Dysfunctional church systems: Beware of closed rather than open cultures

I spoke recently with a ministry leader who resigned from his church staff position (a large church) because of the dysfunctional culture he sensed. Having left the "system," he now realizes that it was a great deal more dysfunctional than he thought, and he is so glad to be out of it. 

When we are in a dysfunctional or toxic "closed" system, we may sense that not all is right, but it is when we get out that we realize how dysfunctional it was. This applies to staff systems as well as whole congregations where there is significant dishealth. Such dysfunction can be part of the historic DNA of the church, a dysfunctional board, a dysfunctional leader, or a "church boss" who wields unhealthy power and has a personal agenda.

What are some of the signs of a closed and dysfunctional ministry system?

One: There is tremendous pressure for people to think similarly and not to have independent voices. In closed systems, independent opinions that go against the "group think" are a threat and are not valued. Independent thinkers in ministries are often labeled as troublemakers or spiritually immature. Indeed, it is not safe to disagree significantly.

The truth is that breakthroughs occur when independent thinking, asking good questions and suggesting new ways of doing things are present. These are the building blocks of growth and vibrancy; holding them in check will bring decay and decline.

Two: Questions about the status quo are seen as disloyalty. This is especially true for senior leaders who are insecure and do not like their paradigms or opinions to be questioned. As long as one keeps the party line, one is "in." If you ask hard questions, you are marginalized.

Breakthroughs in ministry occur when hard questions are asked. The status quo will not lead you to the future; it will tether you to the present and the past. 

Three: Candid dialogue is not allowed. Usually, the senior leader sets the tone here. In closed systems, candid dialogue is a threat rather than a valued part of the culture. Such dialogue will inevitably challenge the standard line.

A measure of an organization's health or dishealth is how candid the dialogue can be. In closed systems, people know that there are subjects they cannot touch and places they cannot go. There are elephants in the room that everyone knows are there, but you cannot name them—often even in the board room. There is quiet intimidation to leave specific topics alone, and those crossing the line quickly realize they have entered the forbidden territory. 

Four: Senior leaders often protect themselves from accountability or questions in closed systems. They hide behind a spiritual veil that sounds good but keeps people from getting too close. They surround themselves with people who will agree with them, and those who don't usually don't stay, either because they know how dysfunctional it is or because they are marginalized or let go. 

It always amazes me that dysfunctional senior leaders are not asked more penetrating questions by the people around them or the boards to which they are accountable. Why is this? They are masters at making themselves look good, and others take the blame. They spin and posture, and because of the first three descriptors above, they are not held accountable, and tough questions are asked. The board and leader are both caught in a cycle of codependency.

Five: When independent voices appear, or someone steps out of the prevailing culture, tremendous pressure is put on them to get in line and conform to standard opinions. It is a family system thing, and any threat to the prevailing culture brings pressure for conformity. This is why independent thinkers often live in dysfunctional staff situations and congregations. They see the system for what it is and know it is unhealthy.

Those who think for themselves and speak candidly are usually pressured to get in line or marginalized if they don't. Often these individuals will simply leave because they see how unhealthy the system is and choose not to participate. 

Six: The most telling moment for those who leave such systems is how free they feel once they are out of it. Even though they knew it was not healthy, they realized how unhealthy it was once they were out. Those who leave are also a threat to those who stay, who, at some level, feel that those leaving are not loyal. They have violated the family system. 

What keeps people in systems like this? The irony is that while we may be uncomfortable and know something is off, to step out of such a system is to be labeled as disloyal or no longer "faithful." Those are hard things to live with, especially when they come from long-time friends or acquaintances. It feels ugly and unsafe, and you start to question whether it is true or not. 

In reality, these systems are simply large codependency environments where people get trapped in dysfunctional relationships and a dysfunctional system. Often you don't see that clearly until you are outside the system. If there were one descriptor of these systems it is the word control. Each of the descriptors above is about control. Freedom it is not! If you feel controlled or if any of these characteristics are true of your staff or your ministry, consider the possibility that you are caught in a closed, codependent, and dysfunctional system.

The role of senior leaders in creating open dialogue

 

Moving from toxicity to health in organizational leadership

Toxicity in leadership often stems from our inability to control our egos in our interactions with others. If you have ever been in a conversation with a supervisor or boss and feel unlistened to, put down, diminished, your opinion discounted, or attacked verbally, you have experienced an unhealthy ego that needs to be right, superior and get its own way. 

These behaviors destroy trust, create cynicism, hurt hearts and shut down important conversation. At the least is it destructive and discourteous behavior and at the most it is destructive to the very staff who make possible the mission we represent. 

Leaders do not fully understand the power of their words, actions and attitudes to lift up or diminish those who work for them. When ego gets in the way, their staff and the organization suffer greatly.

This is not an uncommon issue. However, as we mature as leaders it is an issue that we must confront and deal with it because not doing so will eventually destroy our leadership. And can destroy our organization as the best people leave because of the toxic behaviors of the senior leader(s). 

In my experience there are several key's to ensuring that we lead from health and not the toxicity of our egos. 

First, you have to want to lead from health! While that may seem obvious it is not because the only way to know how your words or behaviors negatively impact those around you is to openly ask for feedback and very few leaders are willing to do that. The very question is a threat to their fragile ego's.

When I led an organization I would regularly ask those who reported to me if there was anything I did that created issues for them, anything they wished I could change about my leadership or any advice they had for how I could be a better leader. The responses were always very helpful for me in understanding myself and the blind spots I had in my leadership. If a leader is not willing to regularly ask those kinds of questions they are not serious about wanting to lead from health. The most significant risk we run as leaders is that we are not self aware of our own impact on others and the only way to understand that impact is to ask the right questions.

Second, when we learn that we have some significant issues we need to get help. Professional help! Ego will tell us we don't need it but our ego is wrong. Most leaders do. The negative behaviors listed above come from a deep place inside of us. The need to be right, the inability to listen well to others, the tendency to put others down or disregard their opinions, the belief that we should call the plays are all behaviors rooted in our own dysfunctions and often stem from childhood. Unless we understand where these negative behaviors come from, we cannot modify them in a healthy manner. 

This is not an easy journey but a necessary one. It is a journey I have had to take and in my coaching practice I have the privilege of helping others in this journey. The willingness to take that hard journey is a sign of strength rather than weakness and the more disclosing you are to those around you about your journey, the more respect you will have. Those around  us know what our issues are even though we may try to pretend they don't exist. They know and they appreciate the efforts to become a better leader as it impacts them.

Third, we must create open atmospheres in our teams and organizations where candid and honest dialogue can take place. This is the most critical factor in creating healthy organizations and holding everyone, including the leader, accountable for words, actions and decisions. 

The key factor in how open or closed an organization is to honest and candid conversation is always the senior leader. The organization will mirror his/her oppenness or closedness because self preservation will require people to not challenge where their leader will not allow you to go. Those who do find themselves looking for another job. They are marginalized and choose to move on. 

In fact, consider asking your team this question. What are the subjects or topics or issues that you wish we could talk about as a team but you are afraid to put on the table. And then just listen. Make a list on the white board and commit to taking them one at a time until all have been discussed. Only leaders who are serious about leading form health will take that step but it makes a powerful discussion.

"Ask any group of employees to describe an ideal team or organizational culture, and they will tell you: supportive, transparent, authentic, collaborative, trusting. But inquire about their current company's culture, and the list will usually look very different: competitive, political, territorial, untrusting, conflict adverse."

This quote is from Ego Free Leadership by Black and Hughes and is an excellent resource on this topic.