It takes courage to have a direct and candid conversation with someone that we have a difference with. Too often, rather than speaking directly we speak to others hoping that they will influence or set straight those we have an issue with. It does not work! Rather it creates even more misunderstanding and chaos than if we had simply sat down to dialogue with the other individual.
If I have an issue with another individual it is my responsibility to deal directly with them, or they with me. Avoidance creates more distance and asking others to deal with it for us is a lack of courage. Hoping the issue will just go away is wishful thinking. It is a Matthew 18 thing!
I spoke to a pastor today who had been dealing with a number of elders who were at odds with him. He had avoided direct discussion of the issues for a number of years hoping that he could build the bridges necessary for resolution. It did not work. When he finally addressed the individuals directly they decided that they no longer wanted to serve in church leadership and for the first time in many years he has a unified and aligned group of leaders. Everything changed, but not before he had the courage to have a direct conversation and address the real issues.
We can run from a barking dog, hide from a barking dog or walk toward a barking dog. Today I do the last! I may not get agreement or resolution (the ideal) but at least I will get clarity and have done my part to deal with the relational disconnect. What I will not do is ignore the issues, hide from them or hope someone else will solve them for me.
Jesus was always direct. He spoke with grace and truth but he did not dodge issues that were in front of Him. Neither should we. Is there someone you need to have a conversation with?
1 comment:
I'm currently facing similar things. The courage to wait on
God and prayerfully let my own motives be refined by that waiting is the number one driver in holding back what I see as a much needed rebuke. It is also partly the idea that the wrath of man does not work the righteousness of
God. And since the issues to be dealt with are likely to cause a church split (again), I thought I might step back and allow for the Lord's unique discipline to complete its work.
And honestly, discipline is a hassle. Discipline of adults who should now better is a pitiable task because I have my own two kids to raise. When I think of these things I am often reminded of this verse.
(Proverbs 26:17) Like one who grabs a stray dog by the ears is someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own.
I recall how John dealt with Diotrephes. Even Paul speaking to the Corinthians is choosing to offer a threat of discipline as a form of discipline. The truth is no one wants to deal with the mess religion and pride makes of ministry.
Thanks TJ.
I will petition The Lord again for the right approach, in love, to the conversations I have been avoiding.
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