Silence, Chaos, Rejoicing, Holy Awe

Silence

The heavens held their collective breath for the Son was gone. The unimaginable was unfolding. The One who had superintended creation was now ready to be born a creature. What could this mean? Majesty of heaven rejected for the poverty of a squalid earth and a people who had rejected truth too many times to count. They had traded the garden for a lie and now the creator traded majesty for obscurity. It was a silence of unbelief, awe, apprehension and wonder!

Chaos

Nativity scenes are peaceful and neat but this night in Bethlehem was anything but. The tiny town was full of travelers, the inns and taverns were full and noisy and crowed and smelly. Desperately, a man tried to find a place for his wife, swollen with child, water about to break, a place where a child could be born in dignity but it was not to be. Instead, it was the to be with the animals, hay and manure, the sounds and smells of the adjacent Inn intruding on this holy moment.

Rejoicing

The silence of heaven gave way to song and praise and rejoicing penetrating the chasm between heaven and earth so that even poor shepherds heard the choir and angelic announcement. This first musical Christmas card came not to the mighty and powerful but to the poor and powerless: A symbol of the Kingdom that was coming - good news for those who needed the same. Good news of a great joy which shall be for all people. Even us, even today! A Savior, who is Christ the Lord. Now there was silence on earth as the shepherds tried to understand the import of the news. 

Holy Awe

There was one who knew that the universe had changed and that what was was not what would be: Mary. Too young to be jaded, faith filled and and in awe of the child that lay at her breast. For she knew that He was not of this earth though she did not know the price He would pay. She remembered the angel who had visited her upon her pregnancy. Now she heard the report of the shepherds who came to visit. All the people wondered at their report but Mary, treasured up these things pondering them in her heart. She knew, not fully, but she knew! 

We know fully for we know the rest of the story. Does it move us as it moved the heavens, the angels, the shepherds, the people of Bethlehem and Mary? This is a day to consider, to rejoice and to be awed at the love that drove a rejected Savior to save the broken, the needy, each of us who have received Him in faith.

Trump, Clinton, truth, Jesus and grace

One cannot read any social media these days without being inundated by information on the upcoming election, the demonization of one candidate or the other, charges, counter charges and some pretty hot feelings about what a Christian should do in the upcoming election.

There are Christ followers who believe they cannot vote for either candidate. There are others who insist that you cannot be an evangelical and vote for Trump. And there are those who say you cannot be a true evangelical and vote for Clinton. Enter theologians with PhD's who have proven to us their case (on both sides). They in turn have been vilified for taking the wrong side in this interesting election, which ever side they have taken.

A few observations.

Neither side respects women. Trump may lack tact and may well be guilty of what he has been painted as (per his own words). On the other hand if the unborn are truly human (and I believe they are) Clinton is certainly not respecting the right of those "girls" or "boys" to live. Both sides have lied significantly and both deny the obvious. Politics today is dirty - and any reading of American history even back to our founding father's shows that this is nothing new. Further, much of our politics is driven by our own fears - whatever they are: immigration; supreme court choices; character of our elected leaders (they have rarely if ever been saints); the economy; and whatever else our fears are. All of this has polarized the nation and Christ followers as well - sadly. My final observation is that Jesus does not carry a card of the independent party, the Republicans or the Democrats. He is above our party squabbles and He has His own concerns that are not directly mirrored by any political party.

Paul made a significant statement when he wrote that we see through a glass darkly. I certainly do on many issues. I think each of you do as well. Our truth on issues not clearly delineated in Scriptures is always partial truth. It is why on even theology, God fearing individuals can have differing interpretations. Convictions are great and I respect them. But in the political arena there is a lot of grey given the observations above. I can share my convictions and the reasons for them with others but I cannot expect all to agree with me if we see through a glass darkly.

Members of my own extended family most of whom love and follow Jesus will vote on different sides of this election for valid reasons. It would be wrong for me to judge their choice if they are doing so out of their own conscience. It is equally wrong for us to allow politics to divide us in the church. There are valid reasons to vote for both candidates even from the perspective of a Christ follower. And there are reasons for those who choose not to vote for any candidate in this election. Civic duty notwithstanding.

This is not the first election - and will not be the last where people believe that the fate of the nation is at stake. We hear that every four years. And the gospel is not dependent on who gets in the supreme court. Besides, if you notice, those who do get in often don't vote the way the president who chose them thought they would. And last I heard, Jesus stands above nations and rulers and accomplishes His will since He is sovereign and is bringing history to His intended conclusion. Daniel in the Old Testament fully understood that as he represented one of the most pagan kings of the ancient world.

So my commitment is to pray for the nation, for the candidates (and God is quite capable of using either one for his purposes) and to give others grace in their convictions knowing that I see things through a glass darkly and will until the vision is fully cleared in the presence of the God of complete truth and righteousness. Jesus expects grace from His people toward one another and toward those who don't follow Him. When we lack grace we are not representing Him no matter which candidate we intend to vote for (or none at all). Grace matters!

Five ways for leaders to overcome their fear of organizational change

Let's face it: organizational change is uncomfortable, and it is one of the reasons that it does not happen often enough, even when there is clear evidence that without it, our organization will not go to the next level of effectiveness. In the many years that I served as an organizational leader, I had to personally deal with this uncomfortableness. In my years of consulting, I have watched leaders struggle with the implications of necessary change because of its impact on them and the comfort of the status quo.

Organizations that remain static today quickly find their effectiveness eroding. Changes in the marketplace, the size of the organization, the need to break through growth barriers, or the necessity of trying new strategies all require change, and the first barrier that must be overcome is the reluctance of leaders to embrace it.

Why would organizational leaders not embrace change that can help their organization become better and more effective? Change is uncomfortable! It means that we must move from comfort to discomfort. It means potential changes to our "turf" and how we are used to doing things. It can impact reporting relationships and, therefore, the "politics" of the organization (and all organizations have politics). It requires us to think about our work differently and often more strategically. All of these factors make change uncomfortable, and unless leaders are able to overcome their discomfort, they can be the barrier to organizational growth and effectiveness.

How, then, do we overcome our discomfort to change? It really goes into how we think about our work and about change. 

First, it is OK to admit that change is simply hard. Often, we resist change as leaders by arguing that it is not needed rather than just admitting that it makes us uncomfortable. Any major change needs to be prefaced by the fact that it will make us uncomfortable.

Second, we need to remember that our work is not about us but about the mission of the organization. If change is required to better fulfill our mission (and it will be), we embrace it because our commitment is not to our personal comfort but to the fulfillment of the mission of the organization. To resist change because of our own discomfort is to see our work as about us rather than about the mission we are committed to.

Third, we need to be willing to embrace uncertainty as to how the change will impact us. Here is another fact: There is uncertainty in change, and until we get through the whitewater to the calm water on the other side, we will need to live with uncertainty. But also recognize that our fears are rarely founded in reality: they are simply fears of the unknown that change brings. True leadership is about the ability to negotiate needed change for the good of the organization, not to guard our own comfort. Even when we try to understand the consequences of necessary change (which we should do), there will be implications that we do not foresee.

Fourth, as leaders, we need to understand that change is good for us. It requires us to sharpen our thinking, our strategies, our assumptions, and our ability to adapt to a changing world. Usually, our resistance to change is about us, while our willingness to embrace it is about the effectiveness of our work and the mission of the organization. Dealing with organizational change makes us better and sharper leaders.

Fifth, we need to think of change as innovation. That is what it is: innovation to increase our effectiveness. No company survives for long without innovation. If I view organizational change as a nuisance, I will resist it. If I see it as an innovation that will help the organization do what it does better, I will more willingly embrace it. Innovation is always an ongoing process in any organization.

Notice that all of these five principles are about how we think about our work and our role as leaders. If we can change the way we think about change, that change will become easier.

How the internal quality of our organization impacts it bottom line results

I have had the opportunity on two occasions recently to interview the senior staff of business organizations. They were unusual in that they both had amazingly healthy cultures. Staff had collegial and cooperative relationships, they were focused on their mission, were innovative and were delivering results and serving customers in competitive markets. I gave them high marks for the engagement of their staff, their culture of results and the quality of their strategies. In both cases, the businesses were growing and their potential for the future was bright.

So why was I there? Because in both organizations there was a recognition that as well as they were doing, there were internal issues that if resolved could allow them to go to the next level of growth. These leaders recognized that the internal quality of their organizations had a direct impact on their bottom line results.

Think about this. In a flat world, everyone has essentially the same access to information. But that does not mean that all can deliver the same results. To the extent that we allow internal processes or culture to get in the way of what we do we compromise our effectiveness. So paying attention to the internal culture, relationships, processes and the inherent disconnects within the organization becomes a key component of ongoing success.

In my experience, there are three key factors that ought to be paid close attention to.

One: Relationships that are askew. When relationships between staff are strained cooperation, communication and innovation suffers. Solving relational disconnects impacts the whole organization as well as the ability to be all that the organization can be.

Two: Processes that could be more efficient. In the competitive environments we all work in this is a huge factor. Ironically, it is often in our times of success and growth that we ignore this factor because we don't have the time to focus internally with the work we are doing externally. Yet, focusing on our internal processes is the key to future growth and effectiveness. The goal of efficient processes is to drive wasted time, energy and money from the system and foster cooperation and efficiencies that will give us a competitive edge.

Three: The quality of our services or products. In a recent conversation, I discovered that service calls needed to be done on about one third of installations from a well known and successful home product supplier. Driving down such time consuming service calls would obviously make a difference to the bottom line as well as to customer satisfaction.

The key to all of this is developing a system for ongoing analysis of the internal culture, relationships and processes of an organization whether they be in the for profit or non-profit sectors. This presupposes that there is as much attention paid to the internal quality of our organizations as there is to the services we provide to external customers. The first directly impacts the second.

The consequences of leaving poor leaders in place

I have been following the saga of a friend who works for a global company. She is very good at what she does, outperforms her peers and produces results that have cause more senior managers in the organization to take notice and cheer her on. There is one manager, however, who does not and it is her supervisor.

The MO of the supervisor is one we have all probably seen at one time or another. He loves to blame when things don't go well. He has been known to be less than honest. He has a history of berating his staff. When staff need help he often does not come through and rarely on time when he does. One can leave conversations with him feeling belittled and denigrated. My friend has experienced all of these behaviors.

Here is the interesting thing. Everyone seems to know of this individual's behaviors. Fellow staff do and warn one another. More senior staff members have indicated to my friend that they know her manager can be difficult and tell her to let them know if she needs anything, effectively telling her to work around the system when the manager misbehaves. It seems to be common knowledge that this manager does not produce, does not build team, divides rather than unifies teams, is consistently defensive and difficult to work for. Yet, no one seems to be willing to do anything about it except to acknowledge it quietly behind the scenes.

I have seen this scenario played out too often in both for profit and non-profit organizations. Even in places where the vast majority of leadership is healthy and caring. What puzzles me is that there are consequences to allowing poor managers/leaders to stay in place. Those consequences include:

• Poor morale
• People who decide to leave and work elsewhere
• Cynicism among staff
• Loss of respect for other more senior staff who know and do nothing
• The need to negotiate around the very person who is charged with serving their staff
• Division among staff who are played against one another in an atmosphere of mistrust
• Significant loss of teamwork, common mission and morale
• Loss of missionality where staff start to look out for their own interests rather than the mission of the team

The bottom line is that scenarios like this hurt everyone - the entire organization. It is a violation of the pact that organizations make with their staff and eventually it causes loss of good people and effectiveness. If your organization has examples like this, deal with it for the sake of everyone involved.

The magic, pain and wisdom of reflection

There is no wisdom without reflection. Deep thinking brings understanding and truth and yet we do it too seldom because it requires two commodities rare in our lives: silence and time alone. Precious space for our minds to be cleared of distractions. Without reflection we will not learn the lessons of our past, have wisdom for the present or chart a wise course for the future.

There is magic in reflection when we are able to connect the dots of our lives with insights into ourselves or God or the journey we are on. It is why I journal and walk and reflect. It is why David of the Old Testament meditated and reflected on the truths of God and one can discern his own connecting of the dots in the Psalms that he wrote. Those who write know the magic of insights that come in the reflective solitude of words meeting paper.

If there is a reason we don't reflect more, perhaps it is because along with magic, reflection can bring pain. Things we have done that hurt us or others, things others have done that hurt us, the regrets of life that can accumulate over time. Scriptures speak of Godly sorrow, sadness over actions or words that none of us escape this side of heaven. Yet even this is a blessing as we contemplate how we will live in the future, experience once again the grace of God that always encompasses our brokenness and overwhelms us with His limitless love. Without reflection on our brokenness we cannot experience Gods grace or live in  true humility.

There is a direct correlation between the quality of our reflection and the wisdom with which we live our lives. Wisdom requires reflection: time to consider our motivations, the paths we walk, priorities we establish and the plans we are making. Insight into any of these requires deep reflection.

Why do we read C.S. Lewis, the Psalms, or devotional books? Because the writers were people of deep reflection and we are blessed by their insights. Each of us can do the same.

Five suggestions for dealing with prickly people

Dealing with prickly people

Five EQ skills that can transform a team or organization

The average level of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) within an organization or team has a direct impact on the success of that group. The higher the EQ skills of a team, the better they relate, the more candid they are, the less conflict they have, and the health of relationships is stronger. All of these contribute to greater cooperation, more innovative thinking, cooperation, and a lack of infighting and politics. This also applies to boards and in the church world to congregations.

There are five EQ skills that can literally transform a team or organization if leadership focuses on them, trains their staff, and communicates these skills regularly. These five skills can be learned, but we must also unlearn some unhelpful habits to get to a place of health.

The first skill is that of self-definition. Self-defined individuals think for themselves rather than simply taking the party line, verbalize their views even when it may be lonely, and do not worry what others might think of them. They are secure in who they are and what they believe. Innovation experts say that this skill, along with a culture that invites it is one of the most significant keys to innovation.

The second skill follows from the first. It is the ability of a team to engage in robust dialogue where any issue can be put on the table, with the exception of personal attacks or hidden agendas. Where this does not happen, it is almost exclusively the fault of leaders who are threatened by direct dialogue that might rock the boat. The ability to engage in robust dialogue invites ideas, observations, and innovation, while the inability kills both ideas and innovation.

A third skill is essential to the first two, and that is a non-defensive attitude on the part of all team members. It is an attitude of "nothing to prove and nothing to lose" where we do not have to be right and where we approach our work with open rather than closed minds. Defensiveness shuts down conversation, whereas non-defensiveness invites conversation, ideas, dreams, innovation, and the ability to look at situations with new eyes.

The fourth skill comes into play when we don't do the first three as well as we could: conflict resolution: the ability to quickly address conflict, de-escalate the issue, look for a win-win solution, and normalize the relationship. Conflict is not bad. Unaddressed conflict, however, is toxic. Think of the mental and emotional energy that is spent in unresolved conflict. People can be taught how to resolve conflict and to think of it in three steps: address it, look for a win/win solution, and normalize the relationship.

The fifth EQ skill that can transform a team or organization is the simple agreement to ban gossip. Gossip is the transmission of second or third-hand information to others that is prejudicial or first-hand information that is harmful and which need not be shared. All gossip is toxic to relationships, teams, and organizations so a concerted effort should be made to eradicate it.

Take a moment and think about what your team or organization would look like with these five skills being lived out by all members. They can be taught and practiced, and over time, they will transform your team or organization.

Why I quit my ministry dream job and would do it again - from Gravity Leadership

Why I Quit My Ministry Dream Job

(And Would Do It Again)

From Gravity Leadership

The use of "normalizing conversations" to de-escalate conflict in relationships

There are many things that can introduce conflict or awkwardness into relationships: disagreements; words spoken; actions or even second hand conversations that come back to us. It can cause us to back away from a relationship, suspect that others don't have our best interests in mind and create an invisible wall between two individuals. It happens in families, among friends and in the workplace - anywhere we have key relationships.

This is where normalizing conversations come in. Rather than live with our perceptions or assumptions about where the other individual is coming from, or the awkwardness that has been introduced into the relationship, normalizing conversations can clarify and remove relational walls that have been created. It is a courageous decision we make to seek peace, clarity and understanding by candidly talking to another about the events that have transpired.

Unaddressed issues between individuals create walls and distance while discussing those issues can remove those walls and bring parties closer together.

A normalizing conversation is very simple. It is taking the step to initiate a conversation in order to understand one another and remove the invisible wall that has been created by words, actions or assumptions. Choosing to initiate a conversation with another to clarify issues and create understanding  is a courageous and peacemaking practice. And too rare.

A normalizing conversation is not a confrontation but a conversation. It may or may not result in agreement but it can result in understanding. Because you have invited the other individual to be candid with you as you are with them, it removes future awkwardness in the relationship even if you did not come to agreement. It is simply a conversation to "normalize" what has become problematic.

The major barrier to such conversations is our own fear. In my experience, our fear is usually unfounded and we find the other party relieved to be able to lower the walls and understand each other. Even if the conversation is hard, it opens up the ability to communicate and creates greater understanding and that by definition almost always lowers the relational walls. It is about calming the relational waters.

Five simple principles for governance in churches and non-profits

Governance systems in churches and non-profits are often antiquated, discouraging, and massively complicated. The result is that it is hard to make decisions, know who is responsible, ensure results, and create accountability. The result is that the return on mission is significantly compromised.

There are five simple principles that should apply to any governance system. You can also measure your own governance against these five principles and determine if there is reason to rethink how you do governance. Often, systems that work in one season do not work in another.

Keep it simple

There has been a tendency to make governance systems complicated because we are afraid that someone will make a poor decision. The real result is that you have to make decisions more than once, with multiple parties making for a complicated and time-consuming process.

Keeping it simple means that:

• There is only one board
• Decisions do not need to be made by multiple groups
• The decision-making path is clear and understood
• Decisions can be made in a reasonable time

Keep it clear

Clarity means that everyone knows who is responsible for what, that there is no overlap or ambiguity in responsibilities, and that individuals and groups know their responsibilities and the limits to those responsibilities. Clarity is particularly important between those things that are delegated to a senior pastor staff as opposed to areas that are the responsibility of the leadership board. When that clarity is not present, there is confusion at best and conflict at worst. In congregational government, the congregation often signs off on items such as the sale and purchase of property, changes to the by-laws, the calling of a senior pastor, election of the leadership board the annual budget. Again, there should be clarity on what goes to the congregation and what does not.

Keeping it clear means that:

• Everyone knows who is responsible for what
• There is no overlap in responsibility
• Decision-making pathways are always clear

Keep it empowered

Empowerment means that those who are responsible for certain areas also have the authority to make decisions for those areas. If the Senior Pastor or nonprofit leader is given responsibility, he/she should also have the authority to act. The same for those areas under the purview of staff. This is not about turf but about the ability to make effective decisions in an efficient manner. Keeping it empowered means that those who have responsibility have the authority to act in those areas

Keep it accountable

One of the reasons that clarity is so important is that ambiguous governance systems (where multiple groups are responsible for a decision) make accountability for decisions equally ambiguous. Any time an individual, group, or board has responsibility and authority, they must also be accountable for the outcome of their decisions. Empowered governance means that those responsible can act within their scope of responsibility but always with accountability for the results of their decisions.

Keeping it accountable means that:

• Those responsible for decisions are also accountable for those decisions
• All actions should be consistent with the mission of the organization

Keep it focused

Our focus must first be on Jesus and then on the mission He has given us. Mission drift is endemic in churches and Christian non-profits because leaders have not done the work they need to do to keep the most important things most important. 

This also means that we are committed to alignment around the priorities and direction we have committed ourselves to. All directional arrows of all ministries and initiatives should be pointed directly at the bulls-eye of our mission and vision. When they are not, we have lost focus!

Ways that organizations inadvertently compromise the quality of their services

Almost every organization I have worked with would  say that they are committed to quality work internally and quality services externally but often the reality does not live up to the goal. This is particularly true among non-profits but it is not only resident there. Often it is the result of several overlooked factors that inadvertently compromise the quality of their work.

One of the first things that comes to mind is that of poor hiring methods. When we hire without doing do diligence to the qualifications of the applicant or the skill fit we often end up paying a steep price later. There is an adage that says "hire slow and fire fast" and it has great merit to it. Many organizations don't realize the bottom line impact poor hires have on them. First, unqualified individuals do not make the organization look good. Second, it takes more unqualified individuals to get the job done than one highly qualified individual. Thus there is both a financial and service quality variable in our hiring practices.

In addition when we choose to compensate below the fair market value of a job we drastically reduce the number of qualified candidates who will consider working for us. Here is the irony.  We end up hiring more individuals to do a job than we need because we got what we were willing to pay for. So in an attempt to save money in salaries we actually spend more money than we needed to. This is particularly true with churches and Christian non-profits but it can be found in the for profit sector as well.

Another common mistake is to pay too little attention to the Emotional Intelligence (EQ) of those we hire. Even highly competent individuals can hurt the organization if they exhibit poor EQ. They can hurt others on the team internally and create issues with customers externally. Considerable attention ought to be given to the issue of an individual's EQ in the hiring process as well as in ongoing education in this area. For more on Emotional Intelligence see "Signs of good and bad EQ."

Finally, in the desire to save money, some organizations do not provide the necessary tools to staff to get their job done efficiently. This can be training, technology and software or the necessary ongoing mentoring. It is unfortunate that the investment already made in these staff is lost when they either choose to leave or cannot fulfill their job with excellence because of the neglect of their supervisor.

None of these actions are meant to hurt the quality of an organizations work but all do so inadvertently. My philosophy has always been to hire slow and well, pay competitively, give staff the tools they need and have as few staff as necessary. You can do that with the right staff.

The characteristics of a self defined individual

Even though we often don't want to admit it, it is far easier to swim in the currents of other people's ideas and convictions than to have our own. This is why boards, for instance often don't deal with sensitive topics. No one on the board wants to state their own convictions if it causes discomfort to others. Group think can be the bane of any group that works together. It is simply easier to adopt the viewpoint of the group rather than rock the boat with a viewpoint that might be different.

The problem with this is that it is not healthy and it deprives us of the ability to think for ourselves and hold our own opinions. Healthy people are self defined. They have their own opinions and convictions and are willing to share them even when it goes against the crowd. It may cause disruption to the comfort of the group but it challenges the prevailing group think and causes others to think more deeply. It is also far more honest and authentic than simply going with the crowd.

Self defined individuals think deeply and while they take in the perspectives of others they come to their own conclusions. Because of this they are often the ones who raise the hardest questions in a group as they are not party to group think.

What are the characteristics of a self defined individual?

• They know who they are in terms of strengths and weaknesses
• They think deeply about issues and come to their own conclusions
• They are not afraid to share their opinions even when it goes against group think or conventional wisdom
• They listen to others and evaluate their opinions but in the end they make up their own minds
• They are not afraid to be who they are
• They are not intimidated by the opinions of others even when there is a clash of ideas

Three truths Isis does not understand as they seek to "break the cross."

 

Isis has just released a 45,000 word missive telling Christians to break the cross and join their Islamic state. It claims that Jesus will soon return to do the same because Christians have made Him into something he was never meant to be. In reality He is a "slave to Allah." If Christians will not break the cross, the Islamic state will - in acts like the murder of a Catholic priest in Normandy last week.

Their acts are meant to put fear into the hearts of Christ followers. But here is what Isis does not know.

One:  The evil one thought he had won the battle against God when Christ was crucified. What he did not count on was the resurrection of Christ. At that moment every principality and power of this world was defeated and all they can do until Christ returns is fight a losing battle. Neither Isis or any other group will ever break the cross.

Two: When the church is under persecution it expands rather than contracts. Mao thought he could eradicate the church. What resulted is the largest church in the world. In Roman times, the rulers thought they could eradicate the church but three hundred years after Christ, Christianity became the official faith of the Roman empire. As Tertullian wrote, "The blood of the martrys is the seed of the church." Every time Isis tries to eradicate Christianity more people come to Christ. It is a losing battle. Again to quote Tertullian, "The more you mow us down, the more numerous we grow; the blood of Christians is seed."

Three: While evil can prevail for a time it ultimately loses and is judged by the God of the Universe. History is His story and His will is the only one that will ultimately prevail. He is the beginning and the end! The alpha and omega. There will be a new heaven and earth and Christ will reign over all.

As Christ followers we need to keep these three truths in mind as we watch the news and rather than live in fear we ought to live with the conviction that Christ is growing His church and that He will ultimately prevail.

Eight practices that will lead to a life of greater serenity and peace

Our world can be characterized by out-of-control schedules, lack of rest, frenetic activity, and little margin. Yet our hearts long for peace and serenity. We cannot change the frenetic pace of our world, but we can choose to live in peace and serenity ourselves. Here are eight practices that can lead to a life of greater serenity.

1. Places of refuge. These are places where our hearts feel at peace and where we can slow down. For me, it includes a study in my home that has no television, is filled with books, and a comfortable couch. Whenever I enter, I feel a special peace come over me because it is a place of peace. It may also be a stream where I can fly fish in solitude. For all of us, it will be different, but identifying those places of refuge that we can go to regularly will help us negotiate what is otherwise a busy existence.

2. Time with Jesus. Out-of-control schedules or even the typical challenges of our lives lead to anxiety and personal stress. The best place to leave our anxiety and stress is with Jesus, who told us that he can bring peace to our souls. Who does not long for peace? Psalm 23 says, "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." It is a picture of rest, quietness, peace - in the presence of God. But none of that happens in frenetic activity. Only in quietness and time with Him.

3. Quiet reflection. The art of quiet reflection is time without distractions to think deeply about our lives, God, or situations we face. Reflection demands times of peace and quiet: Television off; radio silenced; cell phone muted - maybe soothing music on. I write this blog in the peace and quiet of an early morning, one of my favorite times to reflect and think.

4. Special friends. I am thinking here of friends who bring peace and joy to our lives and fill us emotionally. This is not your average friend. Many friends are needy and drain us. There is a time for those friends, but not when we are needing peace and serenity. These are friends who encourage us, accept us, love us, and allow us to be who we are in their presence without pretense or expectations. Too often, in our busyness, we do not nurture the most important friends who can bring peace to our lives.

5. Good books. Well-chosen books can help us relax, reflect and grow. It is why my personal place of refuge is lined with them. One need not be a prodigious reader for this to be the case. Even a few pages or a short chapter can stimulate our thinking and reflection. Books help us stretch our minds and offer perspectives of others that can change our own perspectives.

6. A journal. Journaling is a practice that can bring greater peace and serenity to our lives. It allows us to record insights we gain in our times of reflection. The simple act of writing those insights down dramatically increases our retention of them. It allows us to have a record of our personal growth. It allows us to be more reflective in our prayer lives as we write out our prayers from time to time. It forces us to think more clearly and reflect more deeply. It is worth the effort even if we are not naturally writers.

7. Interludes of prayer. These are times during the day when we intentionally reconnect with Jesus in prayer. For instance, my cell phone alerts me on the hour, every hour during the day. When it does, I silently engage Jesus about whatever I am working on or the meeting I am in. It reminds me to be present with Jesus, it reminds me to check in with Him, and it reminds me to bring the events of my day to Him. They are hourly check-ins with the only one that can ultimately bring me peace of heart and soul.

8. Learning to be present. How often do you find yourself mulling on a problem or anxiety when you should be concentrating on a conversation, a work project, or playing with your kids? Being present means that we are mindful of what we are doing at the moment and truly focused on that rather than focusing on other things that distract us from being present in the moment. Being present means that we are fully "there" in whatever we are doing. It also prevents us from being "elsewhere," which is usually a problem or challenge that we should have left with Christ rather than carrying it around with us. The hourly reminder from my cell phone not only reminds me to check in with God but to check in with myself to see if I am present in the moment.

A life of peace and serenity does not happen by itself but comes from healthy practices in our lives. It is a beautiful place to live and something that we can grow in regularly.

Giving immediate feedback to problematic behaviors

One of the critical roles of a supervisor is to give feedback to team members on behaviors that are not professional or that reflect poor EQ. The purpose of that feedback is not to shame or be punitive but to help staff members understand how they come across to others and be a mirror to them on blind spots they are unaware of.

For instance:

• A staff member gives a report for 15 minutes that should have taken three.
• A team member tends to interrupt others in a meeting or talk too often and too long, monopolizing the conversation.
• An individual becomes reactive or defensive when their idea is challenged.
• There is an attitude of arrogance or cynicism that comes through.
• A member disengages from the meeting when they get bored.
• For signs of good and bad EQ see this blog

All these and many other behaviors hurt the others involved, hurting the offender regarding influence and relationship. It is easy to note these behaviors but ignore them because we don't want to have what we perceive to be a complicated conversation. Yet, if we don't provide feedback, who will?

And the conversation need not be difficult. It can be as easy as, "Will, can I share feedback on how you handled the discussion with Mary today? It felt like you became defensive with her, and it had the effect of shutting her down. Were you aware of that?" And a conversation is started. Chances are that Will had no idea how he came across and how it impacted Mary.

When repeated offenses like this occur over time, other staff members often wonder why the team leader has not addressed the irritant in the meeting. And they have a right to be unhappy if the team leader does not address such issues. And it does not help the one doing the offending.

The best feedback is immediate - or as soon as it is possible to give it - in private. The events are fresh, and people can remember the circumstances. It need not be confrontational or uncomfortable but to the point and done with grace for the good of all involved.

Motivation and its impact on vocation

A fundamental variable between those who see success in their work and those who don't is the presence or absence of meaningful motivation. Meaningful motivation in vocation is driven by a deeper drive than a paycheck. That may suffice for a time, but ultimately, we need a reason to give ourselves to our work that transcends money and goes to a desire to please God in all that we do: to worship him through our work as the ancient religious orders practiced.

Seeing our work as an act of worship eliminates the unbiblical distinction between the sacred and the secular. With God, all is sacred: prayer, vocation, relationships, family, rest, and all that makes up our lives. But it is also a great motivator. If whatever we do for a living is done for the King of Kings, and if it matters to Him, how does that change our view of work? Ultimately, we work not for ourselves or our employer alone but as an act of worship to God.

If my work is an act of worship to my God, I will give the very best that I have rather than the least I can get away with. And it matters not whether we are white collar or blue collar. In fact, God is not impressed by our credentials. He is pleased when we see our work as sacred and an act of worship of Him. If we were made for Him, then all that makes up our lives is given to Him in worship.

This puts to rest the distinction between ministry positions and secular callings. There is no first and second bench in God's economy - just His bench. All of our vocations are callings, all are acts of worship, and all are done in His name. Every vocation is service to God, not just those who have been to seminary or serve the church. And that includes those whose work is in the home!

This Biblical view of life and work ought to cause all of us to look more carefully at how we view our work, and it should motivate us to do the very best that we have to give every day.

No is a complete sentence

Many of us struggle to say no to the expectations and requests of others even when we know that we don't have the time, interest, or energy to fulfill them. It is perhaps why our lives often feel too busy and our energy too depleted. Yet without saying "no" to some things, we cannot say "yes" to other more important things. Seen in this light, our "no" when necessary, is a positive and necessary word.

Each of us has a call on our lives. Yes, we can do many things, but sometimes those many things keep us from doing those things that it is essential for us to do to realize our calling. I think of what I do in these four quadrants: What I could do, what I won't do, what I must do, and what I shouldn't do. These are designed to help me determine what I must say yes to, what I must say no to, and those areas that fall in between depending on schedule and availability.

When we choose to say "no," we often feel as if we need to explain ourselves, which indicates that we are feeling guilt over our decision. It is not necessary. "No" is a complete sentence that does not require us to explain why or to justify our decision. A gracious decline without explanation is a stronger answer than an explanation as to why we are saying no. If we feel an explanation is necessary, something like this suffices well:

"I appreciate the request. I regularly evaluate opportunities against those things that I know I am called to do and, therefore, need to graciously decline your request. Thank you for thinking of me."

While "no" is perceived as a negative word, it is actually a very positive word because it allows us the opportunity to do those things that are most important to us. No one accomplishes great things without saying no to many lesser things. It is a "boundary" word in our lives that indicates that the request is outside our present priorities. Therefore, to say "yes" would be to violate our most important priorities. Seen in that light, "no" is a necessary and very positive word.

Dangerous and hurtful assumptions

"If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don't tell us something we make assumptions to fill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don't understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions.  We make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions."

Miguel Ruiz

"And if you insist on continuing to make assumptions about my character, I'll advise you only this: assume you will always be wrong."

Tahereh Mafi

Every one of us has been the unwelcome recipient of assumptions made by others that were false. Yet ironically we do it to others as well. Unfortunately, assumptions are usually wrong, especially when it comes to motives behind actions that we find objectionable or things others have told us about another individual. And because they are often wrong, our view of others is often misguided and also wrong. I would suggest the following practices when it comes to assumptions made about others.

First, before we assume, we ought to ask the individual involved. It is enlightening to have a first hand conversation rather than to make assumptions (that are usually wrong to some degree or another). There is nothing wrong with asking and it might save us a relationship if we do.

Second, be wary of second hand information. All of us have a grid through which we see others and if the grid is wrong we will pass along untrue information or perceptions. And, where there is rancor involved, others have a vested interest in painting the worst possible picture rather than objective information. It is also true that the one passing it along does not have all the information themselves. It is amazing how much more quickly we grab onto negative information about another individual than we do positive information. It is our fallen nature.

Third. if you don't have all the information think grey. Understand that there is usually more than one side to a story and knowing that you don't have all the facts resist drawing rigid conclusions. Things are not always what we think they are. We ought to be circumspect in our thinking and comments.

Fourth, if you don't need to, don't share negative information about others. Scripture calls this gossip. Bad news spreads quickly and to the extent that we fan the flame we are guilty of gossip. And, if we don't have all the facts we may be guilty of worse - reputation assassination.

My assumption is that we would want others to practice these principles with us. Let's therefore practice it with others.

What is God doing in your life?

Why leaders have an obligation to deal with situations when there is not a good staff fit

Perhaps one of the hardest responsibilities of leaders of teams or organizations is to deal with situations where there is not a good fit between a staff member and his/her role. What makes it hard is that it requires candid conversation with the individual as well as the effort to find a role that is a better fit in your organization or in another. Many of us don't like to have those conversations. However, supervisors have a real obligation to deal with these situations for reasons I will delineate below.

First, to leave someone in a job fit that is not good is a disservice to the individual involved. Almost always a poor job fit also means the individual involved is not happy or fulfilled. At some level they probably know the fit is not right and while they may not want to confront it for reasons of job security we don't do them a favor by allowing them to stay in a place that does not fit them. As one leader said to me recently about a staff member who needed to move along, "She won't like it in the short run but a year from now she will thank me for doing it." We are stewards of others and as such we need to act when necessary.

Second. When there is not a good job fit, others are impacted! Other team members are always negatively impacted by an individual who is not a good fit for their job. To ignore the issue is to disempower the rest of the team. Saving ourselves the discomfort of a potentially difficult conversation leaves other staff having to deal with the poor fit of one of their colleagues. As stewards we cannot do that.

Third, our own leadership credibility is at stake when we ignore these issues. When leaders ignore known issues they lose credibility with their staff who are also aware of those issues. Staff have a right to expect their leaders to have the best interests of the team in mind and to act accordingly. If we ignore issues out of our own discomfort we lose credibility with our staff.

We must deal with these situations with care for the individual involved. But we cannot ignore it.