Investing in direct reports is a critical factor of a leader's success

Leaders have conversations all the time. It is what they do but not all conversations are equally important. Some conversations are far more important than others.

I am a firm believer that the most important conversations a leader has on an ongoing basis is with members of their team. These may be monthly meetings or as needed when issues arise. These are not random conversations but revolve around some carefully considered thoughts that are customized for each direct report.

The purpose of these conversations is to ensure alignment, think together regarding strategy, ensure results, and encourage the personal growth of senior team members. All four of these topics are critical for senior team members to pay attention to and the one who can ensure that is their supervisor/leader. This is also the way that a leader develops alignment through regular interaction with their key staff.

In order for these conversations to be meaningful a leader must become an exegete of their direct reports. What are their strengths? Where do they need to grow? What critical skill sets are they missing? What areas of their performance need to be reevaluated? And then, most importantly, how can I open a conversation about one or more of these issues to help my team member grow and develop? And, how can I convey my desire to help the team member grow in the areas where growth is needed?

This underscores the necessity of actively cultivating relationships with those we supervise. Relationship builds trust which in turn allows a supervisor to raise issues without being met with significant pushback or defensiveness. Over time such conversations become part of the fabric of the relationship and the leadership culture a supervisor brings to their team. The more we invest in our reports, the better our team will be.

Helping others become all that they can be

One of the fallacies of spiritual formation and spiritual mentoring is that if we can convince individuals to follow a specific set of disciplines that they will become everything God wants them to be. This thinking ignores a number of core principles:

It ignores the fact that each one of us is absolutely unique. As unique individuals we relate to God individually and differently, we learn and grow differently, and we are at different places in our spiritual lives so no one program or set of disciplines or formula is going to help everyone grow spiritually. In Ephesians 2:9-10, Paul calls us God's workmanship or literally, God's work of art - each unique, each special, each a creation of God.

Growing up in Asia I had my own personal "chop." It is my name in Chinese engraved by hand in a piece of soap stone. The cool thing about chops is that each one is unique and even though some of the Chinese characters may be the same, since they are carved by hand, no one is the same. That is true for each of our personalities, God given wiring, the place we are spiritually and the next place we need to go in our relationship with Christ.

This has implications for those of us who preach! We can give people specific instructions as to how they should relate to God or we can give Biblical principles and encourage people to apply them to their lives in ways that work for them.

For years my dad rose at 4:00am in the morning for his devotions. That is great but it does not work for everyone! Some love to journal (I do) but for many it never really works and is a chore, not a pleasure. Some can spend long periods in prayer, others cannot and when they try they end up discouraged and feeling guilty.

But even these practices miss an important part of spiritual formation. It is possible to do all the things one is supposed to do and still not live a transformed life. Practices by themselves do not translate into transformation.

I remember an elder in a church I pastored who was as legalistic as anyone about the Christian life yet he left his wife because she didn't make him happy?  He had the practices down (and was ready to impose those practices on others) but his heart was untransformed and hard. Nor would he listen to those who tried to reason with him. All of us have stories like that.

Transformation means that we are regularly becoming more like Jesus in our relationships, our intellect, our experiences, the desires of our hearts, in the shedding of those elements of our lower nature and the embracing of the fruit of the spirit.

Helping people get to transformation is the key to spiritual formation or mentoring. The place to start is where people are and not where we think they should be. I am always amazed at how impatient we can be with people - and how patient God is with us.

One way to find out where people are at is to explore the areas of difficulty or unhappiness in their lives which is often an indication of where they are "itching" and looking for solutions. The Holy Spirit has a gracious way of getting our attention through difficulty and unhappiness.

I think for instance of the many couples who are struggling with their finances today and looking for solutions. Helping them understand Biblical principles for finances is obviously a part of spiritual transformation and it is the place where they are looking for solutions today. So that is a great place to start and as they see God's transformation in their financial life they become open to His transformation in other areas of life. We start where people are open, and looking for solutions. That is exactly what Jesus did with the people he came into contact with.

I think that one of the barriers in spiritual growth is that we often believe that those teaching us, mentoring us or preaching to us want us to become a version of them. It is easy to extrapolate that since we are "mature" that others will be mature when they look like "us."

The truth is that God wants us to look like the best version of us that we can be through the transformation of our hearts and lives - not like someone else. God made us unique. Now he wants to infuse our uniqueness with His Spirit and make us supernaturally unique. A better, supernaturally changed version of who He already made us to be. That is the end goal of transformation because it infuses our uniqueness with His Spirit, character, mind, and passions. We become like Him but remain like us as the "work of art" he created us to be.

The armed services says, "Become all that you can be!" Jesus says, "become all that I made you to be." That is our challenge to others as we help them to grow spiritually.

Coaching those with poor EQ

It is not easy to coach those with poor EQ (Emotional Intelligence) precisely because it usually means that they do not understand how their actions, words or attitudes impact others. In fact, part of good EQ is understanding ourselves and how we are perceived by others and how we impact others. If my own self awareness is low it is very hard to understand why I might have a negative impact on those around me.

So how does one coach those whose self awareness is low? While not easy I have several suggestions.

First, and this is not easy, it is critical to have an honest and direct conversation with the one being coached on how they are negatively impacting others. Because their self awareness is low they will probably not have a flash of understanding and thank you for your concern. Rather, they will likely become defensive or seem clueless as to what you are talking about. Since they are not very self aware your news will be news to them and they often will not initially believe you.

That is why it is critical, second, to give them very concrete examples of what you are talking about: "Tim, in that meeting when you....this is how it was perceived by others and this is why they reacted negatively to you." Concrete examples are absolutely essential if you want someone with poor EQ to understand what you are talking about. They are likely to push back and say something like "well that is who I am" or "I am just being honest." While both may be true they need to understand that how they did what they did was disempowering to others and not acceptable in your organization.

Third, people with poor EQ often need very practical tools for avoiding problematic behaviors. So for instance, one friend I have been coaching tends to shut down when criticized - a bad thing for a leader to do. My suggestion to him was simple. When tempted to shut down, immediately engage. In other words the emotion to shut down should be a trigger and a reminder to engage, the very thing that will allow him to change the perception that when challenged he goes silent. Giving practical tools for dealing with EQ deficits can change the equation for one who wants to grow.

Fourth, give ongoing, direct, fast and candid feedback (in private) whenever problematic behaviors emerge. It is the very thing needed because philosophical discussions about EQ don't work with those who have deficits. They need clear examples. This can be followed up by the question, how might you respond differently in the future in order to get a different outcome? Again, that goes to developing their response toolbox.

Finally, if you are dealing with significant deficits be clear that their behaviors will not work in your organization and they need to get very serious about resolving them. Some need to understand that if they do not manage themselves better they may actually need to move on. 

The advantages of engaging a coach

Many of us would benefit from a formal coaching arrangement from someone who can help us ask the right questions, think strategically and improve our personal effectiveness. I am aware of one large denomination that has every one of their senior executives in such a coaching relationship.

Many executives in the business world do the same thing and pay several thousand dollars a day for day long sessions. The good news is that one can find a coach who can be in touch monthly for an hour or two using the phone or teleconference.

Why consider a coach? We see what we see and know what we know. A coach is not there to tell us what to do but to ask questions that help us think about options we might not think of, to challenge our presuppositions and to help us figure out how to be more effective.

There are trained coaches for pastors and ministry leaders, or one can ask someone who you respect and trust to coach you. It can be formal or informal.

The greatest barrier I find to entering into a coaching relationship is the fear of greater accountability. That is in fact one of the benefits of such a relationship because having that regular conversation with someone who is helping you focus on what is most important and to be disciplined in our use of time fosters accountability. But it is accountability from someone who is in your corner and is there to help you be more effective.

Monthly coaching from someone outside your organization is a great way to help you keep growing personally and become more missional and effective in the process

How we respond to the coaching of our supervisor makes all the difference

Healthy organizations build into their system a mentoring/coaching component to ensure that all staff are developing their professional skills on an ongoing basis. Unfortunately many supervisors treat this as a formality rather than an opportunity to develop their staff and many staff treat this as a necessary evil rather than as an opportunity to grow.

All of us should be under authority. It may be the authority of a supervisor or of a board but unless one is self employed, we live with authority. The question is whether we see the coaching and mentoring of our supervisor (or board) as a necessary evil or as an opportunity to grow, learn and develop. Our attitude toward the input of our supervisor(s) has a great deal to do with our capacity to grow.

Good supervisors want to see their staff flourish. The better my staff becomes, the better our ministry so I will do whatever it takes to develop and help my staff flourish. Good staff come to this relationship with both expertise and humility. They are on staff because of their expertise but they understand their limitations as well and desire to grow. Good supervisers have the ability to help staff think with greater clarity about their roles and how best to fulfill them.

As one who is both a supervisor and supervised (by the president of our denomination) I both want to help others grow and I want to grow. With those I supervise I desire to challenge and clarify and see their potential released. In my relationship with my supervisor I also want to be growing and released which requires me to take off my leader hat at times and put on the learner hat. Lets face it, we often like to mentor others more than be mentored as the former puts us in a position of influence while the latter requires a spirit of humility and learning. Of course leaders who cannot follow don't belong in leadership so it is a good balance and regular reminder.

Supervisors who take a mentoring role seriously think about how they can best coach their staff. Staff who take the input of their supervisor seriously prepare carefully for their monthly meeting. When it becomes perfunctory it loses its value. When both parties take it seriously it is deeply valuable.