Three things that can neutralize our strengths

A key non-negotiable in good leadership is that we understand who we are and how we are wired. There are numerous tests and evaluative tools to help us discern these and therefore understand ourselves better. These by themselves, though, are not enough. They are a starting point but not an end point. In fact, if all we do is understand our strengths we may ultimately fail in leadership.

In addition to knowing our strengths there are three additional pieces that are crucial in order to use this information in leading well.

First, just as we need to understand our strengths we must focus on who we are not! Most of us have one to three strong areas of strength, or you could argue the top five strengths in Strength Finders. That information by itself is inadequate. We must also be brutally honest with ourselves as to our weaknesses. 

Why? Because while we may be brilliant at a few things, in everything else we need other people who  have strengths where we don't and who can compensate for our weaknesses. Too many leaders think that they can lead alone. It isn't true and will generally fail! And the more complex the organization we lead the more critical it is that we have a team around us. 

Once we acknowledge our weaknesses which are legion compared to our few strengths, we must also acknowledge our need for other people. This only happens when we are honest with ourselves regarding our weaknesses. 

Second, we must understand our shadow side with the greatest clarity possible through the feedback of others. I am convinced that we spend far too much time exploring our strengths and far too little time exploring the shadow side of those strengths. While we love our strengths, every one of them comes with a shadow side that can undo our leadership if we do not manage it. 

Here we also need other people. We are often blind to our shadow side, but our staff and colleagues are not. Unless we allow them permission to share honestly with us and unless we ask we will generally not learn what we need to learn about ourselves. For many leaders their shadow side is as powerful as their strengths effectively neutralizing those strengths over time. To lead well, we must understand our shadow side as well as we do our strengths. 

Third, we must learn how to manage our shadow side. We need to take active steps to counter that shadow side so that it does not hurt our leadership by hurting people. For instance, in the parlance of Strength Finders I have achiever, maximizer, and strategic in my top five strengths. They have served me well. But, until I understood and actively managed the shadow side of these strengths I was accused of running over people, impatience, valuing the project over the person, pride and I am sure other negative criticisms, all real!

Pride comes from paying too much attention to our strengths. Humility comes from appreciating our strengths but also recognizing our huge need for others, the presence of a shadow side and the need to manage it. When we see our strengths in perspective we have much to be humble about.

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Overestimating our skill and underestimating our weaknesses

It should not be a surprise that we are often prone to overestimate our skill and underestimate our weaknesses. This can have the affect of trusting our instincts too much in the first instance and not understanding how our weaknesses impact others in the second. 

Take for instance, an individual who is good at strategy. Because they have skill in determining strategy they can downplay the input of others, trusting their own analysis and conclusions. Yet, no one has the ability to think of all the consequences of any strategy or anticipate all the variables that can impact its success. Thus by not listening to others this leader is hurting the organization in their overconfidence in their own abilities. Their good ideas can fail because they overestimated their skill. 

It is not unusual for highly skilled individuals to fail to bring others into the conversation - a weakness born out of confidence and a perceived lack of need of others. In their overconfidence they also underestimate the impact of not listening to those around them. Few things are more demotivating than to give helpful and valid input to a plan and to have their leader either ignore it or dismiss it as irrelevant. 

In both cases the organization is served poorly - as well as people in the process. 

Pride plays a role in this equation. We like to think the best of ourselves and our abilities but we should also be realistic. Healthy individuals with good EQ understand their strengths and weaknesses as well as the shadow side of both. That awareness allows them to compensate for their weaknesses and ensure that they don't over rely on their strengths. In fact, that is a pretty good definition of a humble individual. They have a realistic view of themselves. 

How do we avoid these tendencies? One is to be aware of them and to ensure that we involve and listen to others. The second key is to solicit feedback from those we really trust. Feedback from others is an absolute essential part of growing our EQ as there are things we don't see about ourselves and never will unless others point them out. In order to hear feedback, however, we need to overcome our natural defensiveness. 

Often we are afraid that soliciting feedback is a sign of weakness. It is actually a sign of strength. We have the desire and courage to receive feedback. Only strong people do that.

The benefits of acknowledging and embracing your weaknesses

Successful people change in ways that allow them to continue to take advantage of their strengths while compensating for their weaknesses and unsuccessful people don't....beneficial change begins when you can acknowledge and even embrace your weaknesses.

Ray Dalio in Principles

I don't know anyone who does not embrace their strengths. All of us are good at some things and when we are operating in that sweet spot it is fulfilling and relatively easy. In fact, it is so easy "in the sweet spot" to forget that all strengths have a weak side and that if we don't understand, embrace and acknowledge our weak side, it can hijack our strengths!

So what are the benefits of acknowledging and embracing your weaknesses? 

Self Knowledge

Understanding ourselves is the single most important key to long term success. To often we assume that we know ourselves when in fact we know the up sides of who we are but intentionally or unintentionally ignore the down sides. This leads to a highly inaccurate understanding of who we really are which will get us into trouble at some point. 

I may be highly strategic and aggressive in my leadership role but if I don't also understand that I am also impatient with others and prone not to listen carefully there is likely to be a price to be paid. A thorough understanding of myself gives me the information I need to play to my strengths and be aware of my weaknesses which is the first step toward managing them. Remember that we often tend to exaggerate our strengths in our thinking and minimize our weaknesses. 

Appreciating others

Too often there can be a narcissistic tendency among those with strong gifts because they have achieved an element of success and start to believe their own press. In the process they devalue others who don't have the gifts they have. This is the opposite of what happens when we acknowledge and embrace our weaknesses.

In embracing our weaknesses we understand that we need others around us whose strengths are the complement and solution to our weaknesses. And our strengths to their weaknesses. This is the foundation of a healthy team and a deeper appreciation for others. I am great at the big picture and overall strategy but not always at the details. Where would I be without those who are brilliant with the details! 

The most successful people are not those who can do everything. They are those who can build a great team around needed skills that compensates for the weaknesses inherent in us all.

Managing our weaknesses

There is no possibility of dealing with our weaknesses unless we first acknowledge and embrace them. I don't believe that we can very often turn a weakness into a strength. Our strengths can be honed and developed because the hard wiring for that strength is part of who we are. However, we often have a need to grow in our areas of weakness so they don't hurt us and more often we must manage those weaknesses so that they don't hurt us or others. This is not possible unless we have an accurate picture of both our strengths and weaknesses. Together they describe who we are and who else we need around us.

Living in personal freedom

A trap that many of us fall into is that of the expectations of others and a personal need to prove that we are highly competent, successful people. This is why we often tout our strengths and ignore our weaknesses. Who wants to advertise their weaknesses?

Except, while we often ignore our down side, those around us already knows what they are. we fool ourselves perhaps but not others. We can live in denial while those around us know the emperor has no clothes! And usually that "pretending" on our part takes a toll. Why not embrace what others already know: Our areas of strength and our areas of weakness. There is freedom in honesty and freedom in not having to prove ourselves in areas where we cannot. And don't need to.

The journey to personal maturity is equally a journey of embracing and growing our strengths and of embracing and managing our weaknesses. The first without the second will not end well.