Leaders need to stay in their lane too!

One of the things about leadership is that they have the authority to speak into the affairs of others. This can be helpful if they do it judiciously. However, when a leader gets out of their lane and into areas that are the responsibility of others; go around supervisors to give direction; micromanage the work of others or get into areas that are not in their skill set they hurt the organization they are leading.

Leaders have a lane just like others in the organization and they are most effective when they stay in their lane. Many leaders, however, believe that everything that happens is their responsibility (bad assumption) so they feel compelled to poke into the work and strategies of others (bad behavior) and in doing so cause problems for the staff and therefor the organization.

It takes some careful thought to determine what one's lane is, especially in leadership where our authority gives us options. Many of those options are not good options, however, because they do not fit our unique skill set. We need to determine the specific work we will do as leaders given our wiring and the team we have around us. Often other team members can speak into the answer through their observations of what we do well and what we do poorly. Of course this only works if we are willing to listen to feedback about our best play.

I once did a staff audit of a church and almost to a person they pointed to their senior pastoral leader as the one who caused the most dysfunction on staff. He was a great preacher and therefor thought he was good at everything. Actually, he created a highly toxic workplace because he refused to stay in his lane or to listen to his senior staff or board about how he disempowered others. The result was a major exodus of key staff members that was unnecessary had he listened and been disciplined to stay in the lane he was made for.

One of the reasons that leaders are apt to stray from their lane is that they have seen success in some area and assume that they will be successful in other lanes as well. Unfortunately that is a poor assumption. We are generally successful at two or three things that define our lane and much poorer at everything else. Those things that are not strengths (we each have a few strengths) are weaknesses (of which we all have many). Learning to stay in our strengths and out of our weaknesses is a key to great leadership.

In my own leadership, it was often the people around me who were best at helping me understand my strengths and my lane. As a leader of a large organization, we talked openly about the unique role I could play and then empowered members of a senior team to play their unique role. Even as the senior leader, I had a lane and we were most successful when I stayed in that lane.

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Three things that can neutralize our strengths

A key non-negotiable in good leadership is that we understand who we are and how we are wired. There are numerous tests and evaluative tools to help us discern these and therefore understand ourselves better. These by themselves, though, are not enough. They are a starting point but not an end point. In fact, if all we do is understand our strengths we may ultimately fail in leadership.

In addition to knowing our strengths there are three additional pieces that are crucial in order to use this information in leading well.

First, just as we need to understand our strengths we must focus on who we are not! Most of us have one to three strong areas of strength, or you could argue the top five strengths in Strength Finders. That information by itself is inadequate. We must also be brutally honest with ourselves as to our weaknesses. 

Why? Because while we may be brilliant at a few things, in everything else we need other people who  have strengths where we don't and who can compensate for our weaknesses. Too many leaders think that they can lead alone. It isn't true and will generally fail! And the more complex the organization we lead the more critical it is that we have a team around us. 

Once we acknowledge our weaknesses which are legion compared to our few strengths, we must also acknowledge our need for other people. This only happens when we are honest with ourselves regarding our weaknesses. 

Second, we must understand our shadow side with the greatest clarity possible through the feedback of others. I am convinced that we spend far too much time exploring our strengths and far too little time exploring the shadow side of those strengths. While we love our strengths, every one of them comes with a shadow side that can undo our leadership if we do not manage it. 

Here we also need other people. We are often blind to our shadow side, but our staff and colleagues are not. Unless we allow them permission to share honestly with us and unless we ask we will generally not learn what we need to learn about ourselves. For many leaders their shadow side is as powerful as their strengths effectively neutralizing those strengths over time. To lead well, we must understand our shadow side as well as we do our strengths. 

Third, we must learn how to manage our shadow side. We need to take active steps to counter that shadow side so that it does not hurt our leadership by hurting people. For instance, in the parlance of Strength Finders I have achiever, maximizer, and strategic in my top five strengths. They have served me well. But, until I understood and actively managed the shadow side of these strengths I was accused of running over people, impatience, valuing the project over the person, pride and I am sure other negative criticisms, all real!

Pride comes from paying too much attention to our strengths. Humility comes from appreciating our strengths but also recognizing our huge need for others, the presence of a shadow side and the need to manage it. When we see our strengths in perspective we have much to be humble about.

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Overestimating our skill and underestimating our weaknesses

It should not be a surprise that we are often prone to overestimate our skill and underestimate our weaknesses. This can have the affect of trusting our instincts too much in the first instance and not understanding how our weaknesses impact others in the second. 

Take for instance, an individual who is good at strategy. Because they have skill in determining strategy they can downplay the input of others, trusting their own analysis and conclusions. Yet, no one has the ability to think of all the consequences of any strategy or anticipate all the variables that can impact its success. Thus by not listening to others this leader is hurting the organization in their overconfidence in their own abilities. Their good ideas can fail because they overestimated their skill. 

It is not unusual for highly skilled individuals to fail to bring others into the conversation - a weakness born out of confidence and a perceived lack of need of others. In their overconfidence they also underestimate the impact of not listening to those around them. Few things are more demotivating than to give helpful and valid input to a plan and to have their leader either ignore it or dismiss it as irrelevant. 

In both cases the organization is served poorly - as well as people in the process. 

Pride plays a role in this equation. We like to think the best of ourselves and our abilities but we should also be realistic. Healthy individuals with good EQ understand their strengths and weaknesses as well as the shadow side of both. That awareness allows them to compensate for their weaknesses and ensure that they don't over rely on their strengths. In fact, that is a pretty good definition of a humble individual. They have a realistic view of themselves. 

How do we avoid these tendencies? One is to be aware of them and to ensure that we involve and listen to others. The second key is to solicit feedback from those we really trust. Feedback from others is an absolute essential part of growing our EQ as there are things we don't see about ourselves and never will unless others point them out. In order to hear feedback, however, we need to overcome our natural defensiveness. 

Often we are afraid that soliciting feedback is a sign of weakness. It is actually a sign of strength. We have the desire and courage to receive feedback. Only strong people do that.

The benefits of acknowledging and embracing your weaknesses

Successful people change in ways that allow them to continue to take advantage of their strengths while compensating for their weaknesses and unsuccessful people don't....beneficial change begins when you can acknowledge and even embrace your weaknesses.

Ray Dalio in Principles

I don't know anyone who does not embrace their strengths. All of us are good at some things and when we are operating in that sweet spot it is fulfilling and relatively easy. In fact, it is so easy "in the sweet spot" to forget that all strengths have a weak side and that if we don't understand, embrace and acknowledge our weak side, it can hijack our strengths!

So what are the benefits of acknowledging and embracing your weaknesses? 

Self Knowledge

Understanding ourselves is the single most important key to long term success. To often we assume that we know ourselves when in fact we know the up sides of who we are but intentionally or unintentionally ignore the down sides. This leads to a highly inaccurate understanding of who we really are which will get us into trouble at some point. 

I may be highly strategic and aggressive in my leadership role but if I don't also understand that I am also impatient with others and prone not to listen carefully there is likely to be a price to be paid. A thorough understanding of myself gives me the information I need to play to my strengths and be aware of my weaknesses which is the first step toward managing them. Remember that we often tend to exaggerate our strengths in our thinking and minimize our weaknesses. 

Appreciating others

Too often there can be a narcissistic tendency among those with strong gifts because they have achieved an element of success and start to believe their own press. In the process they devalue others who don't have the gifts they have. This is the opposite of what happens when we acknowledge and embrace our weaknesses.

In embracing our weaknesses we understand that we need others around us whose strengths are the complement and solution to our weaknesses. And our strengths to their weaknesses. This is the foundation of a healthy team and a deeper appreciation for others. I am great at the big picture and overall strategy but not always at the details. Where would I be without those who are brilliant with the details! 

The most successful people are not those who can do everything. They are those who can build a great team around needed skills that compensates for the weaknesses inherent in us all.

Managing our weaknesses

There is no possibility of dealing with our weaknesses unless we first acknowledge and embrace them. I don't believe that we can very often turn a weakness into a strength. Our strengths can be honed and developed because the hard wiring for that strength is part of who we are. However, we often have a need to grow in our areas of weakness so they don't hurt us and more often we must manage those weaknesses so that they don't hurt us or others. This is not possible unless we have an accurate picture of both our strengths and weaknesses. Together they describe who we are and who else we need around us.

Living in personal freedom

A trap that many of us fall into is that of the expectations of others and a personal need to prove that we are highly competent, successful people. This is why we often tout our strengths and ignore our weaknesses. Who wants to advertise their weaknesses?

Except, while we often ignore our down side, those around us already knows what they are. we fool ourselves perhaps but not others. We can live in denial while those around us know the emperor has no clothes! And usually that "pretending" on our part takes a toll. Why not embrace what others already know: Our areas of strength and our areas of weakness. There is freedom in honesty and freedom in not having to prove ourselves in areas where we cannot. And don't need to.

The journey to personal maturity is equally a journey of embracing and growing our strengths and of embracing and managing our weaknesses. The first without the second will not end well.

Ensuring that our greatest strengths do not become fuel for our greatest weakness

We rightly celebrate our strengths as they are God given and when we live in their lane we are often very effective at what we do. I call it "our lane" or "sweet spot." However, these very strengths can become our greatest weaknesses if not managed well. Every strength casts a shadow and the greater the strength the greater the shadow. 

So the very strengths we were given from God can become a weakness if not managed. Take three of mine: Achiever, maximizer and strategist. As an achiever I want to get something done but the down side is that it could cause me to be driven. As a maximizer I want to maximize ministry opportunity but the down side is that I could "use people" in the process with more concern about the end product than than the people in the process. As a strategist I often understand how to get to where we need to go and can become impatient with those who don't. In other words, each of my strengths can, if not managed become a significant weakness that impacts those around me.

I find it immensely helpful for a team to discuss their strengths together so that they understand one another. It is equally helpful to then ask the question, what is the dark side of those strengths and how do they get us in trouble if not managed well? That is the discussion where I see most light bulbs go on because we don't often think about the dark side of our strengths.

When not managed, the very strengths that go us to where we are in life can conspire against us to destroy what we have accomplished. Pride fueled by a lack of management of our weaknesses will destroy quickly what it took long years to build. When leaders crash and burn it is often this situation that causes the loss. Success is a delicate thing easily undercut by pride and carelessness that can quickly lead to a fall.

Managing our strengths and liabilities

Because many individuals have not understood that their greatest assets (strengths) can also be their greatest liabilities, they simply don’t pay the kind of attention to the downside of their strengths that they need to if they are truly going to have significant influence. However, people of deep influence are acutely aware of both their strengths and the liabilities of those strengths. And they pay as much or more attention to the liabilities as they do to the strength.


Think about this: our strengths are just that – strengths. Over time, if we are living in our sweet spot they grow and develop without a whole lot of attention from us. God wired us with those strengths so they are natural. I have the ability and strength to think strategically. I can envision what can be in five or ten years without even thinking about it. What is hard or impossible for others is easy and second nature for me in thinking strategically.

The liabilities that comes with that particular gift, however are not as obvious to me: impatience with those who don’t see what I can see, the potential that others may see my confidence about what direction to take as arrogance.

I will never forget a meeting I had years ago with a bright young woman who reported to me. She came into my office to share an idea with me that she thought had great potential. About two minutes into our conversation her eyes flashed with anger and she said, “Don’t ever look that way at me again?” I said, “What do you mean? What way?” She said, “I can tell from your eyes that you have already dismissed my idea as one that won’t work!” She was right, my eyes had given it away and in the process my strategic strength (in this case I was sure it would not work) had become my liability by sending her a message of disempowerment. It was a learning moment that I had to apologize for and learn from.

Our strengths come naturally. The liabilities to our strengths are not obvious to us unless we spend significant time understanding the liabilities and the ways our strengths can hurt us and others if the liabilities are not managed.

Further, people of deep influence do not become that by focusing on the deficits of others but on their own deficits primarily. They are deeply aware of who they are, they think deeply about their own motivations and how they treat others. They have developed an inner early warning system that warns them when they are going to the shadow side and they discipline themselves to manage their liabilities. They understand the council of Christ that we are first responsible for taking the log out of our own eye before we try to take the splinter out of someone else’s eye.

Every one of us has areas in our lives where we are blind to how our actions impact others. A large part of managing our shadow side is understanding not only how we perceive ourselves but how other perceive us and why they perceive us the way they do. However, because we are dealing with “blind spots” the only way we can get to this awareness is by receiving feedback from others. And that requires self confidence, humility and a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude. This is why many young leaders resist such feedback, it is threatening and uncomfortable. I know, I have been there!

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned over the years is to welcome and not resist feedback – particularly from those who I know love me and have my best interests in mind. My wife, Mary Ann is one of those who will always tell me the truth and I know she does it out of love and concern. I have a trusted group of colleagues and friends who have the same right to speak into my life and whose council I trust. I would rather know than not know where I have blind spots or am being misperceived because of actions or words than live like the emperor who had no clothes, oblivious to his nakedness. The key, of course, is knowing who one can trust to have one’s best interests in mind. Another one of those groups is my prayer team who regularly share with me feedback that they have as they have interceded on my behalf.

I have also learned to ask feedback from those I trust rather than just hope it will come. I know, for instance, that I can be perceived as distant by some. It is not how I feel but it can be how I am perceived. I would not know that unless I had received feedback that helped me see what I could not see. Knowing that such a perception is possible, I can work to find ways to connect with those who otherwise might see me as distant.

I have learned that the more candid I am about who I am and the struggles I face, the more approachable I become. This has led me to be far more self disclosing with those around me than I was as a young leader when I thought that such self disclosure could be seen as weakness. It also comes out of a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude by which I seek to live today. While I may not be wired like some who are deeply relational, the connection that comes through authentic self disclosure is a powerful connection and invites relationship with others.

My point is that the more we learn about ourselves both from our own awareness and from those around us who care about us, the better we become at playing to our strengths and minimizing our liabilities. There are many things I wish I knew years ago but did not. I am simply thankful that I know them now. And, I want to continue in my quest for healthy self awareness for the sake of the influence that I can and want to have in the future.