Moving from toxicity to health in organizational leadership

Toxicity in leadership often stems from our inability to control our egos in our interactions with others. If you have ever been in a conversation with a supervisor or boss and feel unlistened to, put down, diminished, your opinion discounted, or attacked verbally, you have experienced an unhealthy ego that needs to be right, superior and get its own way. 

These behaviors destroy trust, create cynicism, hurt hearts and shut down important conversation. At the least is it destructive and discourteous behavior and at the most it is destructive to the very staff who make possible the mission we represent. 

Leaders do not fully understand the power of their words, actions and attitudes to lift up or diminish those who work for them. When ego gets in the way, their staff and the organization suffer greatly.

This is not an uncommon issue. However, as we mature as leaders it is an issue that we must confront and deal with it because not doing so will eventually destroy our leadership. And can destroy our organization as the best people leave because of the toxic behaviors of the senior leader(s). 

In my experience there are several key's to ensuring that we lead from health and not the toxicity of our egos. 

First, you have to want to lead from health! While that may seem obvious it is not because the only way to know how your words or behaviors negatively impact those around you is to openly ask for feedback and very few leaders are willing to do that. The very question is a threat to their fragile ego's.

When I led an organization I would regularly ask those who reported to me if there was anything I did that created issues for them, anything they wished I could change about my leadership or any advice they had for how I could be a better leader. The responses were always very helpful for me in understanding myself and the blind spots I had in my leadership. If a leader is not willing to regularly ask those kinds of questions they are not serious about wanting to lead from health. The most significant risk we run as leaders is that we are not self aware of our own impact on others and the only way to understand that impact is to ask the right questions.

Second, when we learn that we have some significant issues we need to get help. Professional help! Ego will tell us we don't need it but our ego is wrong. Most leaders do. The negative behaviors listed above come from a deep place inside of us. The need to be right, the inability to listen well to others, the tendency to put others down or disregard their opinions, the belief that we should call the plays are all behaviors rooted in our own dysfunctions and often stem from childhood. Unless we understand where these negative behaviors come from, we cannot modify them in a healthy manner. 

This is not an easy journey but a necessary one. It is a journey I have had to take and in my coaching practice I have the privilege of helping others in this journey. The willingness to take that hard journey is a sign of strength rather than weakness and the more disclosing you are to those around you about your journey, the more respect you will have. Those around  us know what our issues are even though we may try to pretend they don't exist. They know and they appreciate the efforts to become a better leader as it impacts them.

Third, we must create open atmospheres in our teams and organizations where candid and honest dialogue can take place. This is the most critical factor in creating healthy organizations and holding everyone, including the leader, accountable for words, actions and decisions. 

The key factor in how open or closed an organization is to honest and candid conversation is always the senior leader. The organization will mirror his/her oppenness or closedness because self preservation will require people to not challenge where their leader will not allow you to go. Those who do find themselves looking for another job. They are marginalized and choose to move on. 

In fact, consider asking your team this question. What are the subjects or topics or issues that you wish we could talk about as a team but you are afraid to put on the table. And then just listen. Make a list on the white board and commit to taking them one at a time until all have been discussed. Only leaders who are serious about leading form health will take that step but it makes a powerful discussion.

"Ask any group of employees to describe an ideal team or organizational culture, and they will tell you: supportive, transparent, authentic, collaborative, trusting. But inquire about their current company's culture, and the list will usually look very different: competitive, political, territorial, untrusting, conflict adverse."

This quote is from Ego Free Leadership by Black and Hughes and is an excellent resource on this topic.

Ten Self Management Principles that will Impact your Leadership

 

Healthy leaders have learned the art of self-management, knowing who they are how they act and react, and the model they set directly impacts those who work under their leadership. There are ten critical self-management principles that all leaders should pay attention to.

Our Attitudes

Leaders do not have the luxury of being careless with their attitudes - toward people, situations, or life. One of the jobs of a leader is to inspire others toward healthy action, encourage the staff, and maintain a positive outlook on life, even when life is not cooperating. Their attitudes impact everyone around them.

Our Emotions

All of us have emotions. Leaders learn to manage their emotions so that their emotions do not cause them trouble. Think of how angry eruptions and words spoken in the heat of emotion cause harm to people. Leaders who cannot control their emotions cause uncertainty for their staff. It has been the downfall of many otherwise bright leaders.

Our Empathy

Without empathy, leaders are not seen as caring individuals but as cold and lacking concern. Some people have a lot of natural empathy. When that is not the case, leaders must cultivate the practice of empathy. Empathy is the key to healthy relationships, and relationships are the key to leadership.

Our Self Awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to discern how we are perceived by others and how our actions, attitudes, and words impact others. Lack of self-awareness causes great misunderstanding and assumptions by others that we don't care. Leaders who are not naturally self-aware need coaching and feedback from others if they will lead successfully.

Our Focus

Focused leaders develop focused staff, while the opposite is also true. Good leaders hold themselves to a high standard of discipline in their work, including eliminating those things they should not do and focusing on the most strategic.

Our Empowerment

It is easy to control. It is harder to properly empower, but that is the key to a healthy team, and healthy leaders are rigorous in empowering others within boundaries to accomplish their work.

Our Boundaries

Boundaries are the things we do not allow in our behavior and in the behavior of others because it is hurtful to the culture we want to create. In effect, leaders set the boundaries for what is out of bounds within the organization or team.

Our Example

We lead most powerfully by example. When our stated commitments and examples are not in alignment, the result is cynicism. When they are in alignment, staff know that we are serious. Examples speak louder than words.

Our Humility

Everyone thinks they are humble, but that is the insidious nature of pride. Humility comes when we know our strengths are acutely and equally aware of our shadow side and our need for others. Humility is cultivated through time with God and a great deal of introspection.

Our Service

Few things speak louder than our commitment to serve those we lead and help them be all they can be. For leaders, life is not about us but about others and the mission that binds us together. The more we serve, the better leaders we become.

Each of these ten areas of a leader's life must be practiced intentionally for successful, healthy leadership.

Three gifts every supervisor can give to their staff

 

Leaders come bearing gifts to their staff. They set the culture of the organization in positive and sometimes negative ways. The best leaders create a culture of clarity, development and optimism that we can accomplish our mission. All three of these are positive gifts to the staff they lead.

The gift of clarity is helping everyone be crystal clear as to what we are about and what our focus needs to be. The more sharply we can articulate our direction and focus, the more our staff can in turn focus their work! Focused clarity within organizations is not as common as one might think because it requires an enormous and ongoing effort  by leadership to clarify their mission and an equally enormous effort to keep the organization focused on that mission. However, that clarity is a great gift to staff as they know what the goal is and where their energies need to be focused.

The focus part of the equation is perhaps the hardest because staff and teams must figure out on a quarterly basis how they prioritize their work and what will constitute a "win" for that quarter. Not all activity is of equal value. The most important activity is what we ought to be focused on and that is the value of quarterly win cycles for everyone in the organization.

The gift of staff development is an indication of whether leaders are generous in seeking to help staff grow and develop or selfish in simply using staff for their own purposes. Think about the various work roles you have had over the years and ask the question, "did I leave that role with greater skill and success because someone intentionally developed me or was I simply left to my own devices?" Leaders have a stewardship responsibility to help staff grow, flourish and to give them opportunity to use their gifts fully. This is a truly significant gift and staff never forget the gift.

This gift is both selfish and unselfish. Selfish in the sense that the ongoing development of staff will come back to bless the organization and its work. It also creates a deep sense of loyalty to the organization because it signals a high commitment to staff. It takes time and effort to develop staff and they appreciate it. 

The unselfish part of the equation is that such development may mean that your actually develop someone out of the organization. Their capacity grows and there may not be a place for their additional capacity in your organization but they will flourish elsewhere. Regardless of whether they stay or move on to higher levels of responsibility, you have given them the gift of growth and development. It is an unusual organization or leader who makes this a priority.

The gift of optimism is an attitude that together we can get our job done and accomplish our mission. A leader's optimism with their staff is critical in today's uncertain and competitive marketplaces. Optimism creates momentum while pessimism creates discouragement. Optimism married to a culture of teamwork and cooperation allows organizations to see results that no one could accomplish on their own. Regardless of whether a leader feels optimistic on any certain day, they give a gift to their staff when they choose to convey a positive attitude.

This is especially critical in times of stress and uncertainty as we have been walking through in the past several years. The attitude of the leader cascades down through the team or organization. Leaders who exude hope and optimism in spite of the circumstances create a place of energy and encouragement. Never underestimate the power of this gift.

Every leader can give these three gifts to their staff - if they value their staff enough to do it. 

Can you disagree with me as your leader?

As a leader of others I always want to know that those who join my senior team or cabinet are able and willing to disagree with me. Too many leaders define loyalty as agreeing with their position and therefore surround themselves with "yes" people. In my mind this is not loyalty - but disloyalty to the good of the organization. Thus I will not put someone on my senior team who does not have the courage and willingness to disagree with me as their senior leader.

It surprises many people to find out that I do not make unilateral decisions for ReachGlobal. Rather, we say we are team led and team driven and all issues that impact staff go through the ReachGlobal cabinet or the Directional team. People ask, "Do you always get your way?" I say "no." They ask, "Do you care?" I say "no." Then they ask "Why." My answer is that I believe the very best decisions are made when you have the right people in the room and are able to think through the decisions together. It is in the multiplicity of gifts that the best decisions are made.

I find that many senior leaders are threatened when people disagree with them and I find that sad. It is a reflection of their own insecurities and need to prove something rather than truly wanting the very best for the organization. One of our values is that we engage in Robust Dialogue, where "Any issue can be put on the table for discussion with the exception of personal attacks or hidden agendas." It makes for a culture of freedom where together we can work toward what is best for the organization.

This is all done in a collegial atmosphere where are differences are not personal and do not become personal. Rather we have learned how to stay in relationship while differing in our perspectives, to have candid dialogue and then to support the decision with one voice once it is made. The fact that I submit to this process as a leader also means that when I do feel strongly on an issue, it is taken seriously by the team. Leaders actually gain influence when they bring others into the decision making process. I know that when the decision is made that all support it and key people have had the chance to speak into it.

So the actual question is: Can you disagree with me as your leader and stay in relationship with me?

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.