When leaders cannot be challenged

 

When boards ignore the obvious, people get hurt

 

Here is a scenario that I have seen repeated too often. The board of a large church asked me for help regarding conflict between the senior leader and two other leaders who had just been fired, causing an uproar in the congregation.

I discovered that there were at least six staff members who had been fired or left the church on their own accord in the past two years. I asked the board if they (or anyone) had conducted exit interviews, and of course, the answer was no. I interviewed each of these staff members, and the story was a similar account of abuse and bullying by the senior leader. This was not a case of benign neglect of staff but of active belligerence and unkindness toward his reports. 

I asked why the board had not explored these issues, knowing that there was a pattern. They didn't have much to say. Unfortunately this is one of many instances where I have seen boards ignore the obvious because they did not want to wade into unpleasant waters or challenge their leader. 

In their lack of due diligence, they become complicit in the dysfunctional culture created by their leader and the unfortunate pain caused to staff members poorly treated. In this case, when the issues were brought to light with the congregation, the entire board resigned and new board members were elected. 

Boards have responsibilities to guard the culture and health of the organization they represent. When they don't do that in the face of obvious leadership issues, they become complicit. They contribute to the pain of others. And that disfunction spills over into the rest of the organization.

Grow your self awareness and become a better version of you

 

Dictionary

Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more

self-a·ware·ness

noun

1. conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires.

   "the process can be painful but it leads to greater self-awareness"

Do you know who you are and why you do what you do? Do you know how others experience you? Too often we pay too little attention to understanding ourselves and in the process we hurt others around us and are often not remotely aware that we did so.

Each of us impacts those around us. We cause them to experience emotions like joy, acceptance, grace, condemnation, irrelevance, judgement or any number of positive or negative emotions. Self awareness is the ability to understand how others perceive us and what they experience in our presence. Awareness is the first step toward ensuring that our impact on others is what we desire it to be.

How we impact others is directly connected to our ability to understand our own behaviors, motives and attitudes. Many of us are not completely aware of why we say and do what we do. This can be because we speak and act before we stop and consider what we are doing and why.

Years ago I learned that when I responded quickly, I often did so without the diplomacy I truly desired. What I said may have been true but it was blunt and hard. I actually put a post-it in front of me in many meetings that said KMS. Keep Mouth Shut. Practicing KMS allowed me to consider what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. 

When I was in contentious situations, I leaned to not only KMS but to respond to a frontal attack with a question. It gave me time to think about my response and to invite dialogue rather than to respond out of emotion, thus bringing down the tension rather than contributing to it. 

I also learned that when someone "Pushed buttons in my emotions" the issue was not what they said (no matter how irritating or out of order) but something in me that caused me to react to their statement. Thus I started to become more aware of my own emotional responses and seek to understand why my emotions were struck by their words. 

Those who best understand themselves and who learn to regulate their emotions and responses become healthier versions of themselves. Self aware individuals often have more influence than non-self aware individuals because their responses are more mature, better regulated and in understanding how others experience them they can avoid behaviors that push people away and focus on those that bring people closer. 

Leaders who develop healthy self awareness tend to create healthier cultures in their organizations than those who don't. Do some research, and become more self aware. It will not only help you but it will bless those around you.