Proverbs 16:9)." How often God has redirected my steps in ways that I did not understand at the time but in retrospect have more clarity.


This ought to cause us to ask in failure and disappointment, "Is God up to something?" "Does He have something in mind that is greater than our disappointment?" Since He establishes our steps and has our best interests in mind, chances are He does. 


This allows us to change our prayer from "why?" to "What?" Obviously God has something different for us than we expected, the question is "what is it?" Asking why keeps us focused on our disappointment while asking what focuses on God's intentions and what He has for us next. Two very different perspectives that lead to two very different attitudes.


Here is something we know for sure: God is always up to something, even in our failures and disappointments. We are never abandoned or left alone so even in the worst place we can look with anticipation at what He has for us. This truth gives us the courage to move forward even in dark days. We know He is up to something, we just don't know what - yet!

Liberating personal clarity

There is something very liberating about understanding how God designed us, what we are good at and therefore where we should focus our time and energies. Just as our closets, trunks and garages accumulate stuff that we don't need, so our lives, schedules and commitments accumulate obligations that we don't need and that don't contribute to our legacy because they are not in our lane. Often they are the accumulated expectations of others for us - everyone has a wonderful plan for our lives!


But so does God and it is His plan for our lives that counts the most. And He designed and wired and gifted us for a purpose. When we understand that purpose and live it out we experience great joy and satisfaction. On the other hand, when we are simply accumulating obligations and activities that are not aligned with His purpose, we experience frustration and decreased happiness. 


I was recently talking to a colleague about how busy and without margin his life had become. He had accumulated so much stuff, so many obligations that life was not fun anymore. Further, much of the stuff was not in his primary lane of where he would make the most impact. He is now in the process of a personal "garage sale" to relinquish many of those obligations so that he can focus on what brings him the greatest joy and will make the greatest contribution to the kingdom.


It is liberating to realize that there are things we can say no too, based on the clarity of what God has called us to do. 


Youth does not lend itself to this kind of clarity but by the time we reach our forties, fifties and sixties we have a much better idea of who God made us to be and therefore where we are most effective. It makes sense that we focus our lives in those directions where God wired us to make the greatest impact. And, to feel free to graciously decline those things that take us away from our impact zone.


What is your impact zone? The place where you are in your lane, shine, feel the greatest joy and make the most impact for Jesus? Are you spending most of your time there or have you accumulated all kinds of obligations that actually take you away from your zone?  Do you need to shed some of the stuff of life so that you can live with more focus?

When the bodies pile up

I am not one who normally gets excited when people leave a church or a ministry when change comes. The truth is that when change comes, some folks (good folks) decide that they don't want to stay on the same bus anymore. I am OK with that. I write about this in my book High Impact Church Boards. I understand the dynamics of change. There are clearly times when people need to leave a church or ministry in order for that ministry to move forward.  The issue is not whether people will leave but which people will leave! 


And, when leaders together chart a new course for the church, there will be those who leave and others who come. This is normal and to be expected.


However, when the pile of bodies reaches a critical mass behind a leader there need to be questions asked. People who have found reason to move on, people who have been marginalized and choose to leave, people who have been hurt and decide to quietly disappear to other churches or ministries! At some point when the body count becomes high enough, wise individuals ask questions! Especially when the common factor becomes the leader himself! Is the fallout from needed change or is the fallout from a toxic leader? This is a critical distinction because change will often bring fallout (sometimes necessary fallout for the church to move forward).


There are toxic leaders who hurt people. Boards who allow those leaders to hurt others at some point become accountable for their choice to not hold senior leaders accountable. The church is by definition a place of grace, healing, compassion, and mercy. When leaders in the church allow it to turn into a place of hurt and alienation the purpose of the church has been compromised. 


Most folks alienated by a church leader will not make a scene. They quietly leave. Sometimes they leave because they no longer fit and need something different. But, when the list accumulates and leaders do not pay attention, ask questions or seek to determine why folks are leaving, they do a disservice to their responsibility as leaders. They may agree that it is not an important issue, but at least they know what the issues are. Too often they are simply negligent in even trying to know. Or, negligent in doing anything about it.


I am saddened by people who have been hurt by church and ministry leaders. I am more saddened by leaders who do not hold their own leader's accountable for their actions that hurt others. 

Church Conflict: Finding the core issue and the common source

If you are a leader whose church is in conflict there are two issues it is helpful to understand. First, what is the true reason for the conflict, and second, who is at the center of the conflict. 


Understanding the true nature of the conflict is often difficult because the presenting issues are often not the real issues. If one tries to solve the presenting issues without understanding what the actual issues are, there will not be resolution because even if you solve the presenting issues, the core issue remains untouched.


Having watched and worked with numerous churches in conflict, I am convinced that most church conflict has nothing to do with the surface or presenting issues and everything to do with power and control issues that lie behind the surface issues. This has to do with decision making power in the church and control of the church. It is an agenda to force a certain decision or direction hidden behind other presenting issues. Often it is cloaked in spiritual language and the "good of the church" but at its core it is about power and control.


How does one know if they are working with the presenting issue or a deeper control issue? One of the key markers is whether those who are complaining and making noise are open to rationale discussion and compromise or if they insist on getting their way. If it is the latter you are most likely dealing with a power issue and unless you cede to their demands the conflict will not stop. If you do, you have allowed power brokers with an agenda to win the day and that is always unhealthy in the church.


Often in church conflict it feels like everyone is involved because loud voices prevail. The truth of the matter is that power games in the church are never widespread but like power games everywhere can be traced back to an individual or a small group of individuals. I call these the voice behind the voices. Power games in the church are never a general group but always have an individual or small group of individuals behind them. They usually stay in the background and feed discontent but the common voice one hears from others is an indicator that this is not random conflict but has  a leader or leaders behind it. Common language and common attitudes are clear indicators.


How do you determine who is at the core of the conflict? Listen to the language, have a lot of conversations, ask a lot of questions and eventually you connect the dots toward a common source. Unless you understand the real issue and can deal with the common source one has no chance of mitigating the conflict.


We are often naive in the church regarding conflict. We too easily believe presenting issues, not wanting to believe that power politics might be present in our congregation. In addition we are too slow in dealing with the true source of the conflict because we are dealing with people who hide behind spiritual language. None of that, however, changes the damage that they are doing to the church. Power politics in the church destroys and people with agendas hurt the body. The proof that you are dealing with power politics is when you get to the core group and they will not live under the authority of the pastor or elders. Those who don't respond to appropriate authority are playing power politics. 


The ultimate power play is simply to call for the resignation of the pastor and the board. Here is where motives are nakedly plain. I was the pastor of a church where this once happened and church chairman in another church where it happened. In both cases, the real issues had been revealed and the core parties revealed and their last stand was to try to force the leadership out of office. When they lost their bid they left the church, clearly unwilling to live under authority.


The bottom line? As Jesus said, be innocent as doves and wise as serpents. Don't be fooled! Be smart. Be wise. Be prayerful. Act carefully.

Sages among us

Sage is almost synonymous with wisdom. Specifically, it is the wisdom that can only come with experience and a life lived long. In a day when we celebrate youth, we often miss what youth need more than anything else: the wisdom and counsel of those who have followed Jesus and gone the distance well. 


When I listen to the life stories of sages I know I am always amazed at the experiences they have had, the lessons they learned along the way, how they overcame adversity and even how they live with the challenges of advanced age. One of my personal sage heroes died recently at 103. She was a woman full of wisdom, experience and deep faith.


One church I know has asked it's sages to share their stories, one each month, at length. They have recorded the sessions and are building a library of shared wisdom. More importantly, they are reminding the rest of the church that there are people among them who have withstood the test of time and whom we ought to honor and learn from. 


The elderly in society are often marginalized as unimportant. In the church, these individuals ought to be honored: they are the examples to us of what it means to go the distance, stay the course and live out their faith over the long haul. Further, they have a wealth of wisdom that needs to be shared. 


Does you congregation have a way to tap into the sages among you? Can we move from programs to keep our seniors happy to proactively seeing them as sages with something to teach the rest of us? Many of them are Hebrews 11 heroes who have walked the walk, talked the talk and gone the distance. Rather than marginalize them, we need to honor them.

Is your ministry team a track team or basketball team?

Many ministry staffs operate as if they were a track team. In track, there are many different events and each event gives the team opportunity to make points for itself but by in large each individual operates alone: javelin, the mile, half mile - all the various events. At the end of the day they may win the prize but they won it by individual contribution primarily.

Contrast that with a basketball team where five individuals on the court must work as one. In fact those who try to work individually generally kill the effectiveness of the team. Seamlessly, they pass the ball, block, watch for open teammates who can take the ball and score. One of the joys of watching college or professional basketball is the amazing synergy and cooperation of the team.

Now think of the ministry team you play on. Do you look like a track team where everyone is doing their thing - good in itself but fairly unrelated to others, or a basketball team of synergistic, cooperative individuals who are playing the same game rather than separate games?

Most church staffs I meet are playing track. The great ones are playing basketball. The first you can do on your own. The second only with others. 

Civil and uncivil discourse in the church

Many do not realize how much of our national culture we bring into our churches that is problematic. Take for instance, the divisions brought on by elections in the US. Our nation is sharply divided and divisive in how it deals with those divisions. And, we have developed a polarized, black and white mentality where one side is "right" and the other side is "wrong." In addition, the tone of the discourse is sharp and divisive by its very nature. One tires of people shouting at one another on news programs.


How often in the church we bring the same black and white mentality coupled with polarizing attitudes, demonizing of those we don't agree with and divisions within the congregation. In fact, conflict seems to go up in congregations during election seasons which is not a surprise given the divisive spirit in the nation at large.


However, if ever there should be a place where discourse is civil, reasonable and respectful it ought to be in the church where in God's Spirit we can disagree with one another in an agreeable way and never demonize others simply because we don't see eye to eye. Think of the Biblical teaching on being gentle and kind to one another, patient with one another, long suffering and self controlled. Quite different than the polarized attitudes in our culture at large. 


Whenever the tone in the church becomes sharp and polarizing we need to be aware that it is secular culture behavior that is taking place rather than Jesus culture behavior. Whatever our differences, and whatever our positions, if ever there were a place where civil and respectful discourse should take place it should be in the church. This is why conflict in the church that results on division and divisiveness in unhealthy ways never reflects the character of Jesus but our society at large. Where it does take place, the biblical injunction is to forgive and seek to live at peace.


In addition, when it comes to politics, Jesus culture transcends our political differences and parties. Whenever I hear church leaders pushing a political agenda, party or candidate I know that for them Jesus does not yet transcend secular politics. There are Christ followers in all walks of life and political persuasion. At the work water cooler we debate politics. In the church we lift Jesus high. He is the hope of the world, not a political party. And for believers, being in the family of God transcends being in whatever political party we adhere to.