Signs of good and bad EQ

Emotional Intelligence (EQ), is the ability to understand ourselves, know what drives us, accurately understand how we are perceived by others, and understand how we relate to others. EQ measures whether we have the relational skills to work synergistically with others while being ‘self defining’ and allowing others to speak into our lives or work without defensiveness. Many of the actions, responses, attitudes and relational tendencies relate to our EQ. Healthy leadership therefore requires healthy EQ since leadership is all about relationships and people. One can lead from a position of authority with poor EQ but one cannot lead through deep influence without healthy EQ.

I believe that we pay far too little attention to issues of EQ in the hiring of leaders, building of teams or in our own lives. There are many brilliant individuals whose poor emotional intelligence leaves havoc in their wake. Poor emotional intelligence on the part of leaders is the major cause of relational and leadership issues. It is an issue every leader needs to pay close attention to. Those who do not end up hurting their leadership and the organization they lead. Several key issues of EQ stand out for leaders.

Consider these signs of poor EQ

• Defensiveness
• Inability to resolve conflict or negotiate differences in a healthy way
• Lack of empathy and understanding leaving people feeling hurt
• Marginalization of those who disagree with us
• Narcissism, where it is all about “me”
• A need to get our own way
• Control of others rather than empowerment
• Inapproachability by staff, volunteers or board members
• Use of spiritual terms like “God told me” or “spiritual warfare” to shut down discussion
• Lack of flexibility and ability to negotiate issues for a win/win solution
• Holding grudges and lack of forgiveness
• Inability to play on a team
• A history of relational problems with people one has worked with
• Lack of sensitivity to how actions, behaviors or words affect others
• Personal insecurity
• Inability to be self defining while maintaining good relationships
• Attitudes of cynicism and mistrust toward others
• A poor understanding of one’s strengths and weaknesses
• A victim mentality where we are the victims and it is always someone else’s fault when conflict occurs
• Seeing the world in black and white where there are good guys and bad guys and not much in between leading to the demonization of others
• Needing to be popular
• Becoming enmeshed in other people’s issues
• High personal anxiety over aspects of my job
• Saying one thing to one individual and another thing to others

Consider these signs of good EQ

• I am approachable and have a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude
• I seek to resolve conflict quickly and well
• I am self defined but always leave the door open for dialogue with those who disagree and work to keep the relationship
• I live with self confidence but not hubris
• I am highly flexible
• I seek to understand myself well including, weaknesses and strengths and the shadow side
• I ask others for feedback on my behaviors
• I am a team player and value “us” more than “me”
• I work very hard to understand others and put myself in their place
• I don’t hold grudges and extend forgiveness easily
• I don’t need to be popular but I do desire to be respected
• When conflict occurs I take responsibility for my part
• There are no issues that are off limits for my team to discuss
• I am patient with people and always give them the benefit of the doubt
• I have a sense of humor about myself and don’t take myself too seriously

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com

I just wish someone would listen

I am currently staying at a hotel in Kinshasa, Congo, a sprawling city of some 12 million people. My hotel stay has been both a blessing (running water, electricity, a toilet and air conditioning) and a lesson in patience (worst internet service ever, marginal food and terrible service).

The service thing! What is that? It seems to be non-existent in my hotel. That I am paying to stay here seems to staff a privilege rather than the right to expect service. 

The other day I needed TP which had not been restocked by the maid cleaning the room. I made three calls to the front desk with them telling me each time it was on the way. When it never arrived I went down the front desk in person, told them I was not leaving until the TP arrived and just waited. The front desk guy calls the general manager of the hotel (I guess it takes his OK for everything) who OK'd the TP. Three hours of frustration and no one cared. Time after time I have been told that something cannot be done.

Another thing. The guy who runs the hotel is Chinese (like many enterprises in Congo, the hotel is owned by a firm in China) who doesn't speak French and the folks who work in the hotel don't speak Chinese so communication is a constant issue. And of course almost no-one speaks English notwithstanding the fact that they have contracts with the US Embassy and the UN. All of which means that getting a problem explained from English to French to Chinese back to French and back to English is well - a recipe for major frustration. The guy who actually runs security for the hotel (a big deal in Kinshasa) has to speak to the General Manager through an interpreter which seems just a mite bit scary. I'm thinking the US Embassy would not like that scenario.

So I could go on but will forgo my other issues like the day it took all afternoon and conversations with eight people to get a room change. (Yes it came down to the GM in the end. He must be a really busy guy because it is a big hotel.) But I found myself really wanting to just talk to someone who would listen about the frustrations I had. I tried numerous times but everyone seemed to shrug their shoulders and say sorry and do nothing about it.

Then riding up the elevator last evening I met a guy from France who runs the hotel's restaurants and told him my list of woes about the service in the hotel. This guy (Angel) stayed on the elevator until he got to my floor, listened carefully, apologized profusely and told me the inside story. Evidently I was not the only one who experienced frustration and the GM who had to be called to give me TP was just yesterday dispatched home and a new GM has arrived to whip the place into shape.

The fact that I found someone who would genuinely listen to me, respond non-defensively and really care - and told me to call him if I encountered any more issues evaporated most of my frustration.

Which got me to thinking about a principle. When people are frustrated for whatever reason, if there is no one to listen and dialogue that frustration can turn into anger, bitterness and untrue assumptions. I see it in churches all the time. But when a leader will sit down and genuinely listen, be non-defensive and genuinely want to understand it makes all the difference in the world. You may or may not be able to solve the problem but listening and understanding is half the battle.

Until Angel came along, no one listened or seemed to care which caused frustration. His listening and and non-defensive attitude made all the difference. A lesson for all of us. Next time I have a problem Angle is my phone call rather than the front desk. And he does speak English. 

Oh, now I know why I should have paid attention to my French classes in Junior high. But I guess it is too late.

Growing our leadership effectiveness

For those leaders young or mature who desire to grow their effectiveness - and the need for growth never diminishes as long as we are leading - here are some suggestions.

Spend time with other good leaders
It is amazing what even excellent leaders learn in dialogue with other good leaders. In fact, it will rub off both ways. Really good leaders are really good thinkers and I always learn new insights when I am around other good leaders. 

Reflect often
Leaders are busy and busyness robs us of the opportunity to reflect on critical issues we are facing. Simply slowing down for a day or a season so that one has time to reflect will harvest many ideas that would not otherwise come.

Stay focused
The best leaders do a few critical things well and don't allow themselves to be distracted by the ancillary or urgent in place of the important. One of the benefits of reflection is that it allows focus. Lack of reflection leads to lack of focus. Put on paper those truly important things for you to pay attention to and keep that in front of you.

Know what your big rocks are
There are big rocks, little rocks, pebbles and sand. For leaders, the majority of their time needs to be on the big rocks rather than the place that many leaders gravitate too. It is part of staying focused.

Think future
Leaders must lead their team or organization into the future. That means we need to be identifying the way forward. No one else will think of the future for us. Again time for reflection becomes critical.

Don't ignore threats
Effective leaders have a radar for threats to the health of their team or the success of the organization. Often threats are not pleasant but the more effectively they are addressed the better the future. This is an area of needed growth for many.

Read selectively
Maybe ten percent of what is on the market in the leadership arena is worth reading. Swap articles and blogs with other leaders you know that will stimulate your thinking. we are looking for that one good idea that is worth applying - in our way.

Lead from who God made you to be
God wired and gifted us uniquely. The more we understand our own gifting the better we will lead - if we are willing to lead out of those strengths. We can never lead like someone else. We can learn from them but we must lead from who God made us to be. The more we understand us, the better we will lead.

From the archives: Life as a journey from brockeness to wholeness

There are many ways of looking at the journey of life but I am convinced that one of the most important is seeing it as a journey from brokenness to wholeness through our walk with Jesus. One of the ironies of age is that the older we grow the more cognizant we are of our own sinfulness and inherent brokenness. That in itself is a great blessing because it sets us on a path toward the kind of life wholeness that Jesus came to bring. 

One of the most encouraging things Jesus said was that he had come so that we could "have life and have it to the full." The New Living Translation puts it this way. "My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." Jesus desires to enter into our brokenness and bring wholeness - in all areas of life and in all those places where our own fallen nature and sin has brought pain or lessened the joy of life. 

We often look at our sinful tendencies with despair, knowing how often we fall into them and hurt ourselves. Jesus, however, looks at them with hope - the hope that comes from knowing that He came to lift us out of that misery and lead us to a life of greater and greater satisfaction in Him as we cooperate with the Holy Spirit to move from sinful tendencies to righteous tendencies. Jesus is under no illusions as to who we are by ourselves. He has a high and amazing view of who we can be - and are - through His redemption of our lives:

"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession - to the praise of his glory (Ephesians 1:11-14)."

We need to start seeing ourselves as Jesus sees us and in response to his high and exalted view of who He has made us to be, press into those areas where we still live with brokenness and work with Him toward greater wholeness. It is not necessary to live with the disappointment of our brokenness. Rather we can see life as a journey with Christ toward wholeness and do our part in putting off those things that hold us back and put on those things that are like Him and will lead us forward. 

Let's get practical: What is the one thing God has been talking to you about regarding your need to move from brokenness to wholeness? Are you/we willing to focus on that one thing for the next month and allow Him with your cooperation to take the next healing step of your journey? 


There will be a day when we are completely whole - when we see Jesus face to face. The greatest gift we can give to Him and to ourselves until that day is to keep walking from what we were to what God created us to be. It is a journey of hope, healing, anticipation, ever increasing joy as our hearts become more like His heart. Remember we were made in His image and while that image was compromised by sin, He came to reclaim us and His image in us.

Seven internal threats to any ministry organization

Every organization faces threats to it's existence and future health. Leaders are often aware of external threats such as funding and the effectiveness of their ministry. We often spend less time considering the internal threats that lurk and threaten the ministry's future, whether under our tenure or our successor's tenure. These threats are often more dangerous than external threats.

Lack of clarity 
Few threats are more dangerous that a lack of missional clarity. Diffusion of focus means that different leaders within the organization will choose their own focus leading to multiple agendas and the resulting silos within the ministry. This is a serious threat because it divides the ministry from within. Many well meaning but disparate agendas cannot substitute for a clearly articulated vision, mission, common guiding principles, and clearly delineated culture.

Undefined DNA
Every organization has a culture, a DNA. Unfortunately, many have multiple cultures which means they don't really have one culture. This is not only confusing to staff but differing cultures will bring division and conflict within the organization. Ironically, it is something that we can control and create if we choose to.

Overlooked behaviors
Especially in ministries but in many business settings, we overlook behaviors that are toxic to the health of the organization. Either we don't want to lose the person (in spite of their behavior), don't want to deal with it (conflict avoidance) or just become used to it even when it is destructive to others and ultimately to the organization. When we overlook unhealthy behaviors we allow those behaviors to sabotage the organization and we send a message that such behaviors are OK.

Lack of a leadership bench
This one is very dangerous. The test of great leadership is not what happens when we are leading but when we leave because it reveals what we did or did not leave behind. The most important thing we can gift the organization with is the next generation of leaders. Not only is it dangerous to ignore this but it is selfish because someone will inherit what we leave behind.

Inadequate focus on real results
All organizations are busy with a great deal of activity. The question, though is not whether we have activity but whether we have results based on our clarity (see above). Most ministries assume that the results are good but do not have a realistic mechanism for ensuring that they actually are. Remember, activity does not equal results. It may just equal activity.

Poor staff development
Every organization says that its people are its most important asset but many do little in the way of coaching, mentoring and developing. To not place significant and intentional emphasis on what truly is your most important asset is to rob your staff of becoming all they could become and to shortchange the impact of your organization.

Lack of focus on healthy teams
Organizations are made up of groups and those groups are either healthy teams or dysfunctional teams. Aligned, results oriented healthy teams working synergistically together under good leadership are the building blocks of a healthy and productive organization. Unless there is health at the team level there will not be health at the organizational level.

The good news about internal threats to our success is that we can do something significant about them. We cannot control external threats but we can contain internal threats. 

Spiritual Narcissism - From the archives

One could immediately say “that is an oxymoron,” and they would be right. However, as unhealthy and destructive as narcissism is, adding the spiritual component to it is even deadlier. My observation is that there are a disproportionate number of “spiritual narcissists” who find their way into Christian ministry. Perhaps it is easier to get away with this behavior in the church where we are reticent to name unhealthy behavior for what it is. Unfortunately they leave relational havoc in their wake wherever they are found. That is a consistent pattern.

Narcissism is really pride gone amuck without the counterbalance of humility. It can be very subtle or it can be “in your face.” Often times it is hidden behind a compelling personality that draws others to them but often in unhealthy ways such as emotional triangulation where I draw you into my orbit by creating a bond with you against another individual or group. The bond and friendship, often very close, lasts as long as you agree with them and once you start to disagree or think independently you find yourself on the outside.

What are the signs of narcissism? Consider these.

• The inability to admit that one was wrong.

• The deflecting of any criticism back to you or others. In this scenario, whenever you seek to confront behavior that is unacceptable it somehow becomes your fault and your issue, not theirs. Narcissists are unable to see and accept their own faults.

• Strong reactions when confronted with behavior that is unhealthy. These individuals will go to great lengths to prove to you and others that it is not about them but about you. They are fighters and it is not always fair. Any criticism of a narcissist is immediately resisted because life is all about them.

• The tendency to draw others in to emotional triangles as a means of keeping them on “their side.” Narcissists are experts at drawing others into their stuff at least for a time. These “friends” often pick up the offense and join the narcissist in their fight. Narcissists are intuitive experts in finding people who are willing to side with them and take up their cause – regardless of the facts in the case.

• Inability to give up a fight over something – they need to win. There are no simple conversations with a narcissist. They love long dialogue and debates because they have something to prove and a lot to lose.

• The tendency to draw lines and demonize those who don’t agree with them. With a narcissist, you are either their good friend or their worst enemy.

• The inability to reason with them – every issue becomes complicated and drawn out because they cannot just say, “I was wrong” and must somehow justify their actions and rightness no matter how absurd the line of reasoning is. When everything is complicated with an individual and you are unable to make headway through long dialogue there is a good sign that you have narcissistic tendencies on your hand.

• The need to defend one’s reputation at all costs by proving that others are wrong.

• The ability to maneuver situations to suit them, make themselves look good and engender compassion for their situation.

·  Wherever you have a narcissist, you have complicated relationships where alliances are formed and where people eventually get hurt and discarded when they no longer toe the line. One narcissist on a team can cause havoc with the whole team and often people don’t really understand the dynamics of what is happening. By definition, a narcissist will divide people into those who are with them and those who are against them which divides teams and causes ugly division.

The spiritual narcissist is one who not only has tendencies like these but who then brings Scripture and God into the equation. Not only are they right but God is on their side! Any disagreement becomes grounds for “reconciliation between brothers” which really means, “You need to agree with me.” For narcissistic leaders, it often means, “God is leading me (and therefore you) in this direction and you must follow.” Those who question or don’t wholeheartedly follow become marginalized. When you confront, “you are not loving.” When you have a disagreement, “brothers need to live in unity.” When you discipline for behavior that is not healthy, “you don’t have grace.” In other words, you never win, you are always the one who is at fault and not only have you violated them but Scripture or God as well. You cannot win for losing!

All of this can make one crazy and wonder if it is indeed them that are at fault – after all narcissists are experts at making you feel that way. Ironically, a narcissist finds great pleasure in causing you pain while those they inflict it on are actually sensitive to the very issues raised because their own humility is greater than that of the narcissist.  This is where being wise as serpents and innocent as doves comes into play. We need to understand the MO of a narcissist and insist that the behavior is unacceptable no matter how much they deflect issues back to us.

God never wastes anything in our biography. That is grace

I love the stories of Biblical characters because in them we find God’s grace in action. They are real, often gritty, have issues, failures and questions but God uses them in amazing ways. One such story is that of Moses, one of the towering figures in the Old Testament and one of the most ordinary of human beings to ever live. That his ordinariness could be used in extraordinary ways is all grace! The kind of grace that God extends to every one of us.

You remember the setting well. Pharaoh is fearful that the Israelites are becoming too numerous so he subjugates them to a life of slavery. In addition, he tells the midwives to kill all the male babies that are born to keep the population down. Their response is to claim that the babies are born before they can get there and refuse to carry out his order. So Moses is born, put in a reed basket and just happens to be found by Pharaoh’s daughter and just happens to become an adopted member of their family. The child born to be a slave is instead raised in a Palace.

Now that may sound like a good deal to us but it caused all kinds of issues for Moses. He knew who he actually was. He knew he did not deserve the palace. He knew he was now living in a family that was keeping his own people in subjugation. He knew that he should do something but didn't know what or how until one day when he was forty he took matters into his own hands, killed an Egyptian who was beating a Hebrew and had to run for his life.

Think about Moses situation. He had identity issues. He had anger issues. He was a felon on the run from the law. His life should have been one of slavery but it was the palace instead. Now he has lost everything and is a homeless guy. He had a deep sense of righteousness and justice but it all went wrong. If there was Prozac back in the day, Moses would have been on it. If there was anger management class back in the day Moses would be in it. This was not how life was meant to turn out.

Have you ever felt that way? Life didn't turn out the way it was supposed to? Life isn't fair? Did you ever think when you were young that you would still be struggling with the stuff you struggle with today? I thought when I grew up, that stuff would be gone but like Moses, we still carry a lot of issues around. Like him, we are profoundly human and profoundly flawed by sin. Like him our desire for justice and righteousness is often disappointed.  We know we are on God’s side of many issues but we still end up with the short straw like Moses did. And like him we wonder why.

Moses had every right to wonder where God was in this equation, just as we do. What he could not see and what we often don’t see is that God is not limited by our failures, sin or situation. In fact, he is the only one who can take every failure, setback, and situation and redeem it for his purposes. That is grace. That is God.

Life is not the series of random events that it often seems to be. In each of our lives there is an unseen hand that is weaving a tapestry that on the back side which we see is jumbled and messy and hard to figure out but on the front side which we will see in eternity is beautiful and exquisitely woven, the colors perfect, the lines impeccable. We see the back side in all of its chaos but God sees the front in all of its beauty. That was what God was doing in Moses’s life and that is what he is doing in our lives.

Think about Moses biography: It was the very biography that would enable him to carry out his greatest assignment, the deliverance of his people from Egypt. His palace experience gave him insight into how to deal with the Pharaoh. His experience with injustice gave him empathy for his people. His failures made him rely on God rather than on himself.  In every way, his biography became the foundation for what God eventually called him to do.

What Moses did not realize was that God was going to take his whole biography, his birth that should have been death, his palace experience and training, his sense of injustice at the Egyptians and even his profound sense of inadequacy and use it for his purposes to bring the people out of Egypt.

Consider your journey and your biography. I am sure it did not go as you thought. I am sure that like me you have regrets. I am sure we have all experienced pain. But remember this. It is the grace of God that none of our biography is ever wasted. God takes it all and redeems it all for his purposes. That is grace. That is our God.

Would you come back to this church?

Lots of strange things happen in church. Check this out. It is not the way to win friends and influence people!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSJt-LHMNRY&feature=youtu.be

We will handle the beatings! Persecution in Khartoum

Guest Blogger

Kevin Kompelien

ReachGlobal Africa International Leader

In my role as ReachGlobal Africa International Leader I have been privileged to meet some amazing indigenous leaders and to see God do extraordinary things in the face of very difficult opposition to the Gospel. Many of these leaders are unknown to the world, but are heroes of the faith to me. In the following article from the ALARM August newsletter, Celestin Musekura, President & CEO of African Leadership and Reconciliation Ministries (ALARM), shares a powerful story of some of these modern day heroes of the faith.

In July I spent three days in Khartoum, and one afternoon I sat in the home of a fellow pastor who’d been tortured and persecuted for training and empowering the Christian community to preach the message of forgiveness and reconciliation. “How are you doing?” I asked him. “I am healing well,” he said, while lifting his shirt and showing me fresh scars on his back and chest. “My chest still gives me pain in the night, but I am at peace and thank God for the privilege of serving him.”

“How is your family?” I asked, trying to hide my tears but unable to disguise the emotion in my voice. “My wife and boy are scared, but we are committed to staying here.” 

That evening I met a dozen pastors and church leaders, some of whom have endured humiliation and persecution and yet are still asking for more training so they can be effective in their ministries. As one of them said, “The more we are persecuted and tortured, the more our torturers hear the Gospel. If this is the only way for them to hear and see the Gospel in us, then let us get our bodies strong and our minds equipped with biblical truths.” When I asked how ALARM partners and the American Church can help, one of the leaders said with a big smile, “Feed our bodies, feed our minds, and encourage our hearts. We will handle the beatings.”

How do we respond to stories like this? Do we feel bad, shed a tear, and then go on with our lives or do we commit ourselves to pray and seek ways that we can come alongside these brothers and sisters as they stand on the front line for the Gospel? Complacency is not an option for us! These are our brothers and sisters. We must honor them, cry out to the Lord on their behalf, and ask Jesus how we can come alongside them.

Is your church introverted or extroverted?

It is an interesting question but one that goes to the heart of whether a congregation is friendly to outsiders or not. 

Introverted churches are inward focused and people find it hard to break into the close knit "family." To outsiders they can feel very unfriendly. Usually they are full of programs for their own people and often keep their congregation busy through that programming. They also have few conversions and tend to be wary of too much relationship with the "world."

Extroverted churches on the other hand are easy for new people to break into. In fact they are immediately welcomed and embraced. Their programming is aimed at both current attenders and the community. They are intentional at encouraging friendships with unbelievers in the community and welcoming them into groups of believers in the church. They tend to see a high level of conversions.

As members of a congregation we are so comfortable with our church family that we don't even think about how outsiders experience our congregation. It is worth asking folks who are new how they felt as they visited. I don't know if Jesus was an introvert or extrovert but I do know that almost everyone felt comfortable in His presence. What about your church?

The irony of influence and the three necessary ingredients

Many of us desire to influence others and many of us do. But there is an irony wrapped up in the influence equation. The harder one works to influence others the less influence one often has. The more we simply become the people God wants us to be the more influence we often have. Greater influence comes out of a spirit of humility than a spirit of pride and arrogance.

Over the years I have watched Christian leaders who thought they were something and conveyed their sense of wisdom, answers and vision - crash and burn and leave little behind. I have watched others who served and spoke with humility and focused on Christ deeply impact others around them. While the first group wanted influence their self focus and pride robbed them of it in the end. The second group didn't crave the spotlight but their lives ended up impacting many around them.

To have a life of real influence three things are necessary. First, a spirit of humility that understands that life is not about us but about Jesus. The more we focus on him rather than on us, the more influence we will have.

Second, those with influence are deep thinkers who align their thinking, lives and relationships with Jesus. The more they become like Him, the more that likeness rubs off on others around them inadvertently in a quiet but profound way.

Third, those with influence live generous lives. They actively help others in whatever way they can and give themselves away like Jesus did. As people experience that kind of relationship they cannot go away the same.

These three marks of people of influence are the opposite of how the world would define influence which is usually power and pride. But then, Jesus didn't buy into the world's system but taught and modeled a radically different way of life.

Why the need to know everything becomes a barrier to growth

Many leaders believe that they need to know everything that is happening in their organization or on their team. It is usually a mistake! Why? Because it normally means that the leader is not empowering others to lead. In addition as a ministry grows there is no way that leaders will know everything that is happening.

While knowing everything works in a small ministry it becomes a bottleneck in a large ministry. In addition, those who need to know everything also need to control everything which means that they have not empowered others and that the more they know the more they meddle. 

I know pastors who operate this way in churchs of 1,000+ and it is deeply demotivating to staff who are unempowered every time they need permission to move forward or when their work is reworked by the senior leader. His goal may be to protect the ministry but it is the wrong way to accomplish that. You protect the ministry by having great clarity and the right leaders. 

My own rule is that I need to know what it is necessary for me to know, not all that I could know. I expect leaders in the organization (in my case at senior leadership levels) to tell me what I need to know. This includes major initiatives, where we are seeing significant results, significant challenges they are encountering and when things go wrong, a heads up.

What I really need to know is that I have the right leaders in place and that they have great clarity as to what the organization is about. If that is true, I can trust those leaders to lead well, deal with situations wisely and drive the missional agenda in a disciplined way. Knowing I have the right people is far more important than knowing everything that is happening. If I need to know the latter it is because I don't have the right people. If I know the former I don't need to know the latter.

Just because something sounds spiritual does not mean that it is or that it is wise

I am always amused or bemused by folks who parse Scripture so closely to come up with non-negotiables that sound deeply spiritual but are in fact deeply counter productive.

Take a church board I have been watching recently where every decision must be made unanimously because that is what God would want. Really? First off, the New Testament calls to unity have nothing to do with how boards make decisions. Second, even the leaders in the New Testament did not always agree. Third, such a practice means that one individual can hold up an entire board and church because unanimity is required.

However spiritual it sounds, it makes for dysfunctional boards and decision making. And in practice, the board I have been watching has made some terrible decisions and has been unable to get its act together precisely because everything must be unanimous. What you end up with are decisions at the lowest denominator that can be negotiated or a board with a few dominant voices with the rest being “yes” people. It is actually one of the most unhealthy ways to make decisions because it puts tremendous pressure on those who might disagree to come to agreement. After all unless they do, there is no way forward.

Or take the practice where all pastors must be on the board because they are elders. It sounds spiritual but in practice it makes it nearly impossible for the senior leader to exercise leadership and authority over his staff - who by virtue of being board members - are also his bosses.  Periodically I receive calls from senior pastors who wonder how to get at issues with a staff member who is also a member of his board. Good question! This practice also confuses management (what staff do) with governance (what boards do). This spiritual sounding practice almost never works in the long run.

Then there are those churches who have a policy that they will never borrow money because of a rigid reading of one verse in the New Testament that does not speak to that issue clearly anyway. For some reason it is OK to borrow money to purchase a house but not build a church. Now a congregation may choose to build debt free but that is a choice not a requirement dictated by Scripture.

The next time you hear something that sounds spiritual but which causes complications ask yourself the question: Is it really a biblical mandate or it is someone’s personal preference that they have couched in spiritual language and with Biblical texts that do not in fact require a certain practice. Usually it has to do with someone wanting their own way and exercising control. The opposite of what is truly spiritual which is a willingness to abide by the decisions of the group.

The single greatest deficit in missions today

The single greatest deficit in missions today is the scarcity of highly qualified leaders to provide strategic leadership to teams in the field. In my view, of all ministry venues, missions is the one place where leadership gifts have not been seen as important and in many cases, those with leadership skills have either chosen not to go into missions or they have not been able to use their gifts.

The reasons are many. On the local church side, there are many churches who will not support leaders in the field because "they are not doing real hands on mission work." Here is the irony: those very churches would never start a ministry in their congregation without a leader to lead it. In fact, the larger the church the more staff they have - to lead staff and volunteers in ministry endeavors but somehow that is seen as a non-value in missions. 

The result? The very missionaries the church supports are often not nearly as productive as they could be because they are not deployed in teams under strategic leadership. The thinking of churches that leadership in missions is somehow not real ministry is frankly nutty! They would never operate that way and in denigrating leadership in the missions arena they hurt the very investment they are making in missions.

On the mission side, for many years, missionaries have seen themselves largely as "independent contractors" doing their own thing in their own way largely independent of oversight, accountability, strategic considerations and even in many cases direction from the mission agency they serve. That is pretty amazing given the amount of money it takes to keep a family on the field. We would never allow someone to operate that way on the home front.

This mentality has historically not only marginalized leadership gifts but has convinced leaders that they are not welcome in the missions arena. That they are not desired. There are a substantial number of missionaries who like doing their own thing and don't value accountability or leadership. Non leadership and full independence has become a part of the mission culture in many circles.

Yet leadership matters in every arena. We know it does in the church. We know it does in our places of work. We know it does in government. In fact, nearly all of us have experienced the pain of poor leadership at some point in our lives and those of us who are fortunate have experienced the gift of good leadership. 

Under good leadership teams flourish, clarity and focus are defined, there is alignment and cooperation and there are results that are tangible. If these characteristics are needed anywhere they are desperately needed in missions where the eternal stakes are so high and the financial investment supporters are making is so substantial.

The leadership of ReachGlobal, the mission I have the privilege of leading is convinced that the key to every team (and we are all deployed in teams) is a good leader. Without good leadership at all levels we cannot move forward. With good leadership we can develop, empower and release our own staff and indigenous leaders. We are so convinced of this that we have made the recruitment of leaders one of our highest priorities. It has Kingdom implications.

In recent years we have seen key leaders from other agencies come into ReachGlobal precisely because the agency they were with was not leadership friendly. It is a loss for those agencies and a gain for ReachGlobal who not only values good leadership but empowers those leaders to lead. Ironically, those agencies who do not value leadership are also floundering in a changing missions environment.

Here is our commitment: High Impact Ministry Teams on the field wherever we work. A high-impact team is a group of missionally aligned and healthy individuals working strategically together under good leadership toward common objectives, with accountability for results. This is not possible without skilled and empowering leaders. Leaders matter in missions - a lot. The lack of them is hurting mission endeavors globally.

Never underestimate the need for leadership in missions and if you have a passion for missions and have leadership gifts we are one mission that wants to talk with you. We know how important leadership gifts are to the missions task.

Why church boards can be so frustrating to serve on and how to solve it

Straight up, let me say that I believe in a plurality of leadership for the church. It is how God designed it, and when it functions well it is a beautiful thing. However, having been a pastor, church leader, board member, and consultant to church boards for over 30 years, I know they can be deeply frustrating. Most of that frustration is self-imposed in that we don't pay attention to some fundamental principles that, if followed, would move the experience of many from deeply frustrating to deeply satisfying. 

What are those fundamentals?

1. Guard the gate to who gets on the board! Get the wrong people, and you sabotage the board. The most powerful group in the church, bar none, are those who make leadership board selections. Healthy boards always insert themselves into that process to ensure the wrong people don't get on. Three to six years with the wrong individuals is deadly to boards. Be smart in how you choose leaders.

2. Understand your role. Boards are responsible for ensuring that the congregation is taught, protected, led, empowered and, released, cared for and that the spiritual temperature in the congregation is kept high. Many boards don't even have a job description, let alone focus on the right things. A focus on the wrong things hurts the board and the church. My book, High Impact Church Boards can be a help.

3. Spend quality time in prayer together. Most boards don't! They get so caught up in the minutia of details (that someone else could do) that they don't have time to pray, think, study the word together, and seek the counsel of the Lord of the church they serve as undershepherds. When business and administration crowd out prayer, it is a sign that the board is moving in a dangerous direction.

4. Use an agenda and allow the chair to prioritize what is important and what is not. Not all rocks are big rocks. Some are pebbles and sand that someone else should deal with. Leaders deal with big rocks and delegate everything that can and should be delegated. Many leaders serve their "time" and then retire from church boards precisely because they don't focus on what is important, and as leaders, they want to do that.

5. Always operate with a board covenant that spells out how members relate to one another, make decisions, and handle conflict and members' expectations - including how to handle recalcitrant board members. Boards operate without such a covenant at their own risk.

6. Lead boldly and help the congregation become the people God wants them to be. Timid leadership in the church in epidemic! And deeply sad. One of the reasons many congregations have so little spiritual influence beyond the edges of their parking lot goes right back to the timid leadership of their leaders. Remember, we lead on behalf of Jesus. 

7. When there are elephants in the room, name them and deal with them honestly and sensitively. Too many church boards ignore the true issues of the church because we don't want to offend anyone. The irony is that we all know they exist and need to be dealt with, so we might as well name them because once named, they are no longer elephants but simply issues to be dealt with.

8. Evaluate how you are doing as a board. Here are 15 simple questions that will tell you a great deal about the health of your board. Have your board spend ten minutes answering the questions, and you will have some fodder for discussion that can help you improve your board, its leadership, and your experience. 

9. When you need to change direction or deal with known issues, don't try to tweak your way out of a crisis. Tweaks don't work in a crisis. Change does, with candid communication with the congregation. 

10. Be candid with the congregation. Spin in the church is ubiquitous, creating disillusionment with leadership and the church itself. Don't contribute to that disillusionment.

Effective boards are a joy to serve on. Ineffective boards are a major frustration. Which one do you have?

Everyone who finds their purpose in life is a genius

The quote is not original - it came from a twenty something Christian leader in Berlin but it certainly caught my attention. Jesus created every one of us for a unique purpose and wired and gifted us so that we could achieve that purpose (Ephesians 2:10). When we discover our the lane God made us for we live with great purpose and satisfaction. When not, we miss the joy!

If God made us for a purpose it makes sense that we would be intentional in discerning what that is. In my book, Live Like You Mean it, I suggest that we need to ask ten crucial questions about our life. The first one is "Why am I here?" It is a question worth pondering because life is not random and God is not random. Therefore we ought not live random lives. God has a unique and wonderful purpose for our life that when discovered gives us great joy and satisfaction.

The good news is that while everyone who finds their purpose in life may be a genius, you don't have to be a genius to discover it.

Ask the question, where do I find the greatest joy? What fills me up when I do it? What do others tell me I am really good at? What does a really good day look like for me? Where do I contribute the best to what God is up to? What do I wish I could do that I am not? In addition, simply ask God for insight into what He made you for. He is the creator and He knows and He wants us to be in our lane for our sake and His.

God created me to teach, preach, write and lead and help build his church globally. When I am in those lanes I am fulfilled. When I get out of those lanes I am pretty ineffective. I am no genius but I understand why God made me. Why did he make you? Are you running in the right lane or trying to be something you are not?

It is not a time of methods but of mindset

As an organizational leader I am committed to creating an organizational mindset around those things that I believe to be integral to a healthy organization. What I am not committed to is defining specific strategies for how we get to where we want to go. When one confuses mindset with methodology one has focused on the wrong thing.

Our mindset is described in the four sides of the ReachGlobal sandbox: mission/vision; guiding principles; central ministry focus and our intentional culture. All of these are about a mindset around things like health, team, multiplication, innovation, the developing, empowering and releasing of healthy national leaders, Spirit empowerment and being biblically based to name a few. All of these are principles and habits that if practiced become the mindset of the organization.

How that mindset is lived out goes to strategy which will differ for our staff depending on where they work in the world. Strategies should never become the focus because strategies change as situations change. A mindset should be the cultivated focus. The mindset defines the culture and non-negotiables of the ministry and any number of strategies might suffice to align with and achieve the goals of that mindset.

In our organization we have a mindset of multiplication, for instance. That permeates all of our thinking but how to achieve it depends on the circumstances in which we are working. It is about mindset, not method.

Focusing on methods ultimately locks you into paradigms that hurt you. Focusing on mindset gives you flexibility to achieve your deeply held convictions but in different ways in different circumstances.

Eight kinds of people who should not serve on a church board

Not everyone is qualified to serve on a church board, and choosing the wrong people condemns the board to dishealth and frustration for years to come. Putting someone on a board is easy and hard to remove. So, who should not serve on a church board?

Those who have a personal agenda for the church. Jesus designed church leadership as a plurality of leaders, not an individual leader. That, by necessity, means that we intend to seek God's face together regarding the direction of the church. Rather than a personal agenda, we are committed to a corporate agenda based on seeking God's will. Those with individual agendas will sabotage that corporate pursuit of God's will.

Those who cannot submit to group decisions. The humility to seek God's will as a group and then submit to that direction is a natural extension of the comments above. Regardless of their reasoning, people who need their own way are not qualified to serve in church leadership. Divided boards ultimately create divided congregations.

Those who are black and white and inflexible. Group leadership requires flexibility in the opinions of others and the ultimate decisions of a group. Those who draw fine lines on issues and cannot be flexible will find it difficult, if not impossible, to serve well in a group setting. This includes legalists who draw fine distinctions in lifestyle and fine points of theology where there is legitimate room for disagreement.

Those who cannot deal with conflict. High, high mercy types are better off serving on care teams than leadership boards, as every key ministry decision has the potential to make someone unhappy. That requires that one has the ability to negotiate conflict and even live with the fact that not everyone is happy. It is hard to do if one is extremely high on the mercy scale and does not want to make anyone unhappy.

Those who cannot think conceptually. Some people can only deal with details and love to drill down to the details of anything under discussion. Leaders, however, are responsible for a higher level of discussion and leadership requiring conceptual thinking. Concrete thinkers will always find it hard to do the needed higher-level thinking of a leadership board. 

Those who have a history of conflict or relational dysfunction. Healthy boards are built on healthy relationships. Anyone with a history of creating conflict or relational issues should not be put on a leadership board where healthy relationships with God and one another are the coinage of leadership. Leadership is always about helping people become what God wants them to become. It is hard to do if one has a history of conflict and relational dysfunction.

Those who like power. Unfortunately, Power brokers are a fact in many congregations and are always a sign of dishealth. Power brokers are people with a personal agenda that is of higher value to them than a board's corporate decision-making process. Power brokers create factions for their side, which creates division in the board and church. They are dangerous people in any church.

Those who don't truly pursue God fully. Church leadership is about Jesus and where He wants to lead a church. That requires a higher degree of followership to the one on whose behalf one leads and a deep sensitivity to His direction and will. That is only possible with individuals who pursue Him. In defining the character qualities of those who should serve in leadership, the New Testament naturally rules out those whose spiritual life is not healthy or mature.

TJ Addington (Addington Consulting) is passionate about helping individuals and organizations maximize their impact and reach the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

"Creating cultures of excellence."

Conventional wisdom is conventional but often not wisdom

There is a poster that I have never forgotten: If you always do what you always did you always get what you always got. People of influence understand that truth and don’t want to “get what they always got.” They are never satisfied with the status quo but want better, more effective, and a greater ROM (Return on Mission).

For example, in the past several decades we have assumed (conventional wisdom) that if we do certain things in our churches that those things will result in mature believers. Recent studies have rocked the church world indicating that this conventional wisdom was conventional but not wisdom as the promised maturity among congregants is in short supply. Because of that realization there is a massive effort underway today to determine better ways to see spiritual transformation take place.

In another example, the church world has been dramatically changed in the past decade by “video venues.” Essentially these are services that use the video from the main service location to other locations either on church property or on distant campuses. When the idea was first proposed people said, “no one will watch a message on video” (conventional wisdom). Today the practice is helping ministries grow all over the world using technology. It took a handful of church leaders who said, “I bet this will work, let’s try it.”

The world of missions has been going through a significant transformation as well. One of the most significant transformations has been the shift of missionaries from being primarily hands on practitioners (they are the experts and do ministry) to that of being primarily coaches and trainers (working alongside indigenous leaders) to raise up and champion healthy national workers who in most cases can do better in their context than we can. That shift took place when a number of mission leaders started to ask if there was not a better way to reach a world that has exploded from 1.7 Billion in 1900 to 7 billion today.

There are many such shifts that literally change the ministry landscape. But they start with a leader who asks why things are done the way they are, thinks deeply and comes up with a solution that is radically different than conventional wisdom that results in significant ministry leverage.

Contrarian thinking is characterized by these elements:

 Conventional wisdom is not simply accepted as wisdom

 Current practices are always scrutinized for better ways

 The questions “why” or “why not” are frequent

 Knowing what others are doing and why is constant

 Multiple voices are encouraged to speak into issues

 Risk taking and innovation are valued

 Leveraging for maximum ministry results is the constant goal

 Thinking grey is common

Innovation comes from thinking differently. And this is a key requirement for leaders of deep influence: They take the time to think, probe, question, dialogue, mull, read, talk to others of deep influence and always question what is for the sake of what could be.

The nemesis of leaders is the pace at which they run which is why the issue of intentional living is so critical. Unless I build significant “think time” into my schedule I don’t even have the time to question conventional wisdom and therefore am unlikely to see significant breakthroughs in the ministry I lead. Yet, how many of us really want to do the same thing over for the same results? It may be that “think time” needs to be at the very top of our list if we want to be people of deep influence.

Think time does not mean simply sitting still. For me, my best thinking comes either when I am writing or doing something deeply relaxing like fly fishing. In both cases, my mind clears of other issues and I can focus in a relaxed way on issues that I have been considering. In the absence of other distractions I come to clarity and ways in which our organization can be better at what it does. In fact, my annual weeks in Montana on vacation and fly fishing are some of the most productive weeks for ReachGlobal and the writing I do.

The busier I am with activity, the less creative thinking I do. And while I may fool myself into thinking that all that activity is critical the truth is that it takes only one significant breakthrough to change the whole equation and take us to a whole new level of ministry – but that significant breakthrough only usually comes when we have time to think. Activity is often the enemy of better ministry paradigms.

Thinking deeply on the things that truly matter

People of deep influence are deep thinkers. Surface thinking is one of the scourges of our time. Shallow thinking leads to shallow solutions and shallow results. Deep influence itself is a result of taking the time to deal with the issues of our inner lives, our relationship with God, our EQ, our shadow side and many other internal disciplines and issues. None of this is possible without the deepest of thinking.

The book of proverbs speaks of “mining” the things of God. That mining is done primarily in the inner recesses of our lives. Henry Nouwen wrote that we don’t like to be silent and still because we are then confronted with the scaffolding of our lives, some of which we don’t like, some of which we abhor. Yet, without taking the time to be still and silent we miss out on the ability to search deep things in our lives and in our ministries. There is a reason that the Lord says through Isaiah, “Be still and know that I am God.” It is in that stillness that we are confronted with His full majesty!

The thinking of people of influence is born out of the practice, habit and discipline of extended periods of thinking. Our frenetic schedules and propensity to activity are the main enemies of deep thinking. As it robs us of time to think it also robs us of our influence.

This is why I block off major portions of my year for writing and thinking. For me, writing often clarifies my thinking so that is a discipline that is critical for me to maintain. I encourage pastors to develop a preaching team so that they can take time off from the weekly grind of preparation to stop and think deeply about their lives and ministries. If time to think, ponder, and meditate deeply is important to us, then our schedules should reflect that discipline. And think time should not be the first to go when things press into our schedules.

Equally important is time for deep dialogue with other leaders. It is not unusual for me to take 24 hours to be with another leader whom I respect and trust and to share our lives and talk through situations we face. This is thinking multiplied as two deep thinkers sharpen and challenge one another!

Truly deep thinkers are hard to find but when one does, they are a treasure to be nurtured and a friendship to be cultivated. For me, one of these is my brother Tom who is one of the most insightful people I know. He is a contrarian thinker and a deep thinker. He asks probing questions and has a humble demeanor. He is as others have said to me, “without guile.” Tom and I regularly try to find time together and both of us leave better for it.

Because I work in the international arena, I rub shoulders with some amazing movement leaders from around the globe. Usually I meet with national leaders in a group setting. But there are some unusually deep thinkers among them that I will schedule full days with, sometimes multiple days. In our mutual dialogue, sharing of life and ministry I come away with insights that cannot be had any other way. Hopefully I leave something of value behind as well. There is a multiplication factor of critical thinking when deep thinkers spend time together.

One of my former colleagues, Steve, actually has a band of five brothers who meet together on an annual basis, and have done so since seminary days. They have a pact to be transparent and honest and they are able to speak into each other’s personal lives, marriages, hearts and ministries. They have developed a powerful bond with one another that helps them think more deeply and live more intentionally.

Living the incarnation daily

The incarnation is one of the most incomprehensible events in human and divine history. That the divine, the One who created all things, who is self sufficient and without need, would voluntarily become one of the created to redeem what the created had voluntarily destroyed is beyond understanding. With supreme simplicity the Apostle John put it this way: "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth" (John 1:14).

In the incarnation, Jesus chose to step into our shoes, take on our bones, live with our illnesses, frailties, sorrows and joys, and relate to His Father as we do. He became one of us so that we could become one of His family. He fully entered into our space and thus is one who understands us fully (Hebrews 4:14-16).

That is not the extent of the incarnation. For Jesus said to us, "As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world" (John 17:18). In other words as He was sent for incarnation, we too are sent for incarnation - and every time we voluntarily step into the situation of another to share their life, to carry their burdens, to bless them with the love, words or compassion of Jesus - we too, live out the incarnation - again

Incarnation is not a one time event. For those who have been touched by Christ's incarnation, we live it out daily as we step into the lives of those around us with His love. The power of Jesus' incarnation into this world is incomprehensible. The power of all of His people daily living out that incarnation with others is equally incomprehensible. It is the hope of our hurting world because He is the hope of all humanity.

We live out the incarnation when we choose to be the love of Jesus - daily with those around us. As He did for us we do for others. As He identified with us we identify with others. As He cared for the least of these so we care for the least of these. A voluntary entering into the needs of others with the love of the incarnate Christ.

When is it time to leave?

Nothing is forever - and part of a wise leader's (or key staff member's) periodic evaluation is whether it is time to consider moving on. Interestingly, when that time comes - and it comes for all of us one way or another - it is usually a good thing both for us and for the organization we serve.

A key issue for us to remember is that our work with any organization is a stewardship. In ministry, even if we started and built an organization our work is a stewardship to that organization on behalf of Christ. And, when we can no longer move the organization forward effectively, a part of our stewardship is to ask the question of whether our time 'here' is up.

Asking this question does not mean that we have failed. In fact, just the opposite is true. If we can discern that our time is up, we will have helped the organization. Those who cannot discern the right timing do actually end up hurting their organization. This is not about failure, it is about seasons of life.

What are some of the signs that our time is up?

When our organization has plateaued, or has moved into decline and we are unable to figure out how to reinvision the ministry. There are times when we have run out of ideas or an ability to lead the organization to the next level.

Rather than holding on and pretending that things are like they used to be when the organization was doing well, we serve ourselves and our ministry by saying, "we need fresh ideas and I need a fresh challenge." There is NO shame in that. It is actually deeply honorable because it refuses to compromise the mission (which transcends us) and acknowledges that we are not the right one "for this hour."

When there is conflict we cannot solve. There are also times when there is a level of conflict in the organization for a long enough time that we know in our hearts we cannot solve the problem and that it will take someone else to get the job done. It makes sense, in this case to step aside, both for our own health as well as for the health of the organization.

This does not mean that we run from conflict. It does mean that if we cannot solve the problem, for whatever reason, we don't hold on and allow the situation to compromise our future ministry or the chance that someone else could come in and solve the problem.

When we have become deeply restless over a period of time. Long time restlessness is often an indication from God that we need a new challenge. This differs from the issue above because things may be doing just fine in our organization - and we know we could continue on for the rest of our career. But the restlessness does not leave.

If you are restless and it does not go away, consider the fact that God has another assignment for you where you will be challenged to grow and develop in a new way. I spoke recently with an effective pastor in a healthy church who with tears in his eyes said "T.J., I know I could stay where I am but there is a restlessness in my soul. I am 50 something years old and I just feel like there is one more run that God has for me. What do I do?" He is feeling the restlessness of the Spirit and needs to pay close attention to it.

When we have lost the confidence either of the board (if we are the senior leader) or our supervisor (if we are part of the team). This takes good EQ on the part of a leader or staff member. In ministry organizations, one can lose the confidence of a board or a supervisor long before they will take action to suggest you move along - there is a lot of grace and a lot of conflict avoidance in ministry organizations.

However, here is the truth of the matter. When this happens, whether it feels just or not, and whether we agree or not, our ability to minister is severely compromised because those we need support from are no longer giving it. Wise people choose to address the issue and have a frank conversation with their board or supervisor and if it is clear that the necessary support is not there, they will be proactive in looking for God's next assignment.

The final reason to leave is where God grabs our heart - unexpectedly - for something we were not looking for or seeking. This one takes great discernment because we may be seeing great success in our current ministry and thus have no reason to leave. But, God may have a reason and we need to discern whether the opportunity is someone else's desire for our lives or our desire for our lives.

These decisions are not always easy, and life is not always fair, as I can attest. I have had to make these decisions - I know. But in the end it is not about us but about the ministry we serve. I honor those who are willing to ask the question and act in the best interests of the organization.

I am saddened by those who in spite of all the evidence choose to hang on and in hanging on, hurt the very organization they had served so well.