Yesterday's post on Building authentic relationships with unbelievers presupposes that we have time to invest in those relationships. Perhaps one of the most challenging issues is that many churches program so heavily that it sucks up most if not all discretionary time of the congregation leaving little time for relationships outside the church. Added to this is the subtle message that "ministry" is to be found by volunteering inside the church and that healthy believers take advantage of all of the programming of the church.
In contrast to this think about the amount of time that Jesus intentionally spent hanging around the very people who would never enter the door of a synagogue. They did not feel worthy to be there and their faith journey was such that they were a long ways from organized religion. Jesus did not expect these folks to show up at the Synagogue so He went to them. While many do find Christ through the church, there are many who will never darken the door of a church unless someone has intentionally developed a relationship with them.
For years, Mary Ann and I made an intentional decision to spend more time with neighbors and friends outside of church rather than to be involved in more programming in the church. While many congregations see 80% of real ministry taking place in the church we believe that 80% of ministry takes place outside the church as we engage a secular and unbelieving world with the love, help and claims of Jesus. I am convinced that one of the major reasons for the poor evangelism rates in the United States is that we are hoping unbelievers will show up in our church and find Christ through our programming while I believe the opposite is the intention of Christ and that it is through relationships that most conversions take place.
The concept of Simple Church is perhaps more conducive to evangelism than the complex, program driven churches we often encounter today. It would be ironic if our very programming efforts mitigated against more effective evangelism by leaving little time for relationships with unbelievers. And sending them the message that what we really care about is that they show up with us at church is (so they can hear about God) is probably not the best evangelism strategy. Many will not come, either.
I believe that the local church is God's intended means of reaching the world. It is His bride. But it is the church scattered during most of the week that primarily allows this to happen, not the church gathered. Further, we need to communicate that ministry is not simply about volunteering for roles in the church (important as those are) but in using our gifts in the places where He has given us spiritual influence - our neighborhoods, workplaces, little league, or wherever our relationships are to be found.
It is far easier and less intimidating to be with God's people than to be intentionally developing relationships with unbelievers. But that is where evangelism starts and that is the heart of God. In all of our great church programming, lets not program out the very time that is needed to bless our friends with the Gospel. The power of incarnational ministry is the most effective evangelism strategy we will ever have.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Building authentic relationships with unbelievers
Much evangelism strategy in the church today assumes that unbelievers will show up at our services. This is certainly a true assumption for many congregations at Christmas and Easter and they take full advantage of the opportunity. However, evangelism rates in the Unites States and Europe remain exceedingly low and I believe one of the key reasons for this is the lack of intentionality in developing relationships with unbelievers.
By nature, many of our relationships change as we come to Christ. We move from a majority of our relationships being with fellow unbelievers to a majority of our friendships being with believers. That is a natural development as they are our new family and fellow members of God's family. What is lost, if we are not careful and intentional are the very relationships that are necessary to influence our former friends toward a relationship with Christ. And the challenge increases as our spiritual age grows.
The key is to be aware of all the folks around us who don't know Christ and be intentional in developing relationships with them: our neighbors, workmates, restaurant servers, clerks at local stores and all those that our paths run across.
Mary Ann and I have been deeply intentional in getting to know all of our neighbors for the 23 years we have lived in our neighborhood. We have seen several of those come to Christ as a result of long term relationships. Some years ago we chose a restaurant that we both enjoy and go back regularly and have developed friendships with most of the wait staff and owners. Because I am an author, we have shared my books like Live Like You Mean It and When Life Comes Undone with all of them. Mary Ann has done the same at her hairdressers. Then there is the fellow who cuts our lawn and helps with projects around the house who is now sharing with us the challenges of his life. We also stay in touch with doctors, nurses and aids who cared for me over two long illnesses.
Authentic relationships build trust and trust leads to conversation and often disclosure of issues in our lives. Those conversations lead to the opportunity to love, accept, empathize and share the good news of the Gospel. We have found that because these friends know that we have a different kind of relationship with God than they do (a real friendship and relationship) they gravitate to us in times of crisis and ask for prayer which leads to further opportunities to share the good news of Jesus.
Neither of us would consider ourselves to have the gift of evangelism but we have learned to be intentional in developing long term relationships with those who don't know Christ. Those relationships when coupled with prayer are a powerful combination for opportunities to see people come to Christ.
Congregations that see many people come to Christ are intentional in developing and maintaining relationships with unbelievers. And I am talking about authentic relationships here where at whatever level, life rubs off on life. It is not simply about wanting them to find Christ, it is about caring about them as people loved by God. It is that genuine love through relationship, conversation and the work of the Holy Spirit that often brings them into the greatest family we could ever have.
By nature, many of our relationships change as we come to Christ. We move from a majority of our relationships being with fellow unbelievers to a majority of our friendships being with believers. That is a natural development as they are our new family and fellow members of God's family. What is lost, if we are not careful and intentional are the very relationships that are necessary to influence our former friends toward a relationship with Christ. And the challenge increases as our spiritual age grows.
The key is to be aware of all the folks around us who don't know Christ and be intentional in developing relationships with them: our neighbors, workmates, restaurant servers, clerks at local stores and all those that our paths run across.
Mary Ann and I have been deeply intentional in getting to know all of our neighbors for the 23 years we have lived in our neighborhood. We have seen several of those come to Christ as a result of long term relationships. Some years ago we chose a restaurant that we both enjoy and go back regularly and have developed friendships with most of the wait staff and owners. Because I am an author, we have shared my books like Live Like You Mean It and When Life Comes Undone with all of them. Mary Ann has done the same at her hairdressers. Then there is the fellow who cuts our lawn and helps with projects around the house who is now sharing with us the challenges of his life. We also stay in touch with doctors, nurses and aids who cared for me over two long illnesses.
Authentic relationships build trust and trust leads to conversation and often disclosure of issues in our lives. Those conversations lead to the opportunity to love, accept, empathize and share the good news of the Gospel. We have found that because these friends know that we have a different kind of relationship with God than they do (a real friendship and relationship) they gravitate to us in times of crisis and ask for prayer which leads to further opportunities to share the good news of Jesus.
Neither of us would consider ourselves to have the gift of evangelism but we have learned to be intentional in developing long term relationships with those who don't know Christ. Those relationships when coupled with prayer are a powerful combination for opportunities to see people come to Christ.
Congregations that see many people come to Christ are intentional in developing and maintaining relationships with unbelievers. And I am talking about authentic relationships here where at whatever level, life rubs off on life. It is not simply about wanting them to find Christ, it is about caring about them as people loved by God. It is that genuine love through relationship, conversation and the work of the Holy Spirit that often brings them into the greatest family we could ever have.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Conflict and problem avoidance create sick churches
A common characteristic of troubled or sick congregations is the trait of problem or conflict avoidance. This aversion to dealing with problems honestly because it may create conflict (and it probably will) creates a dysfunctional congregation because there is no venue for resolving real problems.
Pretending there are not problems or conflict when there are and refusing to deal with known problems is a crazy maker because the pretense that all is well is believed by those who don't know better, disbelieved by those who know better and confusing for those who don't know what to think which creates mistrust, confusion, lack of clarity, and relational breakdown.
A culture of conflict or problem avoidance starts with the church board who are responsible for ensuring the health of the church. Dysfunctional boards are afraid of dealing with conflict and therefore either avoid the issues altogether, spin issues with the congregation to paint a better picture than is reality, or find excuses for why the problems exist that are not accurate. The bottom line is that they don't want to deal with reality, don't want to be honest with themselves and don't want to disclose to the congregation the whole truth.
The problem is that avoidance does not work. First, when you avoid solving real problems they will resurface in a more virulent way. The root of the problem is not dealt with and like a weed that is not fully pulled out it will simply come back.
Second, while some people are fooled (above), others are not. They understand that there are problems that are not being disclosed and dealt with or that they are not being given the whole truth and these individuals lose trust in their leaders. Once leaders have lost trust with a segment of the congregation you have the genesis of even more conflict within the congregation. Others who are simply confused, as noted above, become pawns of those who are fooled or are not fooled and you have a recipe for chaos.
The sad thing is that boards that avoid dealing openly and honestly with problems or conflict become even more dysfunctional themselves because truth, honesty and openness create health while avoidance of these create more dishealth. It is not only a failure of leadership and cowardice but it is a violation of their Scriptural role to lead well and it contributes to greater dishealth in the congregation as a whole. Sadly, there are boards that do this over and over and over. One of the common symptoms of this are congregations that are plateaued or in decline: it is the inevitable result of poor leadership by boards.
How does one deal with a situation like this? It takes one or two courageous board members who will challenge their board to be honest and to deal with real situations in a healthy way - to refuse to avoid conflict and problems that exist. Or, members of the congregation who sense what is happening and challenge the board to do the same. Hard questions by board members or congregants at least bring the issues to the surface and gives either the board or the congregation the option of dealing with them.
In cases where boards and congregations continue to avoid problems or conflict there is one common response. The best leaders in the congregation as well as those who understand the dynamics quietly migrate out of the church. They are unwilling to stay indefinitely in a dysfunctional church system (which is what this is - like a dysfunctional family) because they know it is not healthy and will not be effective in growing healthy disciples. Nor do they want to bring their friends to a sick church.
Boards and congregations who don't honestly face their issues are in fact sick churches. Sick churches cannot grow healthy disciples. In fact, what they do is to create sick and dysfunctional disciples over time. Those who speak truth or challenge the "system" are often marginalized and find that they don't fit in - it is no different than a sick or dysfunctional family. So either one conforms and joins the system or they leave for a healthier congregation.
There are no easy solutions for sick boards or congregations. The greatest hope comes when they can face the fact that they need help and seek that help from outside their board or congregation - a neutral third party who can speak truth to their situation. But that takes a humility that sick boards often do not have. Usually when faced with truth they circle the wagons to protect themselves and avoid the hard work of honest evaluation and renovation.
Pretending there are not problems or conflict when there are and refusing to deal with known problems is a crazy maker because the pretense that all is well is believed by those who don't know better, disbelieved by those who know better and confusing for those who don't know what to think which creates mistrust, confusion, lack of clarity, and relational breakdown.
A culture of conflict or problem avoidance starts with the church board who are responsible for ensuring the health of the church. Dysfunctional boards are afraid of dealing with conflict and therefore either avoid the issues altogether, spin issues with the congregation to paint a better picture than is reality, or find excuses for why the problems exist that are not accurate. The bottom line is that they don't want to deal with reality, don't want to be honest with themselves and don't want to disclose to the congregation the whole truth.
The problem is that avoidance does not work. First, when you avoid solving real problems they will resurface in a more virulent way. The root of the problem is not dealt with and like a weed that is not fully pulled out it will simply come back.
Second, while some people are fooled (above), others are not. They understand that there are problems that are not being disclosed and dealt with or that they are not being given the whole truth and these individuals lose trust in their leaders. Once leaders have lost trust with a segment of the congregation you have the genesis of even more conflict within the congregation. Others who are simply confused, as noted above, become pawns of those who are fooled or are not fooled and you have a recipe for chaos.
The sad thing is that boards that avoid dealing openly and honestly with problems or conflict become even more dysfunctional themselves because truth, honesty and openness create health while avoidance of these create more dishealth. It is not only a failure of leadership and cowardice but it is a violation of their Scriptural role to lead well and it contributes to greater dishealth in the congregation as a whole. Sadly, there are boards that do this over and over and over. One of the common symptoms of this are congregations that are plateaued or in decline: it is the inevitable result of poor leadership by boards.
How does one deal with a situation like this? It takes one or two courageous board members who will challenge their board to be honest and to deal with real situations in a healthy way - to refuse to avoid conflict and problems that exist. Or, members of the congregation who sense what is happening and challenge the board to do the same. Hard questions by board members or congregants at least bring the issues to the surface and gives either the board or the congregation the option of dealing with them.
In cases where boards and congregations continue to avoid problems or conflict there is one common response. The best leaders in the congregation as well as those who understand the dynamics quietly migrate out of the church. They are unwilling to stay indefinitely in a dysfunctional church system (which is what this is - like a dysfunctional family) because they know it is not healthy and will not be effective in growing healthy disciples. Nor do they want to bring their friends to a sick church.
Boards and congregations who don't honestly face their issues are in fact sick churches. Sick churches cannot grow healthy disciples. In fact, what they do is to create sick and dysfunctional disciples over time. Those who speak truth or challenge the "system" are often marginalized and find that they don't fit in - it is no different than a sick or dysfunctional family. So either one conforms and joins the system or they leave for a healthier congregation.
There are no easy solutions for sick boards or congregations. The greatest hope comes when they can face the fact that they need help and seek that help from outside their board or congregation - a neutral third party who can speak truth to their situation. But that takes a humility that sick boards often do not have. Usually when faced with truth they circle the wagons to protect themselves and avoid the hard work of honest evaluation and renovation.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
The one thing your leader wishes he/she could ask you for
All of us are under authority from a leader and all of us who have a church home have a pastor. It is easy to either take them for granted or to be critical of their foibles but the most strategic thing we can do for them is to pray for them - daily. As their life goes, relationally, spiritually, in their family, marriage and personal walk with God - our lives are impacted in some way.
Think about this: ministry leaders have a big target painted on their backs by the evil one. The greater their impact the larger the target. If he can take out, discourage, distract, divert or otherwise compromise a ministry leader he has impacted all those who that leader leads or influences. Their protection is their own walk with God and the many who are willing to be shield bearers for them by praying for them. I know from my own leadership experience that it has been the prayers of many - especially during near fatal illnesses that preserved my own life. I would not do what I do as a missions leader without the prayers of hundreds who take up shields for me.
There is another reason to pray daily. Ministry leaders are in a lonely job. It is very easy to take shots at leaders (they represent the organization) and many do. Unfortunately the most painful arrows come not from the outside but from the inside. It is easy to be critical and it is painful to be the object of the criticism, anger, or gossip. Healthy leaders do not respond with anger or like attitudes but they have to deal with the pain internally. One of the character traits of leaders is that they are willing to take the pain and carry on but it does not lesson the pain. And while those who are critical can talk to anyone they choose (and often do), leaders cannot.
If you read the books of first and second Corinthians you see the pain that Paul felt from his critics in that church. If Paul was not exempt (to say nothing of Jesus) other leaders will not be exempt.
But prayer changes the equation. Our prayers bring the comfort, peace, joy and perspective of the One on the throne to our spiritual or ministry leaders in the midst of the challenges they face. It is the greatest gift we can give them. We can literally call down the blessings of heaven on our leaders if we choose to do so.
And what if we have reason to be unhappy with our pastor or leader? They (we) all have shadow sides, foibles, and dysfunctions. The best thing we can do in that circumstance is to pray for them. We cannot change them, but God can work in their hearts and lives. And, God might just work in our lives regarding our perspective or attitude as well.
I live in the world of leaders, church and ministry. I can tell you that they deeply covet the prayers of those they lead. They know they, like the rest of us, have feet of clay. They know they are deeply imperfect. They know they are targets of the evil one as well as of disgruntled people who they lead. If they could ask one thing of their constituency it would be: "Please pray daily for me - be a shield bearer for me and take me to the throne of God because it will protect me, change me, encourage me and give me the wisdom I need to lead wisely."
It is the greatest gift we could give our leaders.
Think about this: ministry leaders have a big target painted on their backs by the evil one. The greater their impact the larger the target. If he can take out, discourage, distract, divert or otherwise compromise a ministry leader he has impacted all those who that leader leads or influences. Their protection is their own walk with God and the many who are willing to be shield bearers for them by praying for them. I know from my own leadership experience that it has been the prayers of many - especially during near fatal illnesses that preserved my own life. I would not do what I do as a missions leader without the prayers of hundreds who take up shields for me.
There is another reason to pray daily. Ministry leaders are in a lonely job. It is very easy to take shots at leaders (they represent the organization) and many do. Unfortunately the most painful arrows come not from the outside but from the inside. It is easy to be critical and it is painful to be the object of the criticism, anger, or gossip. Healthy leaders do not respond with anger or like attitudes but they have to deal with the pain internally. One of the character traits of leaders is that they are willing to take the pain and carry on but it does not lesson the pain. And while those who are critical can talk to anyone they choose (and often do), leaders cannot.
If you read the books of first and second Corinthians you see the pain that Paul felt from his critics in that church. If Paul was not exempt (to say nothing of Jesus) other leaders will not be exempt.
But prayer changes the equation. Our prayers bring the comfort, peace, joy and perspective of the One on the throne to our spiritual or ministry leaders in the midst of the challenges they face. It is the greatest gift we can give them. We can literally call down the blessings of heaven on our leaders if we choose to do so.
And what if we have reason to be unhappy with our pastor or leader? They (we) all have shadow sides, foibles, and dysfunctions. The best thing we can do in that circumstance is to pray for them. We cannot change them, but God can work in their hearts and lives. And, God might just work in our lives regarding our perspective or attitude as well.
I live in the world of leaders, church and ministry. I can tell you that they deeply covet the prayers of those they lead. They know they, like the rest of us, have feet of clay. They know they are deeply imperfect. They know they are targets of the evil one as well as of disgruntled people who they lead. If they could ask one thing of their constituency it would be: "Please pray daily for me - be a shield bearer for me and take me to the throne of God because it will protect me, change me, encourage me and give me the wisdom I need to lead wisely."
It is the greatest gift we could give our leaders.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Visionary or focused leaders
We often hear the term "visionary leader" in Christian ministry circles. It is used to describe leaders who have expansive vision for their ministry's future. "Visionary leaders" are sometimes like salespeople trying to sell their people on their vision.
"Visionaries," however, are often unfocused, scattered, have more ideas than the ministry can absorb, are easily distracted by the next great idea and seem by their staff to be going in different directions depending on the day or the next big thing. In other words, they can envision great things but can be low on the scale of focused direction and ministry execution.
I strongly believe that leaders need to be able to envision what can be for their ministry. But, it must be a focused direction with the ability to lead the ministry toward that goal in a disciplined and orderly way without the distractions of the next "big idea" or multiple and confusing focuses.
Vision without the ability to deliver on the vision is empty vision. It may sound great but like sales hype, if it cannot deliver it is not helpful. What ministries need are leaders who understand how the ministry can maximize its spiritual influence and then help the ministry go there over the long haul. These are the leaders who see their ministries make the most significant difference.
There are three kinds of leaders. The status quo leader who is content with managing ministry as it is without much change or innovation. Then there are confusing leaders who have great vision but are chasing those visions in ways that cause consternation for their staff. Finally, there are focused leaders who have a goal in mind and lead their ministry in a disciplined and focused way toward that goal.
Focused leaders are usually far more effective than what we often call visionary leaders. They know what the goal is and they focus their ministry on that goal with discipline. While they are highly flexible in their strategy, they don't waver in their direction of focus.
"Visionaries," however, are often unfocused, scattered, have more ideas than the ministry can absorb, are easily distracted by the next great idea and seem by their staff to be going in different directions depending on the day or the next big thing. In other words, they can envision great things but can be low on the scale of focused direction and ministry execution.
I strongly believe that leaders need to be able to envision what can be for their ministry. But, it must be a focused direction with the ability to lead the ministry toward that goal in a disciplined and orderly way without the distractions of the next "big idea" or multiple and confusing focuses.
Vision without the ability to deliver on the vision is empty vision. It may sound great but like sales hype, if it cannot deliver it is not helpful. What ministries need are leaders who understand how the ministry can maximize its spiritual influence and then help the ministry go there over the long haul. These are the leaders who see their ministries make the most significant difference.
There are three kinds of leaders. The status quo leader who is content with managing ministry as it is without much change or innovation. Then there are confusing leaders who have great vision but are chasing those visions in ways that cause consternation for their staff. Finally, there are focused leaders who have a goal in mind and lead their ministry in a disciplined and focused way toward that goal.
Focused leaders are usually far more effective than what we often call visionary leaders. They know what the goal is and they focus their ministry on that goal with discipline. While they are highly flexible in their strategy, they don't waver in their direction of focus.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Never Settle!
I turned 55 this year. It is a wonderful and dangerous place to be. Wonderful because I have accumulated a great deal of experience and paid a lot of dumb tax that hopefully I don't have to pay again. I have learned faith the hard way through many tough times. I have stared death in the face twice and it blinked (God was gracious) and have learned first hand His power and sovereignty. Things that were hard in the past are easier. I have a bank account of God's faithfulness that sustains me when facing uncertainty today.
I know a lot less than I did when I was young but what I know I know with greater certainty. Not needing to know everything is liberating. I have been humbled enough times to be comfortable with an attitude of "nothing to prove, nothing to lose," which frees me to be me. I know that I have a few strengths and everything else are weaknesses - and I am not only OK with that but glad that I can focus on who God made me to be.
Fewer things cause me anxiety or worry. I have learned greater patience and rely more on God's power than I used to. I do less and let Him do more. I focus on fewer things with greater focus. It is a wonderful place to be.
But also dangerous - because it would be easy to coast on past experience, lessons learned, dumb tax paid, past faith and not press into life with the same passion and energy as the first half.
Just today I received this prayer from a friend: "Lord, would you make my brother TJ bold for you. Help him not to be satisfied with what you have allowed him to do but rather to look to you for still more opportunities to proclaim the wonders of the gospel. Make him fruitful this day for the Kingdom."
I don't want to settle! I would love to go slower and more wisely, taking full advantage of all I have learned and experienced but I don't want to settle! If anything, I would love to have more impact than I had in the past - in line with the gifting God has graciously given me. So I fight the urge to rest on the past and lose the willingness to risk and press into even greater faith.
Ironically, I think it is easier to risk when we are young because we don't know all the implications of that risk. As we get older we understand more fully what risk means. Thus it takes more faith as we age to take the risks we once took for granted. And perhaps more intentionality.
It also takes more humility not to be fooled by success and believe that it is about us. It is not: it is fully about God. Or to think we have accomplished what we have by our wisdom and power. That is why I surround myself with friends who tell me the truth and are also pressing on.
I don't want to settle. You?
I know a lot less than I did when I was young but what I know I know with greater certainty. Not needing to know everything is liberating. I have been humbled enough times to be comfortable with an attitude of "nothing to prove, nothing to lose," which frees me to be me. I know that I have a few strengths and everything else are weaknesses - and I am not only OK with that but glad that I can focus on who God made me to be.
Fewer things cause me anxiety or worry. I have learned greater patience and rely more on God's power than I used to. I do less and let Him do more. I focus on fewer things with greater focus. It is a wonderful place to be.
But also dangerous - because it would be easy to coast on past experience, lessons learned, dumb tax paid, past faith and not press into life with the same passion and energy as the first half.
Just today I received this prayer from a friend: "Lord, would you make my brother TJ bold for you. Help him not to be satisfied with what you have allowed him to do but rather to look to you for still more opportunities to proclaim the wonders of the gospel. Make him fruitful this day for the Kingdom."
I don't want to settle! I would love to go slower and more wisely, taking full advantage of all I have learned and experienced but I don't want to settle! If anything, I would love to have more impact than I had in the past - in line with the gifting God has graciously given me. So I fight the urge to rest on the past and lose the willingness to risk and press into even greater faith.
Ironically, I think it is easier to risk when we are young because we don't know all the implications of that risk. As we get older we understand more fully what risk means. Thus it takes more faith as we age to take the risks we once took for granted. And perhaps more intentionality.
It also takes more humility not to be fooled by success and believe that it is about us. It is not: it is fully about God. Or to think we have accomplished what we have by our wisdom and power. That is why I surround myself with friends who tell me the truth and are also pressing on.
I don't want to settle. You?
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Ten markers of grace filled people and congregatons
There are ten characteristics of congregations that are grace filled. These ten markers set them apart from the vast majority of congregations in the world. All are directed toward other people but come out of hearts that have been radically transformed by the grace of Jesus in their own lives. Congregations that have these markers are like magnets to believers who have never experienced this kind of grace and to spiritual seekers who encounter a new kind of Christian in those who exhibit these Jesus traits. Think about these markers in your life and their power when multiplied throughout a congregation.
Grace filled people assume the best of one another. Every relationship is one assumption away from misunderstanding and misunderstandings create relationship breakage. Usually, however, our assumptions about the intention of the other party are wrong: they did not intend to cause us pain. Assuming the best of others and their actions is a grace thing to do and it prevents unnecessary relational breakage.
When an offense has been committed either by us or against us, grace filled people quickly move to repair the relationship where that is possible. They are quick to forgive and resist holding onto offenses committed.
Grace filled people cultivate generous rather than critical spirits towards others. There is plenty to be critical of others about just as Christ could be deeply critical about us. Like Him we choose to love rather than criticize and cultivate as spirit of acceptance (a critical spirit is really a spirit of non-acceptance). Critical spirits also come from our own pride.
Grace filled people love to extend grace to those who need it and we all do - often. It is grace to forgive, to give people the benefit of the doubt, to love those who have fallen, to accept those who are struggling with sin, addictions or just the consequences of the fall. When hard words need to be said, they are always said in love rather than in condemnation. Their goal is always restoration and health.
Grace filled people are transparent about their own issues, struggles and failures in appropriate settings. They don't pretend that they have it all together (none of us do). They are willing to share their struggles because they are not living with masks or pretense. It takes only one man to share his struggle with porn, to send a message to many others also struggling in secret that there are others like them and it is OK to admit one's need. Transparency is the first step toward growth.
Grace filled people love to pray for others. In grace filled congregations it is a common sight to simple see people in conversation and then being prayed for. Issues of life are quickly lifted up the the throne without embarrassment or apology. Taking people and their situations to the throne of God is valued, practiced and habitual.
Grace filled people love the unloved, those who live on the margins, those who the rest of society forget or shuttle to the side. This includes the poor and the disabled. Just as Jesus had a radar for the down and out so do grace filled people. They have cultivated the heart of God for all people, not just people like them. This is one of the reasons that grace filled congregations are always involved in the community, meeting needs and sowing love.
Grace filled people love to love on others. Words of encouragement, acts of kindness, help in crisis. They are lovers of people because people matter to God. When opportunities to help others come across their path they do what they can to help, to love and encourage.
Grace filled people speak with kind, encouraging and loving words. Words that lift, words that encourage, words that build up, words that quiet anger. People leave their presence with a greater sense of their worth and knowing that they are loved.
Grace filled people always point people toward the source of all grace - Jesus. They are not content to be people of grace but want others to know the source of that grace. They love to introduce others to the the One from whom all grace flows, Jesus.
I wish for this kind of grace in my life and I wish for this kind of grace in my church - and in all churches.
Grace filled people assume the best of one another. Every relationship is one assumption away from misunderstanding and misunderstandings create relationship breakage. Usually, however, our assumptions about the intention of the other party are wrong: they did not intend to cause us pain. Assuming the best of others and their actions is a grace thing to do and it prevents unnecessary relational breakage.
When an offense has been committed either by us or against us, grace filled people quickly move to repair the relationship where that is possible. They are quick to forgive and resist holding onto offenses committed.
Grace filled people cultivate generous rather than critical spirits towards others. There is plenty to be critical of others about just as Christ could be deeply critical about us. Like Him we choose to love rather than criticize and cultivate as spirit of acceptance (a critical spirit is really a spirit of non-acceptance). Critical spirits also come from our own pride.
Grace filled people love to extend grace to those who need it and we all do - often. It is grace to forgive, to give people the benefit of the doubt, to love those who have fallen, to accept those who are struggling with sin, addictions or just the consequences of the fall. When hard words need to be said, they are always said in love rather than in condemnation. Their goal is always restoration and health.
Grace filled people are transparent about their own issues, struggles and failures in appropriate settings. They don't pretend that they have it all together (none of us do). They are willing to share their struggles because they are not living with masks or pretense. It takes only one man to share his struggle with porn, to send a message to many others also struggling in secret that there are others like them and it is OK to admit one's need. Transparency is the first step toward growth.
Grace filled people love to pray for others. In grace filled congregations it is a common sight to simple see people in conversation and then being prayed for. Issues of life are quickly lifted up the the throne without embarrassment or apology. Taking people and their situations to the throne of God is valued, practiced and habitual.
Grace filled people love the unloved, those who live on the margins, those who the rest of society forget or shuttle to the side. This includes the poor and the disabled. Just as Jesus had a radar for the down and out so do grace filled people. They have cultivated the heart of God for all people, not just people like them. This is one of the reasons that grace filled congregations are always involved in the community, meeting needs and sowing love.
Grace filled people love to love on others. Words of encouragement, acts of kindness, help in crisis. They are lovers of people because people matter to God. When opportunities to help others come across their path they do what they can to help, to love and encourage.
Grace filled people speak with kind, encouraging and loving words. Words that lift, words that encourage, words that build up, words that quiet anger. People leave their presence with a greater sense of their worth and knowing that they are loved.
Grace filled people always point people toward the source of all grace - Jesus. They are not content to be people of grace but want others to know the source of that grace. They love to introduce others to the the One from whom all grace flows, Jesus.
I wish for this kind of grace in my life and I wish for this kind of grace in my church - and in all churches.
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