Knowing what God has called us to do

Earlier this week I received an updated life plan from a friend which he updates on a periodic basis. It is his best read on what God is calling him to do with his life based on his passion and gifting. Once a month on his personal retreat day he will review that plan knowing that while the specifics of where he might work or the position he might have are unknowns, that the major roles he desires to play are roles that he believes were made for him.



As we mature we come to realize that there are roles in life that we do not want to play and are not gifted for. Knowing what we don’t want to do narrows the field. The next area of helpful clarity is understanding the roles that we believe God created us for and it comes from a deep understanding of our strengths, our God given passions and the formative streams that make up our life story.


This is what I know about myself:


 I love to write and I believe God desires that it be a major part of what I do


 I am a third culture kid to the core who needs international involvement


 I am passionate about the spread of the church globally


 I love to lead and I need an organization to lead


 I care deeply about intentional living


 I love to develop new leaders at a high level


Consider taking a moment and making the short list of what you know about yourself. My own current role would be seen as convergence between what I know about myself and the role I play. Along my career path I had pieces of these but it was not until I was in my late forties that I had all of them. Of course, I did not know myself as well in the earlier years either as self knowledge takes time and experimentation along the way. The good thing is that it is often in our fifties and sixties that we have the most significant influence and a good part of that is being clear about what God has called us to do.


Assuming you took some moments to make the short list, how much convergence is there between what you know about yourself and God’s call on your life and where you are in your current role. My friend who has a life plan has come to the conclusion that he must change roles – and quickly – because he is not in a place of convergence – his sweet spot – and the lack of convergence is causing him significant unhappiness. He is not in a place where he can significantly play to his strengths.


Knowing what God has called us to do is a very freeing thing. That clarity allows us to say no to all kinds of opportunities and the freedom to focus in on those opportunities that best fit us and God’s macro call on our lives. The specifics may change but the macro themes should become clearer and more focused as we move into our fifties and sixties.

Being Comfortable in our own Skin

The self assurance that comes with being comfortable in our own skin is a huge gift when we achieve it. For me it took many years. This is a combination of understanding ourselves, knowing our strengths and shadow sides, and the lane we were made to run in. It is living with a divine OK that we are who we are and that we are not what we are not – and never will be and that too is OK. It is the place where we no longer have anything to prove or lose so there is the freedom to just be who God made us to be.



As a child I was painfully shy. Pictures of our family at the beach always had me holding a book. I had a book everywhere I went and while I had a few close friends, my friendships were not wide. When we arrived back from Hong Kong in 1971 I attended a high school where the idea of travelling was going deer hunting in Wisconsin! My world had been huge, and now I was with people whose world was very small. I fit in but I didn’t.


At the same time I was thrust into leadership positions – youth group, Inter-Varsity, Senior Pastor – an interesting juxtaposition for someone as reserved as I was. And, like many young leaders, I had both confidence in my leadership and suffered at times from insecurity – hidden from others of course. The truth was that I was not yet comfortable in my own skin and lived at times with significant anxiety, especially when I was taking shots from others in the pastorate.


Getting to comfort in our own skin is essential to a leader. It takes time and intentionality. For me it took time to learn to enjoy being an introvert in an extrovert job and today it fits me well. It took time to learn that I didn’t have to have the answer to all problems, or live with anxiety when crisis hit. It took time to learn to trust my instincts when I needed to make a call.


Intentionality is part of the equation too. Learning to live with a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude lifts all kinds of weight from our shoulders. Choosing to be transparent rather than holding our cards close to our vest allows others to understand us. Learning how to be self defining, honest and upfront while still staying connected to those who might disagree with us keeps us in relationship rather than cutting relationships off.


Being OK with who God made me to be is a component of being comfortable in our own skin. I can become a better me but I will always be me and not someone else, no matter how hard I try. I will always be a slightly reserved, analytical leader with a few deep relationships who loves to lead through team, conquer territory for Jesus, enjoys work more than play (fly fishing and time with close friends excepted), is the product of an international upbringing and needs to explore the world and has an irrational optimism for the church of Christ. That is me and I am comfortable with me because God chose to make me who I am. I figure He knew something I didn’t and He is God and I am not! Fortunately for the world there is only one me.


Now here comes the rub for all of us. There will be those who don’t like the me that God made us to be. They want us to be a different version of me that better fits their concept of a leader. I have had my share of those who were convinced either that God made a mistake in the me He crafted or that I was unqualified to be their leader. If you lead, you know what I am talking about. In my early years as a leader, I was tempted to try to be who they wanted me to be but it never worked. God made me the way He made me and I will never be someone else. Today, I am not threatened by those who think I should be a different version of me. Not only will it not happen but it is not what God intended.


This is where leading through team is so important. I have many deficits but the better the team that I have, the fewer those deficits impact the organization as a whole. If someone in the organization does not like my leadership style there is certainly someone on the team that they resonate with.


Understanding ourselves and how we are wired is crucial to becoming comfortable in our own skin. In addition, growing our EQ health is equally important. Those who are comfortable in their own skin either are so because of deep arrogance (I am right so I don’t have to worry about what others think) or are deeply cognizant of who they are (strengths and weaknesses) and are sensitive to the needs and issues of others. The former “comfortableness” is damaging to those around them. The latter is a comfortableness of understanding, wiring, calling, and deep humility that allows one to lead from who God made them to be and with great sensitivity to those around them.


Humility is central to this equation. Pride is concerned about how others see us, being right, managing our reputation and image. Humility is knowing that we have nothing to prove and nothing to lose, that we don’t need to manage our reputation or image and that we are simply broken vessels (the Apostle Paul’s words) whom God uses for His purposes. In fact, I thank God for every fissure and crack in the pottery that makes me who I am because those divine scars made me comfortable in my own skin.

Pursuing Wisdom

Conventional wisdom is always conventional and rarely wisdom. All one needs to do is to look at the life choices so many make to know that true wisdom is in short supply today. The book of Proverbs says that there is no greater gift than that of wisdom which starts with the Fear of the Lord and then cascades down into our lives, relationships, priorities, and ministries. All of life is to be soaked in the wisdom from above (James).



From a Biblical perspective, wisdom is the ability to look at life, situations and relationships from God’s viewpoint and to respond in ways that are consistent with His character but which are also smart and prudent. Wisdom takes into account potential solutions and unintended consequences. It then charts a course of action that is most likely to be productive and minimize the unintended consequences.


From time to time as an organizational leader I have had to intentionally move someone out of the organization because of disruptive behavior. As a leader I have the responsibility to guard the ministry. As a Christ follower, I want to do so in as redemptive a way possible. How I proceed is a matter of wisdom, taking into account all the relevant factors, including the knowledge that the individual in question has a constituency and that if my actions are perceived as being harsh or unfair, they will respond negatively and cause additional issues for the organization.


Wisdom requires the pursuit of God, the pursuit of an understanding of ourselves, the counsel of others and a willingness to go against the tide of conventional thinking. For men and women of deep influence, the pursuit of wisdom and the translation of wisdom into the everyday situations they face is a top priority. A life of wisdom creates a powerful influence because it is a living out of the very wisdom of God.


Wise individuals think deeper, act slower and with more prudence and forethought than those who lack wisdom. Because of their measured responses they are more likely to act with both grace and truth and minimize unintended consequences. They can both think grey and be decisive when they need to be. They are unthreatened by other strong opinions and invite those opinions to the table. They are also wise enough to know what they don’t know and to listen carefully to others. They are genuine pursuers of wisdom.


As I have matured in my own life I have learned that knee jerk reactions to situations are usually more harmful than productive. I have learned to curb my tendency to becoming anxious over situations that produce the need to act “now.” Rather I have learned that time is usually on my side, that trustworthy counselors will keep me from making foolish decisions and that measured responses are far better than quick responses. In essence, I have grown in wisdom and that growth has helped me lead better and has resulted in deeper influence.


I am a fan of the wisdom literature in Scripture. I am challenged by what is classified as “foolish” and drawn to the life of the “wise.” I see where I have been the fool and where I have grown in my wisdom. I am reminded that truly wise individuals are contrarian thinkers in the eyes of the world. They go against the stream of common wisdom. I am also reminded that it is as I think deeply and Biblically and heed the counsel of other wise individuals that I am at my best and avoid my worst. And finally, I am reminded of how far I have to go!

Thinking Leverage in our Lives

One of the reasons that some develop deep influence is that they are always looking for ways to leverage their lives, opportunities and ministries. It is a way of thinking. My writing is about leverage. I can reach far more people by writing than I can otherwise. I was so committed to that leverage that I self published my first two books when publishers said there was no market – and the books were later picked up by NavPress.



In our discussion on intentional living I wrote about the importance of thinking through how we use our most valuable resource – our time. Wise individuals leverage their time whenever possible in order to leverage that resource. When I travel, I often bring others with me which exposes them to the world of missions and gives me time to develop a relationship. When I speak, I will use that material for blogs or writing when I can. Instead of traveling to many different locations when international I will instead invite people to come to where I am. It is all about maximizing opportunity for kingdom purposes.


In my fifties, I know that what I leave behind in others is more powerful than what I can accomplish myself. Thus, a great part of my time and energy today goes into mentoring and coaching others. My investment in their lives and ministries is leverage for me because their contribution multiplies my contribution.


Life should not be seen as a series of random “one off” events but rather one of interconnected ministry activities that if thought through and wisely planned can provide a critical mass of opportunity that allow us to leverage our time, gifting and activity. Jesus was a master of this: by living life with his disciples, every event, conversation or situation became an opportunity to grow them and of course, in the power of the Holy Spirit, they launched the church on his ascension.


The example of Christ, where he involved his disciples (both the twelve and a larger group of followers) in His life and ministry is a powerful one because we have the same opportunity. Why do something by ourselves if we can involve others? Recently I was involved in a situation where ministry relationships were strained and needed to be sorted out. Rather than deal with it by myself – even though I was the primary player to do so – I brought two other leaders with me. In the process they learned some lessons in conflict resolution.


Wise leaders also think leverage when it comes to spending ministry dollars. I have some ministry friends who have a propensity to think very big when it comes to budgets for various initiatives. One of them asks my advice from time to time and I tell him that I always divide his monetary needs by ten and that is what he ought to be spending. Perhaps it is because many ministry folks have never been in business where the bottom line actually matters. They just think God will provide and rather than thinking leverage they try to raise far more than is actually needed.


Leaders of deep influence do not waste time, resources, opportunities, relationships, or strategy: they always look for ways to leverage these God given resources for maximum ministry impact. It is a way of thinking – and a contrarian way of thinking at that.

Personal Development

One of the key distinctions of people of deep influence is that they have a lifelong passion for personal and professional development. They are deeply intentional about their growth because they are driven by the desire to have influence for God. That desire motivates them to become the best me they can be. They are as intentional in this area of life as in the others we have examined.




As a young leader I thought I knew quite a lot. Today I know how much I don’t know and the number of things I am sure of are fewer – but my convictions on those things stronger.


The main enemy of ongoing development is often laziness, or choosing to settle for what is rather than what could be. When Paul talks about forgetting the past and pressing into the future, running the race as one who wants to win the prize, he is speaking the language of one who is always reaching for a way to accomplish more and is never satisfied with where they are. This is not about being driven but about being intentional for the sake of our personal and ministry influence on behalf of Christ.


Our mentors


All of us need mentors and the wisest of us have multiple mentors since no one person is capable of providing everything we need. Personally I have set of people I consider informal mentors in my life, each of whom speaks from a different but wise perspective and all of whom are people of deep influence to me.


For me, these are people who I deeply respect and trust and who I learn something from each time I am with them. They are relationships based on friendship and it is a two way relationship where iron sharpens iron. In am convinced that the quality of our friendships – and their depth – has a significant influence on who we become so I choose those friendships carefully and nurture them often.


In some cases I have a monthly phone call with another leader whom I respect and know and simply talk through mutual issues that we face. In the give and take of those conversations both of us usually leave with something new to consider. Again, it is informal and based on mutual respect and a desire to sharpen one another.


In our association of churches (the EFCA) we seek to connect leaders and pastors with one another through a list serve. It could be a list serve for pastors who lead churches of one thousand plus, or another affinity group of churches within a certain size limit. We also have a list serve for executive pastors. When one of the members of the list serve has a question or is looking for a solution to a specific problem they will put it out on the list serve and they have dozens of fellow mentors sharing their perspective or experience. Through the group process of affinity, experience is shared, solutions proposed and relationships established. Many times a good idea will simply go viral within the group because of the affinity groups list serve.


There are many ways to connect with people who deal with the kinds of issues you deal with. The key is to be intentional in making those connections.


Mentors can also be people we engage for a specific issue we are facing in our leadership, or they can be ongoing coaches for a period of time to help us through a transition or simply to help us grow in a specific area. I serve as a mentor to a number of people on a monthly or as desired basis. It is mainly about helping people think through options and to ask the right questions.


Even if it means hiring a mentor to help you grow in a specific area, if that mentor has expertise it is well worth the financial investment if it can launch one to the next level of effectiveness. We often underestimate the value of making financial investments in areas that can help us grow in a quantum rather than incremental way. People of deep influence are always thinking leverage and a coach or consultant can provide significant leverage in a short amount of time. The financial investment is small compared to the expertise and help gained.


Discerning areas of specific growth


Leaders usually have an intuitive sense about areas where they need to grow. And each of us have individual needs. Intentional development means that we don’t ignore those areas and have a plan for how we will press into them. All of us should be able to identify a handful of areas where our growth could make a significant difference in our effectiveness. Once we know what they are, we can look for ways that we can grow in one or two of those areas over the next year.


Consider asking your team from time to time what areas of growth they see for you. They know you well and asking them for feedback honors your relationship and models an open and nothing to prove/nothing to lose attitude. By your very vulnerability you will gain the respect of your team. And it gives you added credibility when you suggest to them potential areas of development. In our organization, personal development is the first and a required Key Result Area annually.

Distraction Management

Distractions are the leaks in our commitment to intentional living. They cause us to leak time, energy and influence. Someone has said that if the evil one cannot convince us to sin he will tie us up with distractions. Distractions either manage us or we manage them. And unless actively managed, they will manage us.



Managing distractions is the realization that our attention can easily be diverted from what we really need to do. And, distractions can be a secretly welcomed diversion from doing more difficult or important things. In fact, some people will go find a distraction if one does not find them first. Managing distractions is not about avoiding people or being unresponsive to real situations that may demand our attention. It is about having a plan to manage what otherwise becomes a deadly leak to the priorities we must fulfill.






Cell phones have voice mail


For many of us our primary number is our cell number. Few people call my office number (only those who don’t know me) and no one calls my home number (I don’t have a land line). Welcome to the efficiency of communication and one of the greatest distractions of all.


Fortunately, we have voice mail and caller ID. When spending focused time, avoid answering the phone unless the person calling is on your “can disturb” list (I have about 20 of those). Chances are that when you listen to the VM you will be glad you did.


Schedule phone appointments


I am accessible to anyone who has a valid reason to talk to me. What I am not available for are random phone calls (unless one is on the “can disturb” list). I intentionally set aside time in my week for phone appointments which are scheduled by my administrative assistant, Rene, for a specific time and a specific amount of time. That way I am accessible but I have control over the time of the appointment and how long it lasts.


Use a gate keeper


Not everyone has this luxury but if you have an assistant, use them to vet the calls that come in or the requests for appointments. Here is the truth: many people want a piece of a leader but not everyone should get the face time. If someone calls, Rene will find out who they are and why they are calling. She will often know whether I should take the call or someone else. If someone else, she will route them to the right person. If in doubt she will talk to me and then schedule either a personal or phone appointment accordingly.


Because my assistant knows my personal priorities I give her permission to push into me if she thinks that I don’t need to be in a meeting or say yes to a request. I have always been blessed with confident, assertive and helpful assistants who speak their mind and “manage up” very well. I am far better for each of them.


Schedule email


I receive in excess of one hundred emails on a given day. Since I am committed to responding to any email from my world wide staff I need to schedule specific time when I pay attention to email and times when I ignore it in order to get something else done. I also give my assistant access to my email account so that she can respond to issues that don’t need my response. Generally I will schedule email time during the periods of the day when I will not be as productive – afternoons – so that I save the best hours for the most significant activity.


The “open” door


Sometimes my door is not open! I may be in a meeting, or, engaged in something that requires my focus. Open door policies are nice but not very effective – if the result is that there are constant interruptions. I am always available to my senior team if they really need me but scheduling appointments is usually the way we meet. It can be a five minute appointment or an hour or longer but scheduling them helps.


Skype


Travel is a time killer and I travel a lot. But, I am also realizing that there are times when an Internet meeting will be as effective as when one is physically face to face. On the Internet one can be face to face and it saves money, energy and time. That money, energy and time can be invested elsewhere. I still travel but I now ask the question, is there an alternative way to have this meeting?


The coffee shop


For many of us the “office” is the last place where we get our work done. I schedule days when my assistant, Rene, can put appointments on my calendar. When I am in the office I am pretty accessible. I then schedule blocks of time, entire days and sometimes a set of days when I work either from home, the coffee shop or a remote office. It allows me to concentrate on issues that I need to concentrate on.


Block scheduling


Block scheduling is a simple tool that can help us manage distractions. Rather than doing five things at once and allowing phone, email and people to constantly interrupt, blocking several hours (or longer) for one task that allows us to focus without interruptions. Block scheduling takes more discipline but it is far more productive than juggling numerous issues at once.


Communication with your team on what works well for you


As part of playing to your strengths is it always helpful to have a dialogue with your team on what works best for you in terms of your productivity. I have found that teams I led have been very flexible and even encouraging of those things that allow me to lead better, use my time wisely and serve them well. They will help you if they know what you need in order to be effective.


Schedule proactively and ahead


Our calendars are the way we connect the compass (our priorities) with the clock (our own time management). There are a number of components that make up our schedules. First, there are ongoing obligations that we have. These would be set meetings that are part of the rhythm of the organization or team you lead. They go on first because they are non-negotiable items. For me this includes my key leadership meetings and the monthly meetings I have with those who report to me. The last are usually scheduled on “non-travel” days at the beginning of each month.


Second, there are big rocks (our priorities) that must be accomplished over the course of the next months or year. Because these are the things that must be done in order for you to be effective as a leader, they get blocked out next on your calendar so that you know you have the time to pay attention to them. Because one of my five priorities is writing, I will block days or even weeks when that is all that is on the schedule (knowing that I still need to keep up with day to day issues).


Included in this second category should be the time we need to think, read, and consider issues important to the organization, team or ministry we lead. Unless we specifically schedule think time, we will probably not get it. And this time is perhaps some of the most important time we need to be leaders of deep influence.


Just as think time is so important, those things that recharge us emotionally, physically and spiritually are also key components of a healthy life and those times need to get scheduled in so that we don’t lose our edge. For me that is time for rest, reading, chainsaw therapy on some acreage we have and fly fishing. For many years, we have simply kept the month of August completely free for rest.


Third, there are times when we just need to be available for our team or for appointments – phone or in person. I block “office days” on my calendar so that my assistant (gate keeper) can schedule those I need to have face time with. These are days or blocks of time when I am available to meet.


Fourth, comes everything else but notice that the key is scheduling is to schedule in order of priority – the most important gets scheduled before the least important. The alternative is that the less important will often crowd out the more important, to the leakage ultimately of our effectiveness and influence. While this kind of scheduling limits our options (we cannot live by the seat of our pants) it helps us use our time with greater discipline and intentionality.


Factored into our schedules should be enough margin to deal with the unexpected issues or emergencies that arise. With some margin, schedules can be rearranged when necessary without losing time for the four categories above.


Prayerfully consider your calendar – it is the checkbook of your most important resource – time.


Because our calendar is the checkbook of our time and because every time check we write is an investment, it pays to be highly intentional about what we put on the calendar – and to prayerfully consider the time checks we write. Like you I receive more opportunities and requests than I can adequately fulfill. I know that God does not want me to live a frenetic life and that He gives me the time to do what He has called me to do. It is up to me to be wise about the choices I make so that I play to my strengths, fulfill my responsibilities, lead well, set a good example to my team and live intentionally.


That is why I give my calendar so much attention. I will often think grey about requests or opportunities and pray about them as I consider the next three to six months of my schedule. Thinking grey (not making a decision) allows me to think through the ramifications of the time check I am thinking of writing and whether it is the right thing for me at this time, given the other obligations I have.


If I sense a green light I move forward and schedule it, if it is a red light I am free to decline and if a yellow light, I continue to think grey. My nemesis is saying “yes” to quickly and writing the time check too fast. When I do that too often I end up tired and depleted and what usually suffers are the most important things. Thus I am constantly looking at my calendar in order to make the very best time investment decisions possible because that is tied directly to my ability to have deep influence.


Because I know that each opportunity is an investment, I will often include my trusted colleague Gary, and my wife Mary Ann into the discussion. They will bring wisdom and perspective that is very helpful.


When present be fully present


Intentionality with our calendar means that we are not always available for everyone. This is a reality of leadership, especially as our responsibilities grow. One way to compensate for this and to continue to be seen as available and approachable is to find times when you can be present and available. For instance, a pastor of a large church whom I know stays around after the Sunday morning service until everyone who wants to see him has done so. While it may be hard to schedule a meeting with him during the week, anyone who wants to talk to him on Sunday can do so.


As the leader of a large international ministry I will never get to all the countries we work in or be able to visit all the teams we have. But I can attend meetings like the Divisional Conferences and during those days be available for anyone who wants to interact. It is an intentional way to be accessible even with a very disciplined schedule that is necessary in my leadership role.

Church Board Development

One of the key ongoing commitments of a good governance board is that of improving its work. In fact, most non-profit boards actually have a board development committee whose mandate it is to help the board grow, develop, become more knowledgeable board members and perform at a higher level.


Church boards ought to take a page from that playbook. While they often evaluate the senior pastor (which is good) they rarely evaluate themselves (which is bad). Governance or leadership is serious business and its quality determines the quality of the ministry of the church. Yet few church boards have a plan for ongoing development.


There are any number of areas where church boards can improve their effectiveness: Here are a number to consider.


1. Are we clear as to what our job is? Are we here to keep tabs on the pastor? Are we hear to guard the status quo? Are we here to move the ministry of the church down the field in line with a core ministry philosophy? Do we know why we are here and do all of our board members abide by the same premise?


2. Do we have efficient and effective meetings? Does each meeting have a clear agenda? Do we stay on task and avoid rabbit trails? Are we dealing with the truly big ministry rocks rather than the pebbles that someone else could be dealing with? Is the board chair given the authority to plan and lead effective meetings?


3. Do we have healthy relationships on the board and do we practice biblical conflict resolution? Are we able to have robust discussion at board meetings without personal attacks or hidden agendas. Do board members keep conversations from the board room confidential? Do we have a means of dealing with rogue board members who have their own agendas and keep the board from moving forward?


4. Do we have an efficient decision making progress or are we constantly rehashing decisions that have already been made? Are we easily intimidated by loud voices in the congregation who may disagree with decisions of the board. Do all board members support decisions made?


5. Do we spend quality time in prayer and biblical reflection around critical issues of ministry or are we so focused on day to day issues that we never get there. Is the spiritual temperature of the board high or low? What evidence is there to support our conclusion?


6. Do we have a really good plan for choosing the very best people for our board or are we at the whim of a process that leaves our board open to unqualified and uncooperative members who drive their own agendas. How do we guard our gate of leadership? How could we do it better?


Board development can change the effectiveness of church boards and change the experience that individuals have in serving on it. If you do not do board development on an ongoing basis, I would urge you to seriously consider it.